Thayla #2
“The Messenger isn’t supposed to communicate with you until you prove your unyielding loyalty to your creator.”
I rear back. “What? That makes no sense. They already have.”
“And they weren’t supposed to.”
“Wait, is that why I haven’t heard from them? Also, V, why have you and anyone else I’ve brought this shit up to been encouraging me to forge a relationship if you all knew they couldn’t or shouldn’t respond anyway? What fucking more do the Valories want me to prove?”
“We’ve been encouraging you because building a relationship with them in the long run will benefit you despite whether they respond now or not. The Valories…” He trails off, turning his head away from me.
“Why are you being so hesitant?” I ask low.
“It isn’t in his nature to speak ill of your creator, but it is in mine. So I’ll tell you. They expect you to put them before all others. Your friends, family, yourself, your Valtrue. They expect to be above them all in your eyes.”
There’s no hiding the immediate denial written across my features. I can’t even pretend to feel that way.
I completely understand the power the Valories hold. Hell, they created literal Beginning Gods with more power and abilities than some can comprehend, but I could never imagine putting them above the people in my life that I…love.
Have they done things for me? Sure. I can’t deny that entirely.
But their love for me, for all their beings—especially here lately—feels conditional and transactional.
That isn’t love.
That’s manipulation.
“Uh-huh,” Willow murmurs, nodding like the two of us just uncovered something together.
Wait a second.
“You keep saying creator, as in one, and…”
I glance behind me, and I’m not the least bit surprised to find Amick already staring at me. Realization slams into me.
He usually addresses them as the Valories, but anytime he hasn’t, it’s creator.
Derivius’s words ring in my ears.
The gods may have turned their backs on me, but the creator has not.
“Amick?”
“The Valories are a single entity. This isn’t widespread knowledge. It’s never been recorded. Therefore, I don’t speak about it. I don’t know if it’s truth or instinct that I know that.”
“That would be instinct. A knowingness in yourself provided to you by your power.”
Willow’s face morphs into a scowl as she flicks her focus to V’s hoot. The two of them obviously carry on their own conversation, and whatever is being relayed between them isn’t making her happy at all.
Her eyes drift shut as a deep breath escapes her.
“It’d seem more of your realm’s history has been kept from you than I was aware of. Your creator, or creators, whatever you choose to call them, the Valories, are seven beings that function as one entity. They can’t wield their power without the consent and cooperation of all of them.
“The entire intention behind the creation of creators was to grow their realms and create beings and a system that thrived. The Valories created a Beginning God each in their likeness, believing that they were creating little replicas of themselves and that they’d function the way they themselves do.
They didn’t consider that emotions, free will, and eventually the ability to travel far beyond the confines of this realm would change their beings. ”
Silence hangs in the air as we gawk at her.
“How could you possibly know this?” I ask.
My question blends with Amick’s.
“Who created the realm’s creators?”
“The Forces created the creators. That’s about as much as I know about them. As for how I know this, it’s my responsibility to know all that I can about the other realms.”
What does that mean?
My question earns me a side-eye but not an answer. Instead, Willow tugs me along, leaving the guys behind and picking up our leisurely stroll once more.
Neither of us forces a conversation.
Honestly, I’m thankful for that.
She hasn’t broached the subject of why or what she’s actually here to help us with, and I don’t know if I even want to push it right now.
I can’t shake the sensation that I’m being watched. Not by her eyes, but just…by her.
It isn’t a gross or judgmental observation, but I swear, a soul-deep analysis. I’m not sure what she’s searching for, but the fear that she won’t find whatever it is sits heavy on my heart. The overwhelming fear of failing again today consumes me.
What if whatever help she’s going to provide sets us up for something that we can’t accomplish? What if more people…
Gods, those people. We didn’t save a single one.
My breath thrusts from my lungs like someone punched me in the gut. The sound of cracking, crying, and screaming blares in my ears.
Closing my eyes and shaking my head doesn’t help.
“I’m going to ask you something very personal, and I ask that you answer me very honestly.”
My lids fly open and my head whips to the side.
“Are you talking in my mind?”
“I am.”
“What the—You did it in the hot spring too, didn’t you?”
“It’s an ability of mine and yes, I did. I try not to invade people’s personal space like this, but sometimes it’s necessary. I don’t believe you’re going to be completely open with me if my men and yours can hear you, so I resorted to this.”
My eyes narrow. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know what you want. Not the surface things. A happily ever after with your men, to be left alone, yada yada. I want the deeper truth of that. You’re already in the middle of what’s going on in your realm. So what do you want out of it?”
A handful of things pop up in my mind without a second thought. Those things are exactly what she doesn’t want but already knows. The slight shake of her head confirms that.
She wants me to admit things I’m not sure I can articulate properly.
“Freedom.”
The word feels too small for everything it carries.
“Not just for me. Or my men. Or the people I care fiercely about, but for everything. The people. The creatures. The land itself. This realm is choking under rules stacked on top of rules. And those rules can change depending on who you are. If you don’t fit the hierarchy, you’re lesser. Disposable. And that’s taurnshit.”
I gaze out over the meadow, shaking my head at the beauty. It’s only as gorgeous as it is because the Veilatara are trapped here. They don’t get to spread their wings and soar, or share their wealth of loyalty, love, or power.
“I don’t even believe power is the problem. There will always be imbalances. And that’s fine, to an extent, but corruption starts when power turns into permission. To control, to break, to abuse. No one gets to do that just because they were born higher on some invisible fucking ladder.
“Every living thing in the Valorian Veil is meant to thrive. Instead, we’re all locked in a cage so old most have forgotten the bars were ever put there. They can’t see them. Those that can won’t fight their way out. They’ve just learned how to survive inside it.”
I blow out a breath and drop my gaze to the ground, forcing my feet to keep moving. My chest tightens as the words claw at my throat, demanding to come faster, freer.
“And my ugly truth…I’m a hypocrite. I don’t want my men and me to be the ones who fix these issues.
I don’t want us to carry this for the rest of our lives simply because we were never meant to be born but were.
We’re being punished for something we had no say-so over.
The Beginning Gods were made to literally take care of this realm and instead, they’re selfish, absent, leaving messes behind, killing their fucking—”
My hand clenches at my side, hesitating as I simmer down the familiar rage. I try to, at least.
“I want them to grow the fuck up so we don’t have to spend our lives battling and fighting our way to freedom. I want to set this realm right so we don’t have to be puppets forever. I want to choose my men and my friends, who’ve become family.”
My mental voice drops to a whisper as I lift my eyes to the clouds.
“I don’t want us to be some chosen freaks, or saviors, or rulers.
I don’t want my men to live their lives being feared and known as the God of Obliteration’s sons, or any of the vile labels that have been attached to them.
They’re the most selfless and caring men—in their own ways—that I’ve ever met in my life.
“I want them to live every day without fear and constantly looking over their shoulders. I just want to live. And be me. A happier, not so angry version, hopefully, when this is all said and done.”
My breath rushes out of me, and I drop my gaze, watching the blades of grass flow around me with each measured step we take. I can’t bring myself to look at her. I don’t have to know much about her to know she’s important to her realm.
Besides the fact she literally appeared out of a portal unexplained and unfazed, the power that pumps off her skin is tangible. It’s been vibrating against me in pulses ever since she locked our arms together.
She probably thinks I’m the realm’s largest bitch for feeling the way I do about that level of responsibility. She wanted my truth, though, and that’s what it is.
We’re already in the middle of the madness of the realm. Therefore, I’ll see it through. Afterward…
I won’t—we won’t—be put on any hierarchical pedestal that we don’t want to be put on.
I refuse.
My Valtrue, since the moment I arrived, has given me a place of security and safety to be my most authentic self. I haven’t been able to embrace it fully because of this shit show we’re living.
I want to experience that without a metaphorical thumb pressing down on us.
“Okay then.”
“Okay then? That’s all you have to say?”
“Thank you for sharing.”
She gives me a small, tight smile.
I don’t know what the hell that means, but I’m pretty sure I just failed whatever test that was.