Chapter 20 Thayla #2
“There’s so much we have to figure out, but that’s not happening right this second in our front fucking yards. Yemi is more than capable of talking with him alone and filling him in on whatever she wants and needs to.”
I take a deep breath to try to cool the rising tension within me.
“Yemi, are you really okay?”
Her watering eyes meet mine, and I know the answer is fuck no, not really. She’s holding herself together the best she can, but she wants to get inside her house where she feels comfortable. Safe.
I pull her into my arms. She’s going to think I’m having a breakdown with all this hugging in one day.
I might be having one.
“Go on in. If you want to come over later or me come to you, starshoot me a letter or reach out to V. Even if you don’t, just let me know you’re okay. We’ll meet tomorrow for breakfast.”
She nods against my shoulder and pulls away. She murmurs an “I’ll see you in the morning” to the guys and motions Sevryn to follow her. He doesn’t spare the guys or me another look. Each step behind her is tense, awkward, and I have no doubt his mind is torn in two right now.
Half of him is probably contemplating starshooting away from here as fast as he can, but the part keeping him here is confused and concerned about Yemi.
My ugly thoughts ambush me as they slip past her threshold and disappear inside.
I shove them away as best as I can, focusing on V’s reassurance, the fact she sensed something in him the second she laid eyes on him, and there’s a comfort between them I’ve never seen her have with anyone other than Havar.
Reasonably, I also know if he meant her harm, he would’ve done something to her in the Judgment Rings. Or he wouldn’t have bothered protecting her.
“I’m going to go see Seismet. I’ve already filled him in on what’s happening. He’s enraged over the fact the two of you can’t communicate the way he wants, so we’re going to put our heads together and see what can be done.”
The lowness of V’s tone has me frowning. “What’s wrong?”
“All is fine. You go relax with your Valtrue.”
“Oh, I don’t think so. You don’t let me get out of not talking about shit.”
He hoots as he climbs up my arm.
“You’re right, I don’t. I’m having a hard time accepting how today transpired.
This was the first taste of how truly blind I am guiding you and I feel like I monumentally failed you.
It’s hard to appreciate anything positive that came from this when I’m constantly thinking about what I could’ve done to help you more. ”
My heart.
“V, you didn’t fail me. The guys didn’t, Yemi didn’t.
We didn’t fail each other. Some asshole tried to get rid of us, and they failed.
We were all there for each other when it mattered and when we needed each other the most. That’s about the only positive I have the capacity to think about right now, but please don’t leave thinking or feeling like you failed me. You were my lifeline.”
His little chest rumbles as he spreads his wings out. “And you are mine, always. I won’t keep you. Go embrace the emotional revelations you’re experiencing. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Before I can call him out about his eavesdropping on my feelings, he starshoots away and I shake my head.
Wordlessly, Kyzen laces our fingers together. I’d love to say something to break the silence, but my energy is being zapped with each step taken toward the house. I’m wired, overstimulated, and so exhausted.
My body doesn’t know what to feel.
We drift into the house mindlessly and find Riven in the kitchen with his arms full of stuff. A mug slips out of the crook of his elbow and he attempts to break its fall with his foot, but all he does is kick it. It cracks right in half on impact against the floor.
My fingers cover my lips as his wide eyes meet Creed’s.
“Shit, that was your favorite cup, wasn’t it?”
Creed huffs, stomps over to him, and takes all the stuff from his arms. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to be helpful. Duh.”
Oh boy. Everyone is out of sorts right now.
I tug away from Kyzen and cross the kitchen, snagging one of the far too many cups Riven took out of the cabinet. Their eyes sear into my skin as I chug a whole glass of water in seconds, but no one speaks.
After my second cup, which I probably should’ve drunk a little slower, I turn back around to face them.
“We don’t have to put this conversation off, but I’ve got to shower off whatever this shit is that Creed got all over me first. Then we can cook, eat, nap, talk, whatever. Everyone happy with that?”
Amick nods, almost excitedly. Kyzen snorts and gives me a smile. Riven groans about always having to talk about something. Creed…
He, on the other hand, has a look in his eye that immediately sets me on edge. “What?”
“Nothing. We can talk after showers.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and huff. “Nope, can’t do that now, Creed. I won’t be able to relax, and my mind will create fucked-up scenarios about what it is you know that we don’t the entire time I’m trying to wash.”
“I agree. It pisses me off when one of you say we’ll talk about it later. Like great, now I get to obsess over something I don’t care to obsess about.”
“Exactly,” I say, then instantly look at Riven like he’s lost his mind.
He just bitched about talking.
“I didn’t get anything on you.”
“What do you mean? You got dirt or whatever this is all over me when you killed Dimitri.”
His jaw tightens and he looks away from me. “I didn’t kill him, Thayla. You did.”
“What?” I wrinkle my nose at him. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t even breathe. Then the next thing I know…”
He was just gone.
“I was almost to you when I felt your power flare. You…” he trails off, staring at me like he doesn’t want to say whatever it is he’s about to say. My heart pounds in my chest and my mouth dries out despite the water I drank. “I don’t know how, but you turned him to ash.”
I step away from the counter as everything sways. My head jerks repeatedly as my gaze scans over each of them.
“Ash? But only one god can…”
“Yeah.”
His one word has my realm tilting to the side.
My stomach revolts. One hand lies against it, trying to soothe the waves crashing through me. The other covers my mouth to keep the bile from bursting through my lips.
I turned him to ash.
Gods. That fucking ash filled my nose, my mouth.
I heave painfully and sprint out of the kitchen. I plow through my door, staggering the whole time as the room spins too fast. The firm lump in my throat shoves its way up as soon as I tumble through my bathroom.
The porcelain toilet holds my weight as I throw myself against it and empty out everything I’ve eaten in probably the last two days.
Fire licks its way through my throat and down my cheeks as I can’t hold back the tears that come from feeling my stomach turn inside out.
Even after there’s nothing left inside of me, I can’t stop gagging.
That disgusting noise turns into a scream as I wrap my fingers around the smooth, cold toilet seat.
I slam it up and down.
Repeatedly.
The material shatters in my hand and my scream turns guttural, unrestrained.
Strong arms wrap around me from behind and I fight his grip, but he holds me closer.
“Stop, little goddess. I’ve got you. We’ve got you.”
My head falls back against Kyzen’s chest as my sobs wreck me. Creed kneels in front of me, wiping away my tears as fast as they fall. My labored breathing slowly settles and everything in me eventually falls still.
“Destroying your bathroom isn’t going to change anything. It’s not going to change the power that sits inside of you.” His charcoal gray eyes fracture with his words.
“I don’t want it. I don’t want his power.”
“I know. I don’t want mine, but this is what we’ve got. We’ve got to accept it. All that matters now is what we do with it.”
A part of me shatters inside, same as whatever that was that just shattered behind his eyes when he stands and leaves my bathroom.
Kyzen’s fingers run patterns up and down my dust—ash—covered arms and I flinch. He lifts me without me having to say a word and walks us fully clothed into my shower.
My feet touch down on the cool tile just as hot water drenches me. The combination has a shiver racing through me, but I can’t make my body function.
All I can think about is the ash in my mouth.
Oh my gods, I kissed Creed.
I gag again. “Will you get my toothbrush, please?”
He nods and leans in to give me a kiss, but I twitch and turn to the side.
He doesn’t say anything, show any disappointment or anger. His thumb grazes across my cheek for a second, then he leaves my shower.
I tilt my head back, letting water fill my cheeks while fighting the dizziness trying to double my vision, then I start stripping my clothes off.
My underwear hits the tile as soon as he steps back in, with my toothbrush already covered in toothpaste.
His eyes widen for a split second before he fixes his face and passes it to me.
I’ve never scrubbed my mouth so hard.
I spit out a wad of foam that’s tinged in blood. I don’t know if it’s my gums now bleeding or some from the punch I took across my face, but that red has me cleaning my teeth again.
“Better?” he asks as I pass him the toothbrush back.
“I ate a dead man. I killed him, then ate him.”
He snorts and slaps his hand over his mouth. My eyes narrow on him as he can’t contain it.
“It’s not fucking funny, Kyzen.”
He clears his throat the best he can. “It’s not. Not at all. I swear I’m not laughing about that. It just shocked me. You said it so casually I thought I was hearing you wrong.”
Another chuckle falls from his chest, and he coughs, shaking his head as though he’s mentally telling himself to stop.
That shit both pisses me off and has me fighting back a smile.
This is the most I’ve seen of his normal self, and I don’t want it to slip away again. The version of him in the Judgment Rings was…scary.