25
This Is Getting Slightly Complicated
Kylie
I tell Paige in the stairwell on the way over, because if I don’t tell her before we get there, she’ll find out in front of an entire party, and I will not survive it.
“So something happened,” I say. “With Nash.”
Paige stops walking, and Kenzie walks into her back.
“What happened?” Paige asks, and I hate that she looks a little worried.
“Can you not scream? It echoes in here.”
“Kylie Vandercook.” She grabs both my arms. “What did he do?”
“Well. I might have kissed him. Like, the entire way back to Corvin.”
Paige’s mouth falls open. Kenzie freezes. “You? You kissed him first?”
I nod, and then I make a face. “And again tonight.”
“Again!”
I cover my mouth. “I know.”
“No,” Paige says. “I thought you said he was a psycho.”
Kenzie nods. “You did say that.”
I laugh and wince at the same time. “In a hot way. He came to Theo’s just to, like, grab me.” I shrug. “It was really hot.”
“That is kind of hot,” Paige says. “Koda hasn’t done that yet.”
Kenzie bulges her eyes and keeps walking. “You two are dysfunctional.”
Paige smiles at me. “That’s why she’s single.”
“Oh, whatever!” Kenzie says.
The house on Glenwood belongs to four juniors Paige or Kenzie can name, and by the time we get there, it has about sixty people in it and the music is coming through the front windows.
The guys are already there. Koda is on the porch with a cup, and when he sees me, he points at me with it. “Blondie’s here.”
“Hi, Koda.”
Nash is behind him in the doorway in a black hoodie with his shoulder against the frame and his hands in his pockets. He doesn’t come over or say anything. He just looks at me for about two seconds, and my stomach squeezes.
Koda looks me up and down, then Paige. Paige notices and puts a hand up in his face on her way past. “Come on, Blondie,” she mocks, dragging me inside by the wrist.
We get drinks, and I expect Nash to follow.
He doesn’t. He stays on the porch with the guys, and I watch him take a sip and not look my way once.
I don’t know why I thought he’d spend the whole night beside me, and then I scold myself because he’s not my boyfriend, and even if he were, I should be having fun with my friends.
I try to focus on that. My body knows exactly where he is anyway, and my eyes keep wandering in his direction.
Paige hands me a shot glass, and I throw back whatever’s in it.
It burns all the way down. It doesn’t drown out the voice telling me to go to him.
What does work is Kenzie and Paige dancing with me.
Then, Paige suddenly starts dancing on some random guy.
Kenzie and I look at each other, confused, and neither of us asks. Maybe she and Koda aren’t that serious.
Bianca shows up with two friends, and I start to understand that our friend group keeps getting bigger. We’re a whole pack of girls having fun, and the bottle of vodka hates to see us coming.
A few drinks in, my filter is gone. I’ve used the bathroom twice and checked that I look pretty both times.
The second time, I don’t go straight back to the girls.
I walk into the kitchen, where Nash is leaning against the far wall with Koda and Rafe and a few guys I don’t know, and I walk right into the middle of their conversation.
They don’t stop for me. I take the cup out of Nash’s hand, drink from it while staring at him, and then turn around and lean back against him, my whole body pressed against his.
He puts his arm around my shoulders and takes his cup back and drinks from it, watching me. “Having fun?” he murmurs while his friends glance at us and keep talking.
“Now I am.”
I steal his cup again, finish it, and walk back to the girls on the couch, grinning so hard that Kenzie asks if I’m okay.
I nod, looking over her shoulder. “Theo! Did you do it?”
He’s looking at me like he’s terrified. I’d like that to stop.
Kenzie pulls me into her and laughs. “Yes, he did his homework.”
That’s when I see the girl next to him staring at me with a dozen questions on her face.
“Oh,” I laugh. “Oh, God. I’m—” I shake my head. I’m so drunk. I cover my mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“This is Justine,” Kenzie says.
“Hi. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Kylie.”
Theo sips his drink. I look toward the kitchen, and Nash is watching me, so I cover my mouth so Theo can’t see and mouth, He did it, and give Nash a thumbs-up. Nash looks at Theo and the girl, then back at me. I smile big and lean into Kenzie.
Half the group peels off to play a card drinking game, and Paige and I are too drunk for it, and Kenzie knows it.
So Paige and I stick together. We dance and tell each other secrets, and somehow we end up upstairs, because we’ve convinced ourselves we deserve a house tour.
We walk into the master bedroom, and it’s empty, and we both squeal and lock the door behind us to snoop.
Paige goes straight to the window, cracks it, and pulls a joint out of her bra.
“We should do this at every party,” I say.
“Yeah.” She lights it, takes a long pull, and blows the smoke out into the cold. Then she lies down on the bed, and I lie down next to her. “The party’s so tame that the master bedroom is empty.”
I laugh. “Should we call Koda and Nash up here?”
She laughs too. “Did you fuck him yet?”
That makes everything inside me tighten. “Not yet. I really want to.”
“Should I call him up here?”
“No!” I’m laughing. “Not here.”
“Are you entering your post-breakup hoe era?”
I giggle. “I never had a hoe era.”
“It’s fun,” she says, holding the joint out to me.
I shake my head, and she takes another hit herself.
“Until it gets lonely,” she says.
I look at her. I’m still smiling, and I try not to be. “Are you lonely?”
She shrugs. “Sex is fun. But isn’t it better when you’re in a relationship?”
“Not really.”
“What?” She props herself up on an elbow. “You were with the same guy for three years.”
“Yeah, so I guess I’d know.” I roll my eyes.
“Does it get old?”
“Yeah. But I think it’d be different if he was my person. I look back now, and he wasn’t. Kissing him was not like kissing Nash.”
She falls back on the bed. “Because Nash is unpredictable. He’s got a temper. I can’t believe he came to Theo’s and carried you out.”
I laugh, warm at the thought. “I think with Nash it might just be chemistry.”
“Then have fun with it.”
I prop myself up on my elbow. “Do you think I should fuck him tonight?”
She sits up and looks at me. “You’re so pretty, Kylie.”
I laugh and cover my face. “So are you, Paige.”
She throws her head back. “Blondie!”
I fall face first onto the bed, and she laughs too.
“Yeah,” she says. “I think you should. And I think you should use your three years of experience on his ass and get him addicted to you.”
I laugh so hard tears fill my eyes. “Three years of—”
“I’m so fucking serious.” She stubs the joint out on the windowsill. “What’s your favorite position?”
I start blushing, because I don’t know how to answer that. “What’s yours?”
“Doggy. Some hair pulling. A hand on my throat.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “I’m done for.”
“I like kissing,” I say.
She slaps the bed. “Then missionary.”
My mind is spinning, and I’m picturing things I shouldn’t be picturing on a stranger’s comforter. “What would get him addicted?”
“Dirty talk,” she says, and laughs. “Tell him his dick feels good.”
“Paige.”
“Don’t pretend to be Miss Innocent. You don’t do dirty talk?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
Her mouth drops open. “Did your ex eat you out?”
“No.”
“Have you given him head?”
“Like three times, maybe.”
She looks at the ceiling. “Oh my God. Have you ever been on top?”
I wince. “I don’t know if I can keep having this conversation.”
“That’s how you come, Kylie. God, Evan sounds like a fucking bore.”
I laugh, and then it slowly dies. “How do you know all of this?”
“The great world wide web, girl.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah. You live under a rock. But that’s okay. I bet Nash will eat it up anyway.”
I close my eyes and blush. “Don’t say that.”
“You know what I mean.”
“How are you and Koda?” I ask.
“Other than him texting some other bitch, we’re fine.”
I sit up and gasp. “What? I didn’t know.”
“No, it was something on Instagram. She replied to his story, and he said yeah, and I got pissed.”
Okay, that’s not that bad. “Are you guys together?”
She exhales. “No. Which is why I can’t get mad about it. We’re just fucking around. I knew it wasn’t serious from the beginning.”
“It still sucks.”
She nods. “He says he won’t do it again, but you know how that goes. We’re young. We either have it or we don’t, and I’m not chasing him.”
“Yeah, fuck that.”
“Fuck that!” she shouts.
“Fuck that!” I scream. We laugh in each other’s faces.
“Let’s go back out and dance,” she says, and drags me up.
Down the hall, she leans in. “Take it from me, Kylie. Don’t get too serious about Nash.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m serious. Don’t let your feelings get in the way. Guys are so fleeting. They’re not that deep.”
“I won’t,” I say.
We go down the stairs and start dancing.
An hour later, I’m winded and need something that isn’t vodka. I walk into the kitchen and feel his eyes on me as I go, but I don’t look at him. My body already knows it’s him. I chug a water, and then I walk over to him. He’s in the middle of a game of beer pong.
I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him down to my ear. “I’m ready to go now.”
He pulls back just far enough to meet my eyes. “Home?”
I shake my head, looking at his mouth. “Yours.”
He watches me.
“But I have to warn you.” I pull his head back down so I can whisper it. “I want you to fuck me.”
Something happens in his face. He hands Rafe the ball without looking at him. “Finish it.”
Koda throws his arms up. “Come on. One more.”
Nash takes the ball back, sinks the cup without looking at it, and then he’s pulling me through the party. I catch Kenzie’s eye, and Paige’s, on my way out. Paige blows me a kiss, and I blow one back.