Chapter 10 Thayla #2
His voice thunders through the forest, and I bite my lip as I pull my power back to me. The swirling in his irises stops, and he breathes an annoyed huff as neither color tries to take over.
“Thought so. Thanks a lot. Your big emotions just had to come in here and fuck up my swim.”
I stare as I get the words in my mind right. I’m not falling for his bait. He doesn’t get to push me away. If he doesn’t want to talk about what happened yet, that’s fine, but I’m going to say what I need to.
Valories fucking forbid something else happens and I don’t get this out there.
“Tell me the truth, angel. You’ve already chosen them, so does that mean you don’t have enough room left in your soul to accept me for me?”
His irritated twitching freezes as he stares at me with wide eyes.
“Those were your exact words. That’s what you asked me to clarify that day when Amick announced our relationship.
I told you I never said that. Then, in the hot spring in Oddian, you asked me not to give up on you.
I didn’t. In that moment, in my mind, I declared you were mine.
Now I need to know the same. Can you accept me for me, or have you given up on me? ”
“Thayla…”
“No. I don’t want a soft whisper of my name.
I want an answer. I’ve waited and waited.
I’ve accepted. You are mine. Now I need to know the truth.
You can’t pretend any longer that you don’t know what’s happening.
You know your Harmony is responding to my Chaos.
Our Chaoses will never be the same. Can you accept that? Accept me for me?”
He scoffs like he can’t believe I just asked him that. Rage bleeds through me.
“I should’ve fucking known this is how this would go.”
The fury—embarrassment—pounding through me has me turning around and marching back toward the stairs.
My foot doesn’t land on the first step before I’m jerked back by my hand. He swiftly places me exactly where he wants.
One hand tangles in my hair at the base of my neck while the other wraps around my jaw.
“Don’t run from me.” His soft tone pierces through the first layer of my anger.
“You’re running from me.”
“Not you. Never you.”
I suck in a deep breath and exhale slowly.
“It’s selfish of me to push this conversation right this minute. I know that, but I can’t help it. I can’t lose this opportunity to another interruption. I can’t lose you, Riven. Never again. I need to know you feel the same.”
His gaze bores into mine, searching for something, and guilt attempts to plunge through my heart. I shut it down, though. We both need this understanding. Right now.
He needs to believe that I will always, undeniably, accept him. No matter what happened or what will continue to happen. I will forever be here for him.
“What makes you fear I can’t accept you?” he asks so quietly, I barely hear it.
“Multiple things.”
“I need to hear them.”
Our chests rise and fall out of sync.
This is what I wanted…the truth out in the open.
“You said more times than I can count that your Harmony is your least favorite side of yourself. What if every time my Chaos comes out, so does your Harmony? How many times of that happening will it take for you to hate me?
“Not only does one power living in me drag out that side, but there’s also another in there that will undoubtedly do that as well. How long will it take for you to grow disgusted with me every time you sense my Seduction?
“These are parts of myself that I can’t change or do anything about. Restraining them won’t work because eventually they burst through my seams on their own. How long is it going to take for me to become an actual burden for you?”
“You’ve been an actual burden since the second you stumbled through the Gods Veil.”
My soul shivers in my chest, and I try to pry my face from his hand, but he holds me tighter. He forces my feet backward until I’m plastered between his body and the rocky side of the hot spring.
“My impulsive actions land us in situations like the one I just found myself in, and I fear one day it’s going to go too far. Everyone is going to give up on me. I fear telling you what my Harmony can do and what it has done because I fear it.
“I fear the look that’s going to enter your eyes when you hear my truth. Your ‘what the fuck wrinkles’ will morph into repulsion, and you’re going to take the burden you bear on my soul away from me. Because it is a burden.
“One that started as a weight that I feared would hold me down, but in all reality, it makes me level. If I don’t have it to carry, I’m going to lose myself. I’m going to fade away into the Chaos and never come up for air again because I can’t face what I’ve done. You’re a burden to my avoidance.
“You’re a burden that I desperately, obsessively, need. I fear I’ve taken too long to understand that, and one day, if not already, you’re going to realize how much of a burden I am for you.”
My throat grows tight as I raise my hand out of the water to trace beneath his eyes.
His fears weigh on my heart, and I sense the same shame fluttering off him that I feel in myself each and every time I open up.
It’s petrifying allowing yourself to be vulnerable when you don’t know, but hope that the person you’re being honest with will accept what you have to say without throwing it in your face later.
I cup his cheek and grip his wrist to stop him from pulling away, just like he did to me a moment ago.
I caress the marks fading from his wrist.
“A burden can feel like a chain, but in the right hands, it becomes a bond. You call me your little burden, and you just said you need my brand of burdening. Yet you’re worried about being a burden to me.”
He opens his mouth, but I shake my head. I’ve got to get where I’m going with this out before I make a mockery of my words.
“I need you to open your eyes and realize we all are or become a burden to someone, in some way, at some point in time. Whether it’s from our past, our actions, our words, our needs. Whatever the case. Sometimes, we just simply interfere with someone’s normal.
“The only thing that matters is finding someone—maybe someones—who don’t see it as weight that holds you down.
They choose to bear it for you and with you.
They hold you. They choose you. Your brand of Chaos, Harmony, burdening, whatever you want to throw at me.
The calm comfort, the wild adventures, and the tad bit psycho tendencies.
I accept it all. I want it all. I choose it all. I choose you, Riven.”
He stares at me so intensely, I can’t breathe. I’m afraid one wrong move will have this fragile moment crumbling to pieces around us.
This is a make-or-break moment for me and I need him to make it.
“All of it?”
“It’s all or nothing.”
My words linger between us. Heavy.
He knows I’m now talking about more than just the things about him he considers burdens he brings to me.
I mean it all.
The relationships I share with his brothers, him accepting my powers, me accepting his. Our past. I’ll open up to him.
The push and pull stops now.
We’re going all in.
Slowly, as if he’s nervous, he leans his head down until there’s only a breath between us. The difference in this kiss is as obvious as the others he’s given me.
This is the first time he’s kissed me with no power behind the motivation.
No Chaos or Harmony.
Just Riven.
The tender warmth spreads through my body, beckoning—demanding—my soul forward. And it obeys.
Or at least, it tries to.
The sliver living in him and the one in me strain toward one another. The craving to become whole engulfs me, but the pieces don’t force their way together.
By the time he pulls his lips from mine, we’re both out of breath and our bodies mold together for support.
“Just because I’m one of your boyfriends now doesn’t mean I’m going to stop with my jealous, inappropriate jokes and or comments. I have a catalog of them that I haven’t used yet, and I can’t allow them to go to waste.”
A snort escapes me as I lean my cheek against his bare chest.
“I’d be worried something was wrong if you did.”
He chuckles but clears his throat as the sweet melody fades.
I attempt to pick my head up to see what made him grow serious once again, but he holds me to him by the grip he still has in my hair.
“I accept you and see you. Every part of you. I’ve seen it for a long time, but I’ve been too afraid to admit it. I’m still afraid of what I’ll see when I’m honest with you.
“And I do swear to be honest with you, but I ask that you give me the night. I…I can’t lay that all out there tonight. Too much happened that I need to come to terms with myself first.”
A long, slow breath pours from my lips and fans across his chest as I nod my agreement. This conversation was what I needed, and I know in my soul he did too. He needed to believe without a shadow of a doubt that I accepted him fully before he’d ever be completely honest with me.
There’s a lot I need to come to terms with and be honest with myself about as well.
Like Mellcom saving me.
I hate that. It makes me feel obligated to forgive him.
I’m not sure I can do that.
Yet, if he hadn’t, there’s no telling where the Goddess of Seduction would’ve locked me away.
The guys would probably still be in the Abandon searching for me.
Or worse…caught and handed over to their father.
My shiver vibrates his chest, and he finally loosens his hold on me.
“I have no clue how you can be cold right now, but let’s get to the house and change. If I can’t wallow in misery out here, I might as well go face the wrath of my brothers. Plus, I’m starving.”
“You won’t face their wrath. They’ve been worried sick about you and are happy you’re home. I’m sure Creed will gladly make some food.”
“Oh, there will definitely be wrath. Especially once I tell them how I fucked with the Binding.”
My head jerks up, and I glare at the guilty but fucking smirking look on his face.
“You did what?”