Chapter 37
EMMA
I’d been terrified and excited about meeting Nick today, unsure how he’d react to seeing me. I’d expected him to be furious, had even been fully prepared for him to tell me to leave and never come back. And if he had, I would have respected his wishes.
But from the moment we were together again, the connection between us was there, as strong as ever – if not stronger. Perhaps it was because, for the first time since we’d known each other, we were living in the same time.
I hadn’t been sure whether I was going to tell him about Flynn today.
‘Just see how it goes,’ Rachel had said. ‘I’ll bring Flynn along, and if you do end up telling him and he wants to meet him, then let him. If not, we can just go home again.’
In the end, telling Nick about Flynn had been the only thing I could have done. And his reaction was better than I could ever have imagined.
As I showed him photos of his son on my phone – Flynn being born, Flynn’s first steps, in his first school uniform, on holiday, in his armbands at the side of a swimming pool, on his first bike in the park – Nick wanted to know everything about him.
What he was like, what he liked to do, was he funny, was he clever, was he good at sport, did he play any instruments.
I told him everything, about all the milestones he’d missed, a quick snapshot all in one go.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much this was to take in, but he didn’t seem to want to stop.
And then, it had been time to go and get our little boy.
‘Wait,’ Nick said, as I stood. I stopped. ‘Does… does he know who I am?’
‘I’ve told him you’re his daddy, but I haven’t worked out the rest yet, how to tell him where you’ve been all this time. I didn’t want to confuse him any more. But listen, we can work that out. Let’s just let you meet each other first, shall we?’
Nick nodded. I pointed to the playground across the way, the playground that hadn’t existed last time Nick had been here, and told him Flynn and I would meet him there in half an hour.
And then I stepped out of the bandstand into the bright sunshine and walked on wobbly legs to meet Rachel, feeling as though I’d been hollowed out.
‘We’re getting ice creams,’ Rachel told me when I called her.
As I turned the corner and saw the pair of them, I smiled. Chocolate ice cream dripped down Flynn’s arm, and his face was smeared with it.
‘Mummy!’ he said, running towards me.
‘Hello, gorgeous boy,’ I said, crouching down to hug him. ‘What have you got here?’
‘Aunty Rachel bought me two scoops, and she said I could have sprinkles and chocolate sauce too,’ he said, breathlessly.
‘Did she now?’ I said, grinning at her as I stood up.
‘Well, if his Aunty Rachel can’t spoil him then who can?’ she said.
‘He’s a very lucky boy,’ I said, ruffling his head.
I moved closer to Rachel and she raised her eyebrows. ‘I assume it went well?’ she said.
I nodded. ‘Better than I could ever have dreamed. Am I doing the right thing?’
‘Of course you are, darling. Flynn is excited, he hasn’t talked about anything else all morning.’
‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t have done this without you.’
‘Don’t be daft. You can do anything you set your mind to,’ she said, hooking her arm though mine. I held out my other hand for Flynn to take. ‘Now, shall we go back to the park?’
‘Will my daddy be there?’ Flynn said, and I glanced at Rachel. She gave a small nod.
‘Yes, he will. Shall we go?’
‘Yes!’ he said, and stuck his sticky hand in mine.
I could see Nick sitting on the bench by the slide as we walked towards the park. He looked nervous, his leg bouncing up and down. Every now and then he glanced at his phone in his hand, then looked left and right.
I pushed the gate open, Flynn still clutching my other hand.
‘I’ll leave you here,’ Rachel said.
I turned. ‘Are you not coming with us?’
‘I think it would be better if it was just the three of you, for this part,’ she said.
I nodded. ‘Thank you.’
Flynn and I started walking across the playground, hand in hand. Nick looked pale and kept raking his fingers through his hair. He looked up as we stopped in front of him, his face pale.
‘Flynn, there’s someone here I’d like you to meet,’ I said, crouching down to Flynn’s level.
Flynn pressed himself into me, suddenly shy.
‘You’re my daddy,’ he said, his voice almost a whisper. He stuck his thumb in his mouth, something he hadn’t done since he was two years old.
‘I am,’ Nick said, his face finally breaking into a smile. Flynn seemed to relax then and smiled back. Then he peeled away from me and pulled himself onto the bench beside Nick.
‘I’m Flynn,’ he said.
‘It’s lovely to meet you, Flynn,’ Nick said, his voice rough. He coughed.
Flynn looked puzzled. ‘But I’ve met you before,’ he said.
Nick looked up at me, a question on his face.
‘You’ve seen your daddy in our house haven’t you, sweetheart,’ I said, gently.
‘Yes.’ He looked back at Nick. ‘But you’ve never spoken to me before.’
I sat down beside Flynn and took his still-sticky hand.
‘Nick – that’s your daddy – didn’t know about you before because Mummy didn’t know where he was, so he couldn’t have spoken to you,’ I said. ‘But now I’ve found him and I hope you can get to know each other. Does that sound good?’
Flynn hesitated a minute as though weighing up what I’d said. Would he question the logic of me saying I didn’t know where Nick was when Flynn himself believed he’d seen his daddy in our house? But to my relief he simply gave a nod and jumped off the bench.
‘Can Daddy come and push me on the swings?’
Nick looked to me and I gave him a small nod.
‘Sure thing,’ Nick said, a smile spreading across his face. And before he even got the chance to stand up, Flynn was racing off, arms pumping back and forth.
‘I guess I’d better go then,’ Nick said.
‘He won’t wait around for long,’ I said.
I watched as Nick made his way over to where Flynn was already on the swing, pushing himself back and forth, his trainers scraping along the ground. Then Nick went round behind him and started pushing him, sending him higher and higher into the air.
And as I watched the pair of them, I felt a sense of calm settle over me, and a feeling of happiness that I hadn’t felt for many years.
Because, I realised, it no longer mattered what the future was going to bring. Nick was here, and Flynn and I would do whatever we could to keep him in our lives.
And no matter what happened between Nick and me, it was clear that, this time, I had done the right thing, bringing Flynn and his daddy together.
Now, we could muddle along together in a messy future that neither of us could predict, and hope it would bring us the happiness we’d waited so long for.
And who could ask for anything more than that?