33. Chapter 33
A knock on our door startles me from my mindless wandering as I stare at two loads of laundry that desperately need to be folded.
Standing, I glance at the clock and see it’s a little after ten.
Lennon went down for her morning nap, and I took a few minutes to get myself ready—some light makeup, a few curls, and a new ripped lounge set.
I pull down the top, which falls mid-thigh, with side slits that sway when I move, and tug down the biker shorts peeking out from underneath.
With one hand on the knob, I stare through the peephole and spot a very familiar face.
No. Freaking. Way.
I yank open the door and burst into tears.
“Brynn?” My voice breaks, and I’m full-on sobbing. I don’t even know why I’m so emotional, but it’s like a dam has burst.
“Aw, sweetie,” Brynn coos, pulling me into a hug.
“You weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow,” I mutter into her shoulder. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until she was in front of me.
I reluctantly step back and push the door open wider. She steps through, and I turn to face Quinton. He wraps an arm around me, pulling me into his side while he holds his daughter’s car seat with the other.
“Hey, Q.”
“Hey, Savvy,” he greets. “How are you, girl?”
I shrug. “Better now.”
Their daughter coos from the car seat, and I stare down at the cutest little girl. I step aside so Q can bring her inside. He works at getting her free from her harness and hands her over to me.
“Hi, Cleo,” I say softly. “I’m your Aunt Savvy. You are the cutest.”
I stare at the bright, icy blue-eyed girl with flawless golden skin. She’s a perfect mixture of Brynn’s white and Quinton’s dark skin tones—even though Brynn lives on spray tans. Her dirty blonde hair forms adorable springy coils.
“G at the facility?” Quinton asks as I make silly faces at Cleo.
“He should be there for another hour. They were doing a few walk-throughs before they leave tomorrow.”
Q nods, giving his girls a quick goodbye as he heads out. The team is going to be surprised to see him. Quinton Boyd is a legend at CTU, and I’m proud to have been part of his group while he was here. That man will change the NFL game, and our grandkids will be admiring him someday.
Brynn, Cleo, and I move to the kitchen. My peach candle burns on the island.
I glance around the space, trying to see it through her eyes.
It’s clean enough, but lived in. There are a few bottles and leftover breakfast dishes that need to be washed, but it’s fine.
She’s seen me at my worst; a few dirty dishes won’t change our relationship.
“Where’s Lenny?” Brynn asks as I move over to the coffeepot.
“I just put her down for a morning nap. Coffee?”
She nods. “Please. I could use an IV at this point. Cleo is going through a regression.”
I wince. We haven’t had any regressions, but we’re still adjusting to the newborn sleep pattern, although she’s getting better at sleeping longer.
Brynn is scrolling on her phone with Cleo on her lap, who’s playing with a teether.
I set the mug in front of her, but out of her daughter’s reach.
Another knock sounds from the door, and I pause.
“Q forget something?” I ask, but she shrugs.
I cross the room and twist the handle. “Did you for…” My words trail off with a gasp.
Chloe Mariano is standing on the other side of the door with a beaming grin and a pastry box in her arms.
“Chlo— Oh my gosh!”
“Surprise.” She grins, eyes glossing over.
My arms wrap around her. She smells like Chloe—wildflowers and baked goods.
Chloe steps inside and follows me into the kitchen. I squint my eyes at Brynn. “Did you know she was coming?”
“Duh.” She huffs a laugh. “Who do you think organized everything?”
I shake my head. “Did you bake?”
Chloe nods, handing over the box. I flip the lid and inhale the cinnamon goodness of Chloe’s homemade cinnamon rolls. I can feel the drool forming on my lips. “These look incredible.”
“I had to keep slapping Cody’s hand or he would’ve had them gone on our flight.”
“Where is he?”
She giggles. “Surprising the football team and trying to upstage Q.”
“He’s never going to change,” Brynn says as Chloe fusses over Cleo.
Cody and Brynn have a special friendship.
They are the definition of platonic friendship, but Cody loves to flirt with Brynn and rile Quinton up.
Thankfully, Chloe knows it’s all a ruse and goes along with it like a champ.
I don’t know if I could handle my boyf— husband flirting with another girl, especially a girl like Brynn.
Chloe’s eyes bounce around the room. “Where’s Lennon?”
“Napping,” Brynn groans.
“I didn’t know you two were coming, or I would’ve delayed her nap.”
Brynn rolls her eyes, but it’s all in fun. I pull down a few small plates and pour Chloe a mug of coffee. “Sorry, I don’t have any special honey lavender with fairy dust coffee.”
We laugh at Chloe’s high-maintenance coffee order as we dish cinnamon rolls and take them to the living room. Brynn makes a little play area for Cleo. She spreads out a quilt and places stacking toys and activity mats for her to play with while the three of us settle onto the couch.
“Motherhood looks great on you two,” Chloe says.
“Says the girl who looks like a modern-day princess,” I argue.
Chloe, being the hopeless romantic, has such a feminine style.
Her honey-blonde hair hangs long, tied back on the sides with a ribbon—yes, a ribbon.
Instead of the typical travel set most people wear, she’s in a pink floral dress and white tennis shoes. Effortlessly gorgeous.
Within minutes, it’s like no time has passed at all.
We laugh until we cry as we reminisce about our time together at CTU and the shenanigans Cody springs on Chloe.
Both of my friends are insanely loved and blissfully happy.
It warms my heart while searing jealousy rips through me.
I want what they have, if only I could fix my stupid brain.
It’s not long before a soft cry comes from Lennon’s room. Our laughter must’ve woken her. Leaving the room, I go to retrieve her. With a clean diaper and a fresh outfit, I take my daughter to meet her aunts.
Brynn squeals as Chloe’s eyes brighten when I hand her my daughter first. “Savvy,” Chloe gasps. “She’s perfect.”
“I know,” I whisper.
I take the seat next to her, and Brynn sits on the opposite side, brushing her fingers over Lennon’s soft head. “She has your eyes.”
“And your nose,” Chloe adds. “Does she look anything like her father?”
I nod. “She has his lips.”
“Have you heard anything from him?” Chloe asks, trailing a finger over Lennon’s nose.
“No. Although I’m terrified he’s going to appear one day.” Even though deep down, I know he’s out of the picture.
“Fuck him. He signed over his rights. There’s no reason for him to show up.”
“And his wife wouldn’t like it.”
“What?” Chloe gasps as Brynn shouts, “Shut the fuck up.”
I cringe.
“You didn’t tell us that!” Brynn scolds.
“I’m not proud of it. He was the older brother of a girl I went to high school with.
I didn’t really keep up with classmates on social media; I wanted to leave my past in the past. It’s why I had no idea he was married at the time.
His wife was out of town, and he was at the party, blowing off steam.
When I arrived at his door to tell him about the pregnancy, he was pissed.
Told me he’d meet me at a brewery and we’d take care of things.
” I scoff. “As if his child were a thing. When I wouldn’t take care of it , he said he’d have his lawyer create the paperwork and offered me a check.
I told him to shove his check up his ass and left. ”
“What a dick,” Chloe murmurs, and I nod.
A heaviness floats around as I think back on that horrible exchange.
I never told Grant all of the details because I didn’t want to burden him with the truth.
When he asked me who the father was, I told him he didn’t matter.
He signed over his rights to be a part of my daughter’s life, and that’s all that matters.
I’m not particularly proud of how Lennon came to be, but I’d never regret her.
Prior to the party, I was in a dark place.
Grant had hinted that I’d be his forever plus-one, and I freaked out.
It hit me the night of the semi-formal how much I was in love with him, although there’s always been love between us.
Everything about semi-formal felt too big, too pivotal in our relationship.
I had to put space between us. I spent the final weeks of fall semester studying and avoiding anything Grant Campbell related.
When I showed up at the town’s infamous New Year’s Eve party, I had one thing in mind: forget Grant Campbell.
“Well, it’s a good thing G stepped up.” Brynn breaks the silence. “But it’s time for the truth. How are you doing? And don’t give me that ‘I’m fine, just tired’ bullshit.”
“Yeah, Savvy,” Chloe chimes in. “How are you really ? We’re worried about you. Your texts are flat, and you hardly call.”
I inhale deeply and stare down at my daughter in my friend's lap. Cleo comes crawling our way, and Brynn scoops her up. She’s speaking softly to her daughter while introducing her to mine.
It’s a dream to see my favorite girls under one roof.
They’re both giving me a minute to process and to gain the courage to talk to them.
I shouldn’t need courage, but it’s hard to discuss the invisible battles.
The mental health struggles no one else can see but me.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” I begin.
“I feel like I’m constantly in a battle with my brain.
It’s like I’m standing on enemy lines, being shot at with all of these terrifying what-if scenarios.
I don’t feel like I can leave Lennon alone for a second, or something bad is going to happen.
I love her and Grant so much, but I miss myself.
I don’t know this new version of me, and I feel like it’s killing me slowly. ”
I choke out a sob as the tears fall. Chloe wraps her arm around me and pulls me into her side. “Oh, Savvy.”
My shoulders shake with the truth. The words have finally been spoken, and I can’t take them back. We sit in the heaviness as I cry on her shoulders. Being vulnerable sucks, and I hate that I’m showing my cards. It also feels like a relief to say my truth and not hold it in.
“I say this with the utmost respect,” Brynn starts, and her softness draws my attention. “But you need to speak with someone. I’m a walking billboard for ‘needs therapy,’ but trust me, once you open up to someone who listens and can help, you’ll wish you’d done it sooner.”
“Do you recommend anyone?” I ask, wiping the tears from my eyes with the bottom of my top.
Brynn nods. “I do. There’s a lady at my clinic who’s incredible. I’ll send a referral.”
“You can always call us, too. And don’t be afraid to open up to Grant,” Chloe says, transferring Lennon into Brynn’s arms while I take Cleo.
Hope blooms in my chest for the first time in weeks. A window of light pours into my mind, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to get through everything and find my spark again.
“Enough about me.” I wave the girls off. “What’s new with you two?”
Chloe pops a piece of cinnamon roll into her mouth, and a wide grin breaks free. “My food blog is taking off. I have emails pouring in from restaurants around the country wanting me to spotlight their establishment.”
“My bestie is a baddie,” Brynn praises.
“That’s so cool, Chlo.” She graduated with a communications degree focused on journalism. Her dad is a Michelin-star chef—his restaurant is where Grant planned our wedding dinner—and she has insane industry connections. Her website is going to be huge.
“The plan is to travel with Cody until we’re ready to settle down and have kids. That’ll give me a few years to experience restaurants in as many cities as I can.”
“I love that plan,” I say with a smile.
“When the fuck is he going to propose?” Brynn bluntly asks.
Chloe shrugs. “It has to be soon, right?”
“You should’ve made him put a ring on it before your ass followed him to Cleveland, of all places.”
“Brynn,” I scold.
“What? It’s true.” She turns her attention to Lennon. “We don’t change for any man, Lenny Lou. No, honey, we wear the pants in the relationships.”
I chuckle at her baby talk. Chloe’s shoulders drop, and I can tell this is a sensitive topic for her. “It’ll happen, Chlo.”
She smiles at me. “How’re the NFL wives and girlfriends?”
“Yeah, what’s the tea?” I ask, shifting in my seat to face Brynn.
She dramatically rolls her eyes. “These bitches are insane.”
We giggle as she continues. “So Q’s teammate, Darius, a wide receiver who’s been in the league for, like, seven years. He thinks he’s God’s gift to the team and the sport… Gag. Anyways, his wife was hosting a brunch at her house to discuss a charity fashion show she’s hosting.”
“Oh, is that the one Macy is sending clothes for?” Chloe asks.
“Yep, that’s the one.” Brynn nods before continuing. She’s getting more animated as she talks. “Anyway, his wife, Remy, has this suspicion that one of the other wives is sleeping with her husband.”
“No!” I gasp.
“Oh yeah. Remy plans this classy brunch with fine china, catered food, flutes of mimosas, the whole nine yards. Except halfway through the eggs Benedict, the suspected adulterer makes a crude comment about Darius. Remy snaps, accuses the woman of cheating, and throws her mimosa in her face.”
Chloe gasps, choking on her cinnamon roll. “No way!”
“Way!” Brynn agrees. “Well, half of the mimosa lands on the quarterback's wife, who’s four months pregnant. She retaliates by throwing ice water on Remy, and then proceeds to cuss her out. I totally had her back. Her husband is the quarterback, and you don’t fuck with the leader of the team.”
“This is such a New Jersey Housewives scene.” I chuckle.
“You have no idea. We could seriously land a reality show contract.”
Chloe laughs. “Can you imagine? Us sitting around with our wine, watching Brynn tear into other wives?”
“I’d watch every episode,” I agree eagerly.
We’re full-on giggling now. Cleo looks up from gnawing on a teether and claps along with us, like she’s in on the joke. It’s adorable that we’re raising the next generation of our friend group.
For the first time in a long time, the crippling anxiety doesn’t feel as heavy.