Chapter 51
Chapter
I never had any secrets before leaving Lyme Regis. Now I carried too many. The human brain wasn’t meant to hold so many secrets. All my thoughts felt like wool on a spindle, spun and pulled and stretched almost to breaking.
I unlatched Ajax’s cage. The pterodactyl clambered across my crossed legs cheerfully as I stared into the distance.
“What do I do?” I whispered, stroking his head. “What should I do, Ajax?”
“There you are. I was looking for you.” Henry was in the doorway, hands in his pockets.
His smile slipped off. “Mary?” He rushed to me. “Darling, what happened?”
“You said there would be secrets,” I said flatly. “I thought it was a joke.”
“Ah. Initiation.” He relaxed and tried to take my hand. I pulled it away. “I wanted to tell you the truth. But the bylaws bind you. You physically can’t speak of it with anyone who isn’t also bound.”
I stroked Ajax’s cheek. He leaned into my hand, hooting softly.
“I came to your office just now, like you wanted. I saw Lord Knackbull was there.”
“Oh, yes,” he said eagerly. “We’ve negotiated a sale of some of the manifold reliqs to the home secretary.”
Henry wasn’t even trying to hide it. He was pleased. Proud. And he thought I would be, too. He frowned, realizing that I wasn’t.
“People are going to get hurt,” I said. “Killed. People who just want something better. For themselves. For their families.”
“Of course. Of course they do. And as long as they remain peaceful, no one’s going to get hurt.”
“But it’s like you’ve handed the government a loaded rifle—of course they’ll fire it,” I countered.
Henry narrowed his eyes. “The manifold reliqs are just a backup measure, in case things get out of hand.”
“With weapons like that, they will get out of hand.”
“Come. You’re sounding like Lucy.”
“Good,” I said fiercely.
He scoffed, and a lock of dark hair swung over his brow. He pushed it back mindlessly, just as he used to do as a boy. The gesture still made me ache. But everything felt wrong.
Henry exhaled. “I suppose I’m surprised. I thought you’d be happy.”
“Happy? How could I be happy?”
He snorted. “You’re the most calculating person I know, Mary; surely you can see the benefit for the Society.
A contract with the home office means we can increase production on the other Looms immediately, with guaranteed buyers.
It’s a huge influx of capital, and a great boon to our reputation.
The payout for fellows won’t be bad, either. ” He smiled.
I winced to hear my own thoughts reflected back at me.
I could still feel the slick of the reliquemical serum on my hands. Between my fingers. Secrets. Secrets and lies and blasphemy, and all to serve—what? Ambition. Wealth. Renown.
I suppose it’s too easy to forget the exact curve of your mouth, or the precise shade of your eyes, when you’ve gone awhile without a looking glass.
It’s only when someone holds it up for you, says, Here—here you are. This is how I see you, that you see it clearly.
I swallowed and set my jaw. And then I lied to Henry.
“You’re right, of course,” I said, and wrapped myself in his arms.
I knew it might be the last time. I was fairly certain it would be. I inhaled the smell of him, drinking it in. I kissed him, trying to memorize the feel of his mouth.
Ajax screeched with jealousy and raced back over, trying to climb my shoulders. Henry and I broke apart, but I kissed him once more, ignoring the pterodactyl’s angry cries, and wished I could see another way.
I’d become used to riding in coaches. I’d forgotten how to navigate a crowd.
“Watch where you’re going.”
“My apologies,” I said, and ducked my head. The man—tattered shirt, sun-speckled skin, black-banded arm—spat at my feet.
The tension was even sharper here on the ground. It felt like the air before a storm, heavy and darkening.
There were black armbands nearly everywhere I looked. The ranks of the sympathetic had grown faster than I’d realized. Or maybe I hadn’t been paying attention. I’d been so focused on my own fate, and the Society, maybe I just hadn’t noticed. I picked up my pace.
I’d expected the crowd to thin as I traveled closer to Westminster, but it grew larger, new bodies joining from every alleyway, like streams feeding a river.
The number of constables increased, too.
They moved in packs of three or four, casting dark, wary glances around as they carved through the streets.
A sense of dread started to form in the back of my throat as I passed with the throng through a garden square, muddy boots trampling the flowers.
There were no children.
I stopped short, the river splitting around me as if I were a rock in the waterway, black-bands all around. Where were the children?
Someone pushed me. I stumbled, caught my footing, and let myself be carried along. Skirmishes broke out on the fringes. My heart fluttered in my throat.
This was bad. Very bad.
I felt as if I stood on the beach, watching a wave begin to form in the distance. The tight sense of dread as it began to gather, and grow, and rise.
The golden tips of Westminster broke above the rooftop gables, and I cut away from the crowd, forcing my way through, running full speed down the empty street toward Edgar’s house.
I took the steps two at a time and rapped loudly on the door, then turned at the sound of laughter.
A group of young men ran down the street toward me, a streaming black banner raised aloft. One launched a rock from mid-stride. It smashed through a window three houses down.
A boy with a beaked nose stopped just before Edgar’s house.
“I suggest you get inside, ma’am,” he called up to me. “It’s dangerous to be outside just now.”
“Especially for magic-poachers like you,” snarled his friend. The one who’d thrown the rock. The beak-nosed boy put an arm out.
“Leave her be,” he said, and the rock-thrower scowled, but they ran on without another look my way.
The door opened, and I fell backward.
The butler frowned in disapproval. Edgar pushed past him.
“Mary.” Edgar looked shocked as he offered me a hand. “I’m sorry; I was up on the rooftop watching. There’s quite a crowd gathering. What are you doing here?”
“I’m looking for Lucy. Have you seen her?”
But of course she wasn’t here. She would be in the thick of it. Exactly in the place that would be most at risk if the manifold reliqs were used.
Edgar shook his head. “No. I haven’t seen her since—” He squinted at the sound of distant shouts. “Mary, I think you ought to come inside.”
“I have to go,” I shouted over my shoulder, already darting away. “I have to help Lucy.”