Chapter 3
THREE
I didn’t wait for her to confirm my fears as I leaped to my feet, panic chasing through my veins like wildfire, my heart threatening to burst free of my chest. If he’d tracked me down having seen the birdhouses online, this could all be some sick game on his part.
I could just imagine the thought process he would have gone through.
He’d force his young, vulnerable bride to come here and gain my trust, using the baby as collateral, and then he would find a way to get into my home…
ruin everything I’d strived to create for myself in the embers I’d been left with.
The grudge I knew he had over my leaving would never fade.
The hatred he carried, the need to punish me for the humiliation, the pain I’d caused him…
he would stop at nothing to make me pay.
‘You have to leave,’ I demanded, clasping my fingers tightly in front of me, digging my fingernails into my flesh as a reminder to myself not to physically grab this woman and throw her out of my house.
Beside her, the baby began to whimper, and Jade lifted her up to her chest, her eyes beseeching as they met mine.
‘She needs feeding. I don’t know what I’m doing…
how to raise this baby. I don’t have a clue about any of it. ’
‘You must have family, friends you can ask to help?’ I snapped, though I recalled how isolated I’d become over the years I’d spent under Ryan’s roof. By the end, he’d made sure I’d had nobody to turn to. Nobody who cared about me.
‘I don’t,’ she replied simply. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask…
that you don’t know me. I realise how much of an imposition—’ She broke off, sucking in a deep breath as if she were trying not to cry.
‘I just need somewhere safe to stay for a day or two, just while I can get some things organised.’ She pressed her lips together.
‘And yes,’ she said softly. ‘In answer to your question… yes, I’m running from someone…
someone dangerous.’ Her fingers touched the spot on her cardigan below which I’d seen that fresh bruise.
‘I can’t go home right now. Please, I really have no one. ’
I gave a short nod, hating myself for what I was about to say. My voice sounded too high, like it didn’t belong to me. ‘There’s a women’s refuge in town. It’s about twenty minutes’ drive from here. I can ask my neighbour to take you. He’s a policeman.’
‘No!’ She gripped the baby closer, Amala’s cries growing louder now. ‘I can’t go to a refuge. And I don’t want anyone else involved. Especially not the police!’
I knew exactly why she was afraid. Why she felt that was an impossible choice. ‘Jade… I can’t have you here. Look, there’s a bed and breakfast down in the village. It’s nice, and it’s not the summer holidays yet, so I’m sure they’ll have a vacancy. I can give you some cash if you need it…’
She frowned. ‘I don’t want money. I just wanted your help.’
I shook my head, feeling sick with guilt. ‘Is it him ? Is it Ryan you’re running from? Please, I have to know!’
She dipped her head in silent confirmation, and I felt the ground sway beneath my feet. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t!
‘I’m sorry.’ I remained standing, my eyes flicking pointedly towards the door. I couldn’t meet her gaze, couldn’t stand myself for being so weak, so pathetic. ‘I can’t do this… I can’t help you.’
‘Please! I wouldn’t ask if I weren’t desperate… Please , Annie!’
‘I’m sorry. I can’t.’
There was a long, uncomfortable pause. Finally, she gave a resigned nod, then slowly rose to her feet, the baby clutched in her arms. Her hands were shaking, and I looked away, pretending not to see.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I repeated. ‘I’m not good with people…
strangers. I’m a private person. I don’t have guests.
I don’t know how to help you,’ I admitted, disgusted with myself for having to say those words.
I didn’t add that I’d barely known how to help myself when I’d been in her position.
That it had taken embracing a side of me I hadn’t known existed in order to gain my freedom, and it wasn’t a path I was willing to take again.
What I had done – the terrible things that had followed – had nearly killed me, but she couldn’t possibly understand that what she wanted from me was out of the question. She was just a scared girl.
She bowed her head, picking up the changing bag she’d arrived with and heading for the door. ‘Thank you for inviting me in. And for the tea.’
I didn’t answer. Guilt and self-hatred swirled in my belly as I followed her silently to the door, showing her out.
I closed it behind her, sliding the bolt across, then rushed back to the sitting room to watch her through the net curtains.
I hated myself for being such a coward. For pushing a young, vulnerable mother and her baby onto the street.
Not just any woman, I reminded myself. She was in this position, running with her newborn daughter, because of me.
But what choice did I have? She was a threat to everything I’d tried to create, to protect this past three years.
I had to find that photo, the letter Aunt Betty had sent after Ryan had got married.
I had to know for sure that she was his wife. That this was my fault.
Amala’s cries were growing more frantic as Jade opened the front gate, stepping out onto the quiet lane.
I watched as she glanced one way and then the other, lost, frightened, alone.
She jiggled the baby, trying to calm her, then perched on the low stone wall of my front garden, trying to position her so she could feed her.
I should have at least waited until she’d taken care of that before tossing her out onto the street.
I felt my cheeks heat at the thought of how little I had offered her.
At the knowledge that if it hadn’t been for this house, this safe, secret bolthole that had provided an escape in my darkest hour, I might have been in the very same shoes as this poor girl was now.
The baby screamed louder, struggling to get into the right position, and the sound of her cries sent goosebumps rushing down my arms. I was a coward not to help.
I’d jumped straight to the worst possible conclusion.
What if this wasn’t a sick game Ryan was playing with me?
She could have tracked me down herself, come to me because she knew that I, above anyone else, would believe her story.
That I would know what it meant to belong to Ryan Avory.
How could I turn her away knowing what would happen to her, to that innocent little baby, if she went home to him?
The thought made me sick to my stomach. I was a terrible, terrible person.
I was weak – just like he’d always said.
I gripped the net curtains tight in my palm, my mouth dry, my heart pounding, then, with a sudden rush of brave determination, I took a deep breath and turned from the window, striding back to the front door and sliding the bolt back.
Before I could talk myself out of my decision, I stepped outside and walked purposefully up the path.
‘A week. No more than that. It’s all I can offer, but it should give you time to figure out your next steps. ’
Jade turned her face to me, her cheeks streaked with tears, mascara smudged beneath bloodshot eyes as the baby suckled ferociously at her breast. ‘Really?’ she asked, as if she didn’t dare to believe what she was hearing.
I gave a short nod. ‘I don’t know anything about babies. I won’t be much help in that regard, I’m afraid, but I’m sure we can manage.’
‘Thank you,’ she said softly, wiping at her cheek.
I peered over the gate, down the lane, conscious that Aaron would be making his way back from the village any minute.
I didn’t want him to see her here, to have him asking questions.
‘Come on then – let’s get you inside and I’ll show you where you can freshen up, and where you can sleep.
Will the baby be okay in the bed with you? ’
She stood, the baby still latched onto her nipple, and nodded. ‘Yes… we’ll be fine. Thank you, Annie. Thanks so much.’
Once we were back inside, I closed the door, locking it again, then pointed to the staircase. ‘It’s creaky, but it’s well built. Go on up.’
I followed her slow, careful footsteps, and when we got to the landing, I showed her along the long, bright corridor to one of the guest rooms. There was a four-poster double bed in the centre, a bright patterned rug beneath it and a soft green velvet headboard against the wall behind it.
The bare duvet was folded, the pillows stacked in a pile on top of it.
‘I’ll get some sheets. I never bother making this one up.
There’s an en suite just through that door to the left.
The water takes an age to come out hot, but it will in the end if you’re patient.
Please don’t go in my bedroom or my bathroom. I like my privacy,’ I added.
She nodded. ‘Of course.’
I gripped my fingers together again, circling my thumbs over and over, anxiety pulsing through my veins. It was taking all my concentration not to toss her back out again. Not to take back my invitation.
There was a bang at the sash window across the room, and Jade jumped, her whole body stiffening, her arms wrapping tighter around her daughter as if she were readying herself for someone to snatch her from her arms. Her nerves were so obvious, and it only made me feel all the more on edge, as if someone was about to come for us.
As if he might already be out there, waiting for his chance.
I closed my eyes briefly. ‘The catch on that one is noisy. It rattles if there’s a big gust of wind. Sorry.’
‘No, it’s fine… I’m just tired. Silly of me to be so jumpy.’
I met her eyes, wanting to ask more, to hear the whole story, but I could see how blanched and exhausted she was. ‘I’ll get you those sheets. I was just going to heat up some soup for my dinner. Can I get some for you?’
‘That would be great.’
‘Why don’t you settle in. I’ll bring everything up.’
I left without waiting for her to answer, pulling the door closed behind me. Then I stood in the corridor and pressed my hands to my face, hoping that I hadn’t just made a terrible mistake.