Kyzen
I roll my shoulders out and crack my neck as I take a deep breath of fresh morning air.
It does nothing for the tension and lingering ache from catching a two-hour nap in a chair.
Last night was pure hell.
There’s no other way to put it.
Thayla, Lambrit, and Laney broke down for a long, long time. Their tears didn’t stop until Laney finally fell asleep, curled into them like if she let go, she’d disappear too.
I drag a hand down my face as my mind replays that moment last night. Laney’s soft calls for her momma, Lambrit’s mumbled denials, and Thayla’s constant apologies.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
They got her comfortable on his couch while Riven and Amick ran home and got us all clothes to change into. Once we were out of our bloodstained armor and settled around his kitchen table, something in him shifted.
He immediately demanded answers.
From start to finish, he wanted every moment. Every detail. Every second we were there and every second we weren’t. Thayla obliged…to an extent.
She left some very crucial details out.
I’ve always seen similarities between him and Amick, but last night made it clear just how different they really are. Where my brother shuts down and disappears into his own head, Lambrit…
He needed to talk everything out, create a step-by-step plan of what happens next. He wanted everyone’s input, reassurance, and support. He even sent a letter to Ellian asking him to come to his house.
Within minutes, he showed up, expressing his deepest condolences.
Lambrit did thank him, but then he jumped right back into figuring out everything.
He needed to know if Laney would be able to stay with him, what his restrictions are on planning his parents’ funeral, clearing out their house, getting his sister’s things.
I mean, he literally thought of everything.
It’s almost as if, to him, if he can understand it well enough, he can undo it.
Ellian gripped him on his shoulders and told him he had no restrictions, to take as much time as he needed, and he’d support him in any way he could.
And obviously he’s fine with Laney being here.
Thayla wasn’t going to have it any other way anyway.
A faint huff of breath leaves me. She would burn this entire realm down before letting Laney go anywhere else.
Ellian’s assurances settled Lambrit down for all of five minutes. Then Derivius showed up, and everything started again.
Question after question.
The first real crack I saw in him—the first flicker of anger—came when Derivius started explaining why this even fucking happened.
My hands curl at my sides.
It’s our fault.
Plain and simple.
We got out of our agreement and our father retaliated.
There’s no cleaner way to say it. No softer version that makes it easier to swallow.
There’s no doubt in my mind, Mellcom told him that there were worthy men in Oddian who would benefit him. Not only that, but hit Oddian, and it’d draw us, namely Thayla, out.
Mellcom knew from the very fucking beginning that Thayla would come for Laney.
Our father saw the opportunity to build his army while striking back at us at the same time, and he took it.
Derivius claims that Mellcom didn’t starshoot the Dark Gods into the arena but that he must have been communicating mentally with Kira or the Goddess of Seduction.
We can’t confirm that, obviously, but everything lined up too damn well to try to deny that. Him opening a line of communication with them explains a lot of things. Including his behavior lately and his insistent need to talk to Thayla.
I should’ve slit his throat when that dagger pierced Jeremiah’s heart.
Lambrit didn’t lash out at us. Not once. He’s focused, controlled, and sometimes quiet, sometimes talking something else out.
Thayla keeps looking at him, though, like she’s…waiting.
She’s bracing for the moment he turns and tells her it’s her fault. If she didn’t feel that way, she wouldn’t have apologized countless times even after he told her she had nothing to be sorry for.
I’ve tried telling her the same thing.
Her small, soft smiles and strokes against my soul don’t fool me into believing she believes me.
She and Lambrit were shocked when Derivius explained Meridamus’s sudden reappearance. Actually, it wasn’t sudden at all.
Apparently, the Messenger informed him of their Veiling, and he returned to Oddian right after that.
He wouldn’t answer any questions about Thayla’s parents or their whereabouts, but said whenever she’s ready to talk, he’s willing.
She’s not willing. She scoffed and rolled her eyes when Derivius asked her to think about it.
Then she scowled at his tender look.
He’s yet to say anything about the new condition of his temple, and she’s not speaking about it with him either.
I have no clue why.
The door creaks open behind me, and the scent hits me before I even turn. My chest expands as the smell of breakfast wafts out and the abundance of fragrances makes my stomach growl.
Annalise showed up before the sun came up with bags in both hands and that look on her face that says she’s already decided what everyone needs.
“Nothing helps the soul like a meal cooked with love,” she said.
She’d know.
“Hungry?” Iric asks as he steps beside me.
“I could eat,” I say, giving him a small smile. “How’s it going in there?”
The question feels pointless the second it leaves my mouth. Like there’s any version of this that’s going well.
“As expected at a time like this. Laney and Annalise have completely taken over the kitchen. She’s coming out of her shell with half the people gone now.” A small huff of amusement leaves him as he glances back at the door. “Although she does keep asking when Creed will be back.”
I let out a quiet laugh.
Yeah. That tracks.
Out of everyone, of course she latched onto Creed.
He, Riven, Amick, Sevryn, Nero, and Derivius went back to Oddian not long ago to gather her things.
When he knelt in front of her and asked if there was anything special she wanted him to grab, she’d gone still for a second—really thinking about it—before deciding, with absolute certainty, that everything she owned was special.
He didn’t even hesitate. Just smiled and agreed like it was the easiest promise in the realm to keep.
She threw her arms around him like he’d just handed her the realm itself.
My chest tightens when I think about how his face softened like her easy acceptance and touch loosened the guilt plaguing him.
While they’re there, they’re supposed to check in with Meridamus and bring their parents’ bodies back.
Bring back…
That feels wrong.
Lambrit hasn’t said exactly what he plans to do once they’re here, but he definitely already has it mapped out down to the smallest detail. He just doesn’t want to say it out loud in front of Laney. Or he’s not ready to say it period.
“Is Laney…” I trail off, scrubbing a hand over the back of my neck. “I’m not even sure how to ask what I’m asking.”
Iric nods like he understands anyway.
“She’s handling it like any nine-year-old would. There will be mornings—like this one—when she wakes up confused. It’ll take her a moment to realize it wasn’t a dream.”
I swallow the acid that burns my throat. She scared the fuck out of me when her shrill bursts from her lips, and she screamed for her mom. It killed me watching Thayla rock her in her arms.
My brothers aren’t faring any better. I’m surprised Riven hasn’t absolutely flipped his shit.
Well…his Harmony’s been working overtime, so that probably has a lot to do with it.
“She’ll feel it again,” he continues after my silence stretches another moment. “The sadness. The loss. And then, like now, she’ll move into distraction. Distraction in children is different than in adults. We use it to avoid what we’re feeling.
“For them, it’s natural. Their minds don’t stay fixed in one place for long. They don’t have the same weight of responsibility pressing everything down. When they do feel it, though, it’s overwhelming. They don’t know how to carry something that heavy yet.”
A harsh breath leaves me.
“How do we help her when that happens?”
“We do exactly what we’re doing now. We stay and listen.
We answer her questions. We don’t lie to her.
No ‘it’ll be okay,’ or dismissing the conversation if she wants to talk.
No rushing her through it. We let her feel it fully, and we remind her she’s not alone while she does.
” His lips tilt faintly. “She’s surrounded by more love than most people ever experience in a lifetime.
With Annalise here, there isn’t a better presence for something like this than the true Goddess of Affection herself. ”
I hum in agreement.
That’s the truth.
If anyone can hold something broken together without forcing it into shape, it’s her.
“You all are feeling guilty, and I understand why. But this isn’t your fault. None of you could’ve controlled something like this,” he adds after a moment.
A deep sigh slips past my lips.
Yeah. I know that.
Doesn’t change a damn thing.
“Yeah,” I mutter. “I know. Doesn’t make it easier, though.”
“No, it doesn’t, but it’ll get easier. I also…” He trails off, gaze shifting away as he shakes his head. “I don’t want to cross another line with Thayla.”
My brows pull together as I turn toward him fully. “What do you mean?”
“She’s struggling right now.”
“Well, of course she is,” I snap before I can stop myself. “Look at everything she’s dealt with. Not even just last night. Literally since the moment she got here.”
He holds his palms out at my harsh tone.
“I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing or like you don’t see it yourself.
I’m saying, since the first moment I saw her in Hellveilious until now, she’s done a remarkable job working through her own trauma and opening herself up.
You all have helped her tremendously with that.
It’s been a slow process that’s given her time to grow on her own. ”