Chapter 26 Azrael
Azrael
“If she is truly delusional, you can’t encourage her hysteria.”
My grip on my cane tightened at the pure…goodness in the cub’s eyes, the pure resentment. I could see his assumptions; see the future he had laid out for me. I’m sure he would have preferred that I stayed in that asylum. That I had died there.
The little mouse sat beside him, practically on top of him, wearing her short plaid skirt and ripped fishnets with long black boots covered in buckles, and some grey graphic tee from some obscure band in Colorado Springs.
“Come Rock” it said. No name, no dates, just an outline of a girl with a microphone.
She was watching me with her big green eyes, her hair pulled back in two buns that resembled ears.
My eyes narrowed and I pointed the end of my cane at her, watching her lean a little into her husband, despite the glare she gave. “You’re getting too close to the others.”
She pressed her lips together and straightened. “Not all buns are representative of bunny ears, Azrael. As for the shirt? I like it. It has nothing to do with Olivia, and what if it did anyway? I can’t have friends?”
I set my cane down with a tap. “No.” She wasn’t like the others.
She was strong in her words, in her beliefs, but I remembered the way she had reacted when her dear husband had been shot.
How she had reacted while he had been away.
Drunk for some time before she worked her way out of it.
She wasn’t as weak as some of our Initiates, but she wasn’t strong in the way the flowers were.
That wasn’t an insult on her part, I did believe that this world did need a certain amount of softness, but growing closer to the ones with teeth and claws wasn’t in her best interest. Not yet anyway.
She was safer indoors.
The cub gave me a disapproving look. “Why are we here?”
I thrummed my fingers along my cane. Because the daffodil insisted.
She didn’t scare me, not even with a gun pointed at my head, but when I told her no, she went behind my back anyway, claiming that I wanted this meeting.
“Sharing always backfires, that’s why I never do it.
The fact that the little yellow flower decided to seek you out and say something anyways grates against my mind in a way you cannot possibly comprehend.
Telephone is my least favorite game, and you all play it with such… vigor.”
They were quite the chatterboxes, but I could still control the narrative.
I suppose it was my fault, I should have known that the rose was enough like them to not consider the fact that her Claim would tell the others.
Perhaps I should teach her a lesson. When I tell someone something, when I allow a clue to slip, that remains between me and her.
If she can’t fathom keeping a secret from her Claim, then I will keep my secrets all to myself.
Her glare only dried. “Who is she?” she asked again.
My hand tightened around the deer head. “She is a secret. One I will be tossing out with the rest when I’m done playing.”
“If that were true, you would never have told Rae about her. You wouldn’t be keeping her a secret.”
Well, her information is skewed, isn’t it. “I do hate when words are twisted,” I replied icily.
“They aren’t twisted,” the cub bit back. “You told Rae—”
“Have either of you considered that it’s not the secrets I keep but the nightmares I store away?” I interrupted tightly. “Perhaps you assume they’re secrets because none of you ask me the right questions.”
The mouse sat forward, her eyes hard. “Olivia told Rae that you found a card. Rae guessed it was a girl. You did not deny that. What is her name?”
“‘What’s in a name?’” I asked, her eyes filling with ice. “By any other name, it wouldn’t smell as sweet as the Queen of Hearts does covered in her own blood.” My eyes shifted to the cub. “These reactions only reaffirm why I never whisper a word to a soul. Did that give you what you need?”
“You’ve already killed her?” the mouse breathed out, leaning back, her repulsively big eyes glistening.
My smile widened. “You do look so pretty with tears in your eyes.” What I never took into account was how utterly emotional these people were. How long before this reached father and Uncle dearest? Not long enough, I assumed.
“Azrael,” the cub snarled in warning.
I stood, finding the little mouse’ eyes through my cracked porcelain mask. “It was less than ideal to see you again, especially out and about where I’m sure you’re not yet meant to be.”
Her eyes hardened and she shoved herself to a stand.
“You’ve been on this mission of yours for years, which means it’s serious and it runs deep.
Which means that this girl that you’re using—did use—for your fucked up agenda is in need of some actual help.
If she is still alive and she’s being tortured, if she’s captive in any way, you have to help her.
You can’t just discard her when you’re done using her. ”
“I can and I will, I’ve done it so many times before, right cub?”
His eyes were ice-cold and filled with death, but like the smart boy he was, he didn’t say a word.
The little mouse, however, seemed to have grown some fangs. She straightened, facing me completely. “You never would have left us. You taunt and tease, but I know you care about your family, no matter how fucking psychotic you are.”
I chuckled. “This was not an invitation for advice. She is a means to further my agenda. You,” I said, pointing the cane at her nose, “need to stay in your precious little house like you so desperately wanted. Or someone might just find you ripped apart and spread around the world like the rest of those who get in my way.”
The cub stood then, joining his wife’s side, his hazel eyes burning with a fire I knew all too well. “Put it down.”
I met his eyes, unafraid of him, of any of them, but I lowered the cane anyway. “Tick tock goes the clock, even for the mouse.”
His face twisted into a rage.
“Teach her to fight or she’s useless in this world,” I hummed just as the door to the room opened.
“You become more unhinged with each passing year,” he stated bitterly. “One of these days, you won’t be able to come back, Azrael. Ever. Your mind will be lost to the insanity you gained in that fucking asylum all those years ago.”
I angled my chin, allowing the smile to grow. “Maybe you never should have let me go to that asylum.” I shoved the thought away and sharpened my smile as much as I could. “They opened me up in ways Malachi never could.”
His hands tightened into fists. “Leave her alone. Better yet, have Everett take your place. I’m sure those three wouldn’t mind jumping headfirst into whatever shitshow you’ve been brewing these last few years.”
“No. Thanks for the advice, Mr. and Mrs. Mouse, I’ll see you when I come back from Wonderland.” I turned on my heel, finding Red standing just inside the door, her arms crossed over her chest, her red dyed brows pulled together.
I took her in, the anger clear in her blue eyes.
“Your dreads are longer since the last time I saw you,” I commented.
The top half of her dreads had been dyed a blood red, the bottom half a deep black, and they all fell to her waist. She often wore them up in some sort of bun, but today they were only half up.
She dropped her hands to her sides. “That happens when you run for months on end.”
I grinned. “I don’t run.” I continued for the door. It had taken her almost two weeks to find me after she landed the day of the church event, so I had to leave for a week, lure her back out of Washington before returning again. I was impressed she trailed me back here so efficiently.
“Azrael,” the mouse called, “if you allow her to slide, she won’t return. You have to push her to grow. Don’t allow her to stay locked in her own mind, she will lose herself, and please don’t kill her. You can let one live. If she’s just a cache to you, let her be a free cache.”
I pushed through the door into the hall.
I didn’t need unsolicited advice from bleeding hearts.
What they didn’t understand was that I was already pushing her.
I was already trying to break her out of her own prison so that I could lock her away in mine where the clocks sang and the smiles were sharp and covered in blood.
I didn’t need them ordering me around as if I were nothing but a lowly Initiate.
I was more than they would ever be. More volatile, more intelligent, more cunning, more brutal.
I would do the things that would stain their souls for all eternity.
That is why I always received the brutal assignments.
The ones they would never survive. The ones they would never know about.
I was better.
And yet they always had to shove their noses where they didn’t belong, putting themselves in danger that I had to protect them from again and again. I didn’t need the purity of souls that couldn’t handle the nightmares I survived.
2011
Time didn’t exist here. In the wilds of Russia where snowstorm after snowstorm turned the outside world into a blinding white.
There was just the brightness of the day and the brightness of the night laced in the daffodils and thorn covered roses they had planted along the windowsill to bring light to my life.
There were towering white mountains and rolling hills behind the small window.
The only things that survived in this dead world besides those flowers were the three animals they had trapped in cages down the way.
They squeaked and chirped and howled. The only noise to be heard for miles other than the screams of the other patients.
I had scratched a clock into the wall, staring at it, rocking slightly on my feet to try and relieve myself of the paint that constantly coursed through my body. I think I was infected, but then again, infections don’t thrive in places this cold.