Chapter 42 Our Turn Now
~Felicity~
The waiting room for Dr. Sarah Mitchell's office had a calming atmosphere to it.
It was decorated in soft blues and grays, with comfortable chairs and calming music in the background.
There was a wall between the front desk and the waiting room seats.
It was made of glass and had water in it, with bubbles that floated to the top on a cyclical basis—almost hypnotic in a sense.
Even with all that, I was a wreck. I was anything but calm while we waited, hands clasped together on the armrest between us.
"You okay?" he whispered.
"Yeah. Just nervous for some reason."
It was strange, being nervous about therapy when we were actually in a good place.
Six months ago, if someone had told me we'd be in couples therapy, I would have assumed it was because we were on the verge of divorce.
Shit, six weeks ago, I would have said the same thing.
Instead, we were here because we wanted to stay together.
"Mr. and Mrs. Barrett?" A woman appeared in the doorway—tall, probably in her fifties, with kind eyes and graying hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. "I'm Dr. Mitchell. Why don't you come on back."
Good Lord. Her office was even more soothing than the waiting room. I wish it would start working to calm my nerves. There was warm lighting and two comfortable chairs positioned at an angle to each other, with Dr. Mitchell's chair completing a triangle. No couch—I'd been wondering about that.
"Thank you for coming in," Dr. Mitchell said as we settled into our chairs. "I know taking this step isn't always easy, even when you're motivated to be here."
"Actually," Caden said, "we're both pretty nervous but also eager to be here. Which probably sounds weird."
Dr. Mitchell smiled. "Not weird at all. Some of my most encouraging work is when couples come in proactively, wanting to strengthen what they have rather than waiting until crisis hits."
"Well, we've had our share of crises," I said. "But we've been working through it, and we want to make sure we keep doing that well."
"Okay. Well, let's start with what brought you here specifically?"
Caden and I looked at each other, having one of those wordless conversations that had become more frequent lately.
"We had some rough years," I started. "I felt invisible in our marriage. Caden was consumed with work, and I was... well, I just kept making myself smaller and smaller, hoping that if I ignored it all, everything would somehow get fixed on its own."
"I buried myself in work to the detriment of my marriage," Caden added bluntly. "I thought providing financially was the same as being a good husband and father. I was wrong."
"What changed?" Dr. Mitchell asked.
"Crisis, honestly," he said. "It started with me failing to realize how much I'd missed about my wife and finally everything hit the fan when I..." Caden's voice trailed off.
Dr. Mitchell encouraged him, saying, "Caden, this is a safe space. This is the place where you put it all out there and we work through it. Consider this—Not saying it doesn’t erase it, Caden. It already happened. Talking about it is how we work through it."
He sighed, "You're right." Clearing his throat, Caden continued, "I gave my wife's birthday gift away—a very expensive custom purse that she had designed herself and asked me for.
I hid it in a stupid place—my daughter's closet.
She lived with us on weekends and, not realizing she would search her closet for her ballet shoes, I had tossed it in there to keep it away from prying eyes.
Hindsight's 20/20 and I now realize how dumb that was. "
"Okay, how did it lead to you giving it away?" Dr. Mitchell's approach was clear, open, and without judgment, which I appreciated.
"My daughter found it and, since it was in her own closet, she thought it was for her—a gift for her first day at her new school. When she found it, rather than explain the situation, I agreed it was for her when she asked."
Dr. Mitchell turned to me and asked me how I found out.
"When I got home, Macy was all excited to show me, not knowing it was supposed to be mine."
"How did that make you feel, Felicity?" she asked me.
The question hung in the air, and I felt that familiar tightness in my chest. Even now, after all we'd been through, remembering that moment still hurt.
"Invisible, forgotten, small, heartbroken, unloved," I said quietly, feeling the words tumble from me like an avalanche. "I felt like I didn't matter enough for him to just tell the truth. Like it was easier to let me be disappointed than to have an uncomfortable conversation with Macy."
"I was devastated," I continued, the words continuing without exception.
"Because it wasn't just about the purse.
It represented everything wrong with our marriage.
I'd asked for something, after being forgotten, and then it was just out of reach—like I'd felt Caden had been over the last few years. "
Dr. Mitchell nodded thoughtfully. "Caden, how did you feel when you realized what had happened?"
"Like the worst husband in the world," he said immediately. "But also defensive, which made it worse. I tried to justify it instead of just owning how badly I'd screwed up."
"What happened next?" Dr. Mitchell asked.
We spent the next half hour unpacking all the things that had happened through to when Jessica had taken Macy.
We put it all out there, without holding back.
I felt broken almost like I'd had to relive everything—giving me somewhat of an emotional hangover by the time I'd said my piece and listened to Caden's.
"This feels like a good place to pause on talking through the events and to instead focus on some homework."
I felt emotionally drained, like we'd just run a marathon through our entire relationship history. Caden looked similarly exhausted.
"Homework?" Caden asked.
"Yes. From what I've heard today, you've both been through quite an ordeal.
I know you mentioned that a lot has changed, and we can't really get there in good time today.
So I want to see what we can do to make sure that walking through today's trauma doesn't become your sole focus for the next week, after leaving here. "
I asked, a little hesitantly, "Okay, what do you have in mind?"
"Today is Thursday. Before you go to sleep tonight, and every night until our session next week, I want you to do something—no phones, no TV, no kids interrupting, no distractions.
" Nodding at our hands clasped together, "since you don't seem to have an issue with touch, I'd like to keep that as an anchor for you.
I'd like for the both of you to sit with each other, hold hands, and ask each other three questions. "
We both responded at the same time with, "okay."
"Caden, your questions are: How did you feel about our relationship today? Was there a time when I wasn't there for you today when you needed me? Was there anything today that I did that made you happy or feel seen?"
Caden pulled his phone out and took them down in his notes section, looking up at the Doctor and saying, "I promise to have them memorized and not to have my phone out during our time."
Dr. Mitchell smiled and responded with, "Nicely done, Caden."
From there, she continued, "Felicity, your questions are: How did you feel about our relationship today?
Was there a time you felt like I wasn't being open with you about my own feelings or response to something?
Was there anything that I did today that helped you see me or how I felt about our relationship?
" Just as Caden had, I took the notes on my phone and made the same promise he did, smiling as I did.
"That sounds manageable," I said, though even the thought of going through this exercise every night felt slightly overwhelming.
"The key is consistency and openness. I want you both to keep in mind that while these questions may feel like yes/no questions, they are meant as dialogue openers, so while you'll respond with yes or no, you should both plan to expand upon why the answer is yes or no," she said.
After we both agreed, Dr. Mitchell proposed we do weekly meetings for the next two months and reevaluate after that. We both found that to be reasonable.
Walking out to the car, I felt like we'd just turned our entire emotional life inside out and examined every piece.
"That was intense," Caden said, starting the engine.
"Yeah. But good intense?"
"I think so. It felt like... like we were being honest about everything for the first time."
We drove in silence for a few minutes, both processing.
"You know what struck me in there?" I said finally.
"What?"
"How much we've both changed already. Before all of this unfolded, I never would have been able to say those things about feeling invisible and unloved. I would have just... swallowed it."
"And I would have gotten defensive and made it about how hard I work instead of hearing what you were actually saying."
"But we didn't do that today."
"No, we didn't."
As we pulled into our driveway, I could see through the kitchen window that Maliyah was cooking dinner while the kids set the table. Normal family life, continuing on while we'd been dissecting our marriage and putting it back together stronger.
"Ready to go back to real life?" Caden asked.
"With our homework assignment and everything?"
"Especially with our homework assignment."
I looked at our house, warm with light and filled with the people we loved. "Yeah. I'm ready."
As we walked into the house, Caden paused and reached into his pocket. Pulling it out, he showed me the caller ID flashed Morrison's name.
Answering with the phone on speaker, he said, "Morrison, everything okay? You've got me and Felicity here."
“Hi Caden, Felicity. Sorry to call unexpectedly, but I wanted to let you know Jessica’s been moved out of Framingham."
I looked at Caden, and I knew the surprise I saw on his face was mirrored on my own. I said out loud, "What's going on?" at the same time he said, "What? Why?"
"Staff reported she'd begun to have erratic outbursts, paranoia, and confusion. At first, they thought it was withdrawal, but by today her behavior should have evened out. They did a tox screen too and it didn’t show new substances either. Concerned about her behavior, they moved her to McLean Psychiatric Hospital for evaluation. She’ll be under observation there while they run more tests. ”
Holy shit.