Chapter 23 Thayla
Thayla
The Goddess of Creation is the embodiment of life and love. Her power pulses in every beating heart in the Valorian Veil.
I’ve reread those sentences one hundred times, and I still don’t give a single shit. We’re leaving tomorrow morning and I don’t care about reading this book or any other.
Since Amick copied the Book of the Gods Binding five days ago, he’s had his nose stuck in it. Well, those hours following his and Kyzen’s impressive, highly exhausting fifteen minutes, they spent the rest of the day sleeping and eating.
For the past four full days, though, Amick’s undivided attention has been between those pages, but he won’t talk about it yet. Each time he closes the back cover, his frown deepens, he flips the massive thing over, and starts again.
All he’s said is, “It doesn’t make sense.”
His desk is swarmed in random books he’ll suddenly flip open, read a passage, then get back to the one on the Binding.
I’ve asked him several times now to talk to me about my power, and what does he do?
Blows me off. Hands me a book on a Beginning God and tells me I need to understand how power originated before I’ll be able to do anything with mine.
V told me to give Amick his time and let his mind work out what it’s fixating on.
It’s infuriating me, making me feel useless, and has the nerves I’m trying to hide boiling to the surface like raging lava.
Everyone has a role, something to do to make this quest run smoothly, except for me, and that’s pissing me off beyond belief.
The most useful thing I do is train with Creed.
That’s been…something.
We haven’t talked about the kiss, our relationship, or anything remotely close to it, but he’s changed in a way that’s hard to describe.
It’s hard on him. He’s trying to hide that fact from me, but it’s obvious.
He’s very touchy, but in a way that seems to be uncontrollable. If for some reason we don’t see each other for hours or it’s first thing in the morning, his muscles are bunched tighter than a bale of hay.
Then he’ll grip my elbow or allow our arms to brush, and his tension drains out.
I’m dying to know what’s happening to him, but at the same time, the last thing I want is for him to tell me my soul is doing some weird shit to his that he can’t fix or control.
That’ll make me feel awful.
Also, he now stands watch over me like a shadow ready to strike the first person who comes too close to me.
It’s infuriatingly sexy.
He and Kyzen escort me every day to Amick’s office. Kyzen usually has to leave to go help the god who will be filling in his role for him while he’s gone.
Creed stands in the corner of Amick’s office and watches me struggle with every book passed my way.
I couldn’t tell you what Riven’s been doing since the carriage was approved by the High Chancellor. He said he didn’t want us to see it yet because it’s a surprise.
I shut the book on the Goddess of Creation and sigh as I stand from my chair.
I can’t sit here anymore.
My half-asleep foot gives out on me and my knee slams into Amick’s desk, rattling everything on top of it.
Pain jolts through my leg and I see red.
A slew of curses falls from my mouth as I hop around, rubbing my knee. The book I’m clutching nearly goes tumbling out of my hands and I fumble it around until I get a damn death grip on it.
Something about having it clutched in my hand pisses me off to an irrational level.
“This is taurnshit,” I shout, raising it above my head, ready to slam it into the ground and stomp it to confetti.
A strong hand wraps around my wrist and another grips my hip. My soul hums in my chest, forcing my breathing to steady. Creed lowers my arms, expertly slipping the book from my fingers, and I let my limbs drop to my sides.
I swear he senses my blood simmering down because he doesn’t speak until I’ve got the crazy under control.
“Why don’t you get out of this room for a little while?”
“And do what? Go help Yemi babysit Sevryn? Distract Lambrit while he and Rose study up on gods we might run across? Watch over the Veilatara with Havar? What do you suppose I do that’s helpful, Creed?”
“Go do whatever you want and whatever will get you out of this mood you’re in. The closer we’ve gotten to leaving, the more on edge you’ve become. We all sense it, but if you’re not going to say what it is that’s causing it, then spend some time by yourself to figure it out.”
His tone isn’t harsh or rude. It’s simply matter-of-fact. I still want to call him an asshole for calling me out, though.
My shoulders slump and it takes great restraint not to fall into him as his soul caresses mine. The muscles in his cheeks twitch as he clenches his jaw and I start to step away.
With a quick, sure jerk of his wrist, though, I stumble forward.
Right into his chest.
My body molds to his as I place my ear to his heart. The steady thud picks up speed the longer I rest here, and mine races to catch up.
His fingers flinch against my hip, then he slowly steps back from me. There are literally a hundred things I want to say and ask when my gaze meets the strain in his.
I don’t, though. His actions the past few days have shown me enough to know we’re still moving in the direction he declared in my bathroom. He just hasn’t worked out the words to match yet.
“I guess I’ll go check on Yemi. It’s been weird without her around anyway.”
“I’ll come get you in a little while.”
I nod and spare Amick a small glance. I figured I’d find him still completely enthralled in his book. Not staring at me with worry written across his face.
“I’m almost there, Thayla. I promise.”
My mouth parts. I don’t know where there is, but wherever it is, he’s throwing his all into reaching it.
“I know. I’m very proud of you.”
His face flinches and the pen falls from his fingers. The intensity surrounding him now is breathtaking.
Literally.
I gather myself and leave his office with my heart thundering in my chest.
I swore the other night when I told Kyzen I was proud of him, I was going to start telling all of them that. Everyone around me, actually.
My parents used to tell me they were proud of me for any little thing I did. The words never became meaningless. My stomach would swirl with giddiness and a self-confidence I miss fiercely these days.
I’m chasing that feeling.
As a teenager, I’d tell Mellcom I was proud of him, but he didn’t receive it very well. Nor would he reciprocate the sentiment. He told me it made him feel like I was undermining him and to cut it out.
I never uttered those words to him or anyone else again.
Until Lambrit.
I’d watch him tell his parents about something he achieved or accomplished, and they’d brush him off with a “That’s great, honey” or “You’ve already told us about that, son.”
It crushed him.
I remember being so weirdly nervous to approach him after he was appointed as the librarian’s assistant. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was to him. The librarian in Oddian is ancient and will never step down, nor has he ever taken on an assistant, but he saw the same in Lambrit that I did.
Choked up and awkward, I punched him playfully in the arm and said, “I’m so proud of you.”
He stared at me long enough I felt mortified, but the second I tried to walk away, he hugged me, and I froze.
The rest was history. Everything he did from that moment on, I told him I was proud of him.
My Valtrue deserves that recognition as well for all the shit they’ve done. If one of them feels weird about me saying it, they’ll tell me. So far, I think it shocks them more than anything.
“Knew I smelled chaos in the air.”
I nearly jump out of my skin as I lay my hands on the Athenaeum doors. “Riven, I beg of you, stop scaring me. What if I had punched you or kneed you in the balls again?”
“I would’ve liked it.”
My gods.
“What are you doing creeping around the entrance of the Athenaeum with a backpack on?” I ask as I push the double doors open and take a breath of fresh air.
“I’m going on an adventure and came to see if Creed wanted to come.”
Disappointment seeps through my skin, but I shove that shit far away. “He’s in Amick’s office.”
I make my way to the Assembly lawn, biting my cheek to fight off the annoying, overwhelming emotions bubbling in me.
Tomorrow has me far more stressed out than I’m willing to admit.
I really wasn’t this nervous until Amick told me the first stop would be Oddian.
I keep my face forward as Riven jogs until he’s in step with me.
“Where are you going?”
“To Yemi’s to help her babysit.”
“I feel so bad for her being stuck in the house with that fuckface.”
“Anyone ready to explain why you all hate him so much?”
“Nope. Not opening that jar of taurnshit.”
“Then maybe lay off talking shit about him until I can form my own opinion about him. Yemi is his Binder. That’s not going to change.”
“Sucks for her.”
I huff. She doesn’t seem unhappy about it. “Weren’t you going to get Creed?”
“You don’t want to come?”
“Come?”
“I mean…I can make you come. Am I supposed to ask the others for permission before I do that?”
I throw my hands up and let them slap down on my thighs. “For fuck’s sake. We’re talking about two different comes now.”
He stares at me seriously for a second, then bursts into laughter. I roll my eyes and continue my march toward the houses.
“I’m teasing.” He chuckles, grabbing my arm to slow me down. My breath hitches as his power skirts across my skin. “You’re in an awful mood today.”
“Thank you for being the second person to point that out.”
“Well, what twisted your panties in a knot? If you’ve even got panties on. You’re definitely not sexually frustrated again.”
I cut my eyes over to the smirk on his face. He isn’t helping the situation whatsoever, nor am I in the mood for this.
“I’m tired of being powerless, Riven. I’m tired of feeling like the weakest link in our Valtrue and doing absolutely nothing to contribute to what we have going on besides causing more issues.