Chapter 27
EMMA
I was going on a date.
These were not words I ever thought I’d say again, but here I was.
I stood in the middle of my room, staring into my wardrobe trying to decide whether anything in there was suitable. What did people wear on dates these days? It had been a long time since the thought had even crossed my mind that I might need to impress someone.
Oh God, what was I doing?
I could hear Flynn’s giggle from downstairs, followed by the rumble of Rachel’s voice pretending to be a monster. She’d offered to babysit tonight – in fact she’d insisted, telling me to stop looking for excuses not to go.
‘You can’t sit around waiting for Nick for the rest of your life,’ she said. ‘You need to start living. Plus, Oliver is hot.’
‘Okay, okay,’ I’d said, mostly just to get her off my back.
And although she was right that Oliver was hot, I was already regretting giving in to her. What was I thinking?
Oliver and I had got chatting at the school gates on the day that Flynn started reception class. Flynn had looked so smart in his little uniform of red jumper and grey shorts and I’d been busy taking photos of him with his bookbag when he’d suddenly run off.
‘Flynn!’ I’d called. I watched as he flung his arms round a girl who was holding hands with a man – presumably her dad – then he turned back to me, his face lit up.
‘Mummy, this is Annabelle,’ he said, as I approached.
Flynn had been talking about Annabelle all summer after they’d been to a holiday drama club together.
‘Annabelle was the princess and I was the prince,’ he’d told me one day, and ‘Annabelle wants me to go to hers for tea,’ another day.
I’d hoped I’d meet his new friend once they started school, so was pleased to have done so already.
‘Hello, Annabelle, it’s very nice to meet you,’ I said, giving her what I hoped was my friendliest smile.
‘Hello,’ she said shyly.
It was only then that I’d looked up at the man attached to Annabelle, and my heart had performed a little somersault. He had blond hair with a light sprinkling of silver, and sparkling blue eyes.
‘Hello, I’m Emma,’ I said, holding my hand out. ‘I’m afraid I think my son Flynn is a little bit smitten with your daughter.’
‘I think the feeling might be mutual,’ he said, putting his hand in mine. It felt warm. ‘Lovely to meet you, I’m Oliver.’ His face lit up as he smiled and I felt my face glow. Good grief, what was wrong with me?
We walked back towards the gates together and said goodbye to the children. I felt a lump in my throat as Flynn disappeared into the classroom, but it was tinged with relief that he’d already made a friend.
‘Well, that went smoother than I expected,’ Oliver said.
‘Thank goodness for drama club, hey?’
‘Absolutely.’ He checked his watch. ‘Christ, I’m going to be late. It was lovely to meet you, Emma. Same time tomorrow?’
‘Yes, absolutely,’ I said, swallowing down the feeling of disappointment that he was leaving already, as he turned and raced off down the road.
To my shame, I’d felt myself looking forward to the next morning more than I should have done, and when I saw Oliver was there again my heart did a little flip.
It’s just nice to have someone to talk to, nothing more, I told myself.
But Rachel could see right through me.
‘You have a crush,’ she said, the moment I mentioned Oliver’s name.
‘I do not have a crush,’ I said, more sulkily than necessary. ‘Anyway, what are we, twelve?’
She hadn’t been deterred though. ‘Okay, you like him. Fancy him? Whatever. I’m happy for you, Ems! He’s hot and single and it’s been long enough.’
I let out a sigh. ‘Fine. He is handsome. I might have been looking forward to seeing him in the morning. Happy?’
‘Very,’ she said, doing a little dance, and I rolled my eyes. ‘So, when are you asking him out?’
‘Never!’
She’d looked stern then, crossing her arms across her chest and glowering at me. ‘Why ever not?’
‘Well for starters I don’t even know that he is actually single. And even if by some miracle he is, I’m not looking to get involved with anyone,’ I said. ‘I’m fine on my own, just me and Flynn.’
‘You may be fine, but I’m not suggesting you marry the guy. Just ask him out, go on a date, have a little snog…’
‘Fine, I’ll find out whether he’s single at least,’ I agreed, more to shut her up than anything else. But in the end I hadn’t had to work up the courage to ask him anything, because he did it for me.
It had been a drizzly day at the end of September and everyone was hurrying to drop the kids off before rushing off again. Oliver had been hovering under a tree near the school gates and after saying goodbye to Flynn I went to speak to him.
‘What are you doing loitering around here?’ I said, smiling.
But he didn’t smile back and I worried I’d said something wrong.
‘Sorry,’ I mumbled, getting ready to walk away and leave him to his thoughts.
But then he’d cleared his throat and said, ‘Actually…’ and I stopped and turned back to face him and his face had gone pink and he was looking down at his shoes.
When he looked up at me, he looked for all the world as though he would have liked the ground to open up and swallow him whole right then and there.
I took a step towards him, and he pressed his hand on my arm.
‘Oliver? Is there something wrong?’
He shook his head and forced a smile. ‘I hope not. I was…’ He shook his head and laughed. ‘God, why am I so bad at this?’
And then before he even said the words, I knew what he was going to say and my heart pulsed and my hands turned clammy.
‘Would you like to go for dinner with me one day?’ He was staring at a point just over my shoulder and my heart went out to him.
‘That would be lovely,’ I said. And not just because I wanted to put him out of his misery but because I’d realised I actually did want to go out for dinner with this man. For the first time since Nick, I could imagine spending time with someone else. It was a small miracle.
‘Oh, thank goodness for that. If you’d have said no I’d have had to move to a different country just to avoid you,’ he said.
‘Well, why do you think I said yes? I couldn’t put poor Annabelle through that.’
He grinned and it took a few seconds for me to realise his hand was still on my arm. I moved it away, and shoved my hand in my pocket. I was aware of a few mums glancing at us as they passed and I didn’t particularly want to be the subject of school-gate gossip.
‘So where would you like to go?’ he said.
‘It’s been so long since I’ve been anywhere, I’m open to suggestions,’ I replied.
‘Well then leave it with me. Friday night good?’
‘Friday night is perfect,’ I said. There was no point in pretending I had a busy social life when it was obvious I didn’t.
Now, though, I was feeling less certain of myself. Why had I even agreed to this? I didn’t go on dates, and there was good reason for that. It was hardly fair to lead someone on when, assuming my plan to save him had worked, I was hoping to find Nick in a couple of years’ time.
I ran down the stairs in my underwear and stood in the doorway to the living room where Flynn was lying down with his eyes closed and there was a Rachel-sized bulge in the curtains. Flynn’s eyes flew open.
‘Go away, Mummy, we’re playing hide and seek,’ he hissed. I held my hands up in surrender. ‘Sorry little man. I was looking for Aunty Rachel.’
Flynn rolled his eyes. ‘She’s hiding, Mummy.’
I grinned, my eyes flicking over to Rachel’s terrible hiding place. ‘Of course, sorry. Well, when you find her would you please tell her that she can go home because I’ve changed my mind about going out tonight?’
Two things happened simultaneously: Flynn groaned, and the curtain was whipped back and Rachel’s face appeared. She didn’t look impressed.
‘I absolutely will not be going home, because you are going out,’ she said, unfolding herself to her full height.
‘I’m just not sure it’s a good idea,’ I said.
‘But, Mummy, I don’t want Aunty Rachel to go home,’ Flynn said, his voice a whine.
‘You see? Flynn has spoken. You’re going out. Now go on, go and get dressed before you’re ridiculously late.’
I hesitated for a moment trying to decide whether to argue back, then let out a sigh. ‘Fine,’ I said, and ran back upstairs. I could hear them giggling behind me and I rolled my eyes. Since when had Flynn learned to be so manipulative?
I pulled my favourite trousers and a fitted jumper out of the wardrobe and got dressed quickly, put some make-up on, and studied myself in the mirror.
I usually wore my red hair tied back but I’d left it loose tonight and it looked good.
It was the first time I’d thought about the way I looked in forever, and it didn’t feel too bad.
‘Right, you two, be good, and don’t let him eat any more ice cream,’ I said to Rachel.
‘As if I would,’ Rachel said, giving Flynn a huge wink. I rolled my eyes as I bent down to give Flynn a kiss.
‘Now be a good boy for Aunty Rachel won’t you?’
‘Of course, Mummy. And be a good girl for Annabelle’s daddy.’
‘I will,’ I said, solemnly, ignoring Rachel’s snort in the background.
And then before I could change my mind, I left.
‘So I take it Flynn’s dad isn’t on the scene?’ Oliver said, taking a bite of bread and chewing slowly.
I froze, unsure how to answer. I had to say something. Oliver had just told me all about his divorce, about his wife running off with another man and starting another family and how he had full custody because she hadn’t shown much interest in seeing Annabelle.
‘I have no idea how anyone could do that,’ I’d told him, my heart contracting at the mere thought of walking away from Flynn and never seeing him again.
‘Me neither. But it made life easier, in the end, for me at least.’ Oliver shook his head. ‘I just have to hope it doesn’t affect Annabelle too much, long term.’
It was only natural that he would ask me about Flynn’s dad, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t really planned what to say.