25. Pearl Davis
25
Pearl Davis
The crowd erupts after Zane’s goal, but I stand frozen—not because of the deafening cheers, but because Zane’s eyes are locked onto me. He wears this grateful and somehow flirty expression, as if those goals he just scored have something to do with me.
I can’t believe he spotted me in this crowd. How did he even know where to look? The first time his eyes found me, I thought I was gonna pass out.
I had a feeling that coming to this game was a bad idea. It wasn’t fair or smart to subject my poor heart to watching Zane play when I was trying so hard to move on from him.
Robyn had convinced me there was no way he could spot us from where we were sitting. Well, she was wrong—very wrong. Now, I definitely regret coming here.
I wonder what he’s thinking. I’ve been ghosting him for days, and now here I am at his game, wearing his jersey, all because my persuasive best friend insisted it was a fan tradition. Robyn had an extra one she got from Zane, so she convinced me I’d fit right in if I wore it.
The way he’s looking at me... It’s making it hard to hide this smile and the heat rushing to my face. How am I going to convince him that I want nothing to do with him after this.
“What was that?” Robyn exclaims, her voice raspy and strained from hours of screaming and cheering.
Both teams have already left the ice. They departed after a joyous celebration from the Glaciers that included gloves and sticks tossed in the air.
“What?” I ask, feigning ignorance. The glances Zane threw in my direction were hard to miss.
“You know what I’m talking about! Did you and Zane just have a moment? I mean, moments? Every time he scored, he basically dedicated the goal to you.” A smirk is playing at the corners of her lips as she calls me out.
“I saw him looking this way. Look at all these women wearing his number,” I deflect, my gaze shifting to the fans filtering out of the arena. Some head toward the locker rooms, eager to catch a glimpse of their favorite players and maybe even get an autograph or two.
Robyn’s knowing expression doesn’t escape me; she sees right through my feeble attempt to deny the obvious.
“I’ve been at every one of his games. That’s not Zane Ortiz. When he looks into the stands, he never zeroes in on one person. And the way he played the whole game... I promise, it’s like he was a different guy out there.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, puzzled by her assertion. Zane only seemed to notice me toward the end of the game, so I’m certain I’m not the one behind this new player.
“He played differently, his usual anger and edge were lacking, but there was also this new intensity about him. I can’t quite explain it. But what I can say with conviction is that he is absolutely smitten with my roommate.” Robyn’s words finally punctuate our conversation as she stands up.
We wait a moment to exit, letting the crowd thin out a little. Most are in a hurry to beat the traffic, but our drive from Boston to Bedford isn’t bad at all.
As we make our way out of the arena and into the cool night air, we slide into the car. Robyn takes the driver’s seat. I’m glad she’s driving. Navigating through this crowd of loud hockey fanatics seems too risky for me.
“P, tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for Zane Ortiz?” Robyn asks, her eyes focused on the road as traffic eases up. If she were watching my reaction right now, she’d know the answer to this question. Robyn can read me very well.
“I can’t have feelings for Zane. You know that.”
“But you do,” she says, her tone more of a statement than a question.
There’s no point in denying it. I haven’t stopped thinking about him no matter how much I’ve tried to distance myself.
Admitting to liking him feels like betraying myself, my past experiences, and what I’ve learned from dating guys like him.
But God sees my heart. Robyn has an inkling too. I’m not fooling anyone .
“I like him, and I don’t know how to stop.”
“I didn’t need you to confirm you liked him. I knew it. It was selfish of me to take you to the game. I’m sorry. I just wanted us to keep him.” She purses her lips.
“Keep him? He’s not a stray puppy, Robs,” I laugh, feeling some relief.
“I mean keep him in our circle, you know? I think he’s a pretty great guy, and not just because I’ve always been Team Zane Ortiz. Zane off the ice is pretty cool too.”
I sense the sincerity in her voice.
“I wish my feelings didn’t have to complicate things. I know you weren’t thrilled with our seats. You were probably getting used to great views with Zane’s tickets.”
The last two games, Robyn managed to score VIP tickets from Zane. I’m really ruining things for her.
“What do you mean? Watching a game with you was on my bucket list.”
“Come on, Robs. It can’t be that important to you.”
“We’ve practically done everything together except this. Just think about it.” She’s right. We’ve done so many things together, except watch hockey.
“But listen.” She clears her throat, “I understand your reservations about Zane. You’re worried he’ll turn out like Clay. But he’s different. Despite all the silence, he’s been patient with you. He’s still here and he watched you from a distance like he was scoring just for you. And despite all the attention he gets from other women, he hasn’t given in to any of them. I’m just saying that you’ve always been all about real love and romance, and it seems like Zane might be embodying that. ”
Robyn is usually the one stopping me from getting into relationships. Her admiration for Zane as her favorite player might be the one speaking.
“You told me he keeps a really low profile, so who knows if he really isn’t giving in to these fans of his. Anyway, whether his feelings are real or not, we can’t work, and you know that. He doesn’t believe in God. Our whole worldview is different. ‘ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness.’ 2 Corinthians 6:14. God breathed this word for me and for my situation. I can’t turn a blind eye just because Zane is basically eye candy and has all these great qualities.”
“The fact that he came to church makes me think he’s not that apprehensive about knowing God. Maybe give him that opportunity. Invite him to church again. You never know how and when the Lord will reveal Himself to people.”
“No, it’s too risky. I’ve had my fill of turning my dating life into a conversion project. I need to guard my heart above all else. I know my soulmate is out there, praying, asking God to bring his future wife and hoping I’m ignoring the wrong men that come looking like Zane. I can’t keep investing in relationships where faith misaligns.”
Even after saying this, the thought of another guy entering my life doesn’t quite sit right.
Goodness!
How do I have it this bad for a hockey player, of all professions. And not just any, but a wildly popular one .
It’s ironic, really. Here I am—someone who prefers to blend into the background, remain unnoticed and unseen, always occupying the last row in school and church to evade unnecessary attention—now pining for everyone’s celebrity crush.
My heart couldn’t have orchestrated a better prank if it tried.
During dinner, Robyn gave up trying to convince me to talk to Zane. I know she understands me, her relationship with Jesus also comes first and she’d do the same if she was in my shoes. Not that I can imagine her catching feelings for a man. All the years I’ve known her, she only knows how to scare them away. I wish I could be more like her, and keep my heart under wraps instead of wearing it on my sleeve.
After my shower, I head to my room. Robyn’s working on her project, finally having found her groove again with her team. I feel for her, I could never be in an industry as harsh. At least she knows how to stand up for herself.
I, on the other hand, have the best career in the world, rivaled only by pediatricians.
Working with children who are navigating different challenges as they try to find their forever homes has always been my dream. When I sense even a glimmer of affection from a child’s family, I make it my duty to help the child see it too. As someone who once lost hope before finding Beatrice and Fynn, I refuse to let these children miss out on the chance of an amazing family or have to bear the weight of their heavy baggage alone. It’s not their fault. They didn’t choose the life they’ve been dealt.
I pick up my devotional, hoping it will lull me into sleep, when my phone vibrates in my drawer, causing my heart to skip a beat.
It’s around the time when Zane would typically call, but it’s been a few days of silence. Part of me is relieved he’s stopped calling since I wasn’t picking up, but another part of me has ached at the absence of his name on my screen every night.
My feelings are frustratingly complex.
I stretch my arm and open the drawer, surprised that I even forgot to silence my phone before I went to bed, something I always do. Maybe, a part of me did hope Zane would reach out.
The message from Zane pops up on my screen:
Zane
Thanks for coming to the game. You have no idea how much I needed that.
My heart swells at his message, and I’m tempted to pour out my feelings to him. I wouldn’t mind watching him play for the rest of his career. Seeing him on ice was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. My eyes were glued on him, following his every move with ease, more effortlessly than when I watched him play on TV. He was amazing and a hundred times hotter than I already knew him to be.
But I bottle it all up inside. Each conversation with him threatens to unravel my true feelings, and I can’t contradict all the days I’ve dedicated to avoiding him. It would seem as though all my suffering was for nothing—and probably his too.
Jesus, help me discern what to do with my heart. I’ve tried everything I know, but I’m at a standstill. All I want is to honor You in my relationships and bring glory to Your name. I know Zane can’t be my person because he doesn’t know You. Help him find You, Lord. I know I’m asking for selfish reasons, but I know You care about him even more than I do. You care about everyone’s soul. Please save his. Amen.
I put my phone on silent, place it back in the drawer, close my eyes, and images of Zane flood my mind as I drift off to sleep.