There’s Plenty of Chairs
There's Plenty of Chairs
MAX
Eli slides my chai across the counter. Whipped cream piled high. Rainbow sprinkles on top. He knows it's my favorite. Always adds extra sprinkles without me asking. Del's best friend is the only barista here who doesn't judge my sugar intake.
"For the engineering genius," he says, deadpan as always. "Fuel for the brain."
I try to smile but it probably looks more like a grimace.
Eli looks at me for a second. Then he goes back behind the counter without a word.
I carry the chai to our table and set it down.
Stare at it but don't touch. There's a sprinkle shaped like a tiny robot.
Or maybe I'm seeing robots everywhere because my brain is broken.
We're supposed to be studying. Mid-week Finals Week meetup at Beans it’s very dramatic.
Fits the mood, honestly. Haru's filming his notes again.
I still don't understand his study method, but he swears it works.
Something about visual memory and retention rates.
JP's making flashcards with terrifying efficiency. Del's actually studying; Luca must have convinced him. Leo's in the corner with his textbook open, but he's not turning pages. I know, I watch him for fifteen minutes. Not a single page turn, but his knuckles are white where he grips the book.
Focus, Max. You can figure this out. You fix things. That's what you do. Broken robots, failed circuits, impossible problems… Except I don't know how to fix this.
"Leo?" I try quietly, but get nothing. "Leo, you okay?"
He blinks. Looks up. Takes a second to find me. "Fine," he says, and goes back to staring at the same page.
I asked him to do this. The thought hits me like a hydraulic failure. Sudden. System-crashing. I asked Leo to sleep with me, and he said yes because he's Leo. Leo helps people. Leo solves problems. I came to him with a problem. I'm a virgin, and I want to fix that, and he fixed it.
Like debugging code. Like repairing a circuit. Except this wasn't a robot. This was us, and now he can't even look at me. Blasters!
What if he didn't really want to? What if I pressured him without meaning to? What if he said yes because he's my best friend and didn't know how to say no? Consent. We talked about consent. He asked me like five times if I was sure. If I wanted to stop. If I was okay.
Did I ask him? I pushed, didn't I? I mean, I asked initially.
And he said yes. But after? During? Did I check in?
Did I make sure he was actually enjoying it and not just…
going through the motions because I asked him to?
My stomach twists. This is like when you're building a robot, and you think everything's fine until you power it on and realize you forgot to program the safety protocols.
Except instead of a robot, it's my entire friendship.
And instead of reprogramming, I… broke it.
Metaphors aren't helping. Nothing's helping. The chai in front of me looks nauseating now.
"Max?"
I look up. JP's watching me, stylus tapping slowly against his flashcard, not writing "Yeah?"
"You good?"
"Fine. Just thinking about my final Friday.” JP doesn't believe me, I can tell by the slight narrowing of his eyes, but he doesn't push.
Leo comes back, sets his coffee down, and sits without looking at me.
JP's eyes flick between us. I give a tiny shake of my head.
He nods once and goes back to his flashcards.
We'll talk later. JP's good at knowing when to push and when to wait.
I should focus. Two finals left: Autonomous Systems on Thursday, Human-Robot Interaction on Friday. Then the farm. A week with Leo acting like this, my brother almost certainly noticing, and me pretending everything's fine when it absolutely isn't.
Focus. Finals first. Crisis after. Except my brain won't cooperate. "So," I say, too loud. JP looks up. Leo doesn't. "After Christmas break, I want to keep working on Operation Social Integration."
"Okay," JP says slowly.
"Now that I've actually—" No. Don't. "Never mind. The point is, I want to keep dating. Put myself out there. The whole point of the operation."
JP's eyes move between Leo and me. "Sure. Whatever you need.” I know that tone. JP uses it when he's piecing something together and doesn't want to alarm anyone. Calm, measured, we're talking about this later.
Glancing at Leo, I see his head’s down, and his knuckles are white where he grips the textbook. I can't tell if he's angry, embarrassed, or something else entirely. I don't know anything anymore.
I'm lucky. Good friends who notice, who care. Except my best friend won't even look at me.
I should be happy, that's the worst part. My first time was perfect. No awkwardness, no pain, no fumbling disaster. Leo was careful and patient and thorough and it was amazing. I know guys with horror stories about their first time. Mine wasn't one of them. Except for how Leo's been acting since.
I want to do it again. That's the really messed-up part.
I want to kiss him, touch him, and feel that connection again.
The way he looked at me. The way he made me feel safe and wanted and…
My brain stutters. But he clearly didn't enjoy it the same way.
He must have hated it. Why else would he be acting like this?
The door opens, and cold air rushes in with Luca, who bursts through like a caffeinated tornado, spots us immediately, and makes a beeline straight for Del's lap. Del grins, arms automatically wrapping around Luca's waist.
"The exam was awful," Luca announces. "I found three mistakes in the questions!
Three. How is that even possible? I had to fix them before I could answer them.
Spent twenty minutes correcting the professor's errors.
I hope he accepts my answers since I had to deviate from his incorrect questions, but they were wrong, Del. Objectively, mathematically wrong."
"And then—" Luca's still going, "—question seventeen asked for a proof using Theorem 4.2, but Theorem 4.2 doesn't even apply to that type of problem! It's Theorem 4.3! How do you mix those up?"
"Babe," Del says, grinning. "Breathe."
"I am breathing! I'm breathing efficiently while explaining academic malpractice!"
JP doesn't look up from his flashcards, but I see his mouth twitch.
Almost a smile. I wish I could find this funny right now.
It's objectively hilarious. Luca's face is doing that thing where he's outraged but also kind of enjoying the rant.
And I'm just… here. Watching Leo not study.
Del's laughing. "I'm sure he'll accept them, babe. You're smarter than him anyway."
"That's not the point! The point is quality control! If you're going to write an exam, at least make sure the questions are solvable!"
They're so easy together. Lucky. Luca is in Del's lap like it's the most natural thing in the world. There’s no weird aftermath. No regrets. No one is flinching away in hallways. Just… them.
"There's plenty of chairs, you know." I look up. Beckett, the owner of Beans steel-grey eyes; the kind of build that says he could probably bench-press the espresso machine. Objectively hot in that older-guy way.
Beckett defended Del throughout the whole false-accusation mess last semester.
Showed up, shut people down, and made it clear he had Del's back.
Pretty cool for a guy who communicates primarily in grunts.
I can see the appeal. The whole silver fox thing.
Not for me, I don't have daddy issues to work through, but I get it.
Also, pretty sure Beckett could kill someone with his bare hands. That's not a turn-on; that's a safety observation. Stay on the good side of the guy who looks like he eats nails for breakfast.
Del laughs. "Yeah, but this one's more comfortable." He tightens his grip on Luca's waist.
Luca blushes. "I can move—"
"Nope." Del tightens his grip; he’s still grinning. Beckett grunts, then walks away. Luca's face is bright red now, but he's smiling as he settles more comfortably against Del's chest. My throat tightens watching them.
I miss that. Except I never had it. Not really. Leo and I were friends. Are friends. Will we be friends? I don't know anymore.
"I should go." Leo stands abruptly. Starts packing his stuff. "My final is in an hour. I need to finish my review where it's quieter."
"Good luck," JP says.
"Yeah, good luck," Del adds. I’m not sure what to say, so I stay quiet. Leo leaves without looking at me. The door closes behind him. I look down at my notebook and stare at a formula I definitely understood yesterday. It looks like an alien language now.
Is that a delta or a triangle? Why did I write "CHECK THIS" in the margin? Check what? I have no idea. My handwriting looks like it was written by a caffeinated squirrel. Focus. Autonomous Systems.
The final's in, I check my phone, thirty-seven hours.
I should know this. I do know this. Except my brain is currently running approximately forty-seven error messages, and none of them are about robotics.
Luca's still talking about his exam. Del's listening with a besotted expression.
JP's back to his flashcards, but I catch him glancing at me once.
I stare at my notes. Autonomous Systems Design. The math blurs.
I’ve ruined everything.
I asked Leo to have sex with me, and I ruined our entire friendship.
I should have known better. Should have realized it would change things.
Should have accepted being a virgin for a little longer instead of dragging my best friend into it.
Except I don't regret the sex. I regret that Leo regrets it.
I regret that I clearly pressured him into doing what he didn't want to do. I regret that I can't take it back.
We're leaving for Christmas on Friday. Right after my final. Driving to the farm together. Spending a week in close quarters.
I need to talk to him. Figure out how to fix this. Get my best friend back. But what if talking makes it worse? What if he doesn't want to revisit it? What if I've already lost him?
My chai's gone cold. The whipped cream melted into a sad, soggy mess.
Sprinkles floating like tiny colorful casualties.
I pull out my notebook and stare at equations I'm supposed to be reviewing.
Try to focus. Fail. Try again. I'll talk to him at Christmas, on the drive, maybe, or at the farm somewhere private.
I'll apologize, tell him I'm sorry, that I didn't mean to pressure him, that our friendship matters more than anything else.
What if I mess this up, too?
A sprinkle detaches from the whipped cream mountain. Floats sadly in the beige foam. I should really drink this chai. Still, I don't move. Instead, I sit here, watching my drink die, trying to figure out how to unbreak something I didn't mean to break in the first place.
Engineering is so much easier than people.