Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
CORDELIA
"Where did your crazy mountain man go?" I ask Tyr, squatting to scratch his ears when he butts his head against my leg in a silent demand for attention. Deacon was on the porch just a minute ago, but I guess he's gone back inside now. He must have gotten tired of watching me act like a lunatic.
I don't even care if he was judging me though.
I found signal in the dead zone he calls home.
It's been a good day. I got to catch up on what the girls are doing.
Apparently, I'm not the only one busy falling in love.
We're falling like bricks all over the place.
Tabitha met a mob boss in Vegas. Cleary woke up married to a tattoo artist, also in Vegas.
Gem is getting it on with an ex. Peyton is hooking up with a billionaire.
Mandy is banging the guy who pretended to be her photographer.
And Devyn is head over heels for her brother's best friend.
Maybe Drunk Me was onto something with this we're not moping on Valentine's Day, we're facing our fears pact. For the first time ever, my besties are all in love. We're a Hallmark movie in the making. Only with a lot more sex. High five for us!
"Let's go annoy Deacon," I murmur to Tyr, rising from my crouch. The muscles in my legs protest, making me giggle. Yeah, there's definitely a lot more sex in this movie.
Tyr follows me as far as the front porch and then flops down, refusing to come inside like usual. The dog is nuts. He likes freezing his cajónes off. Yesterday, I found him sleeping in a pile of melting snow like it was completely normal. Huskies are built different, I guess.
I slip inside, kicking my boots off so I don't track mud all over the floor, and then wander down the hall in search of Deacon. I hear his voice coming from his bedroom, so head that way.
"Yeah, I was wrong about that," he says. "She's crazier than you are."
I stop outside his door. Is he talking about me?
"Whatever you say. Can you deal with the problem or not? I can't live like this."
Problem? He can't live like this?
"It's driving me insane. I want it done now. I can't wait a week."
My stomach churns, anxiety shooting through me. He is talking about me. Oh, my god. He's sick of me. He wants me out of here. I thought… I stumble away from his bedroom door, shocked and numb.
I'm so stupid! I thought things were going great between us. But apparently, I was dead wrong about that. I'm a problem he wants to be rid of. I'm too much for him, just like I am for the rest of the world.
He made me fall in love with him and his stupid, handsome face and his grumpy attitude and his bossy ways and the sweet things he says. And the whole time, it was just sex to him. I was just a warm body.
You own me too, Sunshine.
I stumble into the living room, shoving my feet into the first pair of boots I come across, and then quickly scurry out the front door. I need fresh air. I need…out. I race down the porch steps, heading anywhere but here. Tears blur my vision, my heart feeling like it's going to rip itself in two.
I make it ten feet from the cabin before I stop.
Nope. No way. I'm not going to be that girl, the one who hears something she doesn't like and then does something foolish and irrational.
I'm not dying in the woods because he broke my stupid heart.
If he wants me out of here, then fine. He can tell me that to my face.
And then he can take me down the mountain to my car and I'll leave.
But I'm not rushing out into the woods like a crazy person.
Been there, done that, still have the anxiety to prove it.
I spin on my heel, marching right back to the cabin.
Tyr lifts his head, looking at me as if to ask me what the heck I'm doing.
"Don't ask," I growl.
He slowly lays his head back down.
I yank the front door open, stomping inside.
"There you are," Deacon says, stopping halfway across the room.
"You're a jerk." I slam the door closed behind me.
"What the fuck, Sunshine?"
"If you wanted me to leave, all you had to do was ask. But I am not a problem, Deacon Cromwell," I growl, stomping toward him to poke him in the chest. "And I am not crazy. If I'm too much for you, it's because you're too small for me."
He grabs for me, but I duck under his arms, too fired up to be easily contained.
"And another thing, you don't get to sleep with me and tell me that I own you and then just decide that you can't live like this and want me out of here," I say, my bottom lip quivering.
"If it was just sex to you, you should have just said that to begin with instead of letting me fall in love with you! "
"You're in love with me?"
"I was before I heard you say I'm a problem and you want me dealt with." My voice cracks, a tear slipping down my cheek. "Now, I just want you to take me to town so I can leave. I won't be a problem for you ever again."
"The hell you won't," he growls, grabbing for me again. This time, he manages to get his arms around me. Despite my best efforts, he manages to haul me up against his chest.
"Let me go!" I cry miserably. I don't want to remember what it feels like to be in his arms when I don't get to be in them anymore. I don't want to remember how good he smells when I don't get to smell him anymore.
"Never," he rasps, picking me up off my feet and carting me down the hall like I'm a freaking statue he's trying to move into place. "I will never let you go, Cordelia Shanks."
I choke on a sob, wishing he meant it the way I want him to mean it.
He drags me into his bedroom before tossing me onto the bed.
Before I can even think about rolling off the opposite side of the bed, he's on top of me, pinning me beneath him.
He yanks my jacket off me and then rips my shirt right down the middle before grabbing my hands and pinning them beside my head.
"You said your piece, now it's my turn, little girl," he growls, a maelstrom raging in his steely eyes again. I try to avoid his gaze, but it sucks me in like always. "You are crazy. You're the best goddamn kind of crazy I've ever met. But you have never and will never be a problem."
"That's not what you said on the phone," I mumble.
"I wasn't talking about you, baby. I was talking about this place. I was talking about the cabins. I can't fucking live another goddamn day knowing you're leaving in a week and I'm supposed to stay here without you," he growls. "It's driving me insane. That's my problem, Sunshine."
"Oh," I whisper, my heart leaping with hope.
"I'm so in love with you I can't think straight.
When you leave, I'm going with you so I called Nell to have her find someone to manage the damn cabins.
I didn't want to wait a week to tell you.
Since today is Valentine's Day, I wanted to tell you today.
That's what you heard me talking about, Cordelia. "
"You love me?"
"Like crazy."
I sob his name, tears dripping into my hair. "I'm an idiot."
"No, you're a fierce little pixie," he says, releasing my hands to wipe away my tears. "You've been worried about me breaking your heart since you gave yourself to me. I realized that yesterday, Sunshine. I saw the look on your face when I said I never had a reason to leave this place."
"It made me sad," I whisper.
"I know it did. This place brought me comfort when I needed it, but it doesn't provide the same for you. It's not a shelter, but a prison for you. I can't ask you to live like that, Cordelia. You'd be miserable," he says.
"I'd do it for you if it's what you wanted."
"There isn't any version of this world where I want you to sacrifice your well-being for my sake," he says, stroking his fingers along my cheeks.
"Being out here doesn't just make you unhappy, it makes you uncomfortable.
It frightens you and gives you anxiety. You think I'd let you live like that?
" He shakes his head. "Hell no, Sunshine.
Taking care of you is my motherfucking mission in life now.
I won't ever allow you to be miserable just because you think it'll please me.
What kind of husband would I be if I allowed that? "
"Deacon," I wheeze.
"Yeah, I said it," he growls, his eyes flashing to my favorite gunmetal gray color. He shifts down my body, planting his lips against my collarbone. "Husband."
I whimper, my head spinning as he drags his lips down my chest.
"Rule four," he breathes against my skin. "You will marry me, Cordelia."
"I thought we decided I'm the boss."
"Boss me, Sunshine."
"Rule one," I say, my back bowing from the bed as his lips close around my nipple. "We have to come out here at least one weekend a month."
"Agreed." He drags my nipple through his teeth.
"Rule two," I gasp. "We're getting a satellite phone."
He kisses a trail down my body, which I take as agreement. When he dips his tongue into my belly button and then drags my pants down my hips, I decide it's definitely agreement.
"Rule three…" I try to think of one as he moves between my legs, draping them over his shoulders.
He blows across my sex, making rational thought impossible. And then his tongue slides through my folds.
"Rule three!" I cry. "You have to keep doing that."
"This?" he growls and licks me again. "You want me to keep doing this?"
"Yes!" I sob. "Yes!"