Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
ANNIE
I felt a sense of relief that had been absent ever since she arrived.
The constant chatter in my head had grown quiet now that the question of who she was, why she had come, had finally been answered.
And beyond that was the knowledge that I had done the right thing in taking her in, no matter the risk it had presented to me.
What that poor girl must have endured at the hands of my ex was unthinkable.
No wonder she was subdued, jumpy, flitting from skittish energy to hiding in her room.
I could well remember the monumental high that had come in the first hours after I’d escaped his clutches, followed by a dark depression I’d been sure I’d never claw my way free of.
How she’d managed to get out with Amala unharmed was a marvel to me.
I owed her an apology. I would have to make amends and help her however she needed now.
I could only imagine what might have happened to me had I not had this house to hunker down in in the aftermath of my escape.
I’d been only vaguely aware of the privilege it afforded me back then.
But it was clear Jade had no sanctuary to call her own, nobody on her side.
She’d been brave to come, not knowing the reaction she would get. So very brave.
I breathed in the night air, the scent of jasmine heady after the long, hot day.
There was no choice to be made – I would tell her she could stay.
For as long as she needed. I’d get over my discomfort at sharing my space.
At hearing the baby cry. I’d find a way to move past it so that she could have somewhere safe to begin again and get back on her feet in her own good time. I owed her that much.
I’d gone into that room earlier with every intention of making her leave, give me my home back, and yet not only was she still under my roof, but I knew for sure now that she was exactly what I’d initially suspected.
I couldn’t be entirely sure that she wasn’t here at Ryan’s bidding, but the fear in her eyes had indicated that she was telling the truth – that she’d come in desperation, wanting my help to escape him, and despite my fears that he might have tracked her, might be plotting this very moment to come for us, I believed her.
I only wished I’d thought to get rid of the phone the moment she set foot inside my front door. I’d left my own behind when I’d made my escape. But hers… hers had been under my roof for almost a week. He had to know she was here. The question was, why hadn’t he come for me yet?
I sighed. Today hadn’t gone at all how I had anticipated.
Her confession had shocked me. This morning, whilst digging outside, I’d reflected on her reaction when that box of photographs had been knocked over in the loft.
She’d already sworn to me that she wasn’t running from abuse, from Ryan, but a part of me – my gut, I supposed – couldn’t accept her story.
At the time, up there beneath the dusty rafters, I’d been so shaken by seeing that baby vest, so sickened by the sight of the photograph of the man who had stolen the best years of my life, that I hadn’t stopped to consider Jade’s reaction.
It was only as I’d replayed the scenario in my mind that I’d thought about her total lack of reaction.
As if she didn’t recognise him at all. As if she might have been telling the truth when she denied their connection.
It had made me question everything I’d been thinking since she’d arrived here.
Made me wonder who she really was, what the hell she wanted from me.
She’d had her chance to tell me the truth, and as far as I could see, she had no intention of spilling her secrets to me.
So I’d made up my mind to send her away. Let her be someone else’s problem.
I hadn’t been ready for the confession that proved I’d been right all along. That my worst fears weren’t all in my head. And that Ryan more than likely knew exactly where to find me now.
I blinked up at the stars, then heard a sound behind me and spun to find Jade standing there.
Slowly, I stepped back inside, closing the door on the balmy night, turning the key in the lock and facing her.
‘How are you?’ I asked, smiling with more warmth than I’d offered up till now.
‘I… I’m okay,’ she replied, her tone cautious.
‘Did Amala go to sleep quickly?’
She nodded wordlessly, and I could see how tired she was.
‘I could listen out for her while you have a soak in the bath?’ I offered.
‘I imagine you’re feeling drained by everything.
The stress. It can’t have been easy for you since leaving him.
’ I pressed my lips together, summoning my courage.
‘I wanted to say… I’m sorry for how I’ve been.
And I don’t blame you for not telling me everything straight away – why would you trust me when you didn’t know me?
I remember just how vulnerable you become, how every stranger is someone to suspect. ’
I gave another tentative smile, though she didn’t return it.
‘Honestly, Jade, I won’t hold a grudge. You were protecting Amala.
And now that I know who you really are, I want you to know that you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you need.
If there’s anything I can do, anything that will help you get back on your feet, just say.
’ I tried to meet her eyes, but she glanced away, and I followed her gaze to the mess by my feet, my fingers tightening around the smooth wooden handle of the hammer in my fist. I couldn’t remember how long I’d been holding it, but my knuckles throbbed, my forearm aching against the weight of it.
‘What did you do?’ she asked, her voice jagged.
Her phone was lying on the slate floor, smashed to pieces.
I’d made no effort to conceal my hunt for it this time, no effort to be discreet as I upturned her bag, shaking her things out onto the table after our conversation upstairs.
The ICE number was conspicuously absent, the screen still locked, and I’d wasted no time in smashing the thing with every ounce of my strength.
I’d hit it so hard I’d cracked one of the ancient tiles beneath it, but I didn’t care. I wanted it gone. Obliterated.
‘It’s probably too little, too late,’ I said, switching the hammer to my other hand, wincing as I cracked my aching knuckles one by one.
‘If he’s been tracking you, he already knows you’re here.
The signal might be bad, but it’s not completely absent.
’ I shrugged. ‘But just in case…’ I let my words drift off, stepping over the debris towards her.
‘You smashed my phone?’
‘I had to. You can get another one. It’s for the best, Jade. A fresh start.’
‘That wasn’t your decision to make.’
Her eyes were narrowed, and I considered apologising in an attempt to placate her, but I wasn’t sorry. She’d realise soon enough that it was the right thing to do. ‘So do you want to go and run that bath?’
‘No. I only came to grab something to eat and drink. ’
‘Do you want me to go and sit with her while you get what you need? You probably shouldn’t leave her alone. It’s not safe.’
‘No!’ she snapped, and I glanced at her, surprised by her tone. She gave a stiff smile. ‘No thank you. She’s fine. I’ll go back up in a sec.’
I paused uncertainly, wondering if my sudden change in attitude had caught her off guard.
I tried to put myself in her shoes, remind myself how unreasonable I’d been with Aaron when he was just trying to help me.
How much I’d resented him for being in my space, tensed at the sound of his voice.
It was all still so fresh for Jade. She had every right to her emotions now.
I wouldn’t let myself be offended. I walked past her towards the fireplace, placing the hammer on the sideboard and settling down into my chair. ‘If you’re sure?’
She nodded, pouring a tall glass of water without bothering to run the tap to let it cool, then grabbing a few slices of bread from the chopping board. ‘Annie…’ Her voice was uncertain, nervous, and I waited for her to go on. ‘That baby vest… the one in the loft. What happened?’
‘What do you mean?’
She looked down, busying herself with slicing cheese from the block. ‘Why was it covered in blood? What happened to the baby?’
‘ Blood ?’ I gave a choked laugh that sounded too high-pitched to my ears. ‘It wasn’t blood. It was coffee, wasn’t it? It looked like coffee to me. I expect my mum spilled a cup on it whilst ironing or something.’
She looked up, frowning. ‘The label said it was from Frugi.’
‘So?’ I shrugged.
‘That company wasn’t around when you were a baby. It was founded in 2004.’
I pursed my lips. ‘How do you know that?’
She blushed, dropping the cheese onto a plate next to the bread. ‘I… I looked it up last night. ’
Anger surged inside me, and I was certain it showed in my face. What justification did she have to question me? After the lies she’d told! What right did she have?
I sucked in a slow, steadying breath, reminding myself of my promise to be kinder to her. ‘I don’t know what to tell you,’ I said, holding her gaze. ‘And right now, we’ve got bigger issues to tackle, wouldn’t you agree?’
She pressed her fingertips against the chopping board, and I was certain she was thinking about saying more, but I didn’t give her the chance. ‘You’d better go back up. Like I said, it’s not safe to leave Amala alone.’
She sucked in a breath, as if I had threatened her rather than helped her, then picked up her plate and left.
I waited a moment, then heaved my exhausted bones from the chair.
I walked back across the kitchen, looking out of the glazed back door, and saw Aaron’s familiar silhouette in his bedroom window.
And I could have sworn he was staring right down at me.