25. Chapter 25
Chapter 25
NOLAN
My front door opens on its own before I get halfway down the stairs. I pause and frown, then speed up my descent, taking the steps two at a time to reach the first floor as I tug a black hoodie on. My heart skips a beat in my chest, worry threatening to overtake me. Wesley isn’t the type to let himself into my house, so I can only imagine it is something urgent if he is.
As soon as I reach the entry, though, my mom’s voice and Wesley’s float towards me from the propped open door.
“Thank you, Alpha Wesley,” my mom says as she walks into my house, arms full of grocery bags.
I completely forgot that it’s Saturday.
“You’re welcome,” Wesley replies with a smile, entering behind her and closing the door. “And you don’t need to call me by my title, Fiona, since I’m pretty sure you changed my diapers when I was a baby.”
“Diapers or no, you’re still my alpha, and I will give you the respect you deserve.” She spins, and her hazel eyes that match mine light up when she sees me. “Nolie!”
I avoid Wes’s teasing eyes as I step forward and give her a kiss on the cheek, grabbing a bag from her arms. “Hi, Mom,” I say. “Wes,” I add, nodding at him over my mom’s shoulder.
“Let me help you with some of those, as well.” Wesley darts forward and snatches two bags from her other arm before she can make her way into my kitchen.
“Fine, fine. But I’m putting everything away myself.”
She waves us away after I grab the last two bags from her and then follows us into the kitchen. Wesley and I set everything on the counter and begin removing the items from the reusable bags, but my mom shoos us off. “I said I would do that part myself!”
I wince, and Wes ducks his head, backing up and leaning against the stove with his arms crossed, looking very much like a scolded pup. I hold in my laugh and lean against the counter next to my mom, watching her as she putters around my kitchen, restocking my pantry and my fridge.
“Where’s your roommate?” she asks, glancing around the kitchen, her eyes lingering on the vase of slightly wilted daisies on my dining room table.
Wesley coughs into his fist, his lips twitching, and I glare at him, giving him a subtle shake of my head. “She’s getting some well-earned rest,” I say, turning my attention back to my mom.
Wesley coughs again, and I repeat the glare, raising my brows as high as they will go.
“Well, I hope you’re not working her too hard,” my mom says as she exits the pantry.
“I assure you,” Wesley says, his lips still twitching as he fights his laughter, “Cassandra very much enjoys the work she does with Nolan.”
I grit my teeth and clench my fists, eyes scanning the counter for something—anything—I can grab to throw at him.
“Will you tell her I said hello?” my mom asks, placing her hand on my elbow. “And let her know I’d love to have coffee or maybe lunch with her sometime?”
I soften under my mom’s touch and her caring, gentle smile. “I’ll be sure to pass along the message.”
Her smile grows, and she reaches up on her toes to kiss my cheek, and I lean down to shorten the distance a bit for her. “Thanks Nolie! I’ll see you later!”
“Bye, Mom,” I say to her back as she leaves, waving to her even though she can’t see me.
Wesley and I are silent as she walks through my entryway and opens and closes my front door, waiting until her footsteps fade as she walks across my lawn and back to the small cabin she lives in with my dad.
Once we can no longer hear her, I launch into action, grabbing the smallest apple I can from the basket on the counter and throwing it directly at Wesley’s head. He covers his face with his arm, blocking the apple, and I pounce, pushing off from the counter, grabbing him in a headlock, and digging my fist into his already messy hair. He laughs and shrugs me off after a few seconds, shoving me away and kicking me in the small of my back. I spin and lunge for him, arms swinging, but he ducks, his laughter echoing in my kitchen as he opens the fridge and grabs out two beers, then hands one to me.
“Dickhead,” I mutter, snatching it from him and opening it with the edge of the counter, even as a smile tugs on my lips.
I can’t remember the last time we tussled. Probably that day he showed Haven his lycan almost five years ago when I intentionally riled him up to help him let his frustration out. My wolf puffs his chest out in my mind, proud of himself for pulling one over on our alpha. It’s obvious he let me get the jump on him in the first place, but I don’t care. I got my jab in and that’s all that matters.
“How long has your mom been buying you your groceries?” Wesley asks as we both settle back into our original spots opposite each other.
I sip my beer, then set it on the counter, watching the neck of the bottle as I twist it side to side. “Since Haven moved to the pack.” He takes a drink of his beer and nods, his gaze turning inward. “Where is she, by the way?” I ask, crossing my arms, realizing my luna isn’t here with her alpha.
“At the packhouse, in the alpha suite. She’s with my parents, and Reid, Taryn, and Savvy. And Cav. When I left, they were watching Savvy give Cav kisses on his nose.” He chuckles, and my lips tilt into a small smile at the image he paints with his words.
“But I thought you were going to lunch up at Peter and Imogen’s chateau?” I tease.
“That was a little white lie. We’re actually doing that tomorrow,” he says, wincing while laughing. He clears his throat, though, as I shake my head at him, and he turns serious. “I came to check on Cassandra. How is she?”
I sigh and run my hand over my hair. “She’s…” I trail off and bite my tongue. I don’t need to tell him how she is. I’m sure he knows she’s not at all fine. “She’ll be fine,” I say, leaving it at that. He doesn’t need the specifics.
He nods, and I know he understands it’s deeper than that, but he doesn’t push for more. “I’m sorry we sort of… threw all of that at you.”
I shrug. “I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t surprised. But I understand. It wasn’t your place or your story to tell.”
“She told Haven and me when she arrived because she felt it was only fair that we know the identity of her birth father,” Wesley continues. “She was worried we’d change our minds about hosting her. But of course, we don’t hold any of that against her. When she also asked for our help to set up a meeting with Ben, we didn’t hesitate to agree.”
I glance down at my feet for a moment before meeting his eyes again, sincerity and remorse shining in mine. “I’m sorry if it seemed like I was trying to blow off my gamma duties last night when I asked if you really needed me to come with you to meet with Ben.”
Wes laughs and brushes off my apology. “You don’t need to apologize for that.”
“I do, though,” I insist. “I shouldn’t have tried to get out of it. Accompanying Haven is my job.” I shake my head. “No, it’s more than that. I don’t do it just because it’s my job. I do it because I truly care about her, and not just as my luna.”
“And had we actually been going there so I could meet with Ben about what he missed, I wouldn’t have asked you to come. You deserve time off, same as anyone. You’re constantly working and protecting Haven, even when you don’t need to. Hell, you don’t even make time to buy your own groceries anymore.” I don’t respond to him. My fingers tap the countertop, and I stare at the floor, at the now bruised apple I threw at Wesley. “You’re allowed to ask for time off, Nolan.”
“I enjoy having a routine.” My jaw ticks as my body tenses. “I need a routine.”
“I know,” he says. “But you need to take breaks, too.”
I swallow and give him a subtle shrug. “I’ve never felt the desire to. Not until recently.”
His face lights up with a knowing smile. “Do you love her?”
I blink at him, and my hands press into the smooth countertop, soaking in the cool temperature of the surface. My fingers flex, and my heart skips a beat as my breath catches in my throat, and I shake my head. “I don’t know anything about her. Not really.”
He crosses his arms and one ankle over the other, leaning back more with his head cocked to the side and an eyebrow raised. “What do you mean?”
I rub the back of my neck, blow out a breath, and count to ten, pacing in front of the counter towards the sink and back in the other direction as I speak. “We did everything backwards. We gave into our physical attraction before getting to know each other.”
“Is that really a bad thing?” he asks.
“With Rachel, we spent months talking before we were intimate with each other. And with Kimberly—”
Wesley scoffs. “You’re not seriously comparing Cassandra to Rachel and Kimberly?”
“I’m not comparing. I’m just pointing out—”
“You’re trying to be logical instead of following your instincts,” he says, cutting me off.
“I followed my instincts with Kimberly,” I remind him.
He shakes his head. “No. You followed the mate bond with Kimberly. There is no bond with Cassandra.”
I wrinkle my nose and finally stop my pacing as I whip my head to stare at him. “If there was a bond with her, I’d be constantly questioning if any of it was real or if it was all because of the bond.”
“I know. You want her because you want her.”
My words and his reply repeat in my head. The confession left my mouth without me even thinking about it, but I’ve never said anything more true. With Kimberly, it was all about the mate bond. I savored it and craved it so much I didn’t recognize the signs that she didn’t actually want me until it was too late. Her and her selfishness tarnished the bond—what should be the most beautiful element of being a werewolf—for me.
And I don’t know if my feelings towards it can ever be repaired or if I even want them to be.
“Was that how it was for you? With Haven?” I ask, crossing my arms and steering our conversation away from my severed mate bond.
His eyebrow quirks up, and confusion flashes across his face. “I have a bond with her.”
“I mean in the beginning. Before you knew she was your mate.”
“You saw how I reacted when I found her standing there on the shore of the lake.” He chuckles as he reminisces. “Shit, you were the one to talk sense into me the next day when she stood me up and kicked me out of her apartment.”
“But—”
“I think,” he says, raising his volume to continue speaking over my protestations, lifting his hand to silence me. “I think you’re asking me to answer the question I asked you for you, when you’re the only one who can answer that for yourself. Do you love her?”
“Wes…” I rub my temples with the thumb and middle finger of one hand, and lean against the counter again, my other hand clenched around the corner. “She’s leaving in a few months. After your pup is born, and Haven’s aura goes back to normal.”
“She doesn’t have to leave,” he points out.
I lower my hand and rest it on my jaw. “You mean—”
“Ask her to be your chosen mate? Yes.”
He smiles, a smug expression I swear he stole from Sebastian, and I groan. “I told you, I barely know her.”
“Nolan.”
“It’s true! I don’t know enough about her. I know she’s an oracle, and I know they’re tied to the island after being marked by their fated mate. But I don’t know if that applies to chosen mates as well. If it does, then I’m not sure if I can leave Crescent Lake behind to live there with her.” My pacing resumes, and my hands fly around in wild gestures, all the while trying to keep my volume as low as possible so Cassandra won’t hear me. “And if it doesn’t? How do I ask her to give all that up? To give up what she’s trained to be her entire life and to give up her fated mate to be with me?” I shake my head and drop my arms to my side in defeat. “There are too many unknowns and too many sacrifices needed on both sides.”
I turn my back to him and grab the counter once more, using the bite of the edge digging into my skin to ground me as I chug the rest of my beer and slam the bottle down. The daisies on the table wink and smile at me, poking at my battered heart and reminding me of Cassandra, teasing me with their scent and their wild beauty that are both so similar to hers.
I knew going into this with her that it was likely only temporary, and I accepted it, but it doesn’t make the verbalization of that fact any less painful.
From behind me, Wes sets his own beer down and crosses the kitchen to my side. “I think those are, again, questions only you and Cassandra can answer. But Nolan?” He claps me on the shoulder. “The only question that really matters is the first one I asked you, the one you’ve been avoiding answering: do you love her?” My throat works, and I clench my jaw as my chest heaves through each harsh breath I take. “If you can answer that question, then I think the answers for the rest will fall into place.”