Chapter 35
thirty-five
LOGAN
I’m frowning when the guys meander into the locker room and start getting geared up for practice. Of course, Griffin notices right away.
“What’s wrong? Is Blair okay?”
“Huh?” I look up from the email on my phone. “Oh, yeah. She’s still not feeling great, but she’s okay.”
“That’s good. Then why do you look like something crawled up your ass and died?”
I roll my eyes. “You’re so fucking gross.”
“And you’re frowning. Seriously, what’s going on?”
What’s going on is that I’m seriously weirded out. “Someone sent me an email.”
Griffin arches an eyebrow, waiting for me to elaborate. The problem is, I’m not even sure what to say.
“To my internal Rogues email. It was… Here, just read it.” I pass my phone to Griffin as Ryder, Maddox, and Bash start gearing up.
They give us their attention when Griffin’s eyebrows knit together and he mutters, “What the fuck?” He hands the phone to Bash. “Read this shit.”
They pass my phone around, each of my friends going from curious to concerned. It’s not reassuring, but at least I know I’m not overreacting.
Dear Logan,
Have you missed me as much as I’ve missed you?
I’ve thought about you every day since we last spoke. You didn’t seem quite yourself that day. It worried me. You still don’t seem like yourself, but I think I’ve figured it out.
You’re depressed, just like I am, because of our distance. But you don’t have to worry, Logan.
I’m closer than you think.
Do you want to see me as much as I want to see you?
Forever yours,
Your Secret Admirer
Maddox’s frown is even deeper than mine when he looks at me, my phone in his hand. “Is this the first time you’ve gotten an email like this?”
I shake my head. “No, whoever it is sent one before, but I ignored it. It’s gotta be a joke, right?
Some asshole I used to play with is trying to freak me out?
” Except, even as I say the words, I’m not sure I believe them.
The email is familiar. Is it the same as the username of the fan who keeps making comments on my Insta posts?
Our captain purses his lips, and my knee bounces as anxiety pulses through my body. “Is there someone who might pull shit like this?”
“I don’t know.” I keep in touch with my old teammates, but I was never close with any of them the way I am with these guys. So while there are some possibilities, it’s unlikely. But no one else would know about this email address, and I sure as shit haven’t leaked it anywhere.
“The email is ibyrne4u27. That’s fucking weird, dude.” Griffin looks uncharacteristically serious. “Maybe you should tell management.”
“I’m not telling them about a couple of weird emails. That feels like an overreaction.”
“Maybe, but it couldn’t hurt to have someone keep an eye on it. What if you have some deranged fan out there?” Ryder asks, tugging his practice sweater on.
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” I’m trying to convince myself as much as them, but I’m not sure it’s working.
I’m unsettled, and I don’t like that they are too.
My stomach flips unpleasantly, but I do my best to ignore it.
If it is some deranged fan, ignoring them is the best course of action.
Most of these people are looking for a reaction, and if you don’t give them one, they eventually get bored.
“But what if it’s not?” Bash asks.
“Listen, I promise I’ll tell management if I get another one. For now, I’m just going to delete it and move on with my day.”
“Don’t delete it,” Maddox commands. “File it away in case you get more. Because if this isn’t some kind of sick joke and you need to file for a restraining order, you don’t want to delete evidence.”
“Christ,” I mutter. This is the last thing I need right now. “Fine. I’ll save it. I still think this is nothing.”
“Let’s hope so. Now, how’s your girl? Do she and Reed need anything?” Maddox may come off grumpy and gruff, but the guy is a secret softie. If I told him Blair and Reed needed groceries for the week, he’d order them without a moment of hesitation.
“She’s still sick, but she’s okay. Just a cold, I think.
I’m heading over there for a couple of hours before we have to be on the plane.
She called in sick again today, so I want to make sure they have dinner taken care of.
” I’m also going to make sure their apartment is clean and all the dishes are done.
Reed’s a great kid, and he’s been taking care of everything as best he can while Blair’s been ill, but he also has football practice daily, not to mention homework, and I don’t want either of them to stress about things.
“I knew you’d be all in when you found the right woman, but who would have thought you’d end up being Mr. Mom?” Griffin laughs and dodges as I throw my gloves at his head.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Whatever you say, Daddy.”
“I’m not anyone’s dad, thank fuck,” I growl.
“Reed is thirteen. He doesn’t need some asshole walking into his life, trying to step in as his dad.
Which is good, because I’d be a shit father.
You know I never want kids of my own.” I have nothing against kids, but they’re not for me.
Not only did my mom walk out on me when I was little, but my dad wasn’t exactly the ideal father.
I’d have no clue how to raise a baby, and I’m too selfish to sign up for sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, and eighteen-plus years of putting someone else before myself.
I’m not cut out for that shit.
“I think you’d be a better dad than you believe,” Bash says seriously. “And Reed may not need a replacement dad, but I’m sure he could use a father figure. Or an older brother figure. It’s obvious he looks up to you. And that you care about him.”
“Of course I care about him. I just don’t want to let him down.”
Bash watches me as he straps his pads on. “I get why you’d worry about that, but for what it’s worth, I don’t believe you’ll let either of them down.”
My fucking heart gets caught in my throat. “And how do you know that?”
“You’ve never let any of us down,” Bash says simply. “And you’re not your parents.”
“Okay. The dishes are done, there’s a casserole in the oven, and I have groceries being delivered in about ten minutes,” I tell Blair after glancing at my watch.
“You really didn’t have to do all that,” she says, her eyes full of warmth. “It’s just a cold.”
“Shh. Let me take care of you.” I wrap an arm around her as I settle in beside her on the couch. She’s wearing sweatpants and one of my hoodies that I brought her, and it’s made me feel possessive and insatiable. But Blair’s sick, so we’ll be sticking to cuddling.
Who would have thought seeing a woman in my clothes would be such a turn-on? The idea of it before this made me queasy and uncomfortable. But with Blair?
Everything’s different with Blair.
“Can I tell you a secret?” she asks me, her voice quiet as she leans her head against my shoulder and closes her eyes.
“Of course, baby.”
“I like when you take care of me.”
All those possessive feelings swell, and I pull her tighter against my body. “I like taking care of you.”
I hate that I’ll be hundreds of miles away for the next four days.
We fly out to Ottawa tonight for a two-game away series against the Capitals before getting back on the plane and heading to LA for a game against the Stars.
It’ll be nonstop, with games on Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday.
We have an early flight home Wednesday morning, then we’re off until Friday.
I never minded being on the road. What was there to miss when my closest friends in the world were on the road with me? But now I have Blair and Reed in my life, and the idea of being so far away I can’t step in if they need me?
I hate it more than I thought possible.
“I’m sorry I’ll be gone while you’re still sick. But the ladies are planning to check up on you. I wouldn’t be surprised if they show up at your door randomly to make sure the two of you are eating. And I’m just a phone call or video chat away, okay?”
Blair’s lips curve into a smile. “We’ll be fine. I’ll miss you, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’ve taken care of myself and Reed every time I’ve been sick for the last five years. This isn’t even the sickest I’ve been.”
“Well, you have people in your corner now, so you’re going to have to roll with it.” I press a kiss to the mass of curls tickling my cheek.
“I’ll try. This is going to take some getting used to.”
There’s a knock at the door, and I get Blair situated before getting up to bring the grocery delivery in.
She protests when I put everything away but eventually gives up when it’s clear I won’t let her help.
At least, I thought she’d given up. But when I turn around, I find Blair rising from the couch with a little grimace.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I need to get Reed from practice. I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“Nope. Sit your cute ass back down. I’m going to finish putting this stuff away, then I was planning to get him.”
“Don’t you have to be at the airport soon?”
Shaking my head, I point to the couch. Blair rolls her eyes but flops back down with a cute little huff. “I don’t have to leave for another hour. Plenty of time to get Reed.”
“I’d fight you more about that, but I really do feel like shit. And he’ll be so excited to see you.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual.” I grab a bottle of pressed juice from the bag of groceries, twist off the cap, and hand it to Blair. “Now, drink this so you’re not dehydrated and get some vitamins in, and I’ll be back with your brother.”
Blair grabs my hand before I can turn away. “Logan?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
Smiling, I lean over and press a kiss to her still-too-warm forehead. “No need to thank me, angel. This is just what boyfriends do. Or so I’m told.”
She chuckles at that. It’s raspier than normal because her throat is still scratchy. “Still, thank you. Being sick always sucks, but you’ve made it much less sucky than normal.”
“Happy to be of service. Now you relax. I’ll be back.”
I leave her with another kiss and text Reed as I walk out of their building and to my car, letting him know that I’ll be the one picking him up from practice.
I’m grinning as his response comes in, asking if he can introduce me to the team.
The smile doesn’t leave my face the whole drive, and it only grows when I’m surrounded by a group of teenage boys and their middle-aged coaches.
Hell, I’m still grinning like an idiot as I climb the stairs to the plane an hour and a half later.
I never thought this relationship thing was for me, but I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. I know it’s still early days, but I feel like I’ve found something I didn’t even realize I was missing.
Maybe Griffin was right. Maybe I am one of them now. And maybe, just maybe, this could really work out.