Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
SKYE
Josh drags me downstairs with him; I think mostly so Ewan can talk to Daniel about his newfound bisexuality in private.
I go willingly enough. After hearing my dad laugh uncontrollably over the fact nobody believes that Daniel and I are only fake dating, my brain really needs a break.
Talking to the guests for a few minutes will help.
But it’s not to be. We’re three steps from the parlor when I get a text from my best friend, Tom.
After all the times I’ve listened to you obsess over Farmer Dan, I better not have just learned you’re dating him from someone else. WTF is going on?
“Go on,” I tell Josh. “I have to make a call.”
His smile is commiserating. “Sucks to be you right now.” He hesitates. “We’ll talk later?”
I suspected he knew about my feelings for Daniel, and this seems to confirm it. “Yeah.”
As he disappears into the parlor, I take my phone to reception, which is empty at this time. The phone only rings once before Tom answers.
“You’re dating Farmer Fuck Me Please?” he demands, and I wince. I can’t tell him not to call Daniel that, since I’m the one who came up with it during a drunken pity party. Not one of my best moments.
It is catchy, though.
“No. We’re fake dating because my mom’s in town, and she said some stuff… Anyway, it got complicated, and now nobody believes it’s fake.”
Tom snorts. “Start from the beginning, please.”
Yeah… where the fuck is that? Tom knows about the ghosts, of course—the whole town does—and his dead grandma is still hanging around, which makes him even more accepting than most people.
But demons and spirits and gateways and me being a conduit aren’t things I’ve ever told him about, and I don’t think now is the time either.
“Daniel and I went to the bakery” is the safest starting point I can think of. I recount the events of the afternoon, and because it’s Tom and we’ve been friends since day care, I even tell him what Mom said to me. The long string of profanities that erupts from him is gratifying.
“Okay,” he says when I’m done. “I get it. I would have faked having a boyfriend too. And probably made up an incredible around-the-world trip we were planning for next summer.”
“Wish I’d thought of that.” Mom always wanted to travel the world, but as far as I know from my grandparents, she’s never gotten farther than Mexico.
I make a mental note to look into international vacations.
The estate gets quiet during the winter…
that’s a good time to go to the Southern Hemisphere, isn’t it?
Somewhere that would be a completely new experience, like…
I’ll think of a country later. I should probably have paid more attention to world geography at school.
“I’m surprised you were thinking at all,” Tom soothes. “I can’t believe she attacked you in the street like that, like she’s got any right to comment on your life. Fuck her. I’m glad Daniel was there.”
For what feels like the millionth time in the last few days, I blink away tears. My friends are the best. “Yeah, well, so was I, but now it’s turned to shit.”
“Pfft. So people think you’re dating. You told them the truth; it’s not your fault they don’t believe it.
Wait until your mom leaves and then just go on with your lives, and eventually they’ll catch on.
Or think you broke up.” He pauses. “Make sure everyone knows you’re still friends, or they might run Daniel out of town. ”
I laugh. “Sure. Who knew I was such a beloved member of the community.” I run a hand over my face and wonder if I should tell him the rest. It’s not my story to tell…
but Tom’s been keeping my secrets for more than twenty years, and I don’t think he’s going to blab now.
Plus, it’s not like Daniel’s keeping things on the down low.
The whole town now thinks he’s bisexual.
“Daniel thinks he’s probably bi,” I blurt, and Tom sucks in a breath.
“Uh… okay.”
“That’s not helpful, Tom!”
“I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to say. If this was a movie or something, we’d be cheering, right? I’d be all, ‘Go nail yourself some Farmer Dan.’”
“If you ever said something like that, our friendship would immediately end.”
He ignores me. “But this is real life, and in real life we know it’s more complicated.
Right? Like… why does he think he might be bi?
Is there someone he’s attracted to? He’s only ever been with women, right?
How secure is he about the idea of being with a man?
Sometimes it’s easier to accept the theory than actually put it into practice. ”
Right at this second, I wish Tom was a different kind of person.
Because if he was less level-headed and responsible and caring, he’d be telling me to find Daniel and ride him like a bucking bronc.
Or something. But instead, he’s reinforcing all the same questions I have.
I’ve known I was gay almost my whole life.
There was never a time when I imagined settling down with a woman.
Girls were nice, but it was the boys I crushed on, and I always thought it would be so much better if boys could marry boys.
But even living in this tiny town, I saw others have different experiences—Tom, for one.
He struggled with the idea that he might be gay and dated girls most of the way through his teens.
We were nearly twenty before he came to me in tears one day and said he didn’t know what to do anymore.
“Real life is too fucking complicated,” I say. “I think he kissed me.”
Tom’s lack of reaction isn’t what I was expecting. I wait a beat longer.
“Tom?”
“I’m here. What do you mean, you think he kissed you? Were you, like, half-asleep or something? Wait, when were you asleep near Daniel?”
“I wasn’t asleep.” Although I have slept near Daniel before… just not as near as I’d like. Whatever, he’s seen me half-asleep and just waking up. He thinks my inability to function before coffee is “cute.”
I’m doomed to be cute for the rest of my life.
“It was today. Tonight. We were talking, and he told me I’m amazing and bring sunshine”—words I’ll cherish until I fall down dead—“and I went to kiss his cheek for being so sweet… and…” I trail off. “I’m sure it wasn’t me, Tom. I didn’t aim for his mouth. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know,” he assures me. “I hate to say this, but it could have been an accident? Did he pull away? I’d ask if you did, but there’s a difference between taking advantage and being an idiot, and you’re not an idiot. Usually.”
“Thank you. Your loving friendship is the mainstay of my life. No, he didn’t pull away. He… lingered.” It’s a stupid thing to say, but I can’t think of another word that fits. “Then Johnny interrupted us.”
“I feel like we should be having this conversation with a bottle of vodka,” Tom complains. “Okay, so… maybe he wanted to test out the whole bi thing. You’re his friend, you’re gay… that makes you safe. Or maybe he got caught up in the moment, the drama of the fake-dating thing.”
“It could be either of those,” I agree.
Neither of us says anything.
“Or…” Tom’s voice is hesitant as he breaks the silence. “Maybe the reason for his bi realization is that he likes you.”
The thought has been hovering in the back of my mind since the kiss, but hearing it spoken aloud makes my heart leap.
“I really want it to be that option.” But I’m also terrified of the possibility.
Loving Daniel from afar has consumed so much of me over the past years that being able to do it openly should be a dream come true.
But he’s one of my best friends, and he’s vulnerable right now. Would that be the right thing to do?
“I want that too,” Tom says, but his tone echoes all the thoughts rampaging through my brain.
Josh finds me a few minutes after I say goodbye to Tom. “Hey. You okay?”
I blow out a breath and stand. “I’ve got no fucking clue. But I’m pretty sure I’ll laugh about all this in a few years. You know, if the demons haven’t enslaved us all by then.”
“Honestly, Skye, I don’t know how you can be so happy and positive all the time.”
I laugh. “Yeah, yeah. Life’s a ray of sunshine.
” I shake my head. “I promise I’m fine. Just tired.
This stuff with my mom was unexpected.” Josh and I might have only known each other for a little over a year, but I know his parents cut ties when he graduated high school—because he’s gay.
So he’ll understand what being abandoned by a parent feels like.
“Her timing isn’t great. But I know your dad and Patrick and everyone have got your back there.” He pauses, the air heavy with what he’s not saying.
“You’re worried about this thing with Daniel.”
“I’m worried about you,” he corrects. “It’s none of my business, Skye.
That’s why I’ve never asked. But I have this suspicion that maybe you feel more for Daniel than just friendship.
You don’t have to tell me,” he adds quickly.
“I just want you to know I’m here if you need to talk.
Or drink yourself stupid. Or make tiny paper Daniel and Skye dolls and hold a tiny paper wedding to get it out of your system, then burn them all. ”
My jaw drops.
“Okay, that last one was weird,” he admits. “But if it’s what you need… I’m your guy.”
I swallow hard. “It was easier when he was out of reach, you know? Now…” I sigh.
God, I’m getting sick of baring my heart like this.
First to Daniel about Mom, and now to Tom and Josh about Daniel.
I’ve always been open about my emotions, but this is ridiculous.
“I don’t know what to do. I feel like this could be my chance, but he’s my friend.
I don’t want to lose that, and I don’t want to take advantage while he’s still working things out. ”
Josh’s smile makes me feel like a good person.
“You’re a good person,” he says, and I almost laugh.
“You don’t have to decide right now, do you?
He’s just come out, and like you said, he’s still working things out.
Why not give it a couple days? Like… you won’t do anything, even make a decision, until the weekend.
By then you hopefully won’t be so raw from all this shit with your mom, and you can think about your options again.
” He looks me in the eye. “And if Daniel should happen to mention to me or Ewan that he has a particular attraction to someone, we can let him know that it’s safe to make a move. ”
My heart does its little leap thing again. “You think he might?” My voice is pitched weirdly high.
Josh shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe. You and he have always had this vibe. I told myself it was one-sided, but maybe…”
Maybe.
“I guess turning off my brain for a few days won’t hurt.”