Chapter 14 Thayla #3
“I didn’t bring any of this up in the moment because I was afraid of how each of you would react. I didn’t know if me fussing about something as small as wanting one of you to come to bed with me would cause a massive fight or worse, one of you would reject me.
“I also didn’t want to do what I’m doing right now. I didn’t want to express how your actions were hurting my feelings. We all know opening up is hard for me, but I was also afraid that if I opened up and it led to one of you opening up, I wouldn’t know how to handle it.
“Each piece of your past you’ve given me was just that, your past. It was very easy for me to defend you and find something to say because you all were kids and had no choice in most matters. This is fresh, in the moment, and I’m not even sure how to process it.”
There’s a long, strenuous stretch of silence.
My heart is hammering so loud, I can barely hear myself think and my throat is tight enough to cause an ache.
“Look at me, Thayla.”
I blink and peer through my lashes as Amick runs the back of his fingers down my cheek until he reaches my ear. He tucks a loose strand away as he rubs my earlobe.
“I see the error of my ways now. I’ve been operating the last few days the same way I would if you weren’t here.
We all have. What you witnessed from each of us is how we’ve handled any major setbacks since arriving.
That was wrong of us. This isn’t like every other instance we’ve faced.
One of us got taken and it could’ve easily been you.
“Logically, it made sense to me to go on about my days as I would any other time. I knew you were here, safe and in our home, so I classified you as fine. I neglected to even consider your emotional well-being. I’m so incredibly sorry.
I’ll never let that happen again. Also, your voice is the most magical I’ve ever heard.
Never believe I walked out of the room to get away from you.
It was ridiculous of me to allow a text I’ve already read to distract me from anything you wanted to say to me. ”
I don’t have the chance to exhale before his mouth is on mine.
“Forgive me, Mysenta.”
“I do, Candyman.”
I smile against his lips, then gasp as I’m twirled into another set of hands. These—as always—are strong, sure, and deadly.
“I’d never avoid your touch.”
“But you did.”
Creed’s jaw muscle flexes. I lift my hand and lay it there until he relaxes it.
“Cooking and fighting.”
“Come again?”
“I cook to cope with what’s going on around me because it’s the safest and healthier option.
But before it was fighting. More specifically in the fighting rings at Hellveilious.
I’d go there and release whatever emotion I needed too.
Since declaring I wasn’t going there anymore, cooking has become the ultimate alternative.
“I get tunnel vision and yes, can react pretty poorly when I’m interrupted.
I didn’t take the spatula from you because I didn’t want you to help me.
I took it because I was reciting the recipe in my mind and counting the minutes until it needed to be stirred so I could drown out the voices of the souls calling to me from Hellveilious. ”
“You…hear the souls talking to you?”
“Loudly and often.”
“I’m so—”
He cuts me off with his finger to my lips.
“Don’t apologize to me. I’m sorry. What I should’ve been doing is focusing on your soul and talking to you, then I never would’ve had to listen to them over the last few days.”
His lips replace his finger and I mold into him. Our souls battle it out for who can stroke the other one the most.
I won’t admit that I give up, but I definitely pull back before he makes me fall apart on the floor.
“Little goddess…I’m sorry.”
I pivot around, and my chest nearly caves in at the shame in Kyzen’s eyes. I can’t stand it.
I need my easygoing, sexy smiles man back.
“You’re right. I go out of my way to do things for them at times like this because I’m searching for an anchor. Someone or something to ground me when I want to give in. I should’ve turned to you.”
I nod, but that isn’t the only thing I need fixed.
“No more blocking my soul out.”
His eyes widen and bounce behind my head.
“He didn’t snitch on you. I felt the two of you blocking me out. I know why you did it now, but I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to do that again.”
He tilts his head down with a small smirk on his lips and my shoulders slump as a touch of the tension drains out of him.
I startle when Riven’s ass frantically claps beside me.
“I feel like this was a really important bonding moment for all of us. I truly feel closer as a brother-boyfriend unit.”
“That’s not what you’re calling yourselves.”
“I didn’t hear you apologize,” Amick says, and Riven swings his pout from me to him.
“I apologized plenty last night.”
“Having sex does not make up for the emotional distress you put her under. It undoubtedly helps, but we’re all capable of that. You need to use your words and apologize. Also apologize to all of us for getting yourself taken.”
Riven psts and tsks, but the four of us line up, cross our arms, and stare him down.
“Oh, come on. Four against one is cheating. I’m the one who had to suffer and now you’re all ganging up on me.”
“Not gonna work, Riven,” Kyzen says.
“Fine, but you all know my decision was worth it,” he groans and splays his hands out at his brothers.
“I offer my most abject, grovel-on-the-floor, please-don’t-banish-me apology.
If apologies were currency, I’d be throwing gold bars at your feet right now.
Granted, instead of gold, I gave you all a Gods Binding but whatever.
Regardless. I’m sorry. Truly. Stupidly. Completely. ”
He bows dramatically and blows each of us a kiss.
“Now to Thayla specifically.”
He sneers at Amick.
“I just apologized.”
“For getting taken. It’s still vastly up in the air if your decision was the wisest or most idiotic thing you’ve ever done. Now, apologize for hurting her feelings.”
Those mismatched eyes swing to me.
“Did I really hurt your feelings?”
I offer him a sad smile.
He made up for it plenty last night, and I’m not just referring to the sex. Him opening up explained everything I needed to know and understand.
I won’t turn down an apology, though.
In two small strides, he stands before me, then lowers himself to the ground and grips my hands.
“My heart is a tragic little instrument, wheezing out a sad song. Please accept this musically questionable apology and the fact that I actually mean it.”
I bite my lip to keep from smiling at his stupid ass.
The thing is, he’s trying to be funny right now, but his blue eye doesn’t lie.
He didn’t like hearing that he hurt my feelings.
“I like you on your knees for me.”
His gaze darkens as a warming smirk crosses his face.
“Careful, angel. I’d hate for my brothers to see how much better I am at worshipping you than they are.”
“Better my ass,” Creed grumbles.
“I would like to observe your techniques so I can judge for myself if you’re treating her properly.”
I snort, but Riven doesn’t let my hand go so I can cover my mouth.
“Tell him right now that I know what I’m doing.”
“What’s wrong, Riven? Afraid to perform under pressure?”
Kyzen’s sly smile has heat rushing through my body.
Valories…this is a competition on the rise.
You know what, I don’t actually mind since I’m the winner and the prize.
The weight that’s been sitting on my shoulders fades and a long-drawn-out exhale pours from my lips.
I swear, as if in slow motion, I watch the tension bleed from them.
A laugh I can’t contain breaks free from me as Riven jumps up, demanding Creed get busy in the kitchen on his cake. I catch the look Amick and Kyzen share with one another.
I mosey my way to the mug of coffee set to the side that I know is mine, and I lean against the counter. Its warmth adds to what’s already spreading through me as I silently watch four brothers come back together.
Gods…this is my imperfect perfect life.
I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do to protect it.
“Dear Messenger, hopefully, there won’t be a next time, but if a time comes when we get close to losing one another, a little warning would be nice.”