SCOTT
He lets her tell him about how Georgia was when she finally tracked her down, about losing Maisie, about Bethany’s reaction to her paintings, and the resulting influx of orders.
He listens when she describes her employer’s response to her email of resignation and the visit to her parents.
She explains how apologetic her mother was and how her father is now a mere shadow of himself.
He almost lets himself get swept away with it all. Almost.
‘I’m so happy for you,’ he begins.
‘Can you do something for me, Heather?’
He doesn’t mean to cut her off, but it’s so apparent that they’re moving into different territories, he doesn’t feel he has a choice. The air between them stills. Heather sits more upright in her chair.
‘Anything,’ she says.
If only she knew what was coming.
‘I made a decision last night,’ he says, ‘a snap decision.’
Heather’s hands move from his and now lie still on the tabletop.
‘Right.’
‘Luca called.’
‘Your cycling coach?’
‘Yes. Mikail, one of the veterans, took a fall. He fractured his femur in two places.’ Heather’s hands go to her face in a gesture of horror and empathy that mirrors how he’d reacted when he was first told.
‘He’s okay. He’s fine. The thing is, Luca asked if I could take his place.
We spent hours on the phone last night talking it through and checking the practicalities.
Luca’s called in a few favours this morning, and, well … we leave in four days.’
Her eyes bulge and she pales. ‘We?’
He chews his lip. ‘I told him I’d go.’
Heather’s hands lower from her face and form a barrier across her chest.
'You're talking about the Silk Road Mountain Route?' He nods. ‘But you’re training for next year. Not this one.’
He nods again, slowly, giving her time to process. ‘Luca thinks I’m ready.’
Her words seem to come out in a rush. ‘He does, does he? Do you? Because you told me it was one of the most brutal endurance tests in the world and that only the very best, most prepared athletes should even consider it. That’s why you were giving it over a year of training, right?
Having his own words recanted back to him never helps. Her argument is almost the same as Brianna’s had been an hour earlier.
‘I know I said that. And yes, it’s going to be tough,’ her disparaging look forces him to reassess, ‘It’s going to be really, really tough. But, I think it’s what I need to do right now.’
Heather’s head shakes, almost dementedly, as though she’s trying to convey the craziness of his notion.
‘But you’re not prepared. You don’t have the kit.’
‘Mikail says I can borrow his. We’re the same size, luckily enough. He’s been packed for weeks. Luca’s picking it up tonight and will bring it to mine a couple of days before we leave so I can check it all through.’
Heather’s lips thin as though she wants to point out that being packed weeks ahead is symptomatic of the preparedness required to succeed.
But, of course, she’s wrong. Because Scott already knows the truth: shit can happen at any time to anyone, and no amount of pre-planning can prevent those tough shit moments from happening.
‘Is this because of last night?’ She directs her question towards the coffee cups sitting forlornly on the table.
The honest thing would be to tell her it probably is, in part at least, but even he can’t assess his motivations for sure.
‘I don’t know, Heather. Last night made me think. Re-evaluate. We always said we wouldn’t allow ourselves to get overly dependent and then look at where I was. Alone in your kitchen with a bunch of poncey food trying to find the right way to tell you stuff I’ve not told anyone. Ever.’
She peers closely at him, as if daring him to look away. ‘Tell me now.’
Her determination is written over every centimetre of her face.
His head moves almost convulsively, because if he knows one thing, it’s that the moment has passed.
‘The thing is,’ he tries to say it kindly. If Heather deserves anything in all this, it’s kindness. ‘I figure it was a sign.’
‘A sign?’
‘That this isn’t the right thing, or certainly not the right time. And maybe I need just one more adventure to get my head straight and work out what it is I do want.’
Seeing the pain in her eyes just about kills him as she changes tack and tries to adhere to his wishes.
‘You asked if I’d do something for you?’
He takes a breath to power him up for the question.
‘Will you look after Brianna when I’m gone?
’ Heather’s eyes shoot up into her hairline.
‘I know I’ve raised her to be independent and make her own decisions; it’s just in case there are things she needs to run past an adult.
We’ll be pedalling every day, and there won’t always phone signal at our night stops.
We’ll have a satellite phone for emergencies, but other than that, I’ll be mainly out of contact for the next two to three weeks. ’
‘There might be things she needs, Scott? You think? She needs you now, Scott. I need you now.’
He shakes his head. ‘People needing me never works out the best, Heather. Trust me. I told you when we first got together that I can’t do relationships, but somehow, I don’t know, my eye’s been taken off the ball. Look. There’s one other thing.’ He holds a breath in long enough to burn his lungs.
Heather’s eyes have hardened now.
‘Is this about the person who keeps calling? The person whose calls you refuse to take?’
Scott’s innate need to self-protect fires.
‘What do you mean?’ He glares.
‘The past few times we’ve met someone’s been pretty insistent on contacting you, even though you reject their calls.’
‘What? No. I’m not here to talk about that.’ Doesn’t she know that ship has sailed? ‘I want to ask if I can put you down as my power of attorney.’
Her hands slap onto the Formica tabletop.
‘Me? Why?’
Because there’s no one else I trust as much as I trust you.
‘In case something happens. Brianna’s got other numbers she can call if she needs support, but it’s you I trust the most, and I know you’ll always make decisions that are in her best interests if it comes down to it.
It can't be activated in the time before we go, but I can at least express an intention. We all need to prove we’ve got something in place. ’
There’s a long, awkward pause before Heather asks her last question.
‘Are you telling me it’s all over between us, Scott?’ she asks, her eyes tearing up. He feels like the biggest jerk in the entire world. He answers her question as honestly as he can.
‘I just need to be away for a while. To figure some stuff out. Can you give me that?’
She pulls her chair back, grabs a tissue from her coat pocket, and wipes her nose and eyes vigorously as she stands.
‘Sure, Scott. If it’s what you need. Of course.’
‘Heather,’ he says as she’s returning her chair to its allocated place under the table, ‘I really am so very proud of you about your painting business. Truly, I am.’
She walks towards him and bends to kiss him on the cheek.
‘Look after yourself,’ she says.
And then she’s gone.