Chapter 15 #2
The green top of the strawberry splat onto the counter when I dropped it. “He said that to the Salvatore brothers?”
“Yeah. And then he bought me the Neon Reef.”
Just who was Kieran? And how did he and Hiro know each other?
Haz pushed away his empty plate and cleared his throat. “So now that you know I’m basically a Salvatore,” he began, fidgeting in his seat, “uh…” He stalled, nibbling on his thumbnail. “Do you still want to be friends?”
“Kieran said I was family now,” I blurted.
Haz straightened, a hopeful shine in his eyes. “He did?”
I nodded.
“And what did you say?”
“…Okay?” Was I not supposed to say that?
Haz leaned forward, the stool he was on teetering on two legs, so he could hug me. He smelled like maple syrup and fabric softener from the oversized dress shirt he wore. I hugged him back, squeezing my eyes closed.
The stool slid out from beneath him, clattering to the floor. Haz would have fallen with it, but I tightened my arms so he just sort of dangled over the ground.
“Hazard!” Kieran bellowed from the bedroom.
I set him down, and he yelled. “I’m fine!”
“Good save,” he whispered, picking up the stool and climbing back on.
“What do you think they’re doing back there?” I asked, gazing down the hallway, already hungry for a glimpse of Hiro. I guess my stomach had the ability to get full, but my eyes never did.
I knew everyone else called him Ghost, but that wasn’t who he was to me. Well, okay, he did ghost me so hard I would have called a medium if I had the cash, but when I thought of him, that wasn’t at all what came to mind first.
To me, he was a hero. My Hiro.
Before he made off into the night with my heart like a dirty thief, he’d saved me.
More than once. I’d been sick and vulnerable, and he’d taken care of me.
Even though he’d been little more than a stranger, I trusted him instantly.
I’d never felt so safe and secure in my entire life, so even later, when he was gone and my heart hurt, my instincts refused to believe he’d betrayed me.
“Probably plotting some murder.” Haz’s nonchalant reply snapped me out of my own thoughts.
“What?” I thought maybe he was joking, but his reaction was not to smile or laugh.
He shot upright. “Uh, w-what?”
“You said they’re probably plotting murder.”
“Did I?”
“I definitely heard it.”
Haz looked sheepish. “Sometimes my tongue is like a Slip ‘N Slide, and inside thoughts fly out before I can stop them.”
Was he serious? “Haz—”
“They work for the government,” he rushed out as though I’d been torturing him for the information.
“Kieran and Hi—Ghost?” I asked, correcting myself before I could call him by his first name. For some reason, that felt like just mine. There was a lot in this world that wasn’t just mine, so I wanted to protect this.
Haz nodded. “I’m probably not supposed to tell you, but Kieran said you’re family.”
“What do you mean they work for the government?” I asked. Leaning in, I said, “Like they kill people?”
“Yeah, and the government gives them permission.”
My mouth moved, but no words came out. I tried again. I couldn’t stop picturing some handwritten permission slip that read License to Kill.
This was more dramatic than the web comics I only got to read halfway through. But unlike the web comics, I actually had access to the ending.
Lowering my voice, I said, “You’re saying that Ghost is some sort of hitman for the government?”
Haz seemed unsure all of a sudden. “I thought you two knew each other.”
“No. I mean, yes,” I said, tripping over the words while darting a glance down the hall, half expecting him to come waltzing out and accusing me of lying.
If he did, I’d accuse him back!
“Which is it?” Haz asked.
My shoulders slumped. “We met two years ago. He stopped some thugs from stealing my money and putting me in the morgue. After that, sometimes he would follow me around the city… I never saw him, but I knew he was there.” I peeked up, worried he would think I was being weird, but Haz nodded.
“I know what you mean. My skin usually tingles when Kieran is around, sometimes before I even see him.”
“Yeah, like that,” I said, relieved he understood. “Anyway, I tried to lure him out by going into creepy alleys and stirring up trouble. I just wanted to thank him.”
“Did it work?”
“One time, but he wouldn’t let me look at him, and he told me to stop trying to get his attention.”
“He’s definitely more like Kieran than I thought,” Haz mused.
“But then I got sick and was resting inside a box.”
“A box?”
I hesitated. “I was homeless.”
Haz gasped so hard his chair teetered again. I wrapped my ankle around one of the legs to steady him, but I was sure if he fell, I’d end up on the ground with him.
But that’s what friends do for each other, right?
“You were homeless?”
“Yeah, for a few years actually,” I admitted.
“Makes growing up in an orphanage seem privileged.”
“You grew up in an orphanage?” I echoed.
“My mom abandoned me the day I was born.”
I wasn’t sure which was worse, being put out on the street or escaping to it. Both seemed equally shitty. Maybe that was why he and I got along so well. Because it seemed we were both on our own for most of our lives.
In a surprise move, Hazard reached out and laid his hand on my arm. Taken off guard, I looked at where he touched me and then up at his face. He smiled. “I’m glad you were able to find your way to the apartment across the hall.”
My chin wobbled a little, but I told it to knock it off. “The only reason I could was Ghost.”
Haz pulled his hand from my arm and used it to prop up his chin. “I love gossip. And Kieran’s so bad at it. But I can tell you won’t be.”
I smiled a little. I hoped I didn’t disappoint him because usually my life was utterly boring.
“So you were in a box.” He encouraged me to go on, thoroughly invested.
I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I was sick. He pulled me out of the box and carried me to a motel where he spent an entire day giving me medicine and bringing down my fever.”
“Did he make you soup?”
Surprised, I asked, “How did you know?”
“He really is like Kieran.”
“He got me cookies too. And gave me his hoodie.” And his T-shirt. And a pair of socks. And a ghost stuffie.
“For someone so anxious to leave, he sure left a lot behind,” Haz quipped.
I paused. “Did I say all that out loud?”
He nodded.
My cheeks heated. “Sometimes I talk to myself. I’m usually alone, so no one else hears.”
“I chew my nails,” he said, holding up his hand to show off short, ragged nails.
“Life is a lot sometimes.” I commiserated, then got back to the gossip. “But I think he left it all behind because he was in such a hurry to get away from me.”
“Then why would he spend all that time nursing you back to health?”
My stomach dipped. The way Haz said nurse you back to health felt intimate and special. Like something someone did when they cared.
I shook my head, wanting to clear the thought and not give it water to grow. Thoughts were like seeds that way. If you watered and nurtured them, they grew and turned into weeds that polluted your brain.
I didn’t have time for a brain full of weeds. I needed to think clearly. And realistically.
“But when I woke up, he was gone, and in his place was a bag filled with five thousand dollars.”
Haz’s jaw dropped. “Five grand?”
I nodded. “There was a note that said to get an apartment.”
“Did you have sex with him?” Haz asked plainly.
This time, my ears flamed alongside my cheeks. “Of course I did. You’ve seen him,” I whined. The dark hair, hooded gaze, and muscles. I wanted to inhale him the way he inhaled those cigarettes, except I was greedy and wouldn’t exhale.
Realization dawned. He didn’t smell like cigarettes this morning. Why?
Haz laughed, and I remembered we’d been talking. “It was like that with Kieran too. I couldn’t resist.”
“But Kieran didn’t disappear after leaving you a pile of cash,” I pointed out.
Haz frowned. “And you haven’t seen him since?”
I shook my head. “Not until yesterday at the Neon Reef.”
Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. His words from this morning echoed through the chambers of my heart, escorted by the memory of being wrapped tight against his chest.
It was dangerously close to perfection. Until he said I’d be his downfall.
I won’t let him be mine.
I hopped off the barstool, grimacing on impact. “I really need to be going.”
“But we aren’t done gossiping.”
“I have some things I need to do before work,” I explained. Like shower and take a nap. Contemplate my entire existence. Things like that took time.
“You’re leaving because of him.”
Putting my back to the rest of the room, I faced my friend. “I have to. Being in the same room with him is hard.” I wanted to climb him like a tree. Cuddle him like a Koala. Convince him I was worth loving.
Love shouldn’t take convincing. It should choose you without hesitation.
And he didn’t just hesitate. He fled like I was a chalk outline at the scene of a crime.
“Maybe you should talk to him. Ask him why he left.”
I shook my head once. “He left because I wasn’t important enough to stay.”
“The way he looks at you says otherwise.”
“I know this sounds…” I fished around for the right word but came up empty, so I just went with the truth.
“Pathetic. But in all honesty, when I woke up to an empty room after that night… it hurt. God, had it hurt. More than it should have.” And for someone who was conditioned to and practically expected pain, it was a hard truth to choke down.
“That’s not pathetic.” Haz comforted me, but I shook my head and kept going, suddenly needing to say it out loud.
“I fell for him,” I blurted, shoulders slumping. “I fell so hard I didn’t even fight to get my heart back.”
“Even more reason to stay.”
“What happens when he leaves again?” I countered.
Hazard frowned. “He won’t.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Haz’s lips pressed together as uncertainty clouded his eyes.
“I love him in ways I can’t protect myself from,” I whispered, the place where my heart used to be nothing but an aching bruise. “So I have to go.”