25. Emmy
CHAPTER 25
EMMY
I call Neesha to pick me up, and then tell Mimi I’m not feeling well before I crawl into bed and sink into a deep, dreamless sleep.
When I wake the next morning, still feeling the weight of last night, I see Gold Dog’s message. It came in at 3:00 a.m.
Gold Dog
Hey.
Romcom Book
Hey.
You’ve been quiet. I was worried.
Yeah.
Wanna talk about it?
If anyone could write a book on how to mess up a really good thing, it would be me.
Are you sure things are ruined?
I’m not sure how to fix what’s happened. I’m sorry, Gold Dog.
I’m here if you need to talk.
I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about what happened yet, so I scroll through my other messages. Neesha texted me a link while I was asleep. A newspaper article from this morning’s paper, covering the Harrisons’ press conference and the controversy surrounding Dawson and me. The opening picture is Dawson and me kissing.
Now everyone in town knows what a fool I made of myself. Not only will they think I threw myself at a guy who has a poor reputation, they’ll wonder why I fell headlong into this disastrous relationship. The ladies in book club will clutch their pearls.
No one will believe Dawson’s reputation as a kind-hearted man. They already made up their minds about him the first time they looked at the news.
I’m not sure what bothers me more: that it’s Dawson’s last game before he leaves or that everyone thinks our relationship was destined to fail from the start.
The picture of us has spread like wildfire, provoking thousands of comments from people sounding off on our relationship.
Cringey.
Gross.
Doesn’t she know what he’s like?
Never gonna last.
What people don’t understand is that we’re real people with real feelings. Except I don’t have feelings anymore. Because Dawson leaving town just makes me turn numb. I’ll go back to being small. Stop writing. Work a job I hate.
I sigh and close the article. Six text messages from my mom appear, four others from Neesha wondering if I’m okay, and one from Dan.
Only one from Dawson.
Dawson
I’m so sorry about the picture. But I’m not sorry for kissing you. I’d do it again.
Me, too.
That’s when I make a decision to text Gold Dog. He’s the only one who doesn’t know anyone involved in this situation.
Romcom Book
Listen, I know we made a bet about when we could see each other, but I think we should meet regardless of the score or shots on goal. I need to talk in person. Can you meet for the last game?
Gold Dog
Sure. As long as we can have pad thai.
You’d come all the way here to visit a stranger?
You’re not a stranger, RB. You’re a friend.
You don’t know how much I could really use a friend right now.
I spend the day in bed, wondering how everything in my life fell apart so quickly. With Dawson leaving soon, I can’t wrap my mind around going to the bookstore or eating dinner without him.
I hold up his jersey, the faint whisper of his body wash lingering on the fabric.
I want to wear this to his game tonight, but how can I? I’m not even sure how I’ll show my face in town after this.
I stand in front of the mirror on my closet door.
I’ve been wearing this jersey to bed ever since Dawson left it for me. I stroke my fingers over the silky fabric and think of the night he held me on the couch. When he’s close, it feels like nothing can hurt me.
As much as I want to wear it in public, I’m too afraid everyone will think what Stewart does. That I’m a joke. Not worthy of dating Dawson Hayes.
“You need to wear it. For him. ” Mimi stands behind me, looking at me in the mirror.
“I don’t know if I can.”
Mimi looks over her glasses at me. “You think that man hands out his jersey to just anyone?”
I look at the floor. “Mimi, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
She shakes her head. “I already knew. Your face lit up every time he came over for dinner.”
I touch my cheek. “Really?”
It should come as a relief, but it doesn’t. Not when I know what she’s already guessed: That I’ve fallen for Dawson.
“You were right about Dawson, Mimi,” I say, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat. “He remembers my favorite things. He makes me feel like the only woman in the world. And he even keeps his shoes immaculate.”
Mimi grins. She always knew the type of man Dawson was.
When he arrived in Maple Falls, I was determined to stay away. But he proved to be a gentle persuader in a dozen small ways, starting with fulfilling a promise he made to me in the wine cellar. He gives of himself fully and is the most generous man I’ve met. What kind of man reads a book because he knows the woman he loves likes it? Only Dawson.
“You don’t think he knows how you feel?” Mimi asks as she crosses the room toward me.
“I think he knows,” I admit, the tears spilling across my cheeks. “But I don’t think he knows how much it’s going to hurt when he leaves.”
She brushes a strand of hair out of my face. “Honey, he knows. He’s always looking at you. Trying to figure out how to make you smile. Why do you think he stops by for dinner every night?”
“Because he loves your food,” I answer with a smile through my tears.
She laughs. “No, honey. Because he loves you . The food is just an excuse.”
“But he inhaled that lasagna.”
“Of course he did! He’s still a hungry boy. But I see his eyes, the way he watches you when you talk about your day, how he helps you wash dishes. The man is a good goalie because he’s been trained to keep track of small but important things. And you’re important to him.”
I shake my head. “Not once he leaves.”
“Good heavens, do you really think that?” Mimi lets out a laugh of disbelief. “He would have never dated you if he’d thought this was just a fling. Dan wouldn’t let him live if he did.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Has Dan said this?”
“Haven’t you noticed your brother hasn’t stopped by recently to check on you? He knows you’re an adult now. He’s letting you make your own decisions. We all should. You sacrifice so much for the family, but that doesn’t mean we expect you to sacrifice your dreams too.”
“Mimi, I’m not sacrificing my dreams. I love living with you.”
She strokes my cheek with her thumb. “You have a big heart, Emmy. I love that about you. But you’re tied down here, and that’s keeping your dreams small. I don’t want to hold you back. I have the whole town of Maple Falls to help me. That’s what neighbors do. It doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders.”
“How do you think I’d live with myself if I wasn’t here and something happened to you?”
It scares me to think about not being here for my family. I’ve always been the one making sacrifices and I don’t regret them. But if I step away from that, what will I do? Especially when my dreams seem so small compared to my brothers’.
She cups my face in her hands, just like when I was a child. “Oh, honey, I’m still here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She smirks. “You’ve gotten too comfortable. Before Dawson came back, you stopped writing. You even quit dating. It’s time for you to live your life. Your dreams matter too.”
The thought of leaving Maple Falls makes my heart hurt. This is my home. As much as I dislike some parts of small-town life, I mostly adore this community. “I can’t leave Maple Falls.”
“I didn’t say you had to. But you shouldn’t have to date a guy with your grandma around. Even in my day, I wanted to kiss your grandpa alone.”
“Then you saw the picture?”
“I knew before the picture came out. I wasn’t born yesterday, Emmy.” She gives me a sly grin. “Don’t let me be the reason you’re not seeing someone. You should go to the game. Wear his jersey. Forget what everyone is saying about you and Dawson, especially Stewart. If Dawson makes you feel different than anyone else has, ignore the haters. They’re probably just jealous because half the town would like to be you. If you’re not doing it for him, then do it for me. Stop keeping yourself small. Don’t let your second-guessing stop you from saying yes to something really great.”
“What if I ruin everything?” I ask.
“Is that what you’re worried about?” She turns me to face her. “Haven’t you learned? There is no losing in life or love. You either win, or you learn.”
Mimi hugs me, squeezing so tight, I almost can’t breathe. When she lets go, she gives me a smile. “Just for the record, Dawson is a winner.” Then she disappears from my room, giving me the space to process her words.
There is no losing in life or love.
I flop back in my bed and stare at the ceiling. The familiar ding of my phone tells me there’s another message, but I can’t take another person asking me if I’m okay.
“If only I could fix things.” I cover my eyes. “Fix this stupid mess.”
“Maybe if you can’t fix it, then I can,” a voice says.
I bolt up. Dawson is standing in the door.
“Who let you in?” As if the answer isn’t obvious. Mimi has a soft spot for him.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. She told me you weren’t feeling well.”
“I’m fine, Dawson.”
He looks me over and smirks at his jersey. “Nice nightgown. Have you eaten?”
I shake my head.
“Maybe this will help.” He sets a carryout bowl on my nightstand. The smell of chicken noodle soup fills the room.
“And it’s not the generic kind,” he adds. “Shirley May from the diner made it.”
Guilt twists inside me. Dawson is always taking care of me like it’s his personal business. “Thank you, but I’m not sick, actually. I’m just...”
What am I? Emotionally distraught? A hot mess?
I shake my head. “I don’t know how to feel or what is the right choice. I just know I finally want to be honest with myself. Which is why I’m meeting with Gold Dog after the game tonight.”
His reaction is indecipherable, but there’s a flicker of emotion behind his eyes. “You’re finally ready?”
“Yes.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods.
“Would you come, if you have time?” I ask.
His eyes soften in that way that makes my heart stutter. “I always have time for you.” He looks so sad and desperate to make things up to me.
“I know we still need to talk about us before you leave.”
“We do,” he says quietly, his dark eyes studying me. “Whatever happens tonight, I want you to know that I love you. Everything I’ve done has been for you.”
When I look at him, I know he’s telling me the truth.
“Do you still want me to wear this tonight?” I point at his jersey.
“Please.” His eyes sweep over the jersey, his grin deepening. “Because there’s no one who wears it quite like you.”