Chapter 21
GENIE
Now
I wake up early, greeted by another beautifully sunny day. Gray’s still fast asleep, so I tiptoe around him, not wanting to wake him, as I know that once he’s awake, today will be a day of deep discussions, and we still have to tell the children about the existence of their older sister.
I go downstairs, and I’m pleasantly surprised to find that Gray’s tidied up everything from the previous night, even remembering to put out the recycling.
He really did stay up to tidy, it hadn’t just been an excuse to avoid me.
All I needed last night was to just go to bed and sleep. I was so exhausted from everything.
I make us both a cup of tea, take Gray’s upstairs and leave it on his bedside table.
He sleepily acknowledges it and closes his eyes once again.
I decide to have my tea in the garden to enjoy the early morning solitude before everyone gets going with the day.
The sunrays are just beginning to hit the patio, and I contentedly watch the birds greedily feeding from the bird table.
It’s a good half an hour before Gray joins me, his hair sticking up all over the place, wearing his old trackie bottoms and an ancient Metallica T-shirt.
‘Good morning, Mrs McNamara. How are you on this fine and beautiful morning?’
‘Not too bad. How about you?’ I reply as Gray sits beside me at the garden table.
‘I’m ok but I’m concerned about all the press attention that we’re getting at work from the Netflix documentary.
One of my sales guys messaged me this morning and said that he’s had several amateur sleuths fishing for information about you by posing as potential clients to further their public profiles. ’
‘I’m sorry. I really am.’ I reply, inwardly cursing the day Ed agreed to do that documentary.
‘I didn’t want to worry you but I wanted you to be aware.’ Gray replies sympathetically.
‘Oh God, it’s all kicking off, isn’t it?’ I say, as I start to cry.
‘Look, there’s a temporary way out of this.
I’m going to book some flights to Florida today as I think it would be good to get away and now that both kids have finished school, it’s perfect timing.
Think we could all do with a break. Jonesy said his villa is free any time over the next few months, didn’t he? ’ Gray continues.
I nod, knowing I need to push myself by getting away from here, hoping it will help clear my mind. ‘When shall we tell the children?’ I ask tentatively. I mean about my secret, not the holiday, my mind still focused on last night.
‘How about when the kids get back? Or shall we wait until we’re away?’ Gray picks at a thread from his tatty trackie bottoms.
‘I favour today, although there will be an awful lot of questions to answer.’ I say, wanting my secret to finally be out there, not wanting to hold on and dwell on the what ifs any longer.
‘Today it is, then. I’m not going into the office today. I’ve decided to take a day’s leave to spend with my beautiful wife.’ says Gray with a big, reassuring smile.
‘I’m ok. I don’t need babysitting, you know.’
‘I know you don’t, but I would like to take you out to brunch before the kids get back with all their questions.’ Gray sighs. ‘To be honest, I’ve got some questions too.’
‘I don’t really know what else I can tell you.’ I say somewhat defensively, looking away from him.
‘Well, I just can’t believe you haven’t tried to find your baby for one.’ Gray says. ‘There are loads of different websites where you input all your information together with any known information about your child, and they do the rest. There have been loads of successful reunions.’
‘Before I met you, I knew what I did was best for my baby at the time.’ I say shaking my head in answer to his question.
‘My parents told me that she went to a good family who couldn’t have children.
And then once Cassie came along, I didn’t want to burst our little family bubble.
I thought you might leave me for not being totally honest with you all these years.
I mean, you might still leave me, now you know the truth, but it’s a risk I had to take.
I couldn’t let you find out any other way. ’
Gray shakes his head vigorously.
‘I could never leave you, Genie. I love you too much for that. We have Cassie and Will together. We’re a family who needs to stick together. I’m only sorry that you felt you couldn’t confide in me sooner, but I do understand, I really do.’ He reaches over the table to hold my hand for reassurance.
It feels good to have Gray by my side. I always feel safe with him.
Telling him was a risk, but so far it seems to have paid off.
But I feel guilty, so guilty about all the lies, all the half-truths I’ve told throughout our marriage, but dear Gray still just wants to help me, to try to fix me and put me back together again.
I wonder if I would have been as strong if things were the other way around.
‘Both children messaged while you were still asleep. Neither will be home before lunch. Let me freshen up and then you can tell me where you’re taking me for brunch.
I don’t mind where, just make it somewhere quiet.
I’ll try to answer everything you want to know.
’ I say reluctantly, really feeling that I’m done talking for today.
But it wouldn’t be fair of me to shut down communication now, especially as Gray being Gray is being so incredibly reasonable.
‘Leave it with me. The Bingham is nice and discreet. I could request outside seating.’ Gray suggests.
‘I’d better wear something decent if we’re going to The Bingham.’
‘You’ll look gorgeous whatever you wear.’
I pop upstairs and pull out a couple of possible dresses from my wardrobe before changing my mind and settling on some pale blue linen trousers and a crisp white shirt.
I loosely tie back my hair and apply some more lipstick and some bronzer to perk up my pale skin.
I grab my bag and make my way into the garden.
Gray gasps. ‘Wow, you look amazing.’ he says, overexaggerating as usual.
‘Thank you.’ I roll my eyes but can’t help but smile. ‘You, however, look like you’ve just got out of bed.’ I say, looking at the state of him.
‘Good point,’ Gray agrees. ‘The table’s all booked.’
‘That’s great. Now, go and shower. I’ll lock up.’ I instruct, shooing him upstairs.
I secure the patio doors and sit in the coolness of the sitting room, idly flicking through yesterday’s paper while I wait for Gray. Within ten minutes, I hear him coming down the stairs.
‘That was quick.’ I say, closing the paper and putting it on the coffee table.
‘I didn’t want to leave my beautiful wife waiting too long, did I?”
“I guess not. Shall I go and find her for you?’ I smirk.
‘Oh, you’ll do.’ says Gray, laughing.
We lock the front door behind us and make our way to The Bingham for our brunch date.
The sun is blazing hot as we start our walk to get there, and after just a few minutes, I long to be in the shade.
Once we do reach The Bingham, thankfully, we’re ushered to a nice shady table on the outside terrace, overlooking the River Thames.
We order a couple of salads with some bread and a couple of Aperol Spritzes.
‘This is lovely. I should really take more time off work on days like this.’ says Gray, looking out over the terrace at the perfect view of the river.
‘It would be great to have you around more often, but I know how much the company means to you.’
As we wait to be served, I notice a woman from another outside table staring at us. It’s probably my paranoia, always thinking that the press has caught up with me. My suspicions are confirmed as she appears to take a sneaky shot of us both.
‘See that woman over there?’ I whisper to Gray, indicating with a discreet tilt of my head in the woman’s direction. ‘She can’t take her eyes off us and I’m convinced she’s been taking photos of us.’
‘Do you want me to have her thrown out?’ Gray whispers back.
‘No! Of course not. She might be totally innocent. Let’s just be discreet with our conversation.
’ I reply, hoping to shut down any further questions that Gray may have for now.
Our food and drinks arrive and as we eat, I’m just relieved that Gray has stopped cross-questioning me for now.
I’m exhausted by talking, and I know that there will be so many more questions to answer once the children know the truth, most likely going over the exact same ones Gray has and is bound to ask.
I think he senses my reluctance, because I can see in his eyes that he has so much to ask and yet none of what he wants to say is coming out of his mouth.
I know the point of going out was to talk but I’m not going to make that move.
Our brunch, despite the possible journalist, is a welcome distraction from everything that’s going on.
Once we’ve finished eating and paid the bill, Gray and I decide to go for a walk along the riverside. We walk hand in hand, just enjoying being together.
‘We certainly don’t need to go abroad for hot weather, do we?’ I observe, trying to steer the subject away from the baby before she’s even mentioned, as Gray shakes his head.
Once we’re back at home I sit back out in the garden with a sobering cup of tea as Gray checks on some work stuff.
As I drink my tea, I idly scroll through my phone.
I’ve already been named by the influencer/TikToker Amira Malik as a possibility of being #thegirlinthesong so it won’t be long before the truth is out there.
My phone beeps with notification after notification as more and more people are alerted to Amira’s most recent revelations.
Gray returns from his office looking unusually flustered.
‘You seen the latest?’ Gray asks, holding out his phone.
I silently nod.
‘Are the kids home yet?’ he asks.
‘Not yet, but Cassie’s just messaged to say she’ll be home in half an hour, and Will is just about to leave Tommy’s.’ I reply having just read their concerned messages on our family WhatsApp after the latest TikTok revelations. Things are starting to kick off again.
‘This is too much for us to handle.’ Gray says anxiously.
‘I’m sorry.’ I start to sob.
‘Please don’t cry. I’m just in the middle of confirming our flights with our work travel agents.’ Gray says, rubbing my back.
‘Please, let’s just get away from here as soon as we can.’ I reply.
‘I’m on it.’ Gray says, taking control.
‘Thank you.’ I whisper.
Within half an hour both children return home with so many questions about Ed that I feel that my head is going to explode. I placate them with promises of a further chat tonight when Gray has finished work and I busy myself, half-heartedly preparing dinner.
Gray eventually leaves his office.
‘It’s all sorted. We go tomorrow. Jonesy said we can have his villa for the next couple of weeks.
We all need to put some distance between us and #thegirlinthesong hysteria.
You can invite Maura out for the second week if she’s free.
I know how much you ladies enjoy the shopping outlets in Florida.
’ Gray says, trying to lighten the mood.
‘You wouldn’t mind?’ I ask, turning towards his kind, handsome face to kiss him.
‘Maura is family as far as I’m concerned. The children adore her, and she’d be doing me a favour. You know how much I hate clothes shopping.’ he says, kissing me back.
‘Right, well, I’d best call Maura and start packing.’ I say as Gray returns to his office once again.
I grab my phone and send Maura a message about her joining us for the second week. She’s probably at work and won’t be able to answer her phone.
I go upstairs and start looking through my wardrobe to see what I can pack.
I sort out a few sundresses, some shorts, vest tops, a couple of swimsuits, underwear and sandals and then do the same with Gray’s clothes.
I will leave the children’s until later once they know we’re going away.
Will has grown so much over the last few months, and I don’t have a clue as to what clothes still fit and Cassie changes her mind so often as to what she likes wearing that it would be a thankless task.
I call the children. ‘Once your dad has finished on the phone, we need to have a bit of a chat. We’ve got some news.’
‘Oh ok, sure. When’s dinner? I’m starving.’ says Will, ruled by his stomach as always. I roll my eyes. Cassie is quiet and sits in the living room, furiously tapping away at her phone. I’m concerned that she’s brooding.
Will goes upstairs to his room, and within minutes, I can hear his booming voice talking to his friends on the Xbox. Children today seem obsessed with technology, whereas in my day our obsession was music. How times change.
Gray finally emerges from his office with a big grin on his face.
‘You look very pleased with yourself.’
‘I am. Gerry is all up to speed, I’ve got all the codes for the villa, and I’ve organised car hire.’ Gray replies.
‘We’d better tell the kids, then, as they’ll need to pack. I’ll call them.’ I say.
Both children eventually appear, phones in hand, and we all sit around the kitchen table.
‘I’ve booked tickets for Florida. We go tomorrow afternoon.’ Gray announces.
‘Yes.’ says Will, punching the air. ‘Excellent. I can’t wait to tell Tommy.’
‘Cassie? What do you think?’ I ask, noting her silence.
‘Sure. It will be great.’ she replies flatly.
‘You could sound a bit more excited, Cassie. It’s just what we need as a family.’ scolds Gray.
‘Sorry, Dad. Think I’m just a bit tired after last night. I’ll go and start packing.’ she replies with a forced smile.
‘Sure, darling. Off you go. Just let me know if you need any help.’ I add, concerned that Cassie doesn’t seem her normal self. I’m kind of hoping she’ll accept my open invitation to help her pack at some point so I can speak to her about what’s going on inside that mind of hers.
Cassie and Will disappear upstairs to supposedly start packing, whilst Gray complains about the amount of clothes that I’ve packed.
‘Surely no one needs that many shoes. Or indeed that much underwear.’ he says, looking in disbelief at my attempt of packing, even though I’ve pretty much packed the bare minimum. ‘There is a washing machine, you know.’ he adds.
‘Well, you might be able to survive on a small amount of pants, but I, however, like to have some sort of choice with my underwear selection.’ I reply as Gray grabs hold of me and pulls me close.
‘You know I’m only teasing you, Genie. You take whatever you like, darling. But don’t forget that you and Maura will get to do some fairly serious shopping once we’re there.’
I nod, purposely adding a couple more sets of underwear. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough, but once we’re away, I’ll have to reveal my past self to my children. I only hope they’ll understand.