The Beloved Hack Hunk
“Bee-bee, you need to keep up,” Bacon whispered once they reached the land part of Nitro’s Hatch. “White on rice, your fine ass glued to me. You understand? There might be tee-ties.”
“I am keeping up!” she hissed. “And what tee-ties, what you mean!”
“What tee-ties?” he balked. “Bee-bee, this is the swamp! Home of the tee-ties. And I’m just trying to protect you, don’t be insubordinate.”
He smiled at the outpouring of her cute mad sputters.
“And I do thank you, Mr. Bacon, for all your protection from the tee-ties but do not call me insubordinate, that is—”
“You tellin’ me not to do something is the very definition of insubordinate!
” he said, shaking his head. He glanced back at her, grinning at how sexy she was in all black.
“And don't think you being fine as fuck will excuse you.” He paused in his tracks, aiming his flashlight all around. “My little sexy ninja.”
“Little,” she huffed right behind him. “Where exactly we headed and what we looking for?”
“Yes, little and sexy,” he ordered, aiming the light at her face. “Don’t argue with your Seigneur des Provisions, Phelony Marie.”
She giggled that tinkly laugh that tickled his cock. “Lord of provisions, now that’s rich.”
He pointed into the darkness before them. “See that tree line? That’s our target.” He handed her the flashlight and pulled the map he’d drawn from his pocket. “Gimme some light,” he said, opening it. “See here?”
“Did you draw this?” she asked, smiling.
“Focus, Bee-bee.” He tapped the location again. “You see this here?”
“I see,” she said, nodding. “That’s some buildings?”
His hand dropped like a brick then he lifted the map again. “Do buildings have flower shaped roof’s, Phelony Marie?” He pointed again. “That’s trees.” He moved his hand up. “These are buildings.”
“Of course. Got it. Is that where we going?”
“These trees right here? Marks the border of the land.”
“And what’s those X’s?”
“That’s a fence.”
“We going to the fence?”
“This is us. Right here.” He slowly moved his finger on the line. “We’re headed here.”
“To the fence?” she said.
“Bee-bee, if there’s somebody up to no good, we don’t go directly to anything, we have to scope things out first. See these little circles? That’s some smaller trees. We’re headed there—that’s our scope point.”
“You been there before?”
“I don’t need to have been there before. I got this straight off the map 8-Bit made for this Hatch.”
“Oh, smart,” she said, nodding. “We scope out and see what we can see.”
“Correct.” He paused, sighing.
“What?” she wondered, looking up at him in the dark.
“You want a name or something? I don’t really have a second in command like everybody else.”
“You don’t?”
“Nah, we don’t have hierarchy in the chop-chop. In there, we’re all the same. Blood and blades, meat and bones.”
“Oh, okay. Hmmm. A name?”
“Like a… a title or handle. Bullets has 38 and Shank has Steel. Bishop has Anvil and Nitro has Fuse. See what I’m saying?”
“I see, yep,” she nodded, glancing up at him. “If you want me to have a handle or a title, I’m fine with it.”
He angled his head, checking her face for the truth. “This is a legitimate and very important job in the Horde.”
“I know it is,” she swore with her scout’s honor gaze. “I’d be happy with whatever title you give me.”
He leaned down and pecked her mouth then folded the map back. “Let me think on it. It’s gotta have relevance. And kick-assery. You keep the flashlight.” He remembered the night vision goggles on his head and put them on. “From here on out, we’re moving by the light of the moon.”
She gave a single nod. “Roger that.”
He paused again. “We need a better affirmative,” he realized, heading down the path. “Roger that is more a Bullets thing.”
“Oh, well… what about… yes-sir-ree or… maybe something more food or cooking related. ‘In the pan?’ ‘On the stove?’”
Bacon laughed. “Ah damn you’re so cute.”
After five minutes of stealthy silence, she whispered, “So, what kind of… shadows are we looking for exactly? When we get to where we’re going, I mean.”
“I’m thinking looters found their way into the wrong territory. And if that's the case, I’m thinking we need to either request surveillance on all rations or maybe move them to a more central location. Then double-check perimeter security.”
“I think that’s definitely a good idea,” Phelony said. “Moving them I mean. The nuns was talking about arranging something to have more access so they can help you out better. They know this isn’t no one man job.”
“Under-fuckin’-statement of the century right there. But if I’m called to do work with the Twelve, you’ll be in charge here as my second in command.”
“What about Chops?”
“Chops ain’t nobody’s command, but he’ll be yours if I ask.” Bacon slowed a little at the first set of trees.
“Got it. So... what if it’s not looters?” she asked, breathless behind him.
Yeah, he’d thought of that. “Not sure what else shadows it could be.”
“Maybe just… trying to tell us the supplies are in jeopardy. Could be animals got to ‘em and at a critical time as this with so many mouths coming, well…”
“Oui, would be very fucking bad. And I ran the calculations seven different kinds of ways. Even double-checked them with the smartest computer I know—the Quantum King. But guess what?”
“What?”
“I got wind he was having some minor malfunctions so now I need to double-check his calculations with 8-Bit. Geeze-fuckin’-cheese. I cannot commit that kind of fuck up with this, Bee-bee. ‘Oops, forgot to carry my one’ ain’t some kind of bullshit I can risk, you know what I mean?”
“Oh, I do,” she assured. “I can help too. I’m no mathologist, but I can use a calculator just fine.”
Bacon stifled a big laugh. “Mathologist, huh?”
“You know what I mean, same difference.”
They made it to their scope-out trees with the heebie jeebies riding his ass. “You stay here. I’ll call your phone and we can use it like a walkie-talkie if I need to.”
“Okay, got it. You need the flashlight?”
“No and don’t turn it on.”
“You think there might be looters there now?” she whispered, worried.
“I’m not taking any chances,” he said. “That’s why I brought my knives.”
“Knives!” she strained quietly. “Don’t you have a gun or something?”
He got closer to her face in the dark. “I can’t be fumbling no firearm, Bee-bee. Knives and how to use ‘em is what I know, it’s what I do all fuckin’ day.” He remembered the night-vision binoculars in his pocket. “Better than Shank, that’s for sure.”
“Oh really,” she said, surprised and amused sounding.
“That’s a fact. He’s good but he don’t work with steel every day in the way I do.
” He worked the binoculars around his neck.
“Both of us can split swamp hog-spine straight through but I can do it with one swing of my meat cleaver. The meat warriors don’t serve at the front lines in a war, but this war?
I learned how to take apart a man as perfectly and efficiently as we do any kind of food. And we’re all ready.”
“Wow, babe. I didn’t know you had this... Tarzan side.”
Bacon’s cock jerked hard at her tone, even though she whispered. “Did you just sext me, Bee-bee?” That was a hard rule, and damn she knew it. “You know our agreement.”
“I do,” she lamented, not sorry at all he could hear. “No teasing without pleasing.”
“And where are we? Are we in our bedroom? In our kitchen? Our bathroom?”
“No sir.”
“Are we out in the swamp?”
“Yes sir. I’m sorry.”
“You’re no damn such thing, I can hear it in your sexting fucking voice, which means you just lied straight to my face. You adding these infractions up with that calculator you know how to use?”
“Yes,” she said, breathless.
“Still sexting me!”
“I can’t help it!”
“Rules are rules and we had a deal.”
“We did.”
“So you understand what’s coming when we get back.”
He barely caught her nod in the moonlight.
“I can’t hear head-speak.”
“Yes. I understand.”
Fuck, he was ready to sacrifice a year’s rations to leave that second. He’d make her pick from the menu for bad girls. He was learning she loved it way more than the good girl menu.
A sound snapped his head to the border zone and Bacon pushed Phelony closer to the tree they stood next to.
“What was that?” she barely whispered.
He lifted his binoculars and scanned slowly along the tree line, bringing it into focus. A shadow moved near the building and he zeroed in. His heart raced. Bodies. Two. Adult ones. He spotted a third. Fuck, how many were there? What were they fucking doing?
He pulled his phone from his pocket, keeping them in his binoculars while pulling up Bishop’s name and hitting it. He glanced at the screen every few seconds.
“What do you see?” Phelony whispered.
“Somebody’s over there,” he barely said, hearing Bishop’s voice mail. He hung up and found Bullet’s number next. With the shitshow outside their swamp he wasn’t surprised. Shocked there weren’t a lot more reported shadows in fact. People had to be real desperate by now.
The phone clicked and Bacon put it to his ear.
“What’s cookin’ brother,” Bullet’s answered.
“Hey, I’m out here at your backdoor in Nitro’s Hatch.
Checking into some shadows the Seer reported seeing and I’m looking at a couple of ‘em right now through my night vision binoculars. I got Phelony with me so I’m gonna need some quiet backup with long range heat.
Gonna see if Spook’s close enough to come in case there’s more.
In fact, I’d prefer not to kill a hungry human but there’s no guarantee that’s all they are. ”
“I see your coordinates in the group chat. Me and 35’ll be there in ten. Just left that side of the swamp but Bishop’s still there. I’ll see if Spook’s nearby.”
“Good. See you in eight.”
“What’s going on?” Phelony whispered.
“Not sure.” Bacon pressed the binoculars to his eyes tight. “We’ll keep low till backup arrives.”
“Well, that’s smart,” she whispered.
“Ah yeah, they’re taking shit,” he muttered. “Looks like sacks of something. Rice, no fuckin’ doubt. Or beans.”
“Oh no,” she said, gluing herself to his backside.