Chapter 8 Kyzen #2
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
I cut my eyes over at Thayla. She flexes her fingers against his and gives me an unconvincing nod.
Never thought I’d be considering another man’s feelings about my relationship. Especially not one of my brothers’.
“Thayla and I had sex, as you’ve already figured out. This subject may have been alluded to, but it wasn’t really defined or a part of your ‘this arrangement is simple’ conversation. I want to make sure we didn’t upset you and you’re okay with it.”
He tilts his head to the side as he studies us.
“I suppose we didn’t go in depth on the mechanics.
It’s a natural evolution in any relationship.
I assumed it would happen eventually in its own way and time, and we’d be accepting of it.
I’ll admit I’m experiencing some envy, especially considering Thayla’s energy this morning.
I do wish it had been me to make her feel that, but our time will come.
I’m fine and hold no ill will that you two had sex. ”
The weight that’d been growing in my chest immediately evaporates. I’m not sure what I would’ve said or done if he’d been mad, but his easy acceptance settles some of the conflicting feelings I’ve got going on.
I’m honestly in this weird place where I’m completely comfortable talking about this with him, but at the same time absolutely dumbfounded that we’re dating the same woman…and discussing having sex with the same woman.
This is going to take some time to get used to.
I nod and he glances down at Thayla as she attempts to hide her face by turning into his arm.
“Thank you both for considering how this would make me feel. I appreciate that you thought this was important enough to include me in a discussion.”
My heart nearly falls out of my chest at his words. I hold my breath as he bends down toward her, and her body falls completely still as he lays his lips to her forehead.
The whole interaction and embrace soothe something else inside of me.
He hasn’t shown affection like that to anyone since we were kids.
Even then, it was a random, small hug that no one talked about or usually even reciprocated.
I can count on my hand the number of times I’ve heard the words thank you come out of his mouth.
Not because he’s rude. It’s simply the fact that people don’t do things for him that would warrant his appreciation. I’m as guilty of that as anyone else. He’s the type of person who doesn’t ask for anything or expect anyone to be there for him.
I don’t think deep inside of him he wants things to be that way, though.
“Huh.” His murmured noise has her poking her head up at him.
“What?”
“I wondered why Kyzen does that to you. I see now. It creates a very tender and intimate sensation. What does it feel like for you?”
Her mouth parts, then she clears her throat. “It’s comforting.”
I chuckle at his astonishment and her bashfulness. It’s hard to explain, but I’m addicted to how she can be so sassy and fierce, hell, throw a punch at the drop of an insult, but she softens up so sweetly at such a small gesture.
I believe our Binder would love to be softer all around, but life hasn’t provided her the opportunity.
“While we’re on the subject of honesty, can I bring something up that may or may not upset both of you?”
Oh fuck…
“You can always say whatever is on your mind.” I nod in agreement with Amick, although my heart just fell through my stomach.
“I…have feelings for Creed and Riven. I don’t exactly know what kind of feelings because they piss me off more than anything, but I wanted to be honest with the two of you. Especially after you just made that comment, Amick.”
I blow out a harsh breath.
It’s not that this is a surprise to me. I’m not blind and based on the reactions and responses we’ve had when it comes to her, it’s obvious we all care for her. It’s the logistics and thoughts of sharing her in a physical and emotional sense that tie me up.
Accepting this arrangement with Amick was, I guess…simpler. He communicates, sometimes too straightforward.
Creed and Riven, not so much.
They do have a piece of her soul as well, you know.
The thought gives me pause. Now that her and my souls are completely connected, and I sense it more deeply, I have a theory I’m not ready to share with everyone.
Creed may be too blinded by his fear to see it yet.
Amick and Riven might notice it once they experience it.
Shit…once they experience it.
Yeah, I’m going to need some time to wrap my head around this.
“That’s quite obvious and something I knew was a possibility since before Kyzen and I declared our feelings for you. If you’re searching for a blessing from me to pursue those feelings, you have it.”
“I’m not saying I’m pursuing anything. I’m just coming to terms with the fact both of you are my…well, mine. V told me I needed to start being honest with you all and myself, so I’m trying to be. I probably should’ve found a different way of addressing this, but bluntly is the way it came out.”
Damn. All I picked up from that was her calling me mine.
Fuck, that does something to me.
“Let’s just take this day by day then. I’m glad you told us,” I say.
“Something’s wrong with me, isn’t there?”
“No,” we both agree, but I follow up. “Why would you say that?”
“Because this isn’t normal. Wanting two men wasn’t normal already, now I’m talking about liking two more. Something is seriously messed up with me.”
“From what I’ve observed, other than having your soul split among us, you’re of sound mind and body. You more than likely have some trauma buried—”
“Okay, that’s enough. Nothing is wrong with you. We’re different. The five of us just are. Different and wrong aren’t the same.”
She gives me a grateful smile that softens the glare I was shooting Amick.
“One day at a time. And let’s forget this conversation for now. I’m not saying or doing anything about this.”
Nothing about her blushing cheeks or this conversation will be forgotten.
Needless to say, breakfast was awkward.
Creed reappeared first, silently slamming cabinets and tossing pans around as he cooked. When Riven came back in, he didn’t speak a word. He just slapped some food on his plate, wolfed it down, then marched out the front door.
He wasn’t waiting with Lambrit, Rose, and Yemi, who were standing in the front yard waiting for us, and he hasn’t appeared yet as we make our walk to the Athenaeum.
“Okay, we’re almost there and everyone is acting like nothing is happening right now.”
“Whatever do you mean, Lambrit?” Thayla asks sickly sweet as she bats her eyes at him.
I can’t help but chuckle as she squeezes both Amick’s and my hands. ’Cause yes, the three of us are walking hand in hand, acting like it’s perfectly normal.
We saw the shock on their faces when we walked out of the house, but Thayla never addressed it, so neither did I.
I’ve been wondering this whole time who would bring it up first.
“I don’t care for your teasing tone. You know what I mean. Why are you holding both their hands? Are you injured? Dizzy? Can’t walk for yourself?”
I peer over my shoulder as Yemi snorts and shakes her head at Lambrit. When she catches me staring, she purses her lips, but I shoot her a wink, letting her know I know she isn’t all that scared of me.
“She’s physically fine. We are her boyfriends and we’re showing her affection.” I smile proudly over at Amick as Thayla slowly shuts her eyes and sighs.
“Both of you?” Lambrit asks, a little bewildered.
“Yes, although I don’t really like the title boyfriends. Do we need to talk about this? The two of us?” Thayla asks sincerely, and Lambrit studies her for a long moment.
“Are you happy?”
“Yes, I am.”
He nods, then faces back forward. “Then I am happy and approve of this arrangement.”
She snorts and a smirk lingers on her lips. “Thanks, Lambrit.”
“You’re welcome. This is surely about to make a statement to everyone.”
I couldn’t be happier about that. The quicker the Godsdawn sees that we’re more than a Valtrue, the less I’ll have to worry about reckless gods—aside from my asshole brothers—attempting to ask her out.
I still don’t know who had the balls to do it the first time.
I’m going to find out, though.
A small shriek falls from Thayla’s throat when Riven appears in front of her.
“As disgustingly adorable as this is, you might want to save it for later. Unless you’re ready to explain to Harriseen, Gulliver, and Ellian you’re having a threesome.”
“A threesome is sex—”
“I don’t think we need that clarified right now.” I release Thayla’s hand and place it on Amick’s shoulder, then focus on Riven. “What are you talking about?”
“They’re standing at the Athenaeum doors, awaiting our arrival. Figured I’d be kind enough to tell you to put this gross display of affection up.”
Thayla places her hand on her hip as she stares him down. “Why are you acting like this? I don’t give a single fuck what they think, and you should know this by now.”
“Oh, I do know, little burden. You don’t care much about what anyone thinks.” His sarcastic tone has a glare crossing her face and my eyebrows drawing down in warning.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you care so little about what crosses the minds of these gods, you do as you please despite how stupid it is.”
“And you don’t? Are you kidding me right now? Everything stupid I’ve done, as you call it, has been out of my control.”
“Can’t blame this stupidity”—he waves his fingers between the three of us—“on your power. This is just reckless disregard. My recklessness is by design and planning.”
Gods, he’s got a shit attitude this morning.
I attempt to keep my huff quiet. It’s easier for me to deal with his many moods, but this isn’t his chaos testing the situation. This is just him being an asshole.
Plain and simple.