Chapter 5
five
EMMY
Finn’s truck caught up to my SUV on the dirt road. I knew it would. I was much more comfortable driving on the dirt during the day, but I was still pretty cautious. The pouring rain didn’t make me any more confident, either.
I slowed to a crawl and rolled my window down to wave Finn past me.
He stayed where he was.
I didn’t know why he wasn’t passing me, but whatever.
He followed me to the fork in the road, and to Jade’s new house. I’d heard her new boyfriend’s—mate’s—name the night before, but I couldn’t remember it.
I was so sweaty my hair and shirt were literally plastered to my skin, and there was now a constant pain in my lower belly. I ignored all of those things as I carried my cake up to the porch.
Rain was falling hard, further soaking me, but at least it washed away some of my personal stench.
After a beat of hesitation, I decided the way I looked wasn’t entirely appropriate for a conversation with a friend.
So, I left the cake on the doorstep and went back to my car. My fingers were shaky when I typed out a quick message to let Jade know the cake was there.
She opened the door less than a minute after I hit send, and her eyes were bright as she waved at me from where she stood.
I waved back.
Maybe she knew how freaking miserable it was to avoid having sex during the climax and was giving me space.
Or maybe she just didn’t want to talk to me. It could’ve been either one, and I was okay with both.
Finn followed me back to his house from there. He tried to wave me into the garage, but I ignored him and parked on the far side of the driveway.
He grabbed my door after I turned the car off, meeting my gaze squarely with his.
“Hi,” I said again, managing a small smile.
He didn’t respond immediately.
His gaze searched my face instead.
I slid a leg out of the car, but he blocked me.
I opened my mouth to ask why he didn’t want me to leave—and he kissed me abruptly.
I kissed him back.
He lifted me out of my car with an ease that made me laugh. The laugh earned me a tiny grin that gave me a glimpse of what I thought must’ve been the real Finn, buried beneath the trauma and misery he’d survived.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked me, as he carried me further into the house.
“I should be the one asking you that, but yeah. I’m positive.”
He opened the door with a strategically placed elbow and a bump of his shoulder. “I’d be insane not to be sure about spending the climax with you.”
I knew he would be significantly less sure if I brought up the mate part of that, so I didn’t. I’d already decided that being mates could mean whatever we wanted it to, and Finn didn’t want anything serious.
So, we’d be friends who had sex sometimes. I could definitely do worse than that.
Finn tugged my shirt over my head as he carried me to the bedroom, his hands moving over my body constantly, like he couldn’t resist.
Neither could I.
Maybe it was werewolf magic or something, but I’d never realized sex could be that good.
Or maybe it was just Finn.
Either way, I enjoyed every minute.
We fucked.
We cooked.
We ate.
And we fucked some more.
We didn’t talk about our lives, our pasts, or anything else, but every hour we spent together made both of us more and more comfortable around each other.
Especially Finn.
When the climax’s constant heat and need finally faded a few days later, we collapsed on the couch, catching our breath.
“Wow,” I mumbled, relaxing against Finn’s chest.
There was no better feeling than being in his arms. None. The sex was great, but being snuggled up in all that muscle gave me an entirely surreal feeling of safety.
“Yeah.” Finn let out a long breath against the top of my head, right into my tangled, sweaty curls. “You feel better?”
“So much. Is it over?”
“I think so.”
“Bummer.”
Finn chuckled. “I think you’re supposed to be relieved, Em.”
“I like to live on the edge.” I closed my eyes.
I wanted to stay right there, wrapped up in his arms, for the rest of the day.
I couldn’t, though. Obviously.
We were just friends.
I needed to get going before Finn started to think I wanted or expected more.
I wouldn’t be opposed to more, honestly. I liked him. He made me feel safe, I was insanely comfortable with him, and he was a good audience for the occasional stupid joke.
But he didn’t want more.
And it wasn’t what we agreed on.
So, I would be content with friendship.
I let out a soft breath. “I should probably get going.”
Finn’s arms tightened around me, just slightly. “I can make you something for breakfast first.”
I tilted my head, looking out the window of the large sliding door nearby. I could see the sun just starting to rise over the lake.
“Thanks, but I think I’ll just grab something on my way home. If I leave now, I can watch the sun rise while I drive back.”
“Are you sure? I can cook while you shower.”
“That’s alright. My shampoo and conditioner are at my house, and I’m ready for my hair to smell normal again.”
Finn sniffed my curls. “It smells fine.”
I laughed, patting his arm lightly. When I sat up, he reluctantly let go of my middle. “It’s sweet of you to say that, but in the spirit of being just friends, it’s better for me to head home now.”
“Alright.” He nodded, though he didn’t look quite as convinced as I expected him to. “Good call.”
I left him on the couch long enough to step into the bathroom and put on the change of clothes I’d brought with me.
The wide-legged green sweats and cropped blue tee were definitely going to need a deep clean after surviving the trip back home.
I was filthy. Our combined release was all over me, in a disgusting (but somehow erotic?) way.
Now that the climax was over, I was feeling significantly more disgusting than erotic.
He was in the kitchen, leaning against the cabinets with his arms tucked in the pockets of a pair of black sweatpants that I was pretty sure I’d seen on the floor the day before.
“Thanks, Finn. That was a lot of fun.” I flashed him a smile, slinging my bag over my shoulder.
“I can make you some coffee for the road, if you want,” he said.
“I’m probably just going to sleep the rest of the day, so no caffeine needed.” I took a few steps backward, toward the front door. “We can just text each other when our wolves want to meet up, and grab drinks or something if they don’t want us to shift?”
He nodded.
Slowly.
“Perfect. I’ll see you in a few days?”
He nodded again.
I slipped out, trying to close the door behind me.
He caught it. “I’ll make sure you get to your car.”
I wasn’t sure what he thought was going to prevent me from making it there, since he lived in the middle of nowhere, but I didn’t protest. He was obviously feeling some way about the platonic mate thing. Probably needed to adjust to the climax ending or whatever.
It was pretty crazy to think that we were permanently connected now. I wasn’t against it, but it definitely didn’t feel real.
Maybe it would later.
Or maybe life would go back to normal, and I’d just spend an hour or two a week drinking wine in some random bar with Finn to satisfy our wolves.
Time would tell.
I got in my car and turned it on, waving before I pulled away.
He didn’t wave back.
There was a small crease between his eyebrows.
I didn’t let myself think too much of it, simply driving away instead.
When I finally got home, I looked around.
Everything was exactly how I left it, down to the cake dishes in the sink. The mixing bowl was still sitting on the countertop, with extra pink frosting crusted thickly inside.
I stared at the kitchen before sitting down on the couch, my body suddenly feeling very heavy.
After a few minutes of trying to work through the wild emotions in my chest, I gave up and called Zoe. She wouldn’t be at work yet.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Zoe.”
“Hey, Em. How are you? How was it?”
My eyes stung. Just a little. “Perfect.”
“Does he still just want to be friends?”
“I don’t think he really knows what he wants.” I wiped my eyes, though they were still just stinging rather than watering.
“Are you crying?”
“Almost.”
“What did he do?”
“Um, when he was leaving, he offered to make food. He suggested I take a shower first when I turned down food. And he offered coffee after I said no to that.”
“So he wanted you to stay.”
“I think so? He might’ve thought he had to offer those things. I don’t think he was doing it out of obligation, but I don’t really know him.”
“What do you want, Em?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t know.”
“Liar.”
“Fine, if it was up to me, I would want to try the relationship thing. It wouldn’t hurt to get to know each other. Fate seems to have been right for Abby and Nico, at least.”
“Stella seems outrageously happy too.”
“We haven’t seen Jade with her guy—what was his name?”
“Wyatt.”
“Well, we haven’t seen them together, but Jade wouldn’t stay with someone if she didn’t want to. She doesn’t do that.”
“And if fate was right for them, there’s a good chance it could be right for you too.”
“Exactly.” I let out a breath. “But Finn doesn’t want that, so what I want doesn’t particularly matter.”
“He could want it, though. At some point. He probably needs time to adjust to the idea of having a mate who isn’t an abuser.”
“Yeah. I know. I’m impatient, but I need to let him set the pace.”
“He needs to decide what he wants,” Zoe agreed. “Are you home?”
“Yep. Alone at last.”
“Are we meeting for coffee?”
Before everything happened with Finn, we’d been going to the same shop every morning for months. They had a few tables in the sun, and we used the coffee as an excuse to force ourselves to get a little Vitamin D. And sugary caffeine, in my case.
“I’m pretty wiped out. Tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. Let me know if you need company later. I can work from your place after my last lecture if you want.”
“I’ll probably take you up on that. Thanks. Love you.”
“Love you too.” She hung up, and I stared down at the screen.
Some part of me hoped Finn would text me, but he didn’t. Of course.
I sighed and dropped my phone on the counter, heading into my room for a long shower and a longer nap.