Chapter 55
Hannah
I knock harder, willing him to appear.
A second later, I hear shuffling, and the door swings open.
It takes all my self-control not to gasp.
Half of Theo’s face is covered in bruises, the deepest color ringed around his eyes.
A cut bisects his left eyebrow. His bottom lip is scabbed over and his left arm is in a sling.
He holds himself like it hurts to breathe.
My hands fly to my mouth. He shrugs with his good shoulder and tries to smile.
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad.” His smile fades as his eyes track over me.
“You’re really okay? Kenny said so, but .
. . ” His voice trails off. I’m still speechless.
“Here,” he says, shoving the door wider.
“Why don’t you come in?” The dusk light makes his suite dim but also clearer, illuminating the dust motes in the air, revealing the pulled loops in the carpet.
The light cuts a path from the window through the living room into the bedroom.
Theo follows the trail of golden hour sun to his bed, then sits gingerly on the edge.
He grabs for a bottle of Advil on his nightstand and pops a few in his mouth. I stop in the doorway.
“The waves did this to you?”
He scratches the back of his neck with his free hand.
“Not exactly. This was more the work of the guys who were filming you that I tried to tackle. Joke’s on me, though, ’cause they beat me up and still up-loaded the footage.
You probably don’t want to go online for a while, if no one’s told you yet. ”
So I didn’t imagine that part. My memories from after the water are so hazy and fragmented I haven’t been sure what’s real. “It looks horrible. We should be helping you, Theo.”
“Bryan’s flying in tomorrow.” He tries for a smile again, getting the uninjured part of his mouth to lift. It’s endearingly lopsided. “He says now that I’ve ‘gone off the deep end,’ I can’t be trusted to mind myself.”
He’s trying to make light of this, the way we always do, but I can’t follow. “You shouldn’t have come after me.”
He snorts. “You sound like the doctors. And the Coast Guard.” Then he sighs. “Kenny even suggested I start talking to Dr. X. He thinks fame has been traumatic for me too.”
At the mention of Dr. X, I startle back, spine hitting the doorframe.
He frowns. “I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t steal your therapist.”
We watch each other for a beat. He’s skirted so close to what I’ve come to tell him that I have no choice but to just rip off the Band-Aid and say it. “I talked to her today,” I blurt. “She found an opening for me in rehab.”
“What?” Theo freezes on the bed. “Really?”
My hands are shaking. I force myself to hold his gaze. “You don’t have to pretend you’re surprised. I’m sure you suspected this was coming.”
It’s heavy to admit, just like in the conversation at the hospital.
And it’s still so new that I’m not used to saying it out loud. Theo’s gaze falls to the carpet. I can practically see the wheels in his head turning.
I push off the doorframe and sit next to him on the mattress.
“I’m trying to work through it,” he admits, “but it doesn’t mean I’m not glad. I guess it’s . . . complicated.” He folds his hands in his lap. “When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow.” It was part of my promise to Dr. X.
He draws a startled breath.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay before I left. And tell you how sorry I am for what I put you through.” I reach up, heart thudding with the risk, and gently touch his unmarred cheek.
There’s stubble shadowing his face, and it prickles in a soothing way.
“I think I should also admit that you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time, even if the opposite is true for you. ”
Another small, lopsided smile tugs at Theo’s lips. “Better than your singles charting on Billboard after all these years?”
I give him the smile I can tell he wants. “Don’t push it.”
We hold each other’s eyes. Even black-and-blue, Theo is lovely in the soft light, dust motes glittering around him. He takes a deep breath, and I watch his chest rise and fall, thinking that I could be happy doing that forever.
“Hannah.” Theo’s voice is quiet, his expression turned serious.
He reaches for me and cups my jaw, skimming my skin with the soft pad of his thumb.
He studies my face like he wants to memorize it.
“There’s no point telling me I shouldn’t have come after you.
I would follow you anywhere. Into the ocean.
Across the world. Wherever you’re going.
” His heart beats so hard in his chest I can feel it through the places our bodies touch.
“And it’s not because I was your manager. ”
The way he’s looking at me is like he’s pledging something.
I don’t deserve Theo Ford, I never have, but I close the distance and kiss him anyway.
It’s slow at first. I’m afraid to hurt him, kissing his swollen bottom lip gently, brushing back his tumble of dark hair, but he’s impatient.
He deepens the kiss, leans back in his bed, and pulls me over him.
I’m practically on top of him, hands bracing the mattress, when he breaks away and brushes the hair out of my face.
“Stay,” he whispers. “For tonight. Please. I don’t think I can let you go so soon—”
“I know.” Leaving tomorrow is going to be unbearable, and he’s the biggest reason why. But so many things have been unbearable this past year, and yet here I am, alive and bearing them. “I won’t go anywhere,” I promise. “Tonight is for you.”