Chapter 29 #2
“I couldn’t!” Nic cried, throwing his arms wide in defeat.
“I was too afraid. I know you, Dash—you’re a stubborn bastard when you make a decision, and you were so angry at the world that you would gladly have abandoned everything for me, caring nothing for the consequences.
But I could not be the man who ruined Leaf, could not be the man who ruined you, could not abandon my mother. ”
Dashiell’s jaw set, his fierce gaze searing into Nic and speeding his heartbeat to a sickening gallop. He had earned no forgiveness yet, but Dashiell was listening and for now that was enough.
Nic drew a deep breath. “I went to see my father that afternoon. I told him we needed to end the contract before someone else died for it, but… he refused. And threatened that if I did anything to endanger it, he would send Mama to an asylum.”
“Nic…”
“I was out of options. I couldn’t break the contract to save you and could not be the man you were asking me to be. I was frightened and desperate and so… I lied. Better you left here hating me but alive than never left here at all.”
Tears rolled down Dashiell’s cheeks. “God, I wish you had told me, Nic. Because your father made me an offer today. He said he would let us live together after the contract was signed, so long as it was kept secret. He said he would look the other way and ensure the Serrals did too… if I took the audit clause out of the contract.”
“What?” Nic stared at him, unable to fit this new knowledge into his head. His father had never so much as hinted at such a possibility.
“It’s a huge risk,” Dashiell went on, brushing tears away with his sleeve. “And I already refused, but I can go back to him, can tell him I’ll do it and then—”
“No.”
Dashiell froze, fear flickering across his face. “No? Please, don’t do this to me again, Nic.”
“No, because I have a better idea. One that doesn’t risk you getting in trouble. Which allows me to save my mother. And which means my name and my rank will never get in your way.”
The vowsmith shook his head slowly. “I told you, I don’t care about my job. I was willing to flee the country entirely to be with you.”
“Yes, but I don’t care about my name and rank either. We may still need to do that—flee the country, I mean, at least for a time—but this way we can live our lives on no one else’s terms. I would be free.”
“I don’t understand.”
Nic withdrew the doctor’s folded certificate from his coat pocket.
“I’ve always been told that death is the only way to escape being a Monterris.
And now Dr. Fanshaw has kindly granted me my freedom.
” Dashiell all but snatched the paper from Nic’s hand and unfolded it.
“It needs only your work to make it true,” Nic went on.
“And to break this contract before someone else dies for it.”
The vowsmith lifted a hand to his mouth. “Nic,” he gasped through fingers that trembled. “This…”
“Would make me no longer a Monterris,” Nic finished for him. “Would make me no longer an earl. No longer the heir of a duke. No longer constrained by any contract or any tradition, and no longer owned. With this I could, for once, truly, choose.”
He gripped Dashiell’s hand and lifted it to his lips.
“I love you, Dashiell sa Vare. Loving you is who I am. Loving you is who I’ve always been and who I will always be.
And as someone who can finally choose something for themselves…
” Still holding that hand, Nic sank onto one knee. “Will you marry me?”
Dashiell swallowed hard, a shy edge to his amazement. “Do you mean it?”
“I’ve never meant anything more. Although I totally understand if you don’t want to marry a worthless nobody without even a name to his name.”
With a shaky smile, Dashiell pulled Nic to his feet and clasped his face in his hands. “You ridiculous, glorious man, you could never be a worthless nobody. I never loved you for your name.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Yes! Of course, yes, I will marry you. It’s going to take some effort and artifice to make that certificate stick, but…
a hundred times yes. I love you, Nic. You broke my heart when you said you didn’t want to fight for us.
I kept telling myself there had to be something I was missing, that you couldn’t mean it, but knowing how much less I am worth than you made it all too believable. ”
Nic leaned close, touching his forehead to Dashiell’s. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t—”
“I know.”
“You wouldn’t have—”
“I know.”
Together they laughed, brushing away tears, and when they kissed, it was a gentle kiss that could go on forever—this a kiss that knew it wouldn’t be the last.
“Right, well, you had better tell me the plan,” Dashiell said when at last he pulled away enough to speak, warm breath dancing across Nic’s damp lips. “Do I smith it now? Or do we wait?”
“I would say now, to be sure no one else gets attacked for this contract, but it’s not safe for Mama to leave until daylight. Silla is packing. I told her just before dawn.”
“Just before dawn.” Dashiell nodded. “I can do that. It will immediately void the contract. Are you planning to leave with her?”
Nic shook his head. “No, as his heir I’m more important, so I have to make sure if my father finds me, he doesn’t also find her.”
“He isn’t going to like this.”
“No. But quite frankly I don’t care what he likes.”
Dashiell turned and paced to his writing desk and back. “Even so, we can’t linger. If he finds out before we leave…”
“Could he force you to undo it?”
“No. He won’t be able to correct the certificate.
Once your death is registered throughout the net, erasing you from contracts, it would take a full challenge and a lot of work to have it amended.
But I don’t doubt he would strive to do it, so long as he could produce you as proof that you’re still alive. ”
“You mean if I don’t get out before he knows, he will lock me up until he can drag me before a court.”
The vowsmith grimaced, fear crowding his features.
“Something like that, yes. We’re going to have to be quick and quiet.
Take almost nothing. Say no goodbyes. If we’re lucky, he’ll hear nothing about it until he checks the contract at the beginning of the day’s session.
You had better think of the best way out of the house, where none of the servants are likely to see us. ”
“I can do that, but we’ll have to give Mama at least half an hour’s head start—enough to be sure she’s reached Charlton.”
“Of course.”
Dashiell went back to pacing, a frantic sort of energy building as he murmured plans. As neither a Brilliant nor house staff, Martin could be sent out ahead. They could have a chaise waiting. For the duchess too. The man knew how to be discreet.
Such plans kept spilling from his lips until, abruptly, the vowsmith turned. “Does Lady Leaf know about this?”
“Yes. She was with me when the doctor wrote it. She’s looking forward to being less marriageable, having had an affianced husband die gruesomely on her.”
A grin flickered across Dashiell’s face, only to be swallowed by a fretful nod.
“At least Lord Charborough will want nothing but to hush this up as fast as possible. We just need to get through the first few weeks. So long as the duke doesn’t find you in that time, I think we can brazen through without having to leave the country.
It’s not like anyone in town knows what Lord Nicholas Monterris looks like after all, and soon you will be a sa Vare. At least… if that’s what you want.”
The question hovered, doubt shadowing Dashiell’s expression.
“Of course, I—”