Chapter 18
KAT
Astrong feeling, sitting somewhere between love and rage, prompted Kat to do everything in her power to find Cole.
If she had taken the time to really examine her motivations, she might have come to the conclusion that she was trying to avoid thinking about the future now that it terrified her.
She was trying to distract herself by obsessing over her search for Cole.
Kat Naylor refused to cry, refused to give up, refused to accept defeat. That was the core of who she was. She was determined to do something about this, something she would never be able to convince herself was tantamount to surrender.
In the morning, she got dressed, forced breakfast down her throat, grabbed some of the anti-nausea medicine the nurse had recommended, and headed out the door.
She passed by Tony, who looked at her quizzically.
She shouted her explanation, “I’m going to get our old hand back. Turns out we need him.”
Tony shook his head like he was already used to her antics, as if she had any antics before this. Maybe she was more like her Uncle Roy than she’d originally thought.
Five minutes later, she was on her way to the old motel across the street from the diner where she’d first hired Cole.
It was better this way anyway. Not calling him left no trace.
Meeting him in person was safer for both of them, she told herself, and that was why she was contacting him this way.
It wasn’t because she had impulsively deleted his contact information from her phone, and it wasn’t because she was desperate to see his face again.
The motel was probably the single brownest place she’d ever seen that wasn’t made entirely of unfinished wood.
Why Cole would ever have chosen to stay the night here rather than at her adorable rustic cabin, she could not imagine.
There was even a slot machine in the corner, lending an air of extra-seediness to the place.
She walked up to the counter and admired the antique cash register for a moment before hitting the little bell on the counter for service. There was movement from a back room, and then a young man came out to greet her. “You looking for a room?” he asked, without so much as a smile or welcome.
Taken aback by his attitude, it took her a second too long to react.
“Um…” No chance she didn’t look at least a little suspicious.
Then again, she imagined many people who stayed at this establishment looked at least a little suspicious, so this was probably nothing new to the guy behind the front desk.
She told herself to pull it together and get to the point.
“I’m looking for someone who’s staying here. ”
“Name?”
“I think it’s Cole? But I don’t think the last name he gave me was real, so the one I have might not match the one you have.”
The guy behind the counter sighed like she was taking up far too much of his precious time, when she doubted he was doing anything at all in that back room.
She’d definitely heard the sounds of some sitcom or other playing back there before he’d stopped it and come out to talk to her.
“Can you at least give me a description of him?” he asked her.
She bowed her head and thought a moment. “Well, he’s tall, handsome, kind of rugged. He dresses like a cowboy.”
“I know who you mean,” the guy behind the counter said. “Are you with the cops?” He narrowed his eyes at her. “You know you have to tell me if you’re with the cops.”
Kat didn’t think that was true, but she didn’t try to correct him.
“I’m not. I just…” She was about to say she had dated him, but then she realized how creepy that looked, so she changed tack.
“I’m his boss. He left without collecting his last paycheck.
I wanted to make sure he got it.” Seemed like a believable enough story to her.
The man behind the counter was clearly not buying it. But he answered her question anyway. “That guy took off a few days back, and he always paid with cash. Lady, I’m going to guess he didn’t want to be found. I’d give up if I were you.”
The phrase give up triggered Kat in a way she was sure the man who spoke it didn’t intend. She couldn’t give up. She had to keep trying. “Thanks for your help,” she said. And she left the motel, drove across the street to the diner, and parked there.
Walking into the diner conjured a surge of memories Kat wasn’t quite ready to deal with. She sat down at the same table she had shared with Cole the day she hired him. Her eyes burned, but she didn’t allow herself to break down. She was on a mission, and that was when she was at her strongest.
The server, a young woman who was probably still paying for tuition, approached and asked, “Can I get you a coffee?” When Kat looked up, the server’s eyes twinkled with recognition. “Oh, it’s you! Welcome back.”
“You know me?” Kat couldn’t help asking. She didn’t frequent this particular diner. At least, she hadn’t frequented it since high school, so there was no way a server this young remembered her from those days.
“Yeah, of course I do,” the server said.
“You met our regular one day. He was so good-looking and so mysterious, and he always showed up in the morning at the same time. We couldn’t stop wondering about him.
And then, one day, you met him here. He’d always come alone before, so you made an impression. ”
“Ah,” Kat said. “That makes sense.” She wrung her napkin in her hands. “Has he… Has he been back here in the last couple days?”
The server shook her head. “Sorry, no. He stopped coming here a couple weeks ago. Are you not a couple? We were sure you were.”
Kat shook her head. “Not exactly. I hired him. I’m his boss. Well, I was anyway. He left without getting his final paycheck, so I was trying to find him. Did he ever pay with anything other than cash?”
“Nope,” the server answered. “Always cash. Good tipper, though. We never minded seeing him here. We used to argue about who got to serve him.” She blushed. “So, you’re saying he’s single?”
“I guess.” Kat shrugged to hide how painful that question was to answer.
“Wish I’d known that sooner,” the server said with a chuckle. “I would have asked him out. You don’t see a face that handsome around these parts very often.”
“True.” Kat ordered coffee and lunch to end the conversation.
All she wanted to do was get back to her cabin and wallow in her own misery, but she thought it would be unforgivably rude not to order something, especially since she’d taken a table during the lunch rush.
Then, it occurred to her. She’d been far more emotional than usual.
Maybe it wasn’t because she was missing Cole so much.
Maybe it was the pregnancy. She told herself it was definitely true because she needed to believe it. Even though it probably wasn’t.
Before she left the diner, she paid her bill and left an extra nice tip because Cole had done so in the past, apparently.
Now, she was competing with him in her own hometown.
Her mood quickly went from depression to irritation, which was a better place to be for getting things done.
She no longer had the urge to wallow. Now she had the urge to get things done.
She went back to the ranch and broke out another piece of furniture to put back together.
But it wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be, and she got frustrated.
That quickly gave way to depression again, so she was right back where she started.
She fell back on the floor in a dramatic fashion and fully gave up on the furniture.
Five minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and Kat shouted, “It’s unlocked!” without really thinking about it. For a moment, before she remembered it was impossible, she was expecting Cole to walk through the door. But of course, it couldn’t be him.
Tony walked through the door and saw her flat on her back on the floor. “Kat!” He rushed forward, worried. “Kat, are you OK? What happened?”
She sat up to show him she wasn’t incapacitated and answered, “I hate hex keys.”
Tony heaved a relieved sigh and crouched down in front of her project.
“Me, too,” he said, picking up the tool in question.
“But I’ve got a lot of practice.” He started putting the shelves together for her.
She didn’t know whether to be grateful or bitter that it seemed so much easier for him.
“You know,” he said, twisting the key like it was something he’d done since he was an infant, “it’s OK to ask for help sometimes if you need it. ”
“I know that,” she said, and then she completely lost her composure and burst into tears. Where it had come from, she couldn’t have said, but she was pretty sure she could partly blame the little bean growing inside her. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” she sobbed.
Tony scooted several inches away from her, and she could hardly blame him. She would have done exactly the same thing. He let her cry for a few minutes before breaking in. “Is there anything I can do?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m an idiot. I just… didn’t think. I didn’t think it could end. All of a sudden, it’s over, and now I can’t go back. He’s gone, and I’m pregnant.”
Tony’s eyes widened in shock. “Are you serious? That’s what the doctor told you? Is that why you’ve been so tense lately?”
“Yeah. I’m so sorry. I haven’t been myself at all.”
“You’ve been fine,” Tony said. “You know, when my wife was pregnant, she had all kinds of strong feelings that she hadn’t had before.
She used to say, ‘It’s OK because I’m feeling for two now.
’” He laughed quietly as he remembered the past. “So, that’s what I’d say to you now.
It’s OK to have bigger feelings than usual because you’re feeling for two. ”
Kat laughed through her leftover tears and shook her head. “Thanks, Tony. I can see why my uncle worked with you for so long. You’re the best.”
“Well…” He grunted and pushed himself to his feet, pulling the shelves up after him. “I think these are going to look nice.”
“How’d you do that so fast?” She rubbed the tears from her eyes and looked up at the perfectly assembled shelves.
“Like I said, lots of practice, lots of experience. It’s all you’ve got when you get old.
” He smiled down at her, and she felt a little like her Uncle Roy was smiling down on her, too.
“If you need help, feel free to ask. Me and the rest of your family, we want you to succeed. We’re banking on it even.
I think your brothers even have a bet going. ”
Kat laughed, forgetting her tears for a moment. “Really? Which one bet against me?”
“Probably Judd,” Tony said, chuckling. “But I think they both bet on your success. It’s just the timing they’re arguing over.
What I’m trying to say is, you’re single-handedly reviving a dying ranch.
If you can handle that, of course you can handle motherhood.
You’re going to succeed at whatever you try.
I can tell. You have that air about you, just like your uncle.
Now, shall we get these shelves to their final destination? ”
Judd helped Kat put the shelves in place and secure them to the wall. “If you’re going to have a little one running around, you definitely have to anchor your furniture to the wall.”
She got on the other side of the shelves to help. “Do you really think I can handle it?”
“I don’t lie,” he said without any hesitation. “You can handle it. You may not always be able to handle all of it without any help at all, but you’ll handle it better than anyone. There. Don’t they look nice there?”
They both stood back and looked at the shelves together. They did look very nice where they were. Kat was excited to start filling them. “Well, you turned out to be a wonderful ranch hand,” she said, “and an even better friend.”
That night, Kat built up the courage to call and tell her family the news.
Much to her relief, they were all ecstatic.
No one lectured her or made her feel like an idiot.
Her brothers did tease her a bit, but it wouldn’t be them if they didn’t.
It was all good-natured and filled with love.
Kat was so happy she might have cried, but she’d already done too much of that today, so she held back and laughed instead.
“You’re gonna let us visit a lot and set terrible examples, right?” Judd was saying.
“Well, yeah, obviously,” Kat answered. “What kind of challenge would parenting be if I didn’t have you two around?”
When the call quieted down and Kat was left alone to talk to her mother, her mom asked her, “So, is the father really not going to be in the picture at all?”
She sounded concerned, but Kat reassured her. “It’s going to be OK, Mom. I can handle it. Even without him. Especially without him.”
Her mom was quiet for a moment. “Does he know yet?”
“I’m not keeping it from him, but no. He’s…
gone.” It hurt to say, but it was the truth.
“I failed to find him, and I’ve decided to stop looking anyway.
If he doesn’t want to be found, I’m going to leave him alone.
” What she didn’t say was that she had decided to stop looking for him because continuing to do so might compromise him wherever he was.
She still believed Cole was a good man, and she still believed that whatever he’d done to gain the attention of law enforcement, he’d done because he believed it was the right thing to do.
Maybe when she had first met him, before she’d gotten to know what she was sure was the real him, she would have thought there was a chance he was some kind of hardened criminal.
But she’d seen beneath his armor to the real man he hid from the world.
He had integrity and gentleness and a personality she admired in the end, even though he was gone.
“Well, honey, we’re here if you need us,” her mom said.
“I know, Mom. Thank you so much. I love you.”
The call ended, and Kat went to bed feeling a bittersweet ache in her chest. Nothing would ever be the same again, but maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. A family, however unconventional, would be a lovely venture to undertake.