Chapter 18
Life must go on. That had become Olivia's motto ever since she became a doctor. She had no time to grieve for a broken heart because hundreds of lives relied on her.
She walked down the hallway, nodding and smiling at everyone who greeted her, without them even knowing she had a breakdown moments ago.
The familiar beeping of monitors greeted her when she entered one of the patient's rooms.
Bea Perez, 10 years old, lay in her bed, various apparatus attached to her frail body. Mr. and Mrs. Perez sat by her bedside, exhausted and worried about the little girl who had succumbed to a coma.
But it was the small figure in the corner that caught most of Olivia's attention. Lea Perez, Bea’s twin sister, was curled up on the couch, arms wrapped around her knees. Her eyes never left her parents, who hadn't looked her way once. It was a scene that struck too close to home for Olivia.
Lea’s eyes held a familiar emptiness. The same hollow look Olivia had seen in her own reflection countless times growing up. Lea was there, yet she was invisible. Her parents' world revolved around her comatose twin.
Olivia looked away from Lea, feeling her chest tighten. Her attention shifted to Mr. and Mrs. Perez.
“Mr. and Mrs. Perez, the surgery will be in two hours. Please prepare yourselves.”
The mother lifted her droopy eyes to Olivia and in a weary tone asked, “Will... will my daughter survive?”
Olivia had heard that question many times before, and her response was the same every time. "I'll do everything in my power to save her life.”
"Please, you have to..." The father’s voice wavered as he glanced at his wife, who was rendered speechless by her tears. "We can't lose our daughter…”
Olivia left the room after checking Bea's vitals. Her chest still felt tight even after the door closed behind her. Her job as a doctor wasn't easy. It was hard to look at the patient or the grieving family without breaking apart inside.
“Doctor…”
She turned to the voice and found herself staring at Lea’s gentle face.
"Can you... can you make me sick instead of Bea?"
"I heard about people giving kidneys and stuff," Lea continued, "I can give Bea my kidney. Or... or my heart, if that would help. I don't mind. Just please make her better."
Olivia knelt down to meet Lea's eye level. Her throat tightened seeing the raw pain and loneliness reflected in those young eyes.
"I want Mama and Papa to smile again... They don't even look at me anymore. Maybe if I give Bea my heart, they'll remember I was here too."
"Sweetheart," Olivia's voice was gentle, though inside she was screaming. "Your sister's illness isn't something we can transfer. And your heart... your heart is meant to keep beating in your chest. You're not meant to give it away."
"But I don't mind," Lea insisted. "Nobody would miss me anyway. Mama and Papa only care about Bea. They love her more. They always have."
“That’s not true.” Olivia tried to keep her voice from shaking but it shook anyway. “They love you too... It's just that your sister needs more of their attention. They are afraid to lose her like you do...”
Lea didn't say a word, but the tears in her eyes were enough to convey what she felt.
Olivia wrapped the little in her arms the way she had wanted someone to comfort her when she was the same age. It was the only way she knew to make her feel she wasn't alone.
—
A few minutes later, Olivia made her way through the quiet hospital hallway, her footsteps soft and slow as she approached the new private suite where they'd moved Caroline.
She entered, expecting her husband to be there since he never left Caroline's side except when he had to eat or use the bathroom.
When she entered though he wasn’t inside.
She turned to the patient and checked her vitals.
They were all normal. Even her brain activity was normal.
She was expected to wake up soon. Olivia both dreaded and longed for that moment.
What would Caroline say when she opened her eyes?
Would she remember everything? Would she hate Olivia for stepping into her life?
She was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the door open.
"Doctor Hilton?"
Nurse Jessy stood in the doorway, her brows creased with worry. "You need to prepare for the girl's surgery. I'll take over the rounds."
"Thank you but I have to do this. I can't burden you with more work.”
"Dr. Hilton, you can't help anyone if you collapse," Nurse Jessy said firmly but kindly. “Go and take some rest.”
Olivia sighed, finally forcing her feet to move. At the door, she paused, looking back at Caroline one last time before making her way to the hallway where a young resident passed by, nodding respectfully. "Good afternoon, Doctor."
She managed a smile, just like she always did. Nobody needed to see the cracks. Nobody needed to know how close she was to shattering. Life must go on, after all. That was her motto now, wasn't it?
—
Late that night, Olivia pushed open her front door to find Clayton's jacket draped on the sofa in the living room.
She found him in their bedroom already sound asleep. He looked exhausted.
Olivia changed into her nightgown and lay next to him. The space between them felt like an ocean, although they were only inches apart.
She stared at the ceiling, listening to his breathing.
Her hand drifted to her stomach. Would things be different if she told him about the baby? Would he look at her, really look at her, and see more than Caroline's replacement?
Clayton shifted in his sleep, mumbling something. Then it came, soft but clear. "Caroline."
She wanted to reach out, to hold his hand, and let him know that she was there, instead she squeezed her eyes shut, letting the darkness swallow her pain.