Chapter 26
When I showed up to Brianna’s house, I don’t know what I was thinking.
It was so many emotions going through me, reporters being on the scene didn’t cross my mind.
I walked through the crowd, sat on her porch, and zoned out.
I had no idea what they were asking me because I had too many thoughts invading my mental.
I saw her segment, and even though he had her by the balls, I still couldn’t get with that.
The same way shorty was sneaking to give me that pussy, she could have snuck my daughter to me.
I’m not saying I would have allowed that to go on, but I would have given her time to figure things out.
Now, my daughter is five years old, and she thinks another nigga is her father.
Thinking about how she went about this shit had me ready to kill her ass.
By the time I heard her car pull up, I was ready to stomp her ears together until I saw the baby crying.
I don’t know how, but I could hear her screams over all the noise.
That shit did something to me and I went into protect mode.
One we got in the house, I looked at Brianna clutching our child and my anger returned.
I didn’t get the chance to make that kind of bond.
“Devin, you shouldn’t have come. The media is already in a frenzy. I was trying to call you to talk about everything, not force you on her.” I looked at her and fell out laughing.
“You think you have a choice in this? You really done let that nigga fu-… mess your head up. You had five years to talk to me.” I was fuming, but I was choosing my words carefully since she was still holding the baby.
“Jam, stay in here and play on your iPad. Mommy needs to talk to her friend, but I’ll be right in the kitchen. Don’t open the doors and stay away from the windows. Okay?” She finally looked around and realized she was inside of the house. Her eyes landed on me, and my heart melted instantly.
“Hi, friend. What’s your name?” I fought back my emotion as I approached her slowly.
“I’m Devin. What’s your name pretty girl?” She giggled and I had to stop myself from reaching out to grab her. I just wanted to hold her once and feel the way Brianna got to feel every day, but she didn’t know me. I was a stranger to her introducing myself for the first time.
“I’m Mila. Do you know any Mila’s?”
“I know you. Does that count?”
“No, silly. Why do you have all of that writing all over you? Do you need a bath? My bath time is at eight; maybe yours should be too.” I laughed as my eyes teared up.
“It’s art, they don’t come off. You want to see them?” Brianna threw her hand up to stop me, and my jawline immediately began to jump.
“How about me and Devin talk first and then we will figure everything else out.” Brianna sat Mila down and motioned for me to come to the kitchen. I was about to walk off when Mila ran towards me and wrapped her arms around my legs.
“It’s nice to meet you. I can’t wait to see your art and I’ll show you mine. Don’t leave, okay?”
“Okay.” Without another care, she walked off and sat on the couch. Following behind Brianna, I walked into the kitchen and my smile left immediately.
“Don’t do that. She’s different and you can’t just-… Cutting her off, I grabbed her around the neck and slammed her against the fridge. Leaning close to her ear, I tried my best to whisper.
“You think I give a fuck what you think? You took this away from me, and you think you can dictate how this shit is going to go. I’m really trying not to kill yo bitch ass, so don’t push me.” Releasing her, I walked away before I put her between the fridge and the stove.
“I know you’re pissed, but don’t put your hands on me again. I know this is on me. I fucked up, but I’m trying to fix it. I was trying to tell you that you can’t say certain stuff to her. She processes differently.”
“Well, I’ll figure all of that out on my own. Let’s go and tell my daughter you lied to her, so I can take her with me and try and make up for the shit you did.” Brianna walked up to me with her hands out in a nonaggressive manner, but I wasn’t beat.
“I’m not saying that. You are right and I don’t want you to think I’m trying to keep her from you.
I need you to understand that Mila is different.
She has autism, so I have to figure out how to tell her this and allow her to process.
I’m not telling you to walk away, I’m asking you to allow me to do this in a way that will cause her the less scars.
” Hearing that she had a condition hit me kind of hard, but I wasn’t trying to hear shit she was saying.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” Mila screaming caused both of us to take off running towards the front room. Mila was standing at the fish tank with her shirt wet crying. “Noooo, not Juicy. Lord why did you take Juicy?”
“Who the hell is Juicy?” I asked looking towards Brianna.
“Her fish.” We both walked over, and I realized Juicy ain’t just die. The fish’s head was in one hand, and the body was in the other. I’m not gone lie, I was completely throwed off and had no idea what to say.
“We have to give Juicy a funeral, so that he can go to fishy heaven.” I wanted to tell her ass how you gone kill him then wanna give him a proper burial, but I stayed quiet.
“Okay baby. When Devin leaves, we will give him one.”
“Noooo, you have to sing, and Devin has to give the sermon. Wait, I have to get the casket.” Mila took off and came back with a bowl and tissue.
She put Juicy in the bowl and covered him with the tissue, and it took everything in me not to laugh.
It was fucked up what happened to Juicy, but this shit was funny as hell.
Mommy, go outside and get flowers please. ”
“I’ll get them.” I’ve never attended a fish funeral, and I wasn’t trying to go outside with the reporters, but Mila was dead serious about the services.
“You don’t have to do that.” I shot Brianna a look letting her know not to play with me.
Walking outside, I went to the lawn and grabbed some of the flowers.
Of course, the reporters were shooting questions at me and taking pics, but I didn’t care.
I was used to being in the media. Going back inside, I locked the doors and took Mila the flowers.
“Mommy, give me some sunglasses and then I’m ready.
” I was confused on what the glasses was for until she put them on her face and grabbed a napkin to drape over her face like a veil.
I was tearing up not because of Juicy, but realizing these were memories I had missed.
This lil girl was a character and I knew Twin was going to love her bad.
Mila took a seat and nodded to Brianna to sing.
I could tell she was embarrassed and didn’t know what she was doing, but I was thoroughly entertained.
“Ummmm, I don’t know what you sing when fishes go to heaven, but I will do the best I can. Bear with me as I try to get through this.”
“Take ya time,” Mila screamed out while waving her hand and I lost it. I had to turn my head, so I didn’t get caught laughing.
“Somewhere beyond the sea. Somewhere waiting for me. My lover stands on golden sand and watches the ships that go sailing. Somewhere beyond the sea. She’s there watching for me.
” I had no idea what song Brianna was singing, but it was taking my girl up out of here.
She was falling out and crying like a widow at a casket.
“Whewww this is too much.” Turning my head again, I fell the fuck out laughing.
Out of nowhere, Mila stopped crying and cleared her throat.
“Okay, that is your time. Two minutes is all we ask from everyone.” Hearing her say that I was no more good.
How you falling out, but no nonsense about the time as well.
“Devin, please send Juicy home well.” I don’t know why, but I was nervous.
This was her first impression of me, so I knew I had to do it right.
“Friends and loved ones of Juicy. I want you to dry your eyes. He swam a good life and has now swum to glory. Use those tears to fill a new tank for his brother in waters and remember the good times you had with Juicy. Bow your heads and give a moment of silence.” I was not trying to go over my time, so I wrapped my shit up nice and sweet.
“Swim on brother Juicy.” Brianna grabbed the bowl, and we marched the fish to the toilet. Mila dumped him in and flushed it.
When we got back to the front room, this lil girl walked up and shook her mama hand as if she was really a stranger singing at the funeral. When she made it over to me, she did the same thing.
“You said some nice things about Juicy. Thank you for your kind words. Next time, don’t talk so low and make sure you say some kind words to the family.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’m going to lay down now, I need to grieve.” Brianna walked her to her bedroom and came back moments later. I could no longer contain my laugh.
“I’m sorry about all of that. She’s a bit extra. I think she gets that from your side.”
“I’m just trying to understand how she the murderer but tore up because Juicy is gone.” Brianna laughed and this was the first time today I didn’t want to kill her ass.
“This is her fourth fish funeral. Your daughter is a serial killer.”
“Why the hell you keep buying more fish?”
“Because she doesn’t understand. She takes them out because she wants them to play with her, and then gets mad when they won’t. They’re cheap and it’s easier to just replace them.” I shook my head at her logic.
“Yall going to jail. You’re an accomplice at this point.” She threw her hands up and we both laughed before sitting on the couch.
“I really fucked this up, huh? I’m not sure if I said it before, but I’m sorry.” I don’t know if I was ready to forgive her fully, but our main concern now was Mila.
“I’ll give you time. I’m not sure if my mama gone be as forgiving or if she gone give you grace, so figure that shit out fast.”
“I’m already knowing. Thank you, Devin.” I nodded and stood to walk out.
“Make sure you lock the doors behind me. I’ll face time you later, so I can see Mila before she goes to bed.”
“She takes her bath at-…” I cut her off.
“I know, at eight.” We both smiled and I left out.
After fighting my way through the reporters, I got in my car and headed back to the hotel.
Once I was inside and settled in, I went straight to google and pulled up everything I could about autism.
When Brianna called me to let me know it was time, I would be ready.