Chapter 6
SIX
ANNIE
I pulled the last box from the very back of the wardrobe, dropping it onto my unmade bed and flipping off the thick cardboard lid to peer at the contents inside.
The room was a mess, papers and envelopes and photo albums and letters spread across every surface, the floorboards carpeted in old bills and statements I’d opened and discarded.
It was going to take forever to clean it all up, and still I was no closer to finding what I was looking for.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, noting the dark circles beneath my eyes.
There’d been a time I could go all night without even closing my eyes, and still look fresh and full of life the following morning.
That was long before I met Ryan. Back when I’d lived a whole different life.
Had friends. Travelled. Socialised, almost to excess, though to look at me now, it was difficult to believe.
Those old friends wouldn’t even recognise me now.
It felt like that Annie had died long ago.
I rubbed at my face, trying to wake up my circulation and bring some colour to my tired complexion.
I knew Jade and the baby must have been up for hours, but I didn’t want to have to go downstairs and face her – not until I’d found that letter from my aunt, that photograph.
I had to see it again, to prove to myself that this girl, this intruder into my sanctuary, was indeed Ryan’s new wife.
I’d spent the whole night lying in the dark, fully dressed, unable to even think of falling asleep with the presence of a stranger under my roof.
Every creak manifested into a footstep outside my bedroom door.
Every muffled sound a whispered conversation between the man I had done terrible things to escape and his new bride.
It took all my willpower not to jump out of bed and toss Jade and her baby out into the night.
It was only that expression of desperate fear, the way she had held her daughter as if she was fighting off invisible demons, that had stopped me from doing just that.
I knew I was doing the right thing helping her, even if it put me at risk of being found too.
I hated that my safe place no longer felt hidden and secure.
And on top of that, there was something else that plagued me.
That tiny baby. What if something happened to her under my roof?
Would the finger be pointed at me? Would Ryan spin his story so it looked like I was at fault?
If he brought up the past, the secrets I’d kept hidden from the world, hidden from him even, there was a chance he’d be believed. What would happen to me then?
There was a quiet knock at the bedroom door, and before I could ask for a moment to gather myself, it swung open.
‘Sorry,’ Jade said, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation.
Not that I had any intention of offering any such thing.
The baby was cradled in the crook of her arm, and I saw her curiosity as she took in the pandemonium surrounding me.
‘I just wanted to let you know, your next-door neighbour popped round earlier. He gave me some strawberries. I hope you don’t mind, but I ate a few. ’
Shit . Now Aaron would be bursting with questions. Concern.
‘You didn’t let him in?’ I asked, my tone bordering on rude. I didn’t like the idea of this stranger answering my door, inserting herself into my business.
‘No.’ She shook her head.
‘Good… that’s good.’
‘So… the strawberries?’
‘What? Oh, yes, help yourself,’ I said, glancing at the box in front of me.
‘Are you… do you need some help in here?’ she asked, gesturing to the mess.
‘Oh, this… no, I was just looking for something. A document I need,’ I said, grasping for an explanation.
‘I can help if you’d like?’ she said, offering a tentative smile.
‘I had a really messy roommate at uni. She was always getting me to find her latest piece of coursework – I have a knack for it,’ she added, using the hand that wasn’t cradling Amala to delve into the closest box, plucking out a typed letter and scanning it.
I shook my head, striding over the heap of papers and holding out my hand pointedly. ‘That won’t be necessary, thank you.’
‘Are you sure?’ Her tone was filled with doubt and her expression was concerned as she glanced around the room once more.
‘Yes. I’m sure. Go on down. I’ll come and make some sandwiches in a minute. You must be getting hungry.’
She gave a slow nod, then opened her mouth as if to say something else before changing her mind. ‘Okay,’ she said softly, casting a final glance at the mess.
Once she had left, pulling the door closed behind her, I rushed back to the bed, tipping the box out and meticulously going through every single sheet of paper.
It wasn’t there. I knew I’d kept it. Tucked the letter and the photograph back into the envelope it had been sent in.
I always kept letters. I liked to read them back years later, to remind myself of the past, living through the stories on the page.
It was a way for me to remember, to feel less lonely – my only connection to my remaining family and the outside world.
The only photos I’d ever burned were the ones I’d found of Ryan. But he hadn’t been in the picture. It had only been her. The bride, that long brown hair and simple satin dress. I couldn’t have thrown it away. But where was it? I had to find it.
I heard the stairs creaking as Jade descended and felt panic course through me. One thing was for certain, I wasn’t safe any more.