Chapter 16
Scarlett
It was Monday, and I had been requested for a private Back Hall meeting.
I put a braid in my hair and put my hair into a ponytail before stepping back and admiring myself in the old, dingy mirror in my house. It was faded around the edges and murky, but good enough to make sure everything was pristine.
I wore my copper-colored top with the gold collar, and my navy pencil skirt with copper tights and black shoes. I didn’t much like copper on me, but my other clothes were hanging in the bathroom to dry. This was all I had left to wear until those were done.
I studied myself, never looking above my neck, not even at myself.
Even when I did my neck exercises to keep my neck and posture good, I never opened my eyes.
I didn’t want to take the chance of accidentally putting myself into a habit I couldn’t get out of, so no looking.
I only knew how my hair looked by how it felt.
Soft, thick hair, one braid, always pulled back into a ponytail.
One day, I would love to wear a bow in my hair. I loved bows. Big ones. I would wear them every day, I think, if I had the option.
I smoothed out my skirt, watching my own hands. Years ago, back when Azrael first came to our church, I thought that I was numb. I thought that I had reached a state of uncaring. Like a puppet on a string, just doing whatever they told me without any emotion whatsoever.
Now I knew that wasn’t true. There was still feelings within me. I still cared. I cared about my braid. I cared about his eyes on me. I cared about the rules. I cared about the children and their little souls.
What did that mean for me?
The front door opened, and my eyes immediately dropped to the floor.
The clicks sounded and I headed towards them without thought.
Thomas was waiting for me at the front door.
Once he chose me as his Favorite, his betrothed, he became responsible for me, which meant that he had to be the one to drive me to and from church, although, I thought sometimes he hated it by how cold he acted.
He hired people from the church to get my groceries, only ‘church approved’ food that would keep me pure, and I was required to keep my house spotless just in case there was a surprise visit.
I kept my eyes on the ground as we stepped outside. I took in everything I could every time I got the chance. Sometimes, this was all I was able to taste of the outside world.
This sidewalk had exactly 12 lines in it and 43 cracks. Sometimes a flower bloomed up through those cracks. Dandelions, I had read once. They were beautiful.
I soaked up as much as I could, absorbing the warmth of the sun on my skin, the fresh air, before finally climbing into the van, the tan leather seats cracked revealing the yellow stuffing underneath.
“Mr. Bastrom wants to see you today,” Thomas explained when he got in. “You’re to do what he wants, follow the rules, and make sure he gets off. Is that understood?”
I understood. I always understood, but the problem was that Mr. Bastrom didn’t understand. He had been pushing lately. Pushing to touch me more. They all had, in the last few months, but Mr. Bastrom was the worst.
It’s like they didn’t care for the rules at all anymore, and I actually feared being alone with him, even though it wasn’t really alone.
Only Elders were allowed true private meetings.
Otherwise, Thomas was in the room when one Leader requested a personal visit, it was his choice to be in the room when it was all the Leaders, but the problem was that he was usually distracted when it was private, so they pushed. Mr. Bastrom was the worst of them.
We drove until we stopped. Thomas opened the van door, and I slid out. 46 lines from the van to the front doors. 127 cracks.
Thomas opened the doors of the church and led me in. I always disliked the church on the days we weren’t in services. It was quiet, eerie. It felt cold. Abandoned. Like the light had left the world during the days we were not here.
But, I suppose, it had never felt that warm to begin with.
I shivered as he led me to the sanctuary, wondering if it had always felt this cold or if everything just felt more empty these days. It seemed that the hope that the sea would return wasn’t enough to warm the air anymore.
I hoped he would be here on Sunday.
Thomas opened the doors, and the feeling of that familiar warmth was immediate.
He was here.
Why was he here on a Monday?
My heart skipped a beat as Thomas’s steps slowed. “What are you doing here?” he asked bitterly, although the bite to his rage was less today. Even in his anger and irritation, he sounded tired.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Azrael hummed, his steps silent as he made his way across the crimson carpet.
He reminded me of a ghost sometimes. Appearing whenever he wanted, so silent, that it was difficult to track him.
Not for me though. I always knew where he was.
Always.
“I have business,” Thomas answered tightly. “I am the pastor’s son, in case you have forgotten. Why are you here?”
“He’s also here for business, isn’t he? He and Pastor Masters have become so close these days. I know they are working together, how can you not?”
“I’m also here for business,” Azrael answered with a smile. “Or have you forgotten that your daddy favors me? Oh, so many secrets, so little time,” he sang.
He was teasing Thomas. Mocking him. I felt a muscle twitch at the corner of my lips again, something tingling in my chest. Amusement, I think the word was. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt such a thing.
Thomas’s legs stiffened. “You don’t know the first thing about secrets,” he seethed.
“Oh?” He pondered, his feet coming into view. “Well, go on then. Get to your business,” he dismissed, walking by us.
Thomas grumbled and clicked his tongue, ordering me to move.
I took one step after him just as Azrael passed on my left side. “So you do hear me.”
I felt that muscle twitch again, but this time, one corner of my lips flicked up. It felt strange, tight, unnatural, but I knew what it was.
A smile.
My heart fluttered, my skin warming all over. I had pleased him. I wondered if I still had a chance to be his Favorite.
“Careful, little sinner, some might think you have emotions too,” he warned, that lilt in his voice almost playful.
My face warmed and I quickly continued after Thomas, who was so determined in his mission that he hadn’t noticed that I had momentarily paused beside Azrael.
I forced that smile down, itching to touch my hair, to touch the braid that had surely gotten his attention.
Maybe I would wear two braids on Sunday. Maybe then he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He would request for Pastor Masters to become a Leader just so he could take part in sharing me.
Although, I had my doubts that Thomas would allow that even though he was donating me to the church.
It would be the exact same, but maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe Azrael would be different back there. Maybe I wanted to show off a little for him, just to see exactly what he would do. His gaze was so different than anyone else’s, he had to be different too, I was sure of it.
I wanted him to be different so this feeling inside of me could make more sense.
I didn’t want to go to the Back Hall and be watched by the Leaders, but being watched by Azrael? I craved it every Sunday. I felt empty until I felt his eyes on me. Whatever that feeling was, I wanted to keep it forever.
Thomas led me over the threshold of the Back Hall, and we made our way to the changing room.
He put me in pigtails, sheer tights, a bra that pushed up my breasts, and a green leather dress that scraped against my skin and hugged my thighs so tight that if I were to spread my legs even a little, it would slide up to my hips.
Mr. Bastrom liked the leather dresses the most, but he especially liked me in green. I think it was because green represented youth, life, and his was nearing its end.
I put on the heels Thomas put out for me and finally joined him in the hallway where he had gone to take a call.
Even in five-inch heels, I was still on the shorter side.
I had measured myself once, with a ruler I had found in my kitchen drawer.
It had been difficult, but at the end, I think I figured out that I was around five foot and six inches tall.
So, even in these heels, I was still not as tall as most of the men here.
I followed him to room five, a room meant only for two people.
It was smaller than the others, and it had only one bright light and one camera.
I actually liked when it was just one other person because that meant I wouldn’t have to be there that long.
Usually a couple of minutes. And maybe, when Mr. Bastrom was done, Azrael would still be in the sanctuary.
Maybe I could see his shoes one more time before he left on one of his trips.
Thomas opened the door, allowing me in. “I have to take another call,” he announced and shut the door behind me.
He was leaving me alone? No, that was against the rules. I knew the cameras saw everything, but I was never to be alone in a room with anyone other than Thomas. Never.
I hesitated before heading towards the center of the room, catching sight of Mr. Bastrom’s shoes on the way. This wasn’t good, it wasn’t right.
I hated the way his eyes felt on me. It made my stomach twist uncomfortably. It felt like sticky, melted candy coating my skin, making me want to take a hot bath afterwards.
“On your knees,” he told me.
I did as I was asked, my dress sliding up to my hips at the motion, revealing the white underwear I was wearing underneath.
“Sit back on your heels.”
I sat back on them, my ankles bending in a strange and uncomfortable way.
“Spread your knees.”
I shifted, spreading my knees, the leather dress moving further up towards my waist.