Chapter 24 Amick #3
“You’re unwilling to accept you formed a trauma bond with Mellcom and Jeremiah and it’s been unraveling since you’ve got here.
You’ve tried to wipe the slate clean, so to speak.
Pretend they didn’t do anything wrong prior to coming here.
Their betrayal has deepened, though, and you’re no longer in the confines of the region.
“It’s been coming out, forcing you to face it piece by piece.
You can separate yourself from it now and you don’t know how to process it because you can’t make an excuse for it anymore.
You painted Oddian in the image of the place where your parents left you and will return for you.
Over time, though, it became your prison, but you refused to let the dream you had built in your mind be tainted with their actions. ”
She shoves off my chest and her hand flies to her mouth. Her eyes shatter into a thousand pieces, each one of them begging me to put it back together.
I can’t do that, though.
If we—my brothers and I—continue to allow her to act as though what she’s been through, much of it we’re still unaware of, means nothing, then she’s never going to heal. She’s never going to be everything she can be. There will always be a confusing weight holding her down.
Eventually, though, it will blow up in an irreversible way.
It can be something small. One of us may say or do something that tips her over her metaphorical edge, and all our relationships fail.
I won’t pretend my brothers and I are the experts on handling trauma.
We aren’t. By any means.
We have, however, crawled out of the pits of hell much stronger and better gods.
Revenge has always been a powerful motivator for us to overcome what we’ve been through. We have an even better reason now.
Her.
“Amick.” Along with her broken whisper, her first tear falls free.
“Come here,” I command, but my hands have already wrapped around her.
Her strong, resilient, trembling body straddles mine with ease and I hold her tight.
She doesn’t sob or scream, but a river flows from the crook of my neck and down my chest as she breaks in silence. My soul thrashes in the confines of my ribcage, frantic to comfort hers.
My hands travel down her sides until they find their way underneath her shirt. I rest one against her lower back, while the other cradles the back of her neck.
I hold her tenderly, unwilling to let her go until she gets it all out. I don’t rush her or try to say anything to make her feel better.
I let her feel whatever she needs to feel.
Countless minutes pass us by before sniffles echo around my otherwise silent room.
No part of me wants to let her go, but she uses my chest as leverage to push herself up until she’s sitting on my lap. She doesn’t speak as she uses her shirt to clean her tears from my skin.
Even after I’m completely dry, she continues her rhythmic wiping and gathers her thoughts.
Her hands fall against my abs and her knuckles run over their grooves mindlessly.
“You’re right. Mellcom and Jeremiah…” She squeezes her eyes closed and shakes her head. “I can’t go there yet.”
The reality that’s settling over her hurts me. She sees it as clearly as I do. They were her biggest supporters, yet greatest torturers.
It was the most confusing and agonizing kind of love she’s ever experienced, and she doesn’t know how to process that.
I don’t push.
“There have been so many times over the years I’ve tried to convince myself my parents were dead.
That’d be the only thing to keep them from me for so long.
I thought if I made myself believe that, I could run away.
Escape Oddian. I hated the thought of living in Abernie, but I told myself, that’s where I’d go because I’d make Lambrit come with me, and they have the largest library in the regions.
“No matter what story I’d spin in my mind, none of them resulted in my parents’ deaths.
There was always something deep inside of me that kept telling me I was wrong.
Wherever they are, they just can’t get to me.
I started obsessing over the mortals in the nonmagical realm, thinking maybe, somehow, someway, they found a way there.
I eventually convinced myself it was impossible, but my obsession just shifted.
“That’s why I’d visit the barrier to the Unclaimed. I thought maybe they’re in there, and I’ll be able to sense them. I’d get a sign somehow, then I’d cross it. That never came. They never came. And I don’t know if I can forgive them. I’m so mad at them.”
Her breath fans across my chest, and I lay my hands on her thighs. “You don’t have to forgive them right now or ever. Any of them. I have no intentions of ever forgiving or excusing what my sperm donor has done. You have every right to be mad at them. It’s okay.”
She nods. “If they return, they’ll have to find me. I can’t keep holding on. I don’t want to anymore. I want to move forward.”
“Then moving forward is what we’ll do. Together. You, me, my brothers—our Valtrue—and the sporadic group of beings joining us.”
She snorts and I tilt my head at her. That small sound rolls into manic laughter as she stares at me with light filling her eyes. I didn’t say anything humorous, at least not on purpose, but whatever I said, she’s finding joy in it and that’s fine by me.
“Does it bother you we’re all so different?”
“Yes and no. The multiple different personalities make it hard for me to understand everyone, but we each contribute specific skill sets that I appreciate.”
Her smile widens even more and the beautiful sound falling from her lips tapers off.
“I appreciate you, Amick. More than I could ever truly express. You’re one of a kind, you know that?”
She isn’t mocking or teasing me.
Her comment is genuine, pure sincerity.
My face grows more serious as my heart throbs at the compliment. The pounding is so forceful I’m surprised it isn’t audible.
I lean myself up until my back is as straight as it can be, bringing us chest to chest. She tries to scramble off my lap, but I cup her cheeks with my hands, holding her in place. The heat of her skin grounds me.
“You, Thayla Godrun, are truly one of a kind. Not figuratively, not in a metaphorical sense. There isn’t another being in this realm like you. And you are mine.”
My soul tightens with something raw and uncontainable.
It’s not hunger in the reckless sense—it’s something deeper. Something that’s been simmering low and steady, but now, it’s almost unbearable.
She shifts a fraction, and the air between us becomes charged.
Every ounce of carefully crafted restraint in my body snaps.
I silence her gasp with my lips.
My eyes flare as hers drift shut.
I’ve thought about this moment more times than I can count. This isn’t at all how I saw it coming about.
I’ve read book after book on showing affection, intimacy, the art of seduction, and I had planned for our moment to be the most romantic she’d ever experienced.
Gods, this moment has ruled so many of my thoughts.
I’ve waited—yearned for this. Not just for the taste of her lips, but for the permission in her eyes that said she was really ready. That she trusts me enough to cross this threshold.
That she accepts her place not only with me, but us.
This isn’t just our first kiss.
This is my promise.
A claim.
A beginning I’ve been aching to reach.
“Amick.”
My name sounds like a prayer falling from her soft lips.
“I need your soul, Mysenta. Every thread tied to mine. Tell me it’s mine.”
She pulls back the slightest bit, and her hands grip my wrists like she’s afraid I’ll let go.
“You never have to ask again. It’s yours. I’m yours.”
My hands grip her shirt and in one easy tug, I have it over her head, then I flip our positions.
My blood both heats and freezes to a confusing degree as I stare at her bare chest and the skippy shorts blocking where I urgently want to be. Her absence of a bra and the erratic rise and fall of her chest have me swelling painfully in my pants.
Chill bumps break out across her skin, chasing my fingers as I trail them over her nipples to the waistband of her shorts.
I tug them off with ease, dropping them somewhere to the side.
My eyes devour her as her knees instinctively fall open for me.
All I can do is stare.
I’ve never performed oral sex. The act is far too intimate. Personal.
That was always my assumption anyway, until I watched Kyzen the other day consume her like a glutton.
Then I knew for sure it is a very feral, raw, intimate action.
Sex in general is, if you make it so.
I never have.
The incredibly few experiences younger me had prior to learning how to control this baser instinct was nothing but fulfilling a need for my body. Once I figured out how to successfully fulfil that need without a partner or how to completely ignore the sensation, it never crossed my mind again.
Until her.
My Binder. Mysenta.
Now, observing every bare inch of her, those desires are rushing to the surface with the force of the Valories.
I want to do things to her body I could never imagine doing to another being. Things I’ve never imagined doing, period.
My hands run down the inside of her thighs until I position them to where I can spread her open for me even more. Her sharp inhale has me tearing my eyes from the arousal dripping out of her.
“Is this okay?”
She nods frantically. “Yeah. Are you…do you…”
“Don’t worry, Thayla. I know what to do. I’m just admiring before I eat.”
An unrestrained moan slips free from her, and I close my eyes as a shiver slithers up my spine.
That sound coming from her because of me is nearly my breaking point.
Curiosity rears back to the forefront of my mind, and I slide my middle finger through her wetness. She breathes through the sudden touch and her legs flinch, but she stays still, allowing me to explore as I please.
I press my thumb to her clit, moving it in slow circles as I sink my finger inside of her.
Low, husky noises come from the back of her throat and I drag my gaze up so I can watch her face. The lust reflected at me is potent, but the way she clenches around me as I stare at her nearly has me giving up my slow exploration.
When I offered my assistance to her in my office, I knew I’d be able to give her the release she needed, make her fall apart with my fingers. She had so much pent-up desire inside of her and my intention then was to solely provide that for her.
I still plan to provide that, but I need her to shatter for me.
She cries out as I remove my finger from her, caressing that tender spot inside of her as I go.
Without too much thought, I do something I’ve never done.
I clean my finger with my tongue.
“Oh gods.”
I hum as her taste explodes in my mouth.
“I’m the only god you need to concern yourself with for the rest of the night.”
My mouth is on her faster than another sweet moan can pierce my ears.