Chapter 18
The surrounding circle broke down and the elves gathered in clumps to speak in quiet murmurs or slunk back into the tunnels.
CommanderZelfek motioned Dourlak over and gave him quiet direction. The other elf ran back to the great doors and disappeared into the dark. Only then did Zelfek make his way toward us.
“There are less dramatic ways to stage a mutiny,” I snarled at my cousin. My son buried his face against my collarbone and clutched my jacket, trembling. I’d scared him. “I’m sorry, boy,” I apologized and rubbed his back.
Zelfek heaved a sigh. “The words you’re looking for are thank you, Zelfek.”
“For what?” I demanded.
“In the trade language, please,” Ozanna requested. She was back under Lhoris’ arm, steadying him and generally looked like shit, with dark rings around her puffy red eyes. “I want to know what’s going on.”
She had a point. I made the shift.
“After all of this, and everything that’s passed between us, Zelfek, you owe me some fucking answers.” I snarled the words at him, unable to contain my temper.
“Of course,” Zelfek answered solemnly. “If you’d like to come inside, we can have this discussion in more comfortable surroundings.”
“I’m not setting foot back in there,” Ozanna declared, her tone brusk and final. And I agreed. I’d never willingly go underground again.
“You heard the lady,” I drawled. “Talk.”
Zelfek frowned before summoning silence and shadow to cover the lot of us. “Very well. What do you want to know?” he asked, arms crossed.
“Why all of this?” I gestured to the clearing in general and shook my head. “You can’t tell me there wasn’t opportunity to pull this off without dragging us into it. Fuck, you could have asked for our help in Bergellon!”
“And alert the spies in my company?” Zelfek scoffed. “It wasn’t that I needed to drag you in, I needed to drag Dulanzo out.” Then he explained the entire scheme.
The agitation and fear that had driven me through this whole mess was starting to fade, leaving me weary and wary. My older boys might still be alive if it hadn’t been for this plot of his. But I knew this elf well, and their deaths would have been wasteful in his mind. I knew exactly who was responsible for it and his blood was cooling at my feet. But I couldn’t help resenting Zelfek for his role in triggering Dulanzo’s actions. And poor Oz was a mess! The newly formed bond told me she felt raw and wounded inside. What had he allowed to happen to her to reach his goal?
I grabbed Zelfek by the front of his leathers with one hand and shook him, bearing my teeth. “Was it worth all this pain?!” I snarled in his face.
He grabbed my wrist and grimaced. The baby pulled away from me and called for Ozanna, extending an arm to her.
She rushed to the child and pulled him away, giving me a hard look that was one part warning, one part worry. “Lobikno, stop,” she croaked. “He really did try to keep me safe. I trust him!”
Zelfek bared his teeth. “You have no fucking idea what this cost me, Lobikno. What price I’ve paid to get rid of that bastard.” His eyes teared up for a moment before he blinked them away.
“How many children did you lose in this?” I hissed and shook him again.
“As many as you did,” he ground out, which made no sense. He only had one. “I lost Rhemvile.” His voice cracked over the halfie’s name.
“It’s not the same!”
“Well, your boys are alive, Lobikno!” he bellowed. “Now, let me go before the others notice you’re attacking their commander.” The shadows he’d summoned started to fade away, though the silence remained.
I gaped at him, my grasp on his jacket slipped and he took a step back. “What?” I whispered
Zelfek took a deep breath and straightened his jacket. “I sent Dourlak to get them and your adult children,” he shook his head. “Lhoris didn’t specify which of your offspring. But they’re adults, so I won’t force them to leave if they choose to stay.” He glanced back at the gates again and mumbled, “I’d wanted to surprise you.”
“What?” My voice cracked. How? I’d felt them ripped away. “Zelfek if you’re fucking with me, I will end you before you even set foot in those doors.” My chest heaved and I broke out in a cold sweat.
“Lobikno, what could I possibly gain in doing so?” Zelfek asked somberly, as if the entire notion threatened to make him sick.
My stomach clenched itself into knots and my eyes locked on the infernal fucking doors that led down to the depths of my personal hell.
“How many?” asked Ozanna.
“Four adults.” Zelfek’s expression softened when he looked at her. “And the two older boys.”
My eyes burned when I lifted them to meet his gaze. All I could do was stand there and breathe. Why wasn’t I relieved? The pain of their “passing” was still there. The pair of howling graves did not relent despite knowing they were alive. “How?”
Zelfek heaved a sigh. “Dulanzo ordered me to kill both of them,” he explained. “Then he gave the little one to your mate as a ploy to manipulate her.” He glanced at Oz. “I’m sorry I couldn’t spare you. Breaking the bonds exhausted me … and then … I’m just sorry.”
“The other two, they were almost old enough to sever the bond themselves, but they weren’t quite ready,” he shook his head. “Had you arrived and demanded to see them before the duel, I would have been exposed.”
And then I saw them, four young, but obviously adult elves and two tall, gangly adolescents. I choked and froze in place. All seven of my living sons. Less than half of what I’d sired over the years. I’d known it for ages now, but to see how few seven was in that context was hard. Mentally I added the two daughters I knew would be with their mother, though I didn’t want to see what kind of monsters they’d been made into. And there was a part of me afraid to see if Dulanzo had succeeded in doing the same to my boys.
Their expressions were grim as they approached. One of the adults had a strong resemblance to Lhoris, but the rest were an even blend of myself and their mother.
“Commander,” nodded the one I suspected was oldest.
They didn’t look at me though, all of them had eyes on Zelfek, their familiar and trusted leader. And I knew then none of them would be willing to follow me.
Why would they look to you? They know weakness when they see it. You don’t even know their names.
“This is your father,” Zelfek gestured to me. They all appraised me with suspicious red eyes. The two boys were the only ones to linger. “Lirraco, Thimdrac, Grelmuh, and Alras.” Zelfek gestured to each of my adult sons. I committed their names and faces to memory. At least as much as I could.
“I remember him,” said the younger of the two boys. But he didn’t reveal anything more. He had to be, what, sixteen?
“He’s won freedom from this place for his offspring,” Zelfek informed them solemnly and gestured to the baby, who had tucked himself under Ozanna’s chin. “And it’s only fair to offer it to all of you, regardless of age.”
The six young elves before me frowned and glanced at one another. They were suspicious, and not of Zelfek.
“Where would we go?” asked the older boy. His voice had already changed, and he was only a year older than his brother.
“Ah, to a place far west, by the ocean,” I explained, my voice wavering with emotion. “With the humans.”
The older four made sour expressions with that revelation. It was like looking in a broken mirror. The younger pair looked frightened.
“We have friends there,” Lhoris added.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “They want us to live there.”
“We aren’t welcome anywhere, Lobikno,” said Alras. “We all know this.” The other three nodded in agreement. “I don’t think we’ll be coming.”
And I didn’t have an argument for him because I still couldn’t believe it either. There was a part of me terrified that we’d get back to Bergellon and find its gates closed to us.
“What about you two?” I asked the boys, poised on the edge of adulthood. Would it be right to take them from all they knew without considering what they wanted? Especially without the bonds that would make up for the mistrust I saw in them.
“You haven’t been here,” the older said. “I don’t know you.”
The younger met my eyes and said, “I trust my brothers. I want to stay here.”
Lhoris had been translating for Oz in a quiet whisper.
She sputtered. “You can’t leave them here, Lobikno! I’ll not stand by and let it happen.”
“It’s not your choice!” I snarled back. “Don’t think I’m asking them this lightly, woman.”
Zelfek cocked his head thoughtfully and said, “You could have a real mother,” and gestured to Oz. “One that would fight for you. Even now she wants to protect you from the perils of this life.”
The boys looked at Oz with what might have been the last of their childlike wonder, and for a moment, I thought he might have gotten through to them.
“Little brother needs a mother,” the younger said, lifting his chin to point at the baby.
“You won’t be taking them,” said the oldest, Lirraco. “I will fight for them, and you would lose.” And he was serious. The other three met my gaze with similar determination.
Zelfek snorted. “Don’t be deceived by his …” His gesture to my appearance stuttered while he struggled to find the right words, with a grimace. “… sorry countenance. Your father is my equal in any fight. How often have you beaten me in sparring?”
Lirraco pressed his lips together in a hard line, which answered the question well enough. And he’d settled my worry about the two younger boys staying here. If the older four were willing to look out for them … I glanced at Lhoris. He’d spent time among the other elves while I’d been recovering in the seclusion of a prison cell. He hadn’t known they were mine. I knew because Lhoris would have told me.
My brother shrugged wearily. “Well, they’re not good, but are very much like their new commander. They have principals.”
“I won’t make you leave,” I said to the boys, “but know that all of you are welcome to Bergellon if you decide to leave. Zelfek can’t stop you, since you’re technically free to go, right?” I asked my cousin.
“It doesn’t matter when. Run off with an orc maiden, I won’t stop you,” he chuckled and nudged Grelmuh with an elbow.
“Half-orc,” Grelmuh rolled his eyes. “It was a one-time thing on patrol.”
“She still shows up looking for you,” Alras teased. “Thought I was you, once or twice. Good thing we don’t smell too much alike.”
“You could bring her in,” Zelfek suggested in low, quiet words that startled Grelmuh. Zelfek gave him a flat look. “Honestly, you think I wouldn’t find out why you requested a permanent position on the least desirable patrol.”
Grelmuh’s eyes went wide in shock, then narrowed with anger. “I won’t do that to Imgo.”
“You misunderstand, little cousin,” Zelfek shook his head. “There will be no more little pets. You could invite her to live here with the same freedom you have. Put a baby in her and the child would remain with you both. Have a family. Build a life.” His orange eyes glinted with joyful defiance. “Let the city-folk come try and stop us from living the way we want. I’ll crush them like bugs.”
Everyone but Oz gaped at him. “What’s happening?” she whispered to Lhoris.
“Zelfek’s a radical,” he answered absently.
She furrowed her brow and shook her head but seemed content with the half answer.
I turned to the older boys and opened my mouth to speak but froze. Did I have the right to ask this? Odds were good I’d never see them again, and I knew I’d have regrets if I didn’t.
“Hey, fellas,” I started. “Have they given you names yet?”
The older one lowered his eyes and almost bashfully said, “No, they had to hide us. There wasn’t a chance after the bonds were broken.” He frowned and rubbed his chest. “It hurt.”
“Yeah, I know,” I nodded and rubbed my own aching heart. “Would you like to know the names I picked for you?” I asked. “You don’t have to keep them if you don’t like them.”
They looked at each other for a moment. Then the older one nodded, “Yeah, you can tell us.”
“Okay,” I swallowed hard and blinked back tears. “I thought Avi for you,” I said to the older boy, “and Ilvol for you,” to the younger.
They tried to subdue their smiles but failed.
“I guess it’s good,” Avi nodded. “What do you think?”
“Yeah, I like mine too,” Ilvol agreed.
I chuckled, “Well, that’s settled then.” My heart still hurt, but it would be easier to bear knowing they were, well, at least alive. And even if they weren’t coming with me, they would have someone to look out for them. Maybe they would be okay. “Thank you for letting me give you names.”
“Are you kidding?” grinned Ilvol. “Thank you for giving them to us!” But he didn’t move to come closer. Which was fine.
I extended my fist to him, and then Avi for fist bumps. They paused to give their little brother a parting kiss on the head. The baby wouldn’t let go of Oz long enough to hug them. “Goodbye, father.” They said before turning to run back to the safety of the fortress.
“Goodbye, Avi! Goodbye Ilvol!” I called after them and choked on my own damn throat.
“Not a single noble silver strand on any of their heads,” Zelfek muttered. “They’re safe from any political matches. Not that I think those will be allowed anymore.” The corners of his mouth twitched up into a brief smile.
“I’ll hold you to that,” I said. “And I want updates.”
Zelfek frowned but nodded in agreement. “Until they’re adults. Then it’s on their heads to tell you what’s happening in their lives.”
“Fair enough.” I nodded. “And you four,” I said to the others. “My door is always open if you want to get away from this life. I’d like to hear from you as well if you want to write.” I gave them a bittersweet grin. “I’d especially like to know if I have grandkids someday. Maybe I’d come back to meet them. Especially if they’re part orc.” I got non-committal nods, but I didn’t expect anything more.
“Let us know when we have a new little brother,” Thimdrac said with a sigh. “Or sister, I suppose.”
I offered them all fist bumps, and they accepted before shuffling over to say goodbye to the baby. Lirraco and Thimdrac surprised me by pausing to give Oz hugs. She even hugged them back.
“Take care of them, little mother,” Lirraco said before turning away.
“Let’s go home,” I said to my brother and his mate. She handed the child back to me and tucked herself under Lhoris’ arm to give him support.
Home.
What a novel concept. Ha!
Zelfek and Dourlak walked us to the edge of the clearing. “I’ve had someone take three fresh horses and supplies to your camp.”
I was too tired to be surprised he knew where to find it. He’d been very well prepared for this coup of his and it just wasn’t important enough to ask.
He nodded to the baby. “More clothes for the child as well. It will be too cold at night for even a dark elf child.”
I swallowed my pride then. “Thank you, Zelfek.”
“You’re welcome, Lobikno.” He stunned me by pulling me into a brief, stiff hug. “Until we meet again, in this life or the next.”
“Yeah, right, it’ll be the next,” I mumbled.
Oz left Lhoris’ side long enough to give Zelfek a peck on the cheek. He gave her a brittle smile before turning to go back to his people.
We trudged in silence through the quiet autumnal forest to the place we’d made camp. It took longer than it should have, with Oz and Lhoris stumbling around behind me. She because it was too dark, and Lhoris because he almost died.
I was still a little too raw to really wrap my head around it all. An odd little laugh bubbled up and burst from my mouth, startling the boy in my arms.
I don’t know what kind of face I was making, but the baby’s eyes were wide and curious while he peered up at me. Not that he was a baby anymore, really. He was far too small for his age, but he would be six in the spring.
“I guess I need to think of a name for you,” I thought out loud, trying to distract myself.
“Osh-anna gived me one,” he said quietly with a shake of his head. “I think she did. Is Oshruli a name?”
I glanced over at the woman. Oz must have heard him say the name. She aimed an apologetic grimace in my direction, but it didn’t upset me. He’d only just been weened when I saw him last, and he’d been too shy to approach. There just hadn’t been enough time to really see his personality so I’d given up on trying to find something that fit. Ozanna, however, would have given him a name out of spite after finding out he didn’t have one. It was probably the only elven name she knew, the simple thing.
“It is a name.” I nodded. “And it’s a good name. Do you like it?”
“Yeah,” he nodded back. “I like it.”
“Then it’s your name,” I agreed solemnly. Then I rambled. “There’s a story that goes along with it. I can’t remember it all, but when I do, I’ll tell you. At bedtime, even.”
“No one told me a story before,” my son, Oshruli said. “Is that something I’d like?”
“I like stories,” I said with a shrug, “I can tell you some while we ride to the castle where we’ll live.”
Oshruli’s mouth dropped open in surprise. His eyes darted back and forth before he leaned in closer to my ear. “You a king?” he whispered.
I had to laugh. And when I stopped, the smile stayed in place. “No, Oshruli, I’m not. But one of my friends lives there, and she wants us to come stay with her.”
Oshruli’s pale brows drew together, “What’s a friend?”
“Oh, my boy,” I said, and my face felt strained, like it was trying to smile and worry at the same time. “I have so many things to teach you.”