Chapter 17
Jessica
“Too bright!” I hold up my hand to cover my eyes from the sun streaming in the large windows that are a highlight of the kitchen. When the real estate agent showed it to us, I’d loved how bright and sunny the room was, but I hadn’t taken a night of drinking games into account.
From the table, Hailey asks, “Does someone have a hangover?”
“I have vampire eyes.” I stumble over to the cabinet by the door, take out my favorite pair of Audrey Hepburn oversized black sunglasses, and put them on to protect myself against the glare.
“What are vampire eyes?” A male voice makes my head snap up, which sends a throb through my temples.
Ryder is sitting at the breakfast table.
I growl. “You again.”
He smiles. “I’m like a bad penny.”
“You certainly are.” I pour myself coffee and go to sit down across from him.
Hailey clears her throat. “Vampire eyes are when you’ve been in a dark room too long, and when you see the light, it hurts.”
“Good to know,” Ryder says.
I take a sip of the coffee, which is thankfully strong and designed to send caffeine shooting through my veins at Mach 10. “I assume you’re here for some sort of brotherly reason.”
He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “Kinda, but not how you’re thinking.”
“If it’s all the same to you, I’m not really in the mood for a lecture.” If I stay still enough, maybe the room will stop swaying.
Ryder gets up and walks over to the fridge, rummaging inside before digging out a fruit punch Gatorade. He walks back and puts it in front of me. “I thought maybe you’d need this.”
I take the bottle, which he’s opened, and down half of it before my thirst is even close to quenched. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He glances at Hailey.
“I’ve got a few things to attend to.” She rises from the table, picking up her mug on the way.
It’s obvious Ryder told her he wanted to talk to me alone, so when she leaves, I get right down to business. “All right, I’m listening.”
My brother’s handsome face is marred by a frown. “I wanted to apologize.”
Surprised, I raise my glasses and perch them on top of my head. My eyes have adjusted to a mild throb. “For what?”
“I didn’t realize I was scrutinizing you so hard or how that would feel moving to a new town when you’re already on display.
” His expression creases in concern. “Sure, I told you about the job because I thought you’d be great for it, but I wanted you to move here because I thought it would be fun.
Because some of my favorite times are when I’m with you and Hailey and Sophie.
And I thought maybe you might have felt like I did when I left, especially after the whole Travis thing. ”
I take a sip of Gatorade, cleanse my palate with water, then down the rest of my coffee. Ryder stands and refills my cup.
When he returns to his seat, I ask, “How did you feel when you left?”
He puts his elbows on the table. “Like I was trapped by who I was growing up. Like I was stuck and needed a new start.”
My brother and I are a lot alike. Hailey is the rock, the calm, quiet one. Ryder and I are the wild troublemakers. We understand each other that way. “I did feel like that.”
“Last night, after you were so disgruntled to see me and said you felt like you were in prison, I realized I had inadvertently done that to you. Which is the last thing I want. So I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll stop, if you can promise to not completely hate seeing me.”
For some reason I can’t possibly fathom, my throat tightens. I hold my coffee mug up to my lips and clear my throat. “That’s a fair compromise.”
“Good.” He scrubs a palm over his strong jaw. “Let’s clear the air on the Charlie situation, even though it’s awkward.”
I straighten, going on high alert. “Okay.”
“I might not know why you were following him that day, but it’s clear you are going to hook up, if you’re not already.”
Unsure where he’s going, I remain silent.
“You’re a grown woman and you don’t need my permission, but be careful, okay. Charlie’s the kind of guy that avoids attachment at all costs.”
My brow furrows. “Look, I know he’s your boss, but I won’t—”
“No, you don’t understand.” He cuts me off, shaking his head. “I’m not saying he’s not attached to you. I’m saying he is.”
I can’t help asking the question. “Why do you think that?”
“Because if he could help it, you’d be the last woman on earth he would go for.”
I frown. “Hey, what’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. This is not fun to talk about with your sister—give me a break here.”
“All right. Sorry.” Contrite in the face of his peace offering, I do my best to explain. “Every time I try to get away from a bad week, all I get is another bad week. It’s making me edgy and maybe a little defensive.”
“It’s not you, it’s what you represent. You’re my sister, he’s my boss, and you’re going to have a professional relationship.
One of those things alone should be enough for Charlie to cross you off his list. All three of those things should make you—as he told me once—someone he wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole.
You have three strikes against you, so the fact that it doesn’t matter tells me he can’t help it. ”
I nibble on my lower lip. “What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing. Just be careful. I don’t know why, because he avoids all questions about his past except for the basics, but attachment makes him wary.”
“I’ll consider myself warned, but it’s not going to matter.”
“I figured. I can tell you can’t help it either.”
“Some things can’t be helped.”
“Yeah, I know, but I had to say something.” He looks past me out the window. “I’ll leave it with this one last thing. I know you’re not one of those women interested in commitment, mostly because 95% of men are terrified of you and bore you to tears.”
I laugh. “Now you’re just trying to get on my good side.”
“Maybe a little, but it’s still true.” His silver eyes, so much like our father’s, darken.
“But if you ever fall for a guy, you grew up in a loving, supportive household and have a strong foundation to show you the way. Charlie doesn’t talk about it, so I can’t be sure, but I don’t think he had that. ”
The assertion hits like the truth, and it causes a sliver of unease. I try to reassure my brother, who is caught between a rock and a hard place and attempting to do the right thing. “I think it’s premature to be worried about something that probably won’t even happen.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” But his expression doesn’t clear.
I swallow hard. Now that the edge of my anger has worn away, I am able to see Ryder’s point of view, and this isn’t what I want, for any of us. “I’m sorry Charlie and I are attracted to each other.”
He shrugs. “I’m not entirely surprised.”
I raise a brow. “No?”
He wraps his large hands around the mug. “It makes karmic sense that the two most commitment-phobic people I know can’t stay away from each other.”
“We’ve stayed away from each other all week.”
“Yeah, and it’s been torture for everyone.”
I laugh, and all the normal fondness I feel toward my brother returns in one big rush of gratitude. “Thank you for forcing the conversation.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You’re a good brother, and I don’t hate seeing you.”
“I’m glad.” He tilts his head toward the hallway leading to the front door. “Now I’m going to Charlie’s.”
“Oh.” I blink, and a flush spreads over my cheeks from out of nowhere.
He points at me, his eyes going wide. “Oh my god, please don’t tell me it’s that bad.”
I straighten my shoulders, retrieve my cup, and sniff. “Of course not.”
It’s not bad. It’s a thousand times worse.
Jessica
RYDER IS ON THE WAY.
Charlie
I’m aware.
Jessica
We had a talk.
Charlie
And?
Jessica
You can tell him the truth.
Charlie
The doorbell rings as soon as I read her message.
All right, then. Here goes nothing.
I walk out of my kitchen and down the hall.
I’m not sure how he’s going to take it, but I can finally have an honest conversation with him, even if it’s unpleasant.
I don’t expect him to be happy I slept with his sister or that I have every intention of sleeping with her again, but at least I don’t have to lie.
I open the door, standing back to allow him entry. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He pushes his way inside and heads to the kitchen.
I follow, and when I enter the space, he’s standing against the counter with what can only be defined as a big-brother energy.
I gesture to the coffee machine. “You want some?”
He shakes his head. “I already had some at Jessica’s.”
I mimic his posture, putting my hands on the surface of the island and curling my fingers along the edge, real nonthreatening-like. “And how’d that go?”
“We cleared the air.”
I nod. “Good.”
“Now it’s time for us to clear the air.”
“I’m sorry this put a wedge between us. It’s not what I wanted. I understand why you’re mad, and I don’t blame you. But this isn’t about trusting you.”
He cocks a brow. “Oh yeah? Then what’s it about?”
I’m going to be completely honest, and he’s going to know what it means. It’s the only way to rectify the situation and put us back on solid ground.
I meet his narrowed gaze. “I promised her.”
“I see.” His expression is intent, like he’s watching for tells.
“She texted me when you left and said I could tell you the truth. So if you want it, I’ll give it to you.”
He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “Let me see how close I am, then you can fill in the blanks.”
“Fair enough.”
“The day I found you both on the street was not the first time you two had met.”
“No, it was not.”
“But because it’s Jessica, she went about it ass-backward, so you had no idea it was her.”
“Correct.”
“Did you know she was my sister whenever you met?”
“No. I met her in a bar that Friday night after the whole Felicia thing.”
His brow furrows. “And the name didn’t ring any bells.”
“We, um, didn’t exchange names.” I rub the back of my neck and hurry on to the next part. “Jessica saw the press conference, and that’s why she came to talk to me.” I scoff and raise my eyes to the ceiling. “That was her version of not blindsiding me.”
Ryder laughs. “She’s not much for thinking in a straight line.”
“That is the fucking understatement of the year.”
He laughs harder. “Your face, it was like you’d been hit by a truck.”
“Glad you found it amusing,” I say dryly. Things are going to be all right. Even if we’re not through it yet, we will be.
He shifts from one foot to the other, crossing his arms. “So basically, you had a one-night stand with my sister, didn’t bother to get her name, and it blew up in your face.”
He doesn’t sugarcoat it, and neither do I. “Pretty much.”
“And you couldn’t tell me because you promised her you wouldn’t.”
“Yes.”
His expression turns sly. “What if I said I wanted you to stay away from her?”
I know what he’s getting at, but I’m not about to give it to him for free. “I’d say she’s not the kind of woman that would appreciate a couple of guys sitting around deciding what’s best for her.”
“True.” He flashes me a smile. “But what would you say if I asked, for the sake of our friendship, because it’s complicated and bound to get messy.”
I contemplate my answer, then say carefully, “I’d say, while I understand, that’s not an option.”
“Why’s that?”
I get it. I’m not a good risk. If I were a big brother, I’d want my sister to stay away from me too. I’m not emotionally available. I’ve been clear that commitment, marriage, and a family are not for me.
I can’t blame the guy for wanting his sister to stay clear.
So, while I can’t promise him anything, I can at least assure him this isn’t about sex either. I look out the window onto my backyard. “I tried staying away from her.”
“Yeah, and you made poor Harold cry because you were in such a shit mood.”
Harold, our newest, greenest deputy, is a work in progress. Ryder has been mentoring him, but he’s like a wholesome, small-town TV show cop. “It’s my job to break them and your job to put them together again.”
“True, but I don’t want you breaking my sister.”
“I understand.”
“But it changes nothing.”
The words stick in my throat because I can barely admit them to myself, let alone him, but he needs to understand and I respect that. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stay away from her if my life depended on it.”
“That’s what I thought.” He’s silent for a few seconds before he says, “I’m sure you’ve figured out Jessica’s going to do whatever the fuck Jessica’s going to do.”
“Some might say to a fault,” I quip.
“I’ll tell her you said so.”
“Go ahead. It’s nothing I wouldn’t say to her face.”
He chuckles, perching his hands on the counter behind him before glancing at me. “Jessica can be very cynical and cold about men and relationships, but that doesn’t mean she’s not protecting a soft middle.”
I am aware, but I’m not about to discuss that with Ryder. “I know who I’m dealing with.”
“If you hurt her, that’s going to be a problem for me.”
“Fair enough.”
He studies me for a long, long time before he straightens. “Ready to get your truck?”
“Ready.” I grab my keys and put them into my pocket. “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you.”
“Since you did it for her, I can’t complain too much.” He grins and slaps me on the back. “Least you won’t be bored.”
“Remind me of that when I want to throttle her.”
He laughs.
I drop my head and let the smile come to my lips.
We’re on the road to peace, and she’s one step closer to being mine.