Chapter 32
GENIE
Now
This first week in Jonesy’s villa is rapidly running away with itself.
In just a couple of days, Maura is joining us for the final week.
It will then be time for me to let someone else in on my secret.
I already feel Maura will be the easiest person to tell, as she’s never critical or judgmental.
She obviously knows about all the rumours, but she deserves to hear the truth from me.
When I escaped from Bournemouth, a kind girl on the bus told me about the job at The Hidden Snicket.
A job that came with accommodation. Maura took me on based on a “good feeling” when I first arrived in Brighton and gave me a chance, originally as a cleaner.
If that’s not fate, I don’t know what is.
She’s always joked that I was a far better barmaid than a cleaner.
Gray’s jetlag has finally settled down, and it’s me who’s now awake early, alone and lost in my thoughts. I sit outside with my phone, checking for messages from back home.
I grab my iPad and check the gossip sites.
Ginny’s ex-husband has sold another story about how Ed and Ginny knew all along where I am and indeed who I am.
Surely that can’t be true? But Ed has been relentless in exploiting our relationship to further his career and Ginny always had a soft spot for Ed.
And there in technicolour is an awful Polaroid of us all back at Ed’s house after Ginny’s birthday party.
I examine the photo – there’s me, Ed, Ginny and Jamie.
We all look extremely drunk and stoned, and Ed’s Uncle Paul is in the background, taking a puff from a huge spliff.
That man still gives me the creeps. I never felt safe whenever he was around after that unsettling afternoon.
Examining the Polaroid I only feel shame, embarrassment and regret as looking back now I have a feeling that may well have been the night I got pregnant, the very first time we properly had sex.
I was so na?ve and stupid back then. I also feel sorry for Ginny, for being betrayed by her ex-husband although it’s no different to what Ed has done to me.
But out of everyone, I’m the one who has committed the biggest betrayal of them all, denying Ed the right to know that he has a daughter out there somewhere.
I spend the next half an hour poring over the photos that accompany the article. There’s Ginny with her ex-husband Callum on their wedding day, then a more recent one of Callum with both of Ginny’s daughters.
I continue to search online for photos of the old gang, but all the stories are a repeat, including the photos of Callum’s revelations.
I send Maura a quick WhatsApp. I can’t wait to see her.
I don’t have to wait too long for Maura to respond due to the time difference.
She’s busy finishing off some last-minute work things.
Maura, who has worked and managed pubs for years, now advises failing pubs and bars on how to push their businesses forward.
She’s included her flight details for Gray so he can pick her up from the airport. I’ve just sent another message to Maura, saying how much we’re all looking forward to seeing her, when Gray joins me outside.
‘Morning. You’re up early. Everything ok?’ Gray asks, gently brushing my neck with a kiss as I try to stifle a yawn.
‘Yeah, I just couldn’t sleep. Maura’s sent through her flight details. I’ll forward them to you.’ I reply, pushing my hair out of my eyes.
‘It’ll be great to see Maura. What do you fancy doing today?’ Gray asks, scratching the last few days of stubble coming through on his chin.
‘Umm I don’t mind, but I did want to show you the latest on the press front. It looks like Ginny’s ex-husband has sold another story. There are also some dodgy photos of me and the gang looking very out of it.’ I warn Gray.
I bring up the story on the iPad, and he has a good look through the article, dismissing it almost immediately.
‘Nothing to worry about there,’ he says, giving me the iPad back. “It’s just a disgruntled ex getting his pound of flesh. Are you ok with it all?’
‘I’m not particularly happy about the photo with me in it being used.’
‘I know, but we’re lucky to be away, as we’re in a bit of a bubble here. I was wondering if you fancy a trip to the beach today. Go for a swim and feel the sand between our toes?’ Gray suggests.
‘Yeah, why not? I know the kids will love it,’ I enthuse, needing a day away from the UK gossip sites.
It takes us just under two hours to get to the beach, and we park in the car park attached to a big surfing shop selling an eclectic range of beach towels, surfboards, beachwear and typical must-have seaside souvenirs, which we almost have to drag Cassie away from.
We secure a couple of cabanas on the beach, complete with sun loungers for the day, and set up camp.
‘Fancy a dip, Cassie?’ Will asks.
‘Sure.’ she replies, removing her sarong to reveal a stunning, but very small, silver bikini that really doesn’t leave much to the imagination.
I almost gasp but button my lips instead.
Now that Cassie and I are kind of back talking, I really don’t want to upset things between us by criticising her choice of swimwear, as much as I want to.
Our beautiful daughter certainly turns a fair few heads as she sashays towards the crystal-clear sea, closely followed by Will.
Gray and I watch as Will attempts to playfight with Cassie, making it his mission to dunk her.
And it’s only a couple of minutes before he succeeds, Cassie completely disappearing underwater for a split second, jumping up quickly, her mouth wide, Will laughing.
Cassie stomps back towards us, water trailing from and behind her. ‘He’s such a pain, Mum. He’s ruined my hair.’ she moans, bottom lip jutting out in a sulk.
‘You still look gorgeous. I love your bikini. Is it new?’ I ask, hoping my attempt at complimenting her choice of swimwear is working, when all I really want is for her to cover herself up.
‘Yes, I bought it at Westfield with Mel.’ Cassie replies, lying on her sun lounger to dry off.
I put my sunglasses on, lie back and drift in and out of sleep as my early start begins to catch up with me.
I dream of my carefree days with Ed, when nothing more than having a good time mattered before the sadness of living in Bournemouth with Mother and mean-spirited Auntie Maureen almost finished me off.
And then I dream of my new life in Brighton, where I was finally accepted into a group of people, who, despite having no blood ties to me, only ever showed me love and kindness, all held together by Maura.
I wake to the children arguing again as Gray unsuccessfully plays peacemaker.
‘Wha—’ I begin.
‘It all started because Will’s hungry and his irritability is annoying his sister, as per usual.’
Cassie shoots me a look, confirming Gray’s words to be true.
‘I noticed a McDonald’s over the road. I thought it might fill the gap in Will’s empty stomach.’ Gray suggests.
‘Sounds like the perfect idea.’ I reply.
‘Great. Just WhatsApp me what you both want.’ Gray says. ‘I’ll come with you, Dad, as I’m not sure what I want yet.’ says Will.
‘Probably the whole menu.’ Gray mutters as they wander off.
‘I think I’ll have a quick swim later.’ I say to Cassie, Will and Gray now out of earshot.
‘The water really is lovely. It’s like being in a relaxing bath.’ The thought draws me in further to the idea.
‘Do you fancy joining me after lunch?’ I ask, trying to make an effort.
‘You’re not planning to try and drown me, are you?’ she replies with a smile.
‘Not unless you try and drown me first.’ I laugh.
There’s silence for a while as we both close our eyes and soak up the sun, but then I hear a small, reluctant voice.
‘Mum?’
I turn to Cassie. She’s looking at me like she’s got something to confess. I can tell it’s on the tip of her tongue.
‘Yes?’
‘Did you see that Virginia’s ex-husband has sold another story?” Cassie blurts out. ‘And there’s a right dodgy photo of you and your friends looking really drunk.’ she adds, removing her sunglasses so she can look straight at me.
‘Yes, I saw it this morning.’ I reply. My throat feels as if it’s closing up, so I swallow before I answer. I sit up on my sun lounger.
‘Obviously it doesn’t show us in the best light, but in the grand scheme of things your dad and I don’t think it’s too much to worry about.’ I say, hoping Cassie will be reassured.
‘I like that we’re talking like we used to.
’ Cassie says with a genuine smile. ‘I’m beginning to realise that you didn’t really have any choice about keeping your baby, and that makes me feel really sad and also so shocked and angry with Grandma and Grandad.
’ she adds, reaching over to touch my hand.
‘It was more grandma than grandad as the driving force behind me getting my baby adopted. The way I acted was a disappointment to grandad, but I was the disappointment to grandma.’ I admit, gaining comfort from her touch.
‘Sometimes I can’t believe some of the things that you did when you were young?’
‘I regret all the mistakes I’ve made but back then, times were so different to how they are now.
I suppose I rebelled against my mother, as she was so strict.
As you know, as a teenager, you always think you know best.’ I say as Cassie rolls her eyes at my comment.
‘And that’s why I’m hard on you and Will sometimes - because I want the best for you both.
I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.
I’m still suffering the consequences of making wrong decisions.
’ I’m getting fed up with apologising for my youthful mistakes, so I’m glad she’s not mad anymore and I get to take the explaining route instead.
Cassie nods and is about to say something else just as Gray and Will return with our food, the moment now lost.
The rest of the afternoon is one of the most relaxing times we’ve all experienced together for ages, and once the beach starts to clear as people leave to go back to their hotels to get ready for dinner, we gather our things and walk along the pier in the late afternoon sun.
We watch the fishermen fishing and marvel at the opportunist birds swooping down to see what the fishermen have caught.
As we make our way back down the pier to go back to the car park, the evening stallholders are starting to set up, much to the delight of Cassie, who insists on buying a couple of handmade friendship bracelets for herself and Mel.
The drive back to Orlando is easy enough, and after having had a full day of sun, Cassie and Will nod off in the car.
Once back home and showered, I fix us some scrambled eggs on toast and then we all go to our bedrooms to watch TV.
Gray, bless him, crashes out almost immediately after all the driving.
I spend the next half an hour alone just googling images of Ed Nash.
Looking back at photos of us together when we were young still make my stomach do a little flip, but looking at the grown-up Ed, I feel absolutely nothing.
I think it’s more the nostalgia that has a grip on me and I have come to the realisation that Ed needs to know that he has a daughter out there somewhere and deep down in my heart I have a burning almost primeval desire to find her too.