Chapter 28
GENIE
Now
I wake up early. It’s a mixture of jetlag and coming to terms with the bombshell that I’ve just dropped on the children.
Thankfully Gray as per usual seems to be coping ok, in fact he seems more concerned about me and how I’m coping but then that’s Gray all over.
He’s been caring for me and trying to fix me since we met.
Cassie’s reaction has been the biggest shock to me, she can barely look at me, let alone hold a conversation or maintain eye contact.
Will, just like Gray is far more accepting of my former life.
I know I seem like a hypocrite as I have always encouraged the children to be honest, not to smoke, keep drinking to a minimum and not be tempted by having sex too soon.
It’s been like my mantra. And now they know why.
Unlike my friends, I was the one who got caught out.
And my mistakes are now out there for everyone to know about – although they haven’t quite worked out exactly who I am, but I’m sure it won’t take long for TikTok to find me. My past is finally catching up with me.
I slip out of bed, leaving Gray fast asleep.
I’m relieved no one else is up and awake.
I put on a pot of coffee and scroll through my phone while I wait.
I’m greeted with a blurry photo of us all when we first arrived at Heathrow Airport, entitled “Is this Ed Nash’s #thegirlinthesong?
” Thank God we’re away currently; it’s good to put over four thousand miles between us and the ever-continuing media storm all started by Ed and his desire to find out why I left.
There’s also another piece about Ed, picturing him with Jez and Mark coming out of a rehearsal room in Soho.
I’d recognise them both anywhere. Life must have been kind to them as they have both aged well.
My stomach does a little flip as I study the photo in more detail.
I always thought that any feelings I ever had for Ed had disappeared, but the photo is so natural, all of them caught off guard and I remember fondly the boy who was my very first love.
Like both Jez and Mark, Ed’s hair is now shorter, I remember his vivid and mesmerizing blue eyes that were once so familiar to me, covered up with obligatory rockstar sunglasses.
I feel a flush rise from my chest to my neck and face and finally to the tips of my ears, despite the refreshing and cool aircon.
I feel guilty to have my deepest, darkest thoughts of Ed suddenly resurfacing after a lifetime of denial.
I’ve never even looked at another man in that way since being with Gray.
He’s my soulmate, my rock, my Mr Dependable who rescued me all those years ago.
He deserves so much more. Of course, Ed will always hold a special place in my heart – he was my first boyfriend, my first love – but it wasn’t real.
Even if I hadn’t got pregnant and been made to leave London, we probably wouldn’t have lasted.
First love rarely lasts. Meeting Gray turned my life around, and I will be eternally grateful for that.
My thoughts are interrupted, and I jump as Gray places his hands around my waist, kissing my neck.
‘You ok, Genie?’ He says and I’m convinced he can feel the heat from my face.
‘Yeah. Just woke up early and fancied a coffee.’ I reply, feeling guilty for my earlier thoughts of my past.
‘Sounds lovely.’ Gray replies, as he reaches up and takes another cup out of the cupboard. I pour out our coffees and we go and sit outside companionably in silence waiting for the sun to come over the pool.
It’s not too long before we are joined by Cassie, who has made herself a cup of green tea. She takes a seat next to Gray.
‘How are you feeling after last night?’ Gray asks, reaching out to try and hold Cassie’s hand, but she snatches it away.
‘Disappointed.’ She replies, deliberately using the hackneyed expression that most parents tend to use when discussing their children’s behaviour.
‘It’s an awful lot to take in – it has been for all of us but surely you can understand how difficult and upsetting all of this is for your mum?
Remember Cassie, we’re a family, and we need to stick together and support each other.
’ Gray says, touching my hand, reassuring me as always that he’s got my back. He looks exhausted.
‘But part of our family is missing, and Ed has been denied ever knowing his only child.’ Cassie responds.
‘How come you’re team Ed?’ Gray asks, a sarcastic note in his voice.
‘Well, I think he has the right to know he has a daughter. He hasn’t got any other kids. And Milly has the right to know who her real parents are.’
‘Milly probably had a great life, with loving parents. She might even have some siblings too.’ Gray says, trying as always to justify my actions.
‘Probably isn’t good enough. Will and I are her siblings. What if she’s had an awful life? She might even have some children of her own. Oh my God, I could be an auntie!’ Cassie says, dramatically flicking her hair back, resorting to being a typical teenager and making the situation all about her.
‘Ok, ok, Cassie. Let’s not get too carried away. It’s up to Mum as to what she wants to do, and I want you to apologise for the way you spoke to her last night.’ Gray says sternly, taking a big sip of his coffee.
‘I don’t see why I should have to apologise to her.
She should be the one apologising to us for lying for years.
Don’t you think your marriage has been one complete lie?
’ Cassie asks, entering dangerous territory, almost forgetting I’m sitting right here, listening to every word that comes out of her mouth.
‘Your mum had her reasons for not telling us the truth.’ Gray says calmly.
‘I think she’s been in denial since she had to give her baby away.
I couldn’t have asked for a better wife or mother for you two.
Show your mum some respect and some compassion, please, Cassie.
I’m quite taken aback by your reaction, to be honest. Apologise to your Mum immediately. ’ Gray bites back.
‘It’s just a lot to take in. Our lives have been turned upside down since Mum’s revelation and I think I’ve messed up my exams as well.’ She blurts out.
‘It’s ok, Cassie. I know yesterday was such an overload of information and I’m sorry you’ve been so stressed about your exams, but it’s not the end of the world if you haven’t got the grades you hoped for.
You can always do some retakes in November or the following year.
’ I interject. ‘Don’t get stressed until you know what you’re dealing with.
’ Gray says calmly to Cassie, placing a protective arm around her.
‘I just don’t want to disappoint you both, as I know you’ve spent a lot of money on my education, but I think I just took my eye off the ball a bit and I didn’t study hard enough.’ She confides to us both.
‘I’m sorry, we didn’t realise you were struggling.
’ Gray says, shaking his head. ‘But please don’t worry about the money we’ve spent.
My parents left me their house, which, although it wasn’t a huge house, when I sold it, I decided to put the money into an account that was just for your education.
I wanted you two to have the opportunities I didn’t. ’
‘You’ve done alright for yourself, Dad. You’re a partner in your advertising firm.’
‘I’ve done ok, but I might have done better if I hadn’t gone to the local comp. It was pretty rough at my school. If you were remotely academic, you got picked on, so I played it down,’ Gray explains.
‘I’m sorry if you feel we have been hard on you about your studying. As you now know, I didn’t do particularly well in my exams because of my situation and I guess I just wanted you to have the chances that I didn’t.’ I try to reassure her.
‘How about I cook us all some breakfast? Gray says, trying to lighten the mood. ‘Or do you fancy going out?’
‘Let’s have breakfast here, and maybe we could go out for some lunch?’ Cassie suggests, happy to change the topic of conversation.
‘Sounds like a plan.’ Gray agrees.
He whistles away as he prepares breakfast. We can always depend on Gray to diffuse the situation.
I sit with Cassie in silence, I know I haven’t been there for her recently and I realise that I have been caught up in the total chaos of my own life and I have forgotten that I also need to protect and nurture my children.
Gray soon joins us again outside with three perfectly cooked breakfasts, precariously balanced on a tray that he’s found in the kitchen.
I notice Cassie taking a furtive glance at me as I run my hand through my messy hair. I must look like a wreck as I tossed and turned all night. She stops eating.
‘Mum, I’m just upset that you didn’t tell us sooner about Milly, and I don’t like the fact you haven’t tried to find her.’ She says quickly, not wanting either of us to stop the flow of her words.
I lean forward and sigh. ‘I think about her every day. Mother said she was better off without me, so that’s what I started to believe.
The longer I didn’t say anything, the harder it became to say anything at all.
Even Auntie Maura has no idea. She’s due to come out to see us next week, so I’m going to tell her then.
’ I reply, my eyes clouding over as I struggle hard not to cry.
Cassie looks like she wants to reach out for my hand, but she clearly changes her mind and carries on eating her breakfast.
‘Cassie, do you want to see if Will is ever going to join us?’ Gray asks, breaking the tension in the air.
‘Sure.’ She agrees, only too happy to get away from any more awkward discussions as she runs away upstairs. We hear Cassie’s loud strident tones as she tries to wake up her brother.
‘Wakey, wakey.’ she shouts.
Will arrives downstairs, dressed in last night’s shorts and T-shirt. He reaches over to kiss me.