Chapter 21 Luca
LUCA
Was last night real?
That’s the first thought to cross my consciousness as I start to wake up. Then Isla shifts next to me, nestling her plump ass closer into the cradle of my body. Fuck yes, it was. Her slow, steady breaths tell me she’s still asleep, and I take the opportunity to sink into the moment.
Last night was incredible. We used two of the condoms, Isla unleashing a side of me I haven’t felt in ages.
I didn’t think about my leg, not once, after she grabbed the condoms for us.
All I could think about, all I wanted to think about, was wringing as much pleasure from her as possible before we both fell into an exhausted sleep.
I’ve been with women that don’t try very hard to hide their disdain for my limb difference, and I’ve been with women who don’t make a big deal out of it.
But last night was the first time I felt truly comfortable in bed with a woman.
As if I could do whatever I chose to do, and if it didn’t work because of my mobility challenges, it wouldn’t matter.
Isla’s complete acceptance of who I am with no reservations was wildly freeing.
But now, in the gentle light of the morning after, I’m worried.
Will the connection we had last night still be there when I do my morning care and put back on my prosthetic?
Even if it is, what happens next? I’m heading home to Cedar Creek today, and Isla’s staying for the conference.
But when she returns, how will she want to handle things?
A muffled noise comes from the woman tucked into my arms, and I force my brain to stop spiralling as she slowly rolls over and blinks her eyes open.
“Hi,” she says softly, a small smile creasing her face. Then she burrows in, tucking her head into my chest.
I chuckle and pull her in close. “Morning. What time is your first panel?”
Isla groans. “That depends on what time it is now.”
“Still early, just after six,” I reply.
She shifts back slightly and looks up at me with sleepy eyes. “Thank God. Breakfast isn’t till eight.”
I shift her onto her back and prop my upper body up on my elbow.
She’s breathtakingly beautiful, even first thing in the morning, her lips plump from being kissed for hours last night, her cheeks a light pink, possibly from my stubble.
I lean down and press a kiss to the side of her neck, down the slope of her shoulder and farther, unable to resist her allure.
“So you’re saying I have two hours to make you come for me again.”
She half gasps, half moans, her hands sliding around to my back as I kiss my way down her torso. “Y-yes, but I should probably shower, and you know, we keep saying we need to talk. Maybe now we really do?”
Fuck.
I’d been keeping my head firmly in the sand, trying to ignore that fact ever since she woke up. But she’s right.
With a sigh, I lower my chin to rest on her stomach. Her breasts are right in front of me, teasing me with what I want but can’t have. At least, not right now.
“Shower, I can agree to. Talking…” I pout. “Do we have to?”
Isla’s light giggle is exactly the response I wanted. “Remind me, which one of us is older? Aren’t you meant to the responsible, mature one?”
I scoff, moving back up to lay my head beside her. “Yeah, but you’re a mom. That makes you infinitely more responsible than me.”
She arches her brow. “Teen pregnancy makes me responsible. Noted.”
That makes me grin. But at the same time, I wonder how she can’t see in herself what I so easily do. She’s responsible, she’s kind, she’s intelligent, and she’s got her shit together. It’s one of the many things I admire about her.
“All I’m saying is, we could be very responsible and use up that last condom. I am concerned about them expiring soon,” I say solemnly.
“Mm-hmm,” she says, toying with my hair. “We should do the right thing.”
I push up on my hands and kiss her firmly, stroking her tongue with mine. I know we still have to talk. We can’t put it off much longer. But right now, talking is the last thing I plan on doing with my mouth.
An hour and a half later, Isla walks out of the steamy bathroom with a very satisfied look on her face. Do I internally puff with pride, knowing I put it there? Hell fucking yes, I do.
She sashays over to where I’m seated on the edge of the bed, having just finished attaching my prosthesis. Bending over, her towel grazes my bare chest as she leans in and kisses me.
I groan against her lips. “Do you realize how much I want to tug this towel off you?”
With a giggle, she steps back. “Sorry,” she says in an entirely unapologetic tone.
She turns to where her clothes from last night are sitting on a chair and grimaces.
“I’ll have to wear these back to my room, I guess.
I’m not willing to miss a single moment of this conference.
Not even for you.” She arches a look my way.
“So stop looking like a sad puppy who just had his toy taken away.”
I chuckle, but don’t move. Somehow, watching her get dressed is just as intimate as watching her strip bare last night.
“Isla,” I start, then pause when she turns to look at me. Do I really want to do this? Oh right, I’m the older one. I’m meant to be the responsible one. “I don’t want to keep you from the conference, but we do need to talk about what happened here. About what we do next.”
After taking a slow breath in and out, she walks over and sits beside me. She’s wearing pants, but only her bra on top, and the lace is wildly distracting.
But this is important.
“We do.” She looks down at my hands and covers one with her own. “I don’t regret last night, Luca. But I’m also worried. All the reasons for not getting close to each other while I’m working for you are still there. All the reasons I’m scared of getting close to you still exist.”
I flip my hand over and thread my fingers with hers, squeezing gently.
“I know. And I’ll go along with whatever you choose.
But I have to say, if last night proved anything to me, it’s that whatever this pull between us is, it’s too strong for me to just set aside for six months.
At least, not without considering if there’s a way to make it work.
As long as you feel okay about it, of course. ”
Isla nods, which I take as a good sign. “I feel the same way.” She looks up at me, her vibrant green eyes shining.
“I never expected this. Never expected you.” She lets out a small laugh.
“I honestly thought I’d just be a single mom until Charlie moved out or something, and then maybe I’d find time to have a social life again.
He’s been my entire focus. Hell, I haven’t been on a date since high school.
I’m not sure I even know how to be in a relationship, much less one as complicated as this. ”
I can’t help it. My head dips down and I kiss her forehead, loving how easily she leans into me, trusting me to provide comfort.
She moves so her head is resting on my shoulder. It’s only natural to kiss the top of her head again. I can’t seem to stop kissing her. But then she lifts her head, shifting slightly away from me, and I know I’m not gonna like what she says next.
“Being a teen mom, facing that stigma, that was hard. I made it through, barely. But now it’s not just me that I have to worry about, it’s Charlie as well.
It’s his happiness and safety, giving him a stable home, that’s what matters.
And that’s why being with you scares me.
Because being known as the woman who slept with her boss, or worse, being accused of being the woman who slept with her boss to get a job?
That would put me right back where I was as a teenager, facing judgment and criticism everywhere.
My reputation, my career, my pride, it would all be at stake if people got the wrong idea about us.
Charlie could suffer as well, if people decided to take their judgment out on him. And I can’t let that happen.”
I exhale slowly, thinking about what to say.
I want to promise her that I won’t let anything bad happen.
That somehow, this will be different. That we aren’t breaking any rules.
But while that may be true, she wasn’t breaking any rules when she got pregnant at seventeen.
Like that situation, this one between us goes against the norm just enough to cause trouble.
And I’m not dumb enough to deny the truth that women face far more criticism than men when it comes to this.
Add in the power imbalance and the age difference, and she has every right to be worried. There’s nothing I can do to fully alleviate her fears. But this can’t be all there is, one perfect night and then back to pretending there’s nothing between us.
“Is there anything I can do to make it so you’ll feel safe enough to be with me?
” I ask quietly. “Because I hear everything you’re saying, and I respect your fears.
But being with you feels right in a way I can’t ignore.
You’re in control of how this goes. Just, please, tell me you’re willing to try. ”
“I feel the same way, Luca.” Her hand lifts to cup my cheek, and I turn into it and press a kiss to her palm.
“I can’t walk away from this or you. Not anymore.
I’m not asking you to do that, either. But keeping it a secret would help, I think.
At least for now, maybe until I find a job after this contract, or I don’t know. Until…”
“Until you can trust that I’ve got you, and that we’re in this together. That I won’t walk away and leave you to face the fallout alone.”
Her quiet sob tells me I’ve finally figured it out. What she needed to hear from me was that I won’t be like Charlie’s sperm donor. I won’t abandon her if things change and leave her to deal with everything by herself.
“I’m not him. And no matter what happens in the future for us, I swear to you, I won’t let you handle any negativity that may surface on your own. If we do this, we do it together.”
I wipe away her tears again, but she’s smiling, and it’s full of hope.
“Kiss me, Luca.”
“Always.”