Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
LIANE
I hadn’t planned to come to my mother’s house tonight.
I doubt anybody plans to go somewhere in the middle of the night.
I should be in bed, my own bed, not here, in this cold house that reminds me of death.
Yet here I am, and I’m here because I’m trying to be a good mother.
At least that’s what I told myself just before I volunteered to leave my house and spend the evening here instead.
Joel and Frederik were out for an hour before they both returned, neither of them looking particularly happy. That was because, despite searching, they hadn’t located Haven on the streets and, as such, my son was still very worried about her.
‘She’ll be fine. She seems like a very resourceful young woman,’ I had said to my son before quickly realising there was very little I could say that would appease him.
‘This is all your fault,’ he had told me as he stormed past me in the hallway. ‘If anything happens to her, I’ll blame you.’
I’d gone to respond to that but Frederik had silently and strongly gestured for me to resist, so I stayed quiet and gave Joel a few more moments to cool off. But it didn’t work, and I discovered that when he spoke to me again.
‘I can’t sleep in the same house as you,’ he said to me. ‘Not after what has happened tonight. I need space. So I’m leaving too.’
‘What? Where will you go?’ I’d cried.
‘I don’t know. Maybe Scott’s.’
‘It’s the middle of the night. Your brother will be asleep.’
‘Then I’ll ask a friend.’
‘They’ll be asleep too.’
‘Then I’ll wake them up!’ Joel had cried, and I could see the pain all over his face.
He was really cut up over what had transpired with Haven and how there was surely no way back for them now, and that was understandable.
But what was not understandable was him going out into the dark night by himself too.
Yet that’s clearly what he was going to do as he went upstairs to ‘pack a few things’.
There was no way I could stand by and watch that happen, so I made a decision.
‘I’ll go and sleep at Mum’s,’ I said. ‘Joel can stay here and you can keep an eye on him.’
‘I think that might be the best idea,’ Frederik had conceded, or maybe it had simply been far too late for another argument at that time.
Either way, I went to pack my own things while my husband went to tell our son that I would be the one leaving instead, and it wasn’t long until I was ready to go.
I’d located one of the spare keys I had for Mum’s house, always having had at least two keys because keys tend to go missing, so a spare of the spare is handy to have.
As it had proven again when the first key I had gone to pick up wasn’t where I thought I’d left it, but never mind, I had a backup.
Once I had it, there was nothing to do but say my goodbyes to my family, a goodbye that I hoped would be a very short-lived one.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ I’d called to my son through his closed bedroom door. ‘I hope you get some sleep.’
There was no response.
‘I hope you get some sleep too,’ I’d said to Frederik next as we stood by the open front door, both of us peering out into the dark night that I would soon be venturing out into.
‘We’ll figure this out,’ was all he had said to me before we hugged and I left, although crucially, neither one of us told the other that we loved them. Perhaps we should have done, or perhaps we were both afraid that we might not hear it back at that moment in time.
I was glad of the short drive over here, if only to try and clear my head, and now that I’m here, I am hungry.
If it’s ridiculous to want to eat something in the middle of the night, it’s just as ridiculous that I’ve had to come here.
Of course, I’m blaming Haven for this fact as I go into my mother’s kitchen and start opening the cupboards to see if there is anything edible I can have.
Anything fresh was thrown out in my first clean, but there are still a few tins in the cupboards, and I find some beans that will do the job of satiating my appetite until a more appropriate time to eat comes around in the morning.
As the beans cook, I wander around the downstairs rooms of my mother’s house, but everything looks the same as it did the last time I was here.
That’s perhaps one of the most unsettling things about a person’s home after they have died.
Everything just stays frozen in time, as the deceased left it, and unless anyone else comes to make a mess, nothing will change at all.
At least I’m here to make a bit of a mess.
Once the beans are cooked, I pour them onto a plate and sit down at the kitchen table to eat them.
Dining solo here makes me think of how many mealtimes my mother must have had just like this. Maybe I should have invited her around for meals more often and not been quite as preoccupied with my own busier dinner table. It doesn’t matter now. Death removes the option of choice.
I plan to eat my meagre meal and then go upstairs to bed, but before I can spoon the last few mouthfuls of beans into my mouth, my phone rings.
I am expecting it to be my husband checking that I got here okay, but it’s not. It’s my son, but not the one I want to hear from the most right now. Rather than Joel calling me at this late hour of the night, it’s Scott.
What is he doing awake?
And what does he want?
‘Hello?’ I say as I answer his call, and he seems as surprised to hear from me as I am from him.
‘Why are you not asleep?’ he wants to know.
‘I could ask you the same question,’ I reply plainly as I put the call on speakerphone so I can tidy up while I talk.
‘Got a lot on my mind,’ my son says as I carry my plate to the sink.
‘Like what?’
Scott doesn’t answer. Instead, he asks another question.
‘Is Joel okay?’
‘Why wouldn’t he be?’ I ask.
‘He just posted something online about difficult families.’
That doesn’t sound good. But it does sound like something my youngest would do after a family dispute. Can’t people just keep things behind closed doors like they did in the old days and not share all sorts of private matters with total strangers? I guess not.
‘It’s a long story,’ I say. ‘Come by the house tomorrow and I’ll tell you all about it.’
‘Is it about Haven?’ Scott asks, guessing correctly immediately.
My silence is my answer.
‘What has she done?’ Scott wants to know. ‘What has she said?’
‘Nothing worth repeating,’ I reply as I twirl my hair tightly around my finger and look at my reflection in the kitchen window.
‘Tell me,’ Scott says, and I can detect the desperation in his voice, even down the phone line.
‘She has made some pretty wild accusations,’ I say with a sigh. ‘Accusations that relate to your grandmother and how she died.’
‘I knew that girl was bad news. I could tell the first time I met her.’
‘And you haven’t been shy to tell her that, have you?’ I say to my son.
‘What?’
‘I know you have been messaging Haven and warning her away from our family,’ I say. ‘It all came out tonight, so you don’t need to try and deny it.’
‘She thinks I hurt Grandma!’ Scott cries, incredulous.
‘I know she does, and I told her what a stupid belief that is,’ I say firmly. ‘Don’t worry, I kicked her out of my house for saying such a thing and, with any luck, she’s gone for good now.’
‘You kicked her out?’
‘Yes, after an accusation like that, of course I did,’ I reply. ‘I’m your mother and it’s my job to protect my children from anything. That includes awful accusations.’
‘You really think she’s gone?’ Scott asks me, sounding more like a worried little boy than the strong, dependable man I like to think he has grown into.
‘Only time will tell,’ I say with another sigh. ‘But if she has any sense, she’ll be long gone. Coming into my home and accusing my eldest child of murder. Who does she think she is? But one thing is for sure. If I ever see her again, she’ll find out what murder really looks like.’