Riven
The second I stepped past her threshold, my Chaos retreated into my stomach, and my Harmony swirled to life.
The energy in her room is as strained as she is. The longer she stands there coiled tight, the more the wrongness seeps into my skin.
“Where did those bruises and cuts come from?” she asks, breaking the stillness as she shifts on her feet.
My brothers and I take a step forward rather than answer her. She takes a step back, and we each freeze, but my head tilts to the side as I study her.
The blood of Dark Gods splattered across her skin makes mine shiver in the most delicious way. She has no clue how divine she looked standing there as the door that kept us locked away faded to nothing but ash.
Gods, don’t get me started on how I felt listening to her put our parents’ asses in their places.
She was so fierce in how she defended us.
My eyes cast down to her heart. There’s no doubt in my mind that if my soul is as elated as it is, hers is as well. Yet this stupid little barrier keeps her beating organ from bleeding for me.
I stop once I reach her stomach.
Oh, my angel.
Your wings haven’t been clipped.
You strapped them yourself.
“You had to find a way to calm the Chaos, huh?”
Her wild, worried eyes whip to mine. I arch a brow in invitation for her to explain. She doesn’t have to explain her why. I already know that.
No doubt my brothers do as well.
Let’s be honest. If we had a way to block our emotions in those twenty-four hours she was locked away in the imitation room, we would have.
I need to know why she doesn’t want to take it down.
“The thoughts were too loud, weren’t they?” Amick asks, stealing her attention from me.
“Yes,” she murmurs.
“You were torn between hurting and raging.”
Kyzen doesn’t pose it as a question. It’s a fact.
“I did rage a little before…”
“That’s my girl,” Creed says, and her breath shudders.
Her gaze continues to scan across us, searching. She isn’t going to find what she’s looking for, though. We aren’t going to give her our blessing to keep this thing up.
I want it down. Now. Minutes ago would be better.
“How were the last two days for you?” Kyzen asks.
Stupid question. Horrible obviously.
“Long. Hard.”
We all nod.
“No doubt every god on that parchment put up a damned argument,” Creed grunts.
“Most. Not all, though. We have some pretty powerful allies on our side.”
She’ll have to detail who later when we actually give a fuck about that.
“You did really good, Thayla. Perfect,” Amick whispers, and her body slumps.
“I see the way you’re all looking at me. I swear I’m fine. We’re fine.”
I can’t stop the small laugh that slips through my lips. Those feisty eyes snap to me.
“We are the furthest thing from fine, angel.”
Her frown deepens. Not in anger, though.
“You’re all mad at me.”
“No,” we echo.
“Then why aren’t we fine?”
A sigh slips out of me as I take another step toward her. This time, she doesn’t retreat.
“Because you don’t want to take the barrier down. And we both know it’s not only for the reasons you told Yemi.”
Her eyes narrow, and I give her a small, knowing smirk.
She exhales, and her tension cracks just a touch.
“I didn’t realize…” Her voice falters, and she turns her head, like even looking at us makes this harder. “Yes, she told me I’d experience my true emotions once it came down, but I didn’t understand what I was actually doing when I put it up.”
She paces, but she doesn’t have very far to go. From the side of her bed to the back door, then again. The other three align themselves with me, and we wait her out.
“I thought I was just dulling what I felt for you. Just enough to think. To function. And when I took it down when I saw all of you, it hit me square in my face what that really meant.”
Her fingers curl at her sides, and Amick shifts beside me. I don’t look at him, but I feel the moment he locks in.
“It wasn’t only how you feel about us. It was every emotion brought forth because of us. Every controlled conversation with the gods, every thought, every instance where you would’ve handled it differently.”
He steps closer to her, and she tightens her lips, staring into his eyes. She’s either looking for a different answer or an easier solution.
Pretty sure she isn’t going to find either.
“We were the whole reason for everything you did over the last two days. So everything had a dampened emotion attached to it.”
“Yeah,” she breathes.
“And that’s why your powers have been so easy for you to wield.”
She glances at me like she isn’t sure if she heard me right.
I chuckle. “Come on now, little burden. You didn’t think I noticed that?”
“I…”
“You waved your hand through the air and turned bodies to ash in less than a blink. Any other time your fingers would’ve been trembling calling that power forward. You still aren’t comfortable using it in front of us. And that touch of Consequence in the Neutral? Yeah, felt that too.”
She places her hands on her hips and lets her lids drift shut.
“Yes. They’ve listened to every command I’ve given them, and I can actually recall everything I’ve read about them over the last two days.”
“You read about them?”
“How many of them have you used?”
Amick and Kyzen glance at one another, then back at her. She gives Amick a tender smile first.
“Yeah, I read. All your notes, plus some extra passages when I didn’t understand something.” He beams at her like this is the best thing he’s ever heard. She focuses on Kyzen next. “All of them. Well, except for Seduction. Didn’t really have a need for it.”
Fucking better not have.
“So you’re scared of having this onslaught of emotions hit you at once, followed up by losing the control you’ve got over your powers now. That’s why you don’t want to take it down,” Amick says.
“I want to feel—to my fullest extent—everything I feel for all of you. I want the overwhelming love to pour through me. Smother me, honestly. No, I don’t want to lose control over my powers, but if that’s what happens from this, so be it. What I don’t want…”
Her eyes flutter shut once again as I take another step forward and caress her cheek.
The gasp I hold in almost suffocates me immediately.
Oh…my angel.
My Harmony tries its hardest to rush through me and into her. I put a furious leash on it. Yeah, everything she’s feeling is dulled for her, but not my power. I sense the utter devastation lying in wait.
“You don’t want to do it in front of us,” I whisper.
She jerks her head twice.
“We aren’t going to let you shut us out,” Creed says as he steps to her side. Amick takes the other, while Kyzen moves behind her. “You have to accept facts now.”
“What facts exactly?”
“That this isn’t about your power anymore.” Amick, as fucking always, jumps straight to the point. “You already crossed that line. You stopped fighting and accepted what you have a while ago.”
At least he softened his tone.
Her brows pull tighter as he rubs her earlobe.
“What you haven’t stopped doing is…adjusting for us.”
Her shoulders still just a fraction.
“You’re still bracing,” I say. “Still pulling your powers’ punches when it comes to us like you’re expecting something to shift or snap in one of us if you don’t.”
“I’m not—”
“You are.” I cut in, and a shaky breath spills through her lips. “You trust us with your heart, body, and soul. But you still fear how we might react.”
“We already chose you, and we’ll continue to choose you for the rest of our lives,” Kyzen says. “All of you. Not pieces. We don’t want you to dull yourself for us.”
“You’re the only one still doing that,” Creed says, much softer than a moment ago. “If you can accept, love, defend all of us as fiercely as you do, accept we will always do the same for you.”
We move in. Completely sandwiching her between us. Her entire body trembles, but she stands strong.
“Take it down, little burden. We’ll hold you together.”
She stands there, sucking down measured breaths. Her shoulders struggle to rise and fall like she’s holding the weight of something that’s heavier than it should be.
All she has to do is hand it to us. We’ll hold it.
Her lashes flutter open, and I sink into the abyss of her never-ending, fucking stunning, stained-glass eyes.
“Okay.”
My body goes still as my Harmony tries to rip through me.
No.
You will hold me together, and I will hold her.
She has to do this for herself.
On her own, but not alone.
For a fleeting second, the little fucker attempts to defy me, then finally…it spreads through my blood and my tense body relaxes. She closes those hypnotizing eyes once again, and her hand lifts slightly, hovering near her heart like she doesn’t quite know where to put it.
“If this goes sideways…” she mutters.
“It won’t.” All four of us huff.
Her lips twitch like she wants to argue with that.
She doesn’t. A long, slow breath pours through her parted mouth.
Then she drops it.
The difference in her isn’t calm or gradual.
It’s violent.
She folds like someone just hit her square in the chest, and her breath rips out of her as her knees buckle.
My eyes widen and my heart races as I catch her, but it doesn’t stop the way she curls in on herself. Her fingers clutch my shirt like she’s trying to hold something inside.
Or keep it from tearing her apart on its way out.
“Fuck—” she chokes.
It all comes roaring out.
Not one emotion.
All of them.
Her powers flicker. Wild and unstable, but they don’t lash out. They just…react, like they don’t know where to go under the weight of everything slamming back into place.
Her soul snatches ours and grunts fall from each of us. My Chaos stirs, wanting badly to do something, anything, but my Harmony shuts it down. I’m grateful for it at the moment.
The last thing she needs is for everything she’s feeling to be amplified.
Her grip tightens and her nails pierce my skin through my shirt. Any other time, I wouldn’t mind her little pinch of pain. I don’t care for that shit when it’s because she’s the one in pain.
“I couldn’t—” Her voice breaks, sharp and uneven. “I couldn’t think straight. He told me—then I couldn’t—”