Chapter 33 Deeper Roots
~Felicity~
I woke the next morning wrapped in Caden’s arms, feeling a small bit of peace. It wasn’t overwhelming. It wasn’t perfection. But it was something—it felt new. A bit of quiet in the storm.
The conversation last night had been a start.
I'd needed his honest apology—not the apology from the night we fought about the purse.
Last night felt like he understood a part of where I was coming from.
The way he'd seen my pain and called it valid instead of calling it selfish. It gave my anxiety some ease.
"Morning," he murmured against my hair, his voice still rough with sleep.
"Morning." I turned in his arms to face him, but I was cocooned in all the blankets and him. As I tried to turn, I got stuck and ended up flopping around like a fish out of water.
"Wait, wait—" he called out—the both of us laughing hysterically, "you're gonna go overboard!" He was grabbing me, trying to keep me from falling off the bed.
"I'm stuck!" I was laughing so hard that I started snorting. Then I shot up, still wrapped, but now sort of sitting upright. "Oh my God, Caden, get me out of here!" I said, with a bit of panic starting to flow through.
"Okay, okay. Hang on—"
"Hurry, hurry, hurry!"
Finally clearing me, I jumped from the bed, running to the bathroom. The sigh of relief—from actual relief, and from not peeing myself in bed, was almost tangible. Jesus, forty certainly comes with new experiences—I thought, laughing to myself.
Going back to the bedroom after washing up and brushing my teeth, I climbed in bed. He reached for me, "Nope!"
"What?"
"I just brushed my teeth! I'm clean—you have morning breath!" I playfully dove under the covers and hid my face. He burrowed under trying to blow his nasty breath on me. "Nooooooo!!!!"
Laughing, he nuzzled my neck after digging deep enough to find me, saying, "fiiiiine. I'll go make myself presentable. Can I get a raincheck?"
Muffled, I replied, "yes, as long as you brush away all that yuck."
"On it, babe."
He grabbed his phone, put on some music, and went to the bathroom to clean up. I climbed out of bed and went to the mirror on the other side of the room. Looking at my reflection, I could see a very small light in my eyes. I hope it keeps getting brighter.
"Felicity?" I heard him call out.
"Yeah?" I responded.
"Don't go down without me, okay?" He seemed a little uncertain when he asked, but I could swear I heard a bit of hope in there.
"Um, okay. I was going to head down now."
"No! Wait for me! Please?"
"Um," I looked around and decided to sit on the small bench in front of our bed. "Okay."
A couple minutes later, he came out of the bathroom, texting with someone.
"Who's that?"
He looked up, responded with a small, nervous smile, "you'll see."
"Okay, can we go down now?"
"Nope! Need four more minutes."
"Seriously? Caden! Why?! I need coffee!" I was a little exasperated. Coffee was my liquid gold and starting my day without it could be dangerous—to others.
His smile grew, but his face was pleading with me to agree. "I know, but it'll only be a few more minutes."
I blew out a breath, "Okay," flopping my hands out at my side, "well what will we do for four minutes?"
"I could think of a few things!" he responded with a wink as he meandered closer to me.
Backing up, I laughed, "get outta here."
"Hey! You gave me a raincheck!"
"I did?" I feigned surprise.
"Yes! I distinctly remember that from just a few minutes ago!" He winked, clearly remembering my words from last night about the bath.
Sighing with resignation, I responded, "Well, a raincheck is a raincheck, I guess I'll have to pay up."
"Damn straight."
With that, he ran his hands along either side of my neck, pushing his fingers through my hair. Massaging my scalp, he looked me in the eyes with honesty, lust, regret, pain, joy, love—all the feels.
Leaning forward, he touched his nose to mine, gently rubbing his nose back and forth over mine.
He touched his lips to mine. He kissed me softly at first—so softly I almost missed it.
His lips traced around mine before finally settling, until I couldn’t tell where his stopped and mine began.
I felt his passion and his love pouring from him into mine, warming my soul and feeding my own passion.
Wrapping my arms around him, I felt my fingers run down the curve of his back to the tops of his buttocks, grabbing the edges of his shirt—just to hold on, almost for dear life.
This was a kiss. This was probably a kiss for our record books. As we stood there, we were lost in each other—in the moment. I couldn't tell you how long we were there. Definitely more than four minutes, that's for sure.
And then I felt the buzz. His phone was buzzing with a call in his back pocket. He pulled away, breathing heavily, "damn," he whispered.
"You got that right. Haven't felt that in a long time, you know." I whispered back.
Quietly, he responded, "I know. And I hate that, but not anymore." He reached back with his right hand, keeping his left buried in my hair and his forehead leaning on mine.
Bringing his phone to his ear, he breathlessly said, "yeah?"
I could hear the voice on the other side of the line, "what are you doing? You running a marathon? You know what? Never mind, I just realized you're in your room with Felicity, and I really don't want to know what you and my sister-in-law are getting into right now."
I laughed, recognizing Cash's voice. I heard a few laughs in the background too though and looked at Caden questioningly.
Caden laughed a bit too, "no, no you do not!"
I blushed, dipping my head. I looked at him and said, "coffee!" trying to make sure he remember my desperate need for the nectar of the gods.
He asked Cash, "is it ready?"
"It is."
Caden looked at me while saying into the phone, "Okay, we're on our way."
He ended the call and stepped back, looking down at my feet, "you may want to put some shoes on."
"What? Why? Where are we going?"
"Just outside into the back yard."
I was confused, "the yard? What did you do?"
Smiling, he said, "you'll see soon enough."
Huffing, I did as he suggested, and threw on some tennis shoes.
"Okay, I'm ready," I told him, heart beating a mile a minute.
I padded out of our room, Caden following.
I felt his hand at the small of my back.
We walked past Macy's door, still slightly ajar from the night.
I peeked in just to check, and saw she was still knocked out.
Looking at my watch, I saw it was only 8:30a.m. She's almost twelve and isn't in school this week, my guess is she will be sleeping for a few more hours—if her weekend sleep schedule—and the week she's had—is any indication.
I clicked her door closed just to make sure we didn't wake her with any of our movements.
At the bottom of the stairs, I turned away from the kitchen, heading to the back door of the house.
I looked longingly back at the kitchen—where my coffee would be.
Feeling Caden slip his hand in mine, I turned my head up toward him and met his eyes.
He leaned forward and said, "Coffee in a few minutes, I promise. "
I grumbled, "okay, but I'm holding you to it."
"Hold away."
He pulled me toward the back door. Through the glass, I could see a couple of guys cleaning some things up—a tarp, some burlap netting, a shovel, and a few other items. I looked back at Caden, with a knowing smile, he told me to open the door and head outside.
At the entrance of the garden stood my brother-in-law Cash, and a few other guys in jeans and t-shirts.
Everyone was staring at me, and, after a moment, I saw why.
I had what I feel is a pretty large garden, fairly nondescript though.
It's off to the side of my yard but runs the entire length—so around fifteen feet deep and forty feet long.
There's a bench off to the side when you walk in, and a dirt path that takes you from the entry down the middle all the way to the end.
I plant everything from lavender to basil, cucumbers to eggplant.
I thought it would be terribly overgrown since I haven't tended to it in over a week now, but it looked like someone had been caring for it, pulling weeds and watering—I glanced at Caden, thinking it must have been him.
Looking back over, I saw that at each end of the garden sat two newly planted trees—stakes holding them up, so the trunks remained straight, each about 6 feet tall. There was red mulch covering the ground around both and probably about thirty feet or so between them.
My breath caught. These weren't just any trees hastily picked up from a nursery. This was well planned—from the matching trees, and their placement, to their meaning.
Confused, I looked to Caden.
He looked over at the trees, but spoke to me. "Did you know that the gift for a fourth anniversary is fruit or flowers?" he asked.
I shook my head—I hadn't.
"Three years ago, I missed our fourth anniversary. I was so focused on what was going on at work, that I lost sight of celebrating us on that night. When I cancelled, I didn't explain what was going on, and then I failed to focus back on you and our life together."
"Okay…" I said, waiting for the explanation, because he wasn't saying anything I didn't already know.
"I did some research, and I learned that the sweet cherry tree symbolizes renewal and love."
I whipped my head toward the trees, noticing then that the yard had emptied of everyone by Caden and me. I eyed the trees, seeing for the first time what they were—young cherry trees.
"Eventually, these trees will give both flowers and fruit every year.
And for each year that passes, they will grow stronger—their roots deeper.
" He paused, turning his head to look down at me, love very clear in his eyes.
He said quietly, but meaningfully, "The cherry tree is also said to represent new beginnings. "
With those last words, I could feel his eyes boring into my soul.
He shifting his body to face me. "Felicity Barrett, I am so far from perfect that I'm almost in another solar system.
I have messed up so much in our marriage and I know without a doubt, that I am so deeply unworthy of you.
I cannot promise you perfection, but I can promise you that I will work every day for the rest of our lives to keep our roots growing deeper and our marriage growing stronger. "
He placed his hands on either side of my face, and said, "I'm not asking for you to forgive me and merely give me a second chance.
I'm asking for just one day at a time from you, and I swear that by the end of every day I will have shown you my love, and at the beginning of the next day I will begin the work on earning your love again.
Every day another chance of loving you, for the rest of our lives—this is my promise to you.
Just give me one day at a time—and I will give you the rest of my life. "
By this time, I was sobbing. So much anger and so much resentment had been filling the corners of my heart. With those words, it felt like he was stitching something back together—just one stitch, but it felt like it would hold.
I whispered to him, nodding, "you can have one day." By the time I finished the sentence, he had already leaned in to nuzzle his face against mine, pulling my body in close to his, I could feel his desperation to hold me closer than he ever had before.
I heard him whisper, "you think the trees are nice, just wait 'til tomorrow."