Chapter 46 Sloane
Sloane
Riven Reilly.
Where do I even begin? After last night, it felt like everything changed.
We stayed up far into the morning talking about everything.
He took me back to the very beginning, when Reverb was nothing more than a garage band full of teenage dreams. He walked me through it all, allowing me to truly see his heart and soul.
I forgave him for everything. I know that to some, that might seem like a crazy thing to do.
How in the world could I forgive a man who murdered my father, one who lied to me for months about half of himself? But the answer is simple.
I love him.
I am in love with him. Last night, our souls truly saw one another for all that we are, and they chose to stay.
I’ve witnessed the darkness, I’ve seen the most horrid parts of this city.
I carried my own darkness. I used to think that Riven was the storm, the chaos waiting to tear me to shreds.
He was never the storm, but the one standing in the wreckage, refusing to succumb to those who tried to break him.
He was never the darkness, but the young boy trapped inside of it, screaming to be heard.
I’ve seen his fury, his silence, his heartbreak.
Riven only ever wanted to be seen, and I see all of him.
I love Riven Reilly for all of the things that he deems unworthy of the four-letter word. He doesn’t need to be anything else, not for me. My heart chose him, the real him. I never feared his darkness; I only fear for a world where I don’t get to touch the light he hides beneath it.
I set out in search of a story, but what I found was so much more than I ever imagined.
It was never only about the music, or the masks, or the symbols, or even the cult following.
Those were all merely distractions to conceal something much more …
human. It wasn’t even about Sabel, Sonus, or the Eden Frequency.
No, the truth was something much simpler. Something hidden in plain sight.
Reverb was never meant for fame or rebellion. It was built around pain and worship. It was built on the desperate desire to escape this harsh reality and to truly belong somewhere. It was a way that all the guys could make sense of all the broken pieces they each carried.
Riven was never this mystical being on a pedestal above the rest of us.
He was never the monster that he sometimes believed himself to be, either.
He was a vessel. A boy forged from silence and grief.
A man who thought he had to rid the world of the evil that he had witnessed walk out on his mother and brother.
A lead vocalist forced to be a puppet master.
He was a man carrying around wounds that no one even cared to notice.
He was glorified, feared, and hated fiercely by some.
But he never wanted to be seen on that stage or in the spotlight.
He only ever wanted to be seen in the darkness where the truth often lies.
I may have discovered all of those things, but what I truly discovered was love.
Not the soft kind that you read about in a storybook, but the ravenous kind.
The kind of love that knows what it feels like to lose it.
The kind that flinches away when touched too softly.
The kind that carries guilt like permanent ink tattooed into skin.
The kind that makes you question your sanity, destroying and rebuilding until your soul is awakened and laid bare.
At the end of the day, Riven was never a secret to be uncovered.
He was only ever just a man, aching for someone to love him just as he is.
? ? ?
I woke this morning entangled in his embrace, and regretfully told him I had to leave to meet with Lydia today for brunch.
Lydia texted me late last night saying that she needed a STAT brunch date to discuss “the grumpy Golden Retriever.” After finding out the “grumpy Golden Retriever” is not exactly who I thought he was, I have tons to catch her up on.
I’ve felt so bad for keeping all of this from her, but protecting her was always my ultimate goal.
Now, I’m sitting at Books and Brews. I watch as Lydia orders us a coffee, suddenly super nervous to fill her in on everything.
She’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember, but what if it’s all too much?
What if she’s not okay with how morally gray my real-life boyfriend is?
I wipe away my worried expression and force a smile as Lydia turns and walks toward my table with our coffee.
Her eyes are beaming, and her hair bounces with every step she takes.
Seeing her always brings a genuine smile to my face.
“Lo!” she exclaims, handing an iced shaken espresso to me while setting down her own. She grabs my shoulders, pulling me up and into a tight embrace.
“It has been way too long,” she says, pulling back to assess me. “Are you okay? It isn’t like you to be so quiet.” She tilts her head to look me over. I pull from her grasp and sit.
“Yes, I’m fine. Plus, it’s only been like two days.” I pause, laughing. “But I do have so much to tell you,” I say, taking a sip of the glorious liquid before me. Coffee makes everything right in the world.
“You first,” we both say, breaking into a fit of laughter.
“Okay, fine. I’ll go first,” Lydia says. I sit up, eager to hear if Callum responded to her weirdo text.
She looks around the room and leans in like she’s about to tell me some huge secret, and she’s afraid someone might hear.
“He responded,” she whispers, grinning like a kid at a carnival with no rules and entirely too much sugar.
“Okay, aaannnnd?” I ask.
“He totally likes me,” she says, that child-like smile never faltering.
“So, what did he say?” I ask.
“Here,” she says, pulling her phone from her leather black cross-body, “let me show you.” She pulls up the text thread and hands her phone over to me. When I see what Lydia changed Callum’s name to in her phone, I giggle. He’s going to love that.
Sunshine: What?
Lydia: Oh, come on. I know you’re capable of producing a more comprehensive vocabulary than that.
Sunshine: I’m sorry, love. I’m trying to wrap my head around this dumpster fire of a text, is all.
Lydia: Hmmm, that is better, but I still think that you have more in you. Come on, sunshine, show me who you are.
Sunshine: Ah, I don’t think you’re ready for that.
Lydia: Don’t underestimate me, Callum. I’ll be the judge of what I’m ready for. And right now, I’m ready for a date. What do ya say?
Sunshine: One date, that’s all. Then will you stop this nonsense?
Lydia: I’ll stop when you stop.
Sunshine: She’s childish, too. Great. I’ll pick you up on Saturday, 7 pm sharp. Where something nice. See ya.
Lydia: Bye, sunshine! You won’t regret this, I promise. (:
I look up at Lydia, horrified or … amused. I honestly don’t know right now.
“Lydia,” I say, pausing to gather my thoughts, “you have some balls. I have to hand it to you.”
“Yeah, well, someone needs to wear the pants in this relationship,” she says, sitting back and making a show of tossing her hair with her hand. I roll my eyes.
“Sunshine?” I ask.
“What? It’s funny. Is it not?” She laughs.
“I somehow don’t think that Callum will think so.
” I laugh with her because I can imagine Callum’s face when she calls him that.
All broad and broody, mouth in a hard-pressed line and a scowl to go along with it.
I even imagine a twitch of his lips to indicate that he might sort of find it as amusing as we do.
“So, what do you think? He texted back. I mean, he could have ghosted me,” she says, taking a sip from her coffee. “Plus, I’m irresistible. I can win him over.”
“Humble, too,” I joke.
My laughter ceases as I remember all of the things I came here to tell her, need to tell her.
“Oh, no,” Lydia starts. “I don’t like that look, Lo. Did you and Professor McHottie break up already?”
I let out a nervous laugh. “No, nothing like that.”
“Then what is going on?” she asks.
“Okay, but before I start, please remain calm, okay?” I say, looking around to find that the coffee shop is mostly empty right now. Lydia looks worried, but nods in agreement.
I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut and blurting out the words before I lose the nerve.
“Callum isn’t a security system salesman. He’s … a member of Reverb. He’s their drummer, Graf.” I brace myself for her reaction as my eyes open and land on her wide ones.
“Holy …” She pauses, throwing her hand over her mouth and looking around before dropping her voice a few octaves.
“Holy shit, Lo. How could you keep this from me? You know, Reverb is like … my one true love.” She pauses, shifting the conversation.
“Wow, so he’s the big guy then, the one that I was standing next to for the meet and greet?
” Her eyes widen at the realization of it.
“That makes so much sense. I … wow, I don’t even know what to say. ”
After Lydia was finally able to process the information about Callum, I told her everything else.
I told her all about Riven. I told her what he’d done and who he truly was.
I told her about my father. The only thing that I kept from her was the murders that Riven committed before meeting me. That’s not my story to tell.
Lydia was shocked by everything, but understanding in a way that only she could be.
She’s my best friend, proving over and over again that she’s the best person I’ve ever known.
I told her how I’m in love with Riven, to which she responded with a “duh.” I think we’re all going to be all right, after all.
? ? ?
I’m back at Riven’s place, lying in his bed with my head on his bare chest. It’s morning now, as the light filters in through the dark shades of his floor-to-ceiling window.
“Sloane?” he asks against the top of my head.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Move in,” he says. “I mean, if you want to.”