Chapter 14 Thayla
Thayla
He may call me an angel, but he looks like the Valories dropped him straight from the stars when he’s sleeping.
My fingers brush the ring of curls from Riven’s forehead, revealing every perfect feature of his. Half of his face is still shadowed while the other is bathing in the morning light that’s shining through my window.
Forever spilt in two.
He’s perfection.
And all mine.
Every piece of him is mine.
I squeeze my thighs together to chase away the phantom flutter that races through my core.
Dear gods, will I ever get enough of my men?
Speaking of them…
We only have two days left now before life goes back to normal and I refuse to walk around this house like strangers any longer.
Their silent treatment stops now.
Plus, I’ve been lying here for an hour staring at Riven while trying to figure out what’s changed the most with my soul. I need my eyes on them so I can work it out for myself or get Creed to explain it.
I feel…different. Not in a bad way, though. It’s difficult to describe.
My chest is no longer on the verge of ripping open and there are four very distinct directions it goes. Each weighs the same, but that’s where the similarities in the ropes end.
I could already pinpoint which was Kyzen, Creed, and Amick, but something about tying Riven in with them has made those distinctions very pronounced.
Right now, though, two of the four have basically shut me out and I don’t like that one little bit. Every time I stroke my soul, nothingness comes back to me like I’ve hit a wall.
When and or why Creed told Kyzen how to block me out is an answer I expect immediately.
I’m pretty sure I could shove my soul right through that metaphorical barrier they’ve put up—okay, maybe not Creed’s—but I’m not going to do that.
They’ll have to look me in the eye and explain why the hell they don’t want me feeling them.
Riven’s lips smack together and my body freezes as I try to scoot out from under his arm.
“Don’t touch my muffins.”
I press my hand to my mouth and hold my breath. It takes everything in me not to laugh at the incoherent words he continues to spew.
He flops himself over onto his back and I take this as my opportunity to ease myself out of the bed.
“I’ll cut your fingers off.”
A snort escapes me as my bare toes hit the floor, and I quickly but quietly make my way to the closet, then snatch on some clothes.
He’s still mumbling murderous threats over food as I make it to my door without falling out in hysterics. The muscles in my cheeks twitch with my restraint, but I let a smile break out across my face as soon as I get into my hallway.
My look slowly fades, and my breath rushes out of me as my feet slam to a stop.
Creed’s shirtless back is on full display for my viewing pleasure. Every muscle ripples as he reaches into the cabinet for a coffee mug, and I have an insatiable desire to go run my tongue down his spine.
For the Valories, my men are fine.
“You want some coffee, or do you want to stand there all morning?”
I flinch and blink my eyes back into focus.
Smug asshole.
He isn’t smirking or smiling, but that glimmer in his eyes tells me he enjoyed catching me ogling him.
“Coffee, please, my sweetling.”
That washes the look away and I grin.
My arms wrap around him from behind once I approach him. A minuscule twitch races over his skin and into my cheek, but then his back expands.
His body slumps and loosens up with his exhale.
“Someone’s happy this morning,” he grumbles as he turns in my arms.
He tangles his fingers into the back of my hair, and I hold my breath as he pulls me close. The brief little peck he gives me isn’t nearly enough, but I decide not to push it since I have the intention of putting them all in their place as soon as they’re all in here.
“I am. Where are Amick and Kyzen?”
“Amick’s in the shower. Kyzen isn’t up yet.”
Sourness fills my stomach as my head jerks toward his door.
“What do you mean he isn’t up yet?”
“I guess he slept in today.”
I want to punch the shit out of him when he shrugs and turns back to the kettle. I’m almost out of the kitchen before he grips my hand and attempts to stop me.
“Let him be. He needs some good sleep.”
“Good sleep, my ass, Creed. This is Kyzen we’re talking about. He doesn’t sleep in.”
I jerk my hand free and race toward his door. My breathing becomes labored the closer to his room I get. I don’t bother knocking.
My body passes through with no resistance, but everything in me runs cold as I stare at his bed. The cover and sheets are disheveled like he had a fretful night, but that’s truly the least of my concerns.
Feathers are scattered everywhere from multiple ripped pillows, and stuffing spills out from the many gashes in his mattress. The color of crimson is bright, glaring, on his light blue sheets.
“Kyzen.”
My back slams against the wall the moment I rush through the bathroom door. Even if the hit didn’t knock the wind out of me, the sword pressed to my throat would have me holding my breath.
“Who sent you?”
His bellow rattles the mirrors, and my eyes lock onto the voided look in his. Blood pours down his arm from a cut on his hand. His other holds me in place by my hip, so I have no clue if he has any more injuries.
I allow my body to go limp and his fingers flex against my skin. His eyes twitch like he’s trying his hardest to understand why it feels so familiar.
So much for not tearing down his wall.
I see clearly now why his ass put it up.
My soul shoves its way right through and the fear that bombards me is breathtaking in the worst way. I track a drip of sweat that travels down his forehead to his cheek as he grits his teeth, but I don’t stop pushing.
I can’t. I have to pull him back to me.
His hand that’s clenching his sword trembles and my own fear that he may accidentally cut my ass sears across my soul.
“Thayla.”
The steel clanks against the floor as he stammers away from me, blinking and shaking his head like he’s fighting a haze that won’t let him go.
“Kyzen.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Everything’s—”
“Get out.”
I halt my steps as he holds his trembling hands by his sides. His blood smears down his pants since he put on a pair that has no pockets.
“I’m not going—”
“Please, Thayla. Get out.”
The navy and light blue rings in his eyes shatter like the waves of the Lost Sea breaking against the cliff. There’s so much shame, guilt, and pain reflected at me. My heart twists uncomfortably.
“No.”
“No?”
“I said no. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you in here alone.”
“I don’t want you to see me like this. Go.”
Blood speckles the wall as he throws his hand out toward the door. The room falls into a haunting echo of our heavy breaths and his muttered curses.
He backpedals away as I move toward him. I slap his palm away when he holds it up in front of me as if that’s going to stop me.
My mouth collides with his and he freezes. Deadly still.
I roam my hands over his body, stroke his soul, and continue to lay kisses on his lips. If he can’t find something to hold on to, to pull himself out of this, then I’ll give him something to hold.
My arms wrap around his neck as I jump up, not giving him the option but to either catch me or we both hit the ground.
He will hold me. All of me. Just as he vowed he would.
Once again, I find myself pinned against a wall.
The tremors vibrating his body pass through me with every stroke of his tongue. His movements—touches—are frantic like he’s desperate to make sure I’m really here.
He finally pulls back, leaving me panting for breath as he lays his head in the crook of my neck. His pulse thunders erratically. Its tempo beats across every surface our bodies touch.
“I didn’t…I don’t want you to see me break like this, little goddess. I’m not in my right mind right now. You can’t be around me.”
My hands glide across his skin until I have his cheeks cupped in my palms.
“I can and I will. What was it you said to me?” My thumbs trace the bags under his eyes.
“One thing I will never feel guilty about is protecting you. Whether that’s mentally, emotionally, or physically.
I will step in. I will confront whoever I have to.
Even if it’s you. I’ll protect you from yourself if need be.
“I’ve been walking around for days feeling like shit for pushing all of you to talk to me. I feel even shittier right now looking at you. I should’ve pushed more. I won’t feel guilty about it anymore.”
“Our emotions and reactions aren’t your responsibility to manage. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all.”
“You’re right, to an extent. I don’t think they’re my responsibility unless I’m the direct cause of them.
You’re all big boys, but the four of you mean a lot to me and if I can help you through whatever you’re going through, I’m going to.
I shouldn’t have let you all bury your heads in the sand and avoid me.
“That bothered me and I should’ve called your asses out about it before now rather than let you hide away in your rooms. The hiding ends now. I’m not going to sit here and force you all to open up completely to me, but this whole shutting me out entirely needs to stop. I can’t take it any longer.”
His chest heaves as he tilts his head back and closes his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Thayla. That wasn’t my intention by any means. I just—I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I’m there, not here. I can’t think straight. I don’t even…”
His shattered gaze pins me more firmly to the wall than his grip.
“What?”
“I don’t even know how I got that sword. I gave Creed all my weapons the morning after we got back.”
I slowly exhale through the worry that’s trying to rip my throat to shreds.
“When’s the last time you actually slept, Kyzen?”
“I fell asleep like three hours ago.”
“When is the last time you slept all night?”
He gulps and tears his eyes from mine, but I pull him right back.
“The night before we met my father with the Binding.”
My jaw locks. That was a week ago.