Chapter 13 Thayla #3
“I knew I wasn’t ready to talk about everything going on with me, but also there was a lot I couldn’t bring up without the guys’ say-so as it also pertains to them. That would’ve been selfish as fuck of me to expect you to talk and me not be honest as well.”
“So it doesn’t bother you not to know?”
“Bother really wouldn’t be the right word. I’m painstakingly curious, but I’d never pressure you into telling me before you’re ready.”
“I haven’t even told Havar the god I have a domain under, only my abilities. He figured it out quickly that I did, in fact, have some, but he swore he’d act as clueless as everyone else. Since I’ve been unbound, I still haven’t had the courage to tell him.”
My eyes grow wide. I figured he most certainly would know, given how close they are.
“Why—” I cut my own question off as I remember my first time having breakfast here and the words she said. “You’re afraid of how we’re going to react knowing what god you have a domain under because you believe it’s the worst hand you can be dealt.”
Her first tear slips free.
“Yeah. Then tonight, I could see it all over your face how scared you were as well to tell us, but you did it anyway. The more you spoke, the guiltier and more scared I felt. I’m just piling onto the shit that seems to be our lives, but I’m so tired of secrets.
I’m tired of not being myself. Every morning I wake up and swear I’m going to tell you the truth, but then the thought of you being disgusted with me keeps me quiet.
What if you, everyone, doesn’t want anything to do with me after this? ”
My heart cracks open as she quits wiping her face and lets her emotions flow freely. This whole time, we’ve both been living with the same fear, holding ourselves back from a friendship that I honestly know and can admit will be amazing if we put this kind of shit to the side.
Fuck it.
I cross the counter to the other side so I can stand in front of her. My hands hesitate to grip hers, but the trembles running through her have me doing it anyways.
“You’re not piling anything on. You could tell me right now that your domain is under the God of Obliteration and I wouldn’t care.
Neither your domain nor the god it’s under defines you.
I spilled the big secrets tonight. Things you all should know, but I have so much more stored inside.
Let’s say fuck it and start telling each other everything.
All in. No embarrassment, fear, or hesitation.
No such thing as too much information. More like tell me everything. ”
She wipes her nose on her sleeve, then snorts as she grips my fingers. “Really? That’s not your style, Thayla. Don’t force yourself to change to try to make me feel comfortable.”
“I’m not forcing myself to change anything, but I’m tired too. It’s exhausting always questioning the people I’m closest to. I’m not changing my ways for everyone, just…the people who mean something to me.”
“Well, Lambrit already gets that side of you, so are you referring to Havar, Rose, me, your two boyfriends, and the other two you want to be your boyfriends?”
I release her hands and place mine on my hips as my eyes narrow on her. I stop myself from laughing, but she doesn’t.
“Seriously? That’s the first place you went with the opening I gave you?”
“Thought it was the safest place to start. You don’t hide your attraction to all of them very well.”
My lips flap together with my harsh breath.
“That’s so fucking embarrassing and pathetic when it’s obvious neither Creed nor Riven feels the same and my relationships with Amick and Kyzen are still so new.
Fuck, something is fundamentally wrong with me.
There’s no reason I should want to be with four men.
One should be plenty. What am I saying? One is plenty. ”
“I think you just make up definitions for words as you go because you clearly don’t know what obvious means when it comes to them.
But no, nothing is wrong with you. Look at it this way: orgies are nothing new.
Gods have been having sex with multiple people at once for centuries.
They usually don’t extend that dynamic into the emotional realm of things.
Maybe your Valtrue is the first to evolve. ”
I stare at her blankly. “You’re far more accepting of this than I thought you’d be. I’m really pushing society’s comfortable boundaries here.”
She shrugs. “I’m fascinated honestly. Also, I know a thing or two about pushing boundaries.”
The lighthearted, funny moment we were having vanishes. Her face falls as she looks away from me. “Why did that upset you?”
“Boundaries are kind of my thing. Creating them, seeing them, knowing when to walk them or cross them.”
Despite her head being tilted toward the ceiling, her sigh flows through the room like the wind and I break out in chill bumps.
“I’m the only being in countless centuries to have a domain under the Beginning God of Boundaries.” A humorless laugh belts out of her. “You know, the one who up and decided to disappear and abandon the entire realm?”
Oh fuck…