Wisconsin and Wood chippers #3
Edgar starts shaking. His LED eyes flicker from blue to red to green and back again. The whirring gets louder, more frantic.
"Uh, Max?" JP says. "Is he supposed to be smoking?"
"What? No! Edgar, stop—"
But Edgar's already spinning in place, lights strobing, emitting a concerning amount of smoke from his internal circuits.
"Shibal," JP mutters, grabbing a notebook to fan the smoke away as Elliot gets up without a word. He opens the nearest window, then returns to his beanbag chair as if nothing had happened. Edgar gives one final, pathetic beep and goes still.
"Well," Del says into the silence. "That was exciting."
"Edgar 3.0 has failed," I announce sadly, picking up my smoking robot. "I'll have to rebuild his prioritization matrix."
"Or maybe we don't rely on robots to help you with dating," Luca suggests gently.
"Fair point." I set Edgar aside and flop back onto the couch next to Leo, who bumps his shoulder against mine in silent sympathy.
"Okay," JP says, getting us back on track because that's what JP does. "Edgar aside, we need a concrete plan. Max needs to be able to recognize when someone's interested."
"Signal," Haru says suddenly. "We give Max a signal. Like… himitsu no angō, a secret code?"
"Oh, I like that," Del nods. "Like when someone's hitting on him, we give him a sign so he knows."
"What kind of sign?" I ask.
"Pull your ear," Elliot suggests from his corner.
"Touch your nose," Haru adds.
"Or we can text him 'THAT GUY IS FLIRTING WITH YOU' in all caps," Leo says dryly.
"That's not subtle," JP points out.
"Neither is Max missing every single romantic cue thrown at him."
I put my hand over my heart. "Okay, ouch."
"It's true, though." Leo's voice is gentle, which somehow makes it worse and better at the same time. "You're brilliant with robots and terrible with humans."
"Robots make sense. Humans are chaos. Robots follow logic. Robots don't ask you to get coffee and mean twelve other things."
"Exactly. So we'll help you translate the chaos.
" Something about the way he says it, certain, like it's obvious he'd do this, makes the tightness in my throat loosen a little.
I lean back, looking around at my friends.
My weird, wonderful, socially-awkward friends who are planning to help me find a boyfriend.
"I saw a sign for speed dating," Haru offers. "On a bulletin board in the student center. Could be good for practice?"
"Absolutely not. The auction was enough public humiliation for one semester, thanks. I want to meet someone naturally."
There's a moment of silence. Then Del starts laughing. "You want to meet someone naturally. While we execute an elaborate plan to help you notice when people are interested. Do you hear yourself?"
"That's—" I stop. "Okay, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous."
"It is ridiculous," Luca says, but he's grinning. "But it's also very you."
"We're making a strategic plan to help you have organic romantic encounters," JP says, deadpan. "This is peak geek house energy."
"The most elaborately planned spontaneous romance in history," Elliot adds. I press my lips together. Hold it for exactly one second. Then lose it completely.
"Fine. Yes. It's absurd. But it's what I want, okay? I don't want another setup or event or thing. I just want to… meet someone. Talk to them. Maybe get coffee, and actually understand that they're asking me on a date."
"Then that's what we'll do," JP says with finality. "We're all going to help Max notice when men are interested. We'll be his wingmen, his backup, his romantic translators."
"This is either going to work brilliantly or be a complete disaster," Leo mutters.
"Could be both," I point out.
"Probably will be both," he agrees. I look at him, and he’s already looking at me, that soft smile on his face, the one that shows up when he's actually relaxed instead of acting relaxed. It does something weird to my fingertips. Like static. Like touching a live wire and not minding.
“I want someone who thinks I'm interesting instead of weird,” I'd told JP earlier. Leo has never once looked at me like I'm weird. Edgar 3.0 makes a sad beeping sound from the side table. Right. Robot fire hazard. Focus, Max.
"Okay," JP claps his hands together. "Operation Social Integration, Phase Two: Get Max a Boyfriend is officially underway. Everyone agreed?"
A chorus of agreement fills the living room.
I look around at my friends, at Del and Luca tangled together on the couch, at Haru's enthusiastic nodding, at Elliot's subtle thumbs up from his corner, at JP's satisfied expression, at Leo sitting next to me, close enough that our shoulders are still touching.
This is going to… Edgar 3.0 makes a sad beeping sound from where I set him on the side table.
"Excuse me, but is the beeping part of the social protocol you mentioned?" Haru asks seriously.
"No. Definitely not." I grab Edgar, and he's warm. Too warm. "Oh, motherboard, he's still overheating—"
"Window's already open," Elliot calls from his corner.
"Thanks, Elliot!"
Operation Get Max A Boyfriend can wait five minutes while I stop Edgar from becoming a fire hazard… Priorities.