Chapter 19 #2
I’d known it wouldn’t last. I’d understood. He was chief of surgery. People needed him. And Thad’s life swallowed him whole again the minute I was getting around well enough that he could step away.
Understanding was different from accepting, though, and neither kept it from hurting when the person you trusted and wanted with you no longer was. I’d learned that early in life. Too early.
It made me question so many things too. Not my feelings for him. Those had roared into my life like a biker gang—loud, persistent, and confident. No. It made me question if I’d only been a project for him to complete. A broken man to heal and nothing more.
The car pulled into Halo House’s driveway and slowed to a stop. Phoenix looked up when I came through the door. His gaze dropped to the second crutch, then returned to my face.
“Before you ask, I didn’t fuck up my knee.”
“I wasn’t going to ask.”
“You were thinking it.”
“I was thinking you look like you’re trying very hard not to be upset about something.”
“That’s just my face,” I snarked, stealing Matteo’s line.
He didn’t smile, but then neither did I.
Phoenix stepped aside, giving me room to get past him. “Want coffee?”
“I’d rather have fall-on-my-face drunk instead.”
He stared at me, then said, “Coffee it is.”
I followed him into the kitchen, lifting my leg onto the seat next to me after I lowered myself into a chair. He filled a mug, set it in front of me, then took the seat across from mine.
He didn’t ask again. Just waited. The fucking man had this uncanny knack of knowing how to get someone to spill their guts. At least with me anyway.
“Thad wasn’t there today,” I finally said.
“Was he supposed to be?” he asked.
I shrugged.
“Did you expect him to be?”
Eyes downcast, I ran my finger around the rim of the mug as I said, “No.”
The lie sat between us. The silence stretched.
Again with the waiting.
“Maybe.” I wrapped both hands around the mug. “A few months ago, I couldn’t take a piss without him hovering outside the door. Now it’s like he’s no where to be seen. And today my knee pulls this shit, and I didn’t even know if he was at the clinic or the hospital.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Matteo said it’s probably nothing.”
“That wasn’t what I asked.”
“Everyone’s real fucking interested in what I’m not answering today.”
Phoenix leaned back. “Then answer.”
Heat crawled up my neck. “What am I supposed to say? Come home earlier because I miss you? Skip surgery because I’m scared? He has an actual job. I knew that. I’m sitting here recovering because the man offered to help me.”
“Knowing why someone is gone doesn’t stop you from missing them.”
“It should.”
“Why?”
Because wanting someone to be there only gave the world one more thing to torture you with.
I stared into my coffee.
Phoenix’s voice softened. “Does Thad know you feel pushed aside?”
“He’d have to be around long enough for me to tell him.”
Phoenix nodded toward the phone beside my mug. “You know that thing works both ways.”
“I’m not telling him this in a text.”
“Then tell him you need to talk.”
“And what? Make him spend the rest of the day wondering if my knee exploded while he’s operating on someone?”
“You’ve got an answer for everything.”
“Usually.”
“Except whether you’ve given Thad any chance to fix this.”
My phone vibrated against the table before I could answer.
Thad
How did therapy go?
The relief came first. Quick and humiliating.
Then the anger followed because four words shouldn’t have been enough to make me feel anything.
Me
Fine.
I hit send and flipped the phone over.
Phoenix stared at the back of it. “Compelling conversation.”
“He asked. I answered.”
“You lied.”
“My knee’s fine.”
“We weren’t talking about your knee.”
The phone vibrated again.
Thad
Good. I’ll be late tonight.
Of course he would.
I waited for something else to appear. A question about where I was. A reason he’d be late. Any indication that his day had room for more than checking the box beside my physical therapy.
Nothing came.
I typed out, I’m at Halo House, then erased it. If he wanted to know where I was, he could ask.
Phoenix watched me put the phone away. “You’re making him prove something without telling him there’s a test.”
“If I have to tell him to notice I’m gone, I already have my answer.”
Phoenix’s mouth tightened, but he let the silence stand.
Good. I was done spilling my guts anyway.
I reached for my coffee and changed the subject before he could prove me wrong.
By Wednesday, the swelling was back down. Matteo checked the knee before allowing me to ditch the second crutch, then warned me that one good morning didn’t mean I could spend the afternoon screwing around with Maxie.
I promised nothing.
Eli was already working when I reached the main room. No screaming. No airborne equipment. He stood between a set of parallel bars with his crutch resting against the wall, shifting his weight from one leg to the other while his therapist watched his hips.
He spotted me and nearly lost his balance.
“Eyes forward,” she said.
“I was looking—”