Chapter 35 Creed #2
“She killed herself, very publicly, in front of the healing villas. I just found out the true reason why that was. Before she did that, though, moments before, she prayed to me. Begged me to do it for her. I would have. I know that sounds horrible, but my power is very efficient at what prayers it does and doesn’t allow to come through.
Hers came through, which means her soul was ready. ”
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive or ask so directly, but why didn’t you?”
“An infant’s soul in the Abandon was screaming out at the same time. She was minutes away from her power releasing, and she wouldn’t have survived it. I chose to go to her rather than Lucia. Samarie is six now and she calls me Seed. If I had just—”
“Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself, Creed.”
“It’s not that—”
“It is that simple. Realistically, did you have time to go to both?”
My lips tighten and I stare down at my shoes with every slow step we take.
We had just finished breakfast that morning. I was literally stripping my shirt off to get in the shower when my soul sensed Samarie’s call.
I was dressed and strapping my swords to my back in less than a minute when Lusia called out.
They both were in undeniable pain, but Lusia’s soul was a touch stronger.
“By myself, no. I could’ve asked for help. I should have. When I yelled at my brothers to go get Ellian and Annalise for me, I should’ve told Kyzen to go find Lusia and slow down whatever was happening.
“As soon as I handed Samarie to Annalise in the room the Gods Veil is in, Lusia’s soul quit calling for me.
I knew what that meant. I felt it. I starshot to the house, had a breakdown in my bathroom for however long, then came out to get to cooking.
I expected the house to be empty, but all three of my brothers were sitting at the table silently.
“Solemnly, Amick looked at me and told me all responsibilities were canceled for the day because Lusia had just jumped off the Hailtorium. He didn’t know what he was telling me was like stabbing a sword through my soul.
It’s excruciating to miss the call of a soul.
Hearing how she did it on her own added to the pain. ”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as our footsteps fall still. She squeezes my hand and lays her other to my heart. I exhale slowly.
“I felt like such a failure. If I had more of my power, I wouldn’t have even had to go to her to answer her prayer. I could’ve given her a peaceful, merciful death and freed her from what she had endured. Instead, she died thinking she had no other choice. She was petrified.”
My arms wrap around Thayla’s body as she lays her head on my chest. Her silent support keeps my soul’s shivers minimal and my breathing even.
“If I were in your shoes, I’d feel the same way. There’d be no convincing myself otherwise. So I understand the guilt you’re trying to carry. As your Binder, though, I have to convince you otherwise.”
My lip twitches the barest amount.
“You’ve had six years to think of these scenarios, Creed.
I know for a fact, none of these considerations came across your mind in the short time you had from getting to one of them, then the other.
In a moment like that, you wouldn’t have had time to devise a plan with your brothers.
If you had, you may have lost them both.
“You went to the soul who had the least chance of survival if you did nothing and that’s okay. It was an impossible decision. One you had to make in seconds. There was no right or wrong choice. There was simply a choice.
“Stand by your decision. When you see that little girl at Annalise’s, smile at her. Never correct her for the way she says your name. You saved a baby’s life that day. Be at peace with the fact that Lusia isn’t suffering whatever darkness she was suffering anymore. She’s free from it.”
My body slumps, not in relief, but acceptance.
I’ve thought about those same things many times over the last six years, but it hasn’t helped. Each what-if and what I should’ve done glared at me like a vicious reminder. Every time I attempted to reason with myself, it felt like I was making excuses.
I pull her down to the ground with me and position her between my legs with her back against my chest. I lay a single kiss on her forehead.
“Thank you, my endling.”
“Anytime, my sweetling.”
I snort and shake my head at that shit. I’ll never admit that the nickname doesn’t bother me one bit.
She can have whatever sweetness is in me.
No one else.
“Can I ask you something?”
I glance down at her, although I can’t see her face. The softness in her tone is different than what it was a second ago. There’s a timidness to it.
“Anything.”
“Did the God of Obliteration and the Goddess of Creation make your swords specifically for you?”
Well, that isn’t what I thought she was going to ask at all.
“No. They were originally made for my father. They were gifted to me when I took over Hellveilious.”
“Why did they even make them?”
“I’m not entirely sure, but I can assume it was so my father had a weapon strong enough to cut down his counterparts if he dared to try. There’s no telling with the two of them.”
She grunts. “I was nervous enough to work on his power. Now you’ve got me worried about hers. Is she evil like him?”
I clench my jaw and sigh in annoyance. Not at her. At them.
“First, it isn’t their power. It’s yours. Second, no, she isn’t evil. She’s just…I don’t know how to describe the Goddess of Creation. She never wanted to pick a side. So she didn’t.”
A hum slips through her lips and she mindlessly runs her fingers across my thighs as she drifts into her thoughts. I force myself to think about anything and anyone other than those two Beginning Gods.
It’s impossible, though.
“I know what happened in Hellveilious warped the way you look at the power of Obliteration, but it isn’t evil.”
“I find that very hard to believe.”
“Do you think my power is all bad?”
She jerks her head, smacking me in the face with her messy bun in the process. I rub away the itch tickling my nose and meet her glare.
“You know good and well I don’t. Why would you even ask that?”
“Because the power of Obliteration and the power of Death go hand in hand to an extent. We both can kill on contact. You can’t believe mine isn’t all bad, then turn around and say the other is.”
She stares through my soul for a good few seconds, then huffs as she turns back around and flops herself against my chest. I cough and sputter as the air’s forced out of my lungs.
“I can’t stand when you make me see reason.”
“Well, you shouldn’t contradict yourself so blatantly and I wouldn’t have to.”
“Okay, asshole, I get it.”
I chuckle and twirl some of the loose strands at her neck around my finger.
“You know you do the same thing to me all the time, right?”
“Yeah.” She sighs. “I know.”
We fall silent and stare as the breeze blows the meadow grass in a wave of green. Her small, quiet laughs are directed at the young Veilatara in the distance playing with one another.
Even trapped, they still find peace.
“V.”
“Well, hello, stranger.”
I keep my scoff mental.
“I literally told you good morning today.”
“Yes, once I was allowed to return home.”
“If you had returned home any sooner, you would’ve seen things you had no business seeing.”
His sound of disgust forces a laugh from me, but Thayla’s still too busy chuckling at the younglings to notice I’m paying attention to something else.
“That’s far too much information for me. I’m very pleased you all finally admitted your love for one another, but I don’t need specifics.”
Love…
It’s still a crazy concept to me, but there’s no denying the love I have for my Binder.
My soul knew long before I allowed myself to acknowledge it.
Once I did, though, really once Kyzen asked me flat out if I loved her, I couldn’t even attempt to lie to him or myself.
I love her with every beat of my heart and sliver of my soul.
“I’ll keep the specifics to myself then. I need a favor from you if you don’t mind helping me out.”
“Of course I don’t mind.”
“Will you get Amick to starshoot me the plant he was going to use to teach Thayla about her Obliteration? I’m about to make her try now.”
“Make her. You’re hilarious. I must see this.”
His hoot echoes around in my mind and I roll my eyes.
“Sit up and turn to face me.”
“For what?”
I curl my lips in to stop a smile from spreading across them.
“Can’t you just do as I ask? You never give Amick such a hard time.”
“Well, one, you didn’t ask. You told. Two, you both are bossy in your own ways, and I handle you both accordingly.”
“Accordingly, my ass. You like to argue with me. You don’t argue with him because you like the way his voice gets stern.”
She throws her head back, laughing like I told the realm’s funniest joke. I silence the sound as I wrap my hand around her throat and tilt her neck back even more so I can lay my lips on hers.
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re not. Not at all.”
I smirk down at her, then release her so she can turn around like I ask—told—her to.
“What are you up to?” she asks as she arches her brow at the look on my face.
“We’re going to go over your power of Obliteration.”
Her humor instantly disappears, but before she can refuse me, I push on.
“I’ve struggled since arriving in the Godsdawn with not only my powers, but also with my Designations.
The Healer in me anyway. Its placement made no sense to me.
Over the years, and with my obsession with cooking, the guys made jokes about how that’s obviously where it comes from. Me using food to heal the body.
“You’re the one who really called me out. You brought up how I helped those Plentifuls like it was perfectly normal. It was at that moment, it felt normal and it made sense. I can kill to heal. Now I’m going to teach you how Obliteration can help do the same.”
Her denial and refusal are on the tip of her tongue. If she tells me she really isn’t ready, I’ll drop it, but I don’t want her to do that.